gin and sin
by archy the cockroach
Summary: even if i 'quit', there's not a chance in hell i'll stop. AU, slash, het.
1. trash flavored trash

gin and sin  
chapter one

_i wanna see more dirty places  
take me to the hall of filthy faces  
_trash flavored trash - the blood brothers

* * *

Roxas stopped jogging, and sighed as the yellow vehicle continued to disappear into the darkness down the street. He had missed the late bus _again. _All because he had to stay late at school to get help for some stupid math homework. His head fell to his chest, and his blonde hair obscured his vision. Now, he'd have to call his mother and tell her that he needed a ride. What a fantastic way for an already horrible Monday to end.

The boy cast a gloomy silhouette on an empty Edmonton street. The lamp-post above him was the only light in the darkness, and his shadow stood with that of a sign that merrily read 'bus'. Snow was gently drifting, falling on Roxas's tan jacket. Early November was an awful time, since it wasn't quite Christmas and it wasn't summer, either. And the slush-caked sidewalks didn't help, either.

He pulled his back-pack off of his shoulders, and turned it so the mouth faced him. Supporting it with one of his small, but strong arms, he unzipped the mouth and let his hand disappear inside. In the desperate search for his cell-phone, Roxas didn't even notice a tall figure block his shadow behind him.

"Hey…" began the figure, and Roxas nearly jumped out of his skin. He quickly turned around, and even in the dim light of the street light, he could plainly see the man. He recognized the character as a man called Axel.

Roxas didn't quite reach the red-head's nose, and Axel looked a little worse for wear than the younger youth. Axel's face was pale; his hair was quite limp and damp, and clinging to his forehead and neck. There were bags under his blood-shot, dull eyes. Axel was only shielded from the bitter cold with a baggy, black hooded sweater and equally loose jeans that easily engulfed his thin frame. If Roxas was cold, even with his warm coat on, then the red-head was surely freezing.

Axel opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it. His hand was visibly shaking as it gripped the strap of his battered messenger bag. After a moment of standing in the cold, he opened his mouth again and weakly mumbled, "Hey, do you have a light?"

It took a moment for the sentence to click in Roxas's brain, but he shook his head. "No. I don't smoke," stated the blonde, standing with his back-pack awkwardly held by his right hand and balanced on his thighs. He could feel the cell phone against his finger nails, and he quickly remembered that he needed it for a reason. He pulled his hand back, and let his backpack fall to the ground. With cell phone in hands, he turned back to Axel. "Uh…"

Axel snorted, moving closer to Roxas. After the clumsy greetings, the older man's brash personality returned. Roxas always remembered Axel as having a loose behavior. Axel wasn't afraid to say what he wanted, and he often used that skill to manipulate people. The red-head was only a year and a half older than Roxas, but he could often swear the man had the brain of a 30 year old. "So… what are you still doing here? I bet you missed your bus," said the taller man, staring down at the blonde.

Roxas huffed, flicking his phone open. "Yeah, I did. So what? You gonna make fun of me? Gonna call me stupid?" When the two were still in grade school, the 4th grader Axel had often sent Roxas home crying. It was common knowledge that Axel was a bully, even though he wasn't particularly big or strong. With Axel at a close proximity, Roxas could make out twin diamond shaped tattoos under each of the red-head's eyes. Roxas idly wondered if Axel was in a gang.

"No," Axel responded. He crossed his arms, hugging himself. Roxas could see the taller boy's breath. "You used to be shorter."

"I was in the second grade! Of course I was shorter!" Roxas shot back, heatedly. Axel winced as if the words had physically hit him. A car roared by on the street, cutting every coherent thought out of Roxas's brain.

"So… you still remember that, huh?" Axel laughed, weakly. "I was talking about high-school. You've gotten taller since I last saw you there."

Roxas stared at his phone, pretending not to pay attention. "Yeah, whatever. I never hear about you there, like I used to. Everybody used to talk about you. What, did the Great Axel just fade into the crowd?"

Axel sighed, and his teeth began to chatter, rather noisily. His head fell slightly, and he slipped his hands back into his sleeves. "No, I got expelled last year in June. I never went back," he said, after a moment. Roxas stared at him, a little lost.

"Why?" the boy, wondered. Axel's eyes hardened.

"None of your fucking business," the red head bit. Roxas rolled his eyes, scrolling through the long list of contacts, searching for his Mother's familiar number. He heard Axel sigh, and out of the corner of his eye he caught the taller man's fingers go to massage his temples. "…That's not what I meant. I just… don't want to talk about it. So, uh, you still live with your foster parents?"

Roxas nodded, finding the number he desired. He brought the phone to his ear, and listened to the monotone sound of the ring. "Yeah, but they've adopted me. They're legally my parents or guardians now, or whatever," the blonde said, flippantly. Axel made a sound of understanding, and waited for Roxas to finish his call. The shorter boy talked into the phone for a few minutes, every so often saying 'yes' or 'no'. There was guilt in his tone, and Roxas had obviously angered his Mother.

The call ended with a happy tune, and Roxas closed his phone, tucking it into his jacket pocket. "So, what are you doing here? Just wandering around down-town?" inquired Roxas. Axel shook his head.

"No. I was actually trying to get to a friend's place, but then I saw you and figured I should… say something. I don't know," said the taller, nervously running his long fingers through his unruly hair.

"Well, I suppose I shouldn't keep you," Roxas replied, rather icily. He pulled his backpack up, quickly zipping the opening up, and he shrugged it onto one shoulder. He was ready to leave the conversation at that, but Axel spoke again.

"Well… he's not really a friend. And you were always my friend… err, until I got into second grade, but…" Axel said, rather brokenly. Roxas rolled his eyes. It would be a good fifteen minutes until his mother came with the car, and Axel was beginning to get annoying.

"What do you want? You never talked to me before, so why is this time any different?" Roxas muttered. Axel glared daggers at Roxas, but his gaze broke and he turned his eyes away.

"Look…" began Axel, his eyes hard as he stared off into the blackness. "I… I need a place to stay…" Roxas's expression went from angry to confused, and he blinked at the seventeen year old.

"Uh… Why are you asking me?" questioned Roxas, his hands both limp at his sides. He felt utterly lost in this predicament. It was quite obvious that Axel felt out of place, and that the older boy really wasn't too thrilled at this dilemma he was stuck in.

Axel's eyes closed, and he turned his face back towards Roxas. When his eyelashes fluttered open again, Roxas found himself fixed under one of Axel's glares. "Because there's nobody else left to ask."

Roxas stood there, rather dumbstruck as the boy that he had ran away from for the first half of his life ran to _him_ for help. It was no coincidence that Axel had 'passed by'. Axel had probably followed him to the bus stop. For some reason, that unnerved Roxas to no end. "And why in the world would I let you stay at my house? You bullied me when we were kids, you got expelled for some unknown reason and you look like a zombie," Roxas said, pointedly. "And you're probably in a gang."

Roxas turned around, blocking out all of the noise that he could. Years of living with other noisy foster children had made him quite able to do so. Axel came back into view, as the taller boy stood beside him, staring ahead. There were no cars at 6 o'clock on a Monday night. It was dreadfully quiet and lonely. "I suppose I do look kinda creepy," said Axel, forcing humor into his voice.

"Yeah, pretty much. And besides, I think you stalked me here," Roxas said, in a clipped tone. Axel repeated his habit, letting his fingers pass through his blood red hair again. Roxas looked over at him, and noted that Axel looked a lot older than seventeen.

"I didn't stalk you here. Really, I was just going to that other guy's. I was staying there before, but I think I've pretty much worn out my welcome."

"What'd you do? Bang his girlfriend in his bed?" Axel rolled his eyes at Roxas's rude comments, and the red-head contemplated slinging an equally vulgar one back. He refrained, biting his chapped lips.

"Of course not. The idiot didn't have a girlfriend. But, I've been on the streets for the last three days. I haven't slept, eaten or bathed, and I feel fucking disgusting. And I'm sure your parents won't mind if I stay, I mean they are foster parents." The words came out in a long run-on sentence, and Roxas wondered when Axel was going to shut up. When the beloved silence finally returned, Roxas grimaced.

"You haven't showered in three days. Sick," he said, letting sarcastic humor grace his pessimistic voice. Axel chuckled, a little sourly.

"I would if I could." Roxas let himself laugh, if lightly, at Axel's expense. It was a little sad and funny at the same time. Roxas wondered what happened to Axel's parents. "Please, at least let me talk to Tia. I'm sure she'll understand, and let me stay a few nights until I can figure out what I'm doing," said Axel, obviously referring to Roxas's adoptive mother.

It was only moments later that a muddy, silver car pulled up against the curb, wind-shield wipers squeaking across the windshield. Tia rolled down the passenger window, and gave Roxas one hell of a look. The boy's eyes immediately went to the ground, as he felt a new wave of guilt wash over him. It quickly softened, and she radiated with motherly love. "Get in the car, Roxas. I've got some dinner for you at home." Roxas sighed. Well, he couldn't exactly leave Axel shivering on a corner.

"Hey, Mom. You won't mind if I bring Axel home with me, will ya?" said the blonde, approaching the passenger window that faced them. Tia craned her neck to let the red-head come into view.

"Axel? Axel Erickson, the kid who used to send you home sobbing?" laughed Tia, motioning the red-head to come closer. "Get in the car, dear! You look freezing." Roxas let himself into the front seat, and the red head got into the back. Axel nearly swooned when the heat hit him full force. Tia pulled away from the curb, and began the fifteen minute drive to Roxas's suburban home. There wasn't all that much traffic and the scenery flew by in a blur of window shop color.

"So, Axel. What brings you downtown, when your mother's home is near our area?" said Tia, raising her eyebrows to the rear-view mirror. The red-head felt utterly scrutinized under the older woman's eyes. Tia was thin, and shorter than Roxas with graying cinnamon hair. Axel remembered from when he was younger, Tia baking lots of chocolate chip cookies and being a strict but kind woman. Roxas had lived with her forever.

"Er, I don't live with her anymore," mumbled Axel, staring at his hands. They were finally beginning to grow warm, in the heat of the small car. Tia nodded, her hands tapping gently at the steering wheel. Roxas was staring at his shoes, which were pretty much soaking wet. He couldn't feel his toes any more.

"You're still shaking, Axel. Do you want me to turn up the heat?" asked Tia, reaching for the knob. Axel adamantly shook his head.

"I'm fine."

There was uncomfortable silence once again, and Tia's fingers resumed drumming the steering wheel. Roxas simply stared out into the night. Axel finally decided to ask the woman his question. "Uh, Tia… Look, I know you don't really know me that well, and I used to pick on Roxas a lot…" He broke off because Roxas was looking at him through the rear-view window again. "But, I don't have anywhere to stay for the night. Would you mind if I slept on your couch or something? Just for one night?"

Tia's kind, wrinkled eyes faltered, and concern slipped into her features. "Of course you can spend the night. But, is everything all right Axel?" Said red head looked up to the mirror, and opened his mouth to voice his thoughts, but no words came out.

"Everything's… normal. I just need somewhere to stay for a while," said the teenager, wringing his fingers. He really didn't want to talk about _why_ he was homeless, but Tia wasn't one to pry, and for that he was thankful.

The drive to Roxas's house after that was mostly un-eventful. The minutes seemed to drag on for Axel, while they passed quickly for Roxas. Tia was watching Axel in the rear-view mirror. She knew that Axel was pretty much screaming for help, even if he didn't vocalize it. The Axel she had previously known (and heard about, from Roxas's jabbering) was no-where near as reserved as this boy sitting in the back of her car. Apparently, Axel was a constant trouble-maker who lipped off to everyone and set cats on fire. There was something different about Axel. That was for sure.

When the car pulled into the drive-way, Tia pulled the parking break. "Alright, we're here," she said, unbuckling her seat-belt. Axel had totally forgotten to put his on, so he simply scooted out of the car, messenger bag falling limply at his thighs. Roxas shut his door, gently, while Axel closed his firmly. Tia led them into walkway of the familiar house. The lights were on, and homey comfort exuded from the place. Axel felt extremely like a fish out of water.

Tia hadn't even put her foot in the door when she found herself with a little girl locked around her ankle. Roxas let out a laugh, before bending over to pry the girl off of his Mother's leg. "Heeey, leggo of her, Selphie," said the blonde, threading his hands under Selphie's arms, and lifting the little brunette off of the floor. Axel observed that the girl looked about six years old.

Selphie squirmed as Roxas picked her up, laughing, and hugged her. "Ngh, let me go," whined the girl. Roxas was a lot stronger than he looked, obviously, as the little girl was left immobile. Tia pulled Axel in by the sleeve of his worn, large sweater. Even though Axel was taller than her, she felt his body swagger against her. Axel still shook, even though they were out of the cold, at that point.

"Would you like something to eat?" Tia asked, her voice laced with kindness. Selphie continued to squirm in Roxas's arms.

"And a bath?" piped the little girl, wrinkling her nose. Axel glared down at her, and the girl immediately squeaked. Roxas laughed again, completely ignoring Axel as he carried Selphie back to the living room. A blonde, thin girl rushed down the stairs, her feet beat a rapid tattoo into the carpet.

"Tia, would you help me with my homework?" said the girl, before turning her blue eyes towards Axel. She blinked at him for a moment. "Who's this?" The girl sunk back towards the stairs. She appeared to be very shy.

"This is Axel. He'll be staying with us, for a while," said Tia, as she toed off her shoes. Axel abruptly did the same, and he felt hands on his back. He jumped at the feeling, to find that Tia was only taking his bag. "Come on, you can get this again later. Naminé, why don't you go put this up in Roxas's room, for now?"

The timid girl nodded, tiptoeing by to snatch the bag from Tia's hands. She gave Axel a fleeting look, before she retreated back upstairs. "What's with her?" Axel asked, a little wary. Tia waved her hand, going off into the kitchen. Axel stayed behind her, eyes flicking around the hallway.

"Why don't you take off your sweater? It's all wet," said Tia, upon reaching the kitchen. She motioned for Axel to sit down in a chair, and he did so, his fingers drumming restlessly against the table.

"It's alright. I'd rather leave it on," he said, looking at the tan colored walls. Tia nodded, and turned her back to him, reaching into the refrigerator.

"You know, Axel. We're not out to get you. You can open up to me. I'll listen," said Tia, bringing out a large pot of some sort of soup. "Do you want some of this?" Axel's growling stomach spoke for itself. Tia chuckled, taking a ladle and spooning some of the cooled soup out into two bowls.

"But if you're not ready to talk, that's fine too." The woman put one of the bowls into the microwave, and with a few reassuring beeps, the food was being re-heated. Roxas stepped into the kitchen, next, with Selphie clinging to his leg all of the way.

"Smells good," said Roxas. He hadn't eaten for a good six hours, anyway. He was allowed to feel hungry. Selphie detached herself from Roxas, and scuttled over to Tia.

"So… how many people live here, now?" questioned Axel, looking at the table with utmost interest. Tia removed the first bowl from the microwave, and pulled open a drawer to place a spoon in the bowl. She brought it over to Axel, with much slothfulness, due to the four year old clinging to her leg. Axel gratefully accepted it, spooning some of the hot liquid into his mouth. He probably felt warm for the first time in days.

Roxas shoved his own bowl into the microwave, unceremoniously, and some of the broth sloshed over the sides of the bowl. "Well, there's me, Mom, Dad but he's out on business, Selphie, Naminé and Tia's real kid, Sora. Remember him?" Axel frowned, attempting to recall memories. Well, he eventually remembered picking on Sora for being a weakling. Fantastic memories those were.

"Where is your brother, anyway?" said Selphie, from her spot on the floor. Her voice came out in high little squeaks, and Axel was idly reminded of the time that he had unwittingly ingested some helium.

"He's over at Riku's," said Roxas, of his younger housemate. Well, Roxas truly did consider Sora his brother. The two fought like brothers, teased each other like brothers and were generally as close as siblings could get. The only real difference was that Sora was a year younger than himself, but possibly more mature, if not a little naïve. "He said that this morning."

Selphie giggled into her hands, before she was towed along by her mother once again. The little girl adored hooking herself onto people's limbs, as it offered herself a free ride. The microwave beeped, and Roxas removed his soup bowl from the appliance. Immediately, he winced. "Ow, that's really hot," he said, quickly moving towards the table and dropping the bowl onto the surface. Tia wagged a finger at him.

"Really, Roxas. Use your brain," said the older woman, before picking up Selphie. She glanced at the LCD clock, where it cheerily blinked 6:42 back at her. "You, little girl, are going to go get ready for bed."

"But it's early!" whined Selphie. And, she wanted to see if Axel would make a good playmate. She avoided the annoyed looks that Axel was currently giving her. Tia rolled her eyes, hugging the little Selphie closer to her body.

"I'll read you a few stories. But it's time to hunker down, or you'll be grumpy in the morning. And my little sunshine can't be grumpy!" chided the woman, heading upstairs. She disappeared, and her footsteps couldn't be heard over the television set that was still talking noisily in the living room. That left Roxas and Axel alone, to swallow down pre-heated soup in an uncomfortable silence.

"So…" said Roxas, mid gulp. Axel looked up at him with weary eyes. It was completely obvious the older boy didn't want to talk. But still, Roxas wanted to press on a conversation. It wasn't every day that Axel asked for help, Roxas guessed. "Er… so, why did you leave your Mom's place? She was always nice."

Really, Roxas could only barely remember Axel's mother, so he didn't have a big opinion on her like Axel probably did. Surely, Axel snorted, shoving his spoon roughly into his mouth, and Roxas winced at the sound of metal hitting teeth. "Fuck, she wasn't _nice. _But I don't want to talk about it," said the older boy. Roxas nodded.

"Then, where have you been staying? How long ago did you leave?" questioned Roxas, twirling his own spoon around in the murky bowl of soup. He was guessing it was vegetable, but he couldn't really tell for sure.

"I stayed at my friend's place since I was 13. My mom kicked me out around then," said Axel, shrugging. Roxas merely stared at the other boy. He'd had no idea what happened in Axel's life beyond elementary school, and had only seen Axel around after that. He'd never held a conversation with the red-head in a good four years.

"Uh, why?" inquired Roxas, slowly taking another spoonful of the soup. It was slowly beginning to cool at this point. Axel had the silver utensil dangled in front of his mouth, and Roxas saw that his hands were still shaking.

"Because she hated me," Axel said. Roxas nodded, slowly, and quickly finished off the rest of his soup. Axel was apparently a slower eater, as the red head continued to eat after Roxas had stood to put his dishes away.

"I don't think she hated you…" said Roxas, opening the dishwasher. Axel scowled at the table, before finishing his own soup. Due to his quivering hands, a slight trail of broth ran out the corner of his lips. He quickly wiped his mouth with the sleeve of the sweater, and Axel stood up, pushing his own dishes into the appliance.

"What would you know?" muttered Axel. Things quickly began to get tense in the kitchen, and Tia came to the rescue. The woman made her way into the kitchen, smiling lightly.

"Selphie's in bed now and Naminé is in her room. Axel, why don't you go have a nice warm bath?" said the kindly female, and Axel quickly averted his gaze to the floor. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder, looking up at him with as much motherly warmth she could muster. "The bathroom is upstairs, second door on the left. There are towels in the closet in the hall." Axel nodded, hesitantly, before making his way up the stairs. Upon hearing the creak on the last step, Roxas faced his adoptive mother.

"He looks like he's sick," said the blonde, leaning against the counter. Tia sighed, making her way into the living room. The television was casting eerie shadows on the plush, mahogany sofa. Tia found the clicker, and the TV went off with a buzz of static.

"I don't think he's sick, so much as a little bit cold and underweight. He'll be alright," said the woman. She was well trained in judging ill children, as she had been around many kids in her life. "He just needs to eat some more and to sleep in a nice warm bed—namely, yours." Roxas gave a start at this.

"What? Aw, mom, can't he just sleep on the couch?" protested the blonde boy. Tia put her hands on her hips, fixing Roxas with a glare.

"That boy is obviously in trouble, Roxas. The least you can do is lend him your bed for a night. Tomorrow, I'll set up a cot somewhere, and he can sleep there. For tonight, you've got the couch, buddy," stated the woman, poking her son square in the chest. Roxas gave a groan of resentment, but quickly stifled it when his mother rolled her tired eyes. She sat back down at the kitchen table, and beckoned Roxas to follow. Roxas could now hear water running upstairs, as he sat down across from Tia. "So, did he tell you anything? I mean, why was he all alone in the streets like that? Where's Rose, she wouldn't just leave her son out there, would she?"

Roxas sighed, feeling a lot like a snitch. Axel probably wouldn't want him telling Tia everything, so the blonde decided to keep it rather vague. "Well, apparently, he's been on the streets for three days now. And he hasn't been living with his mom for four years." Tia brought her hand to her lips, thinking.

"Then who has he been living with since then? I mean, he's not wearing rags, and he doesn't look homeless," said the woman, thinking out loud. Roxas shrugged.

"He said he was living with a friend, or something," said the boy. Tia clicked her dull fingernails on the tabletop.

"Did he say who this friend was?"

"No. He didn't really say a whole lot." Tia huffed, standing again.

"Well, let's clean up the kitchen, then," said the woman. Roxas moaned again, screwing his face into a grimace. There were still cutting boards and various other things out on the countertops from Tia's cooking.

"You made the mess, you clean it up," said Roxas, turning to leave the kitchen. Tia grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, laughing.

"Oh, no, bucko. If you're going to eat my food, you're going to help me clean up. An eye for an eye," stated Tia, pushing Roxas over to the counter. "That big pot needs to be hand washed, and make sure you put the knives into the dishwasher with the handles facing UP. I don't want to get stabbed again by your carelessness." Roxas groaned, though he was smiling. He always felt so at home.

* * *

Roxas yawned, going up the stairs. He'd turned the TV off after about an hour of watching. Hell, it was only 8:00, but he felt incredibly tired. His run to the bus stop (only to miss said bus) had taken a lot out of him. Roxas didn't really like physical activity. Most of the time, he just sat around with his girlfriend playing video games and listening to music. 

The top stair creaked, as usual, and Roxas turned into his own room. Blinking, he found he wasn't alone. Axel stood, back facing him, with a pair of draw-string pants hanging off of his angular hips. Without the large sweater, Roxas could make out just how deathly thin the taller man was. He could count every rib, and his skin was almost transparent, stretched across his back. Roxas swore under his breath, as his eyes traveled downward to where large bruises rested on Axel's thin waist.

What exactly had Axel been up to? A million questions flooded into Roxas's head, as Axel pulled a loose t-shirt over his slight form. He turned at the noise from the doorway, his unruly red hair damp and sticking to his neck. "Uh, hi. Sorry I'm in here, my clothes were here," he said, pointing accusingly at his messenger bag.

Roxas, still a little shocked at what he had seen, nodded tentatively. Axel gave him a half smile. "I can leave now, if you want. I'll just sleep on the couch downstairs," he said, picking up his bag and brushing past Roxas.

"Hey, wait. Do you just wanna hang out for a while? I mean, er, I'm not really tired and yeah," said Roxas, rather awkwardly. He still wanted to pry some information out of Axel, for his dear mother, and partly for himself. Axel was a bit of an enigma, to him. Some more information would be better than what he currently had. He watched as Axel shrugged on another sweater, black again and possibly even more loose-fitting.

"Sure. Let's go outside. I need a smoke," said Axel, leaving through the door that Roxas had just entered. The blonde followed the taller boy down the stairs, and was careful to skip the one on the top that always creaked. Selphie was a light sleeper, and would probably come bounding out of bed if she'd known that Roxas was wandering around. Tia was probably reading in her room (she was always gone to bed early), and Naminé was either trying to figure her homework out, or doodling like she always did before bed.

"The patio would be the best place to go," Roxas said, rather quietly. Axel let Roxas pass him, and the shorter blonde headed towards the sliding screen door in the living room. Axel threw his bag onto the couch, before flipping over the canvas. He reached into the bag and came out with a crinkled pack of half-finished cigarettes. He pulled out one, balancing it between his fingers. Roxas remembered Axel's absence of a lighter, so he added, "There are matches on the barbeque."

Axel nodded, watching as the blonde slid open the door, extremely carefully. He still didn't want to wake anyone up. The automatic light clicked on, and Axel blinked at the sudden luminosity. Turned out the patio was only a large platform of cement sheltered by a hanging-over roof that was surrounded by a small plot of grass. The yellowish spikes that covered the ground were speckled with white. It was still freezing out, and the blonde idly wondered if he should've gotten his coat. An old barbeque stood to the left, where Roxas was picking up the small container of matches, rested on the lid.

The boy passed them to Axel and the red-head accepted them without so much as a word. His hands were still quaking as he accepted the box, Roxas observed. Axel quickly struck a match, lighting the cigarette with practiced ease. The blonde easily saw the slate grey curls of smoke in the cool, winter air.

At the mere scent, Roxas was quickly reminded by his little friend called Addiction that he hadn't had a smoke since earlier in the day. He stared at the haze, slightly fascinated by a simple thing. Axel gave him a sideways look, his lips curling into a smirk around his cigarette. "What?" he mumbled.

"Can I steal a drag?" requested the blonde, with the most offhand voice he could muster. He never carried cigarettes himself, due to the fact that Tia would probably catch him and stalk him to make sure that he didn't smoke. And besides, Hayner always had a pack or six handy, and wasn't stingy.

"I don't know. You wouldn't want to get in trouble with your mommy," quipped the older boy, inhaling on his death stick yet again. Roxas scowled in the darkness.

"She's not my 'mommy' and I'm not the angelic kid you make me up to be," claimed Roxas, quickly growing offended. Because of his close-ness with his adoptive mother, people tended to categorize him as a perfect, model citizen. Nobody took the time to talk to Roxas and figure out that the kid was a pot head who bullshitted his way through most of high school. Most of the time, instead of 'being at soccer practice' like he told Tia, he was smoking weed with Olette and Pence behind the gym.

Axel rolled his eyes, and inhaled yet again. The embers looked like another light in a city like any other, to Roxas. Abruptly, the red head turned and gripped surprisingly strong fingers on the blonde's jaw. Roxas staggered slightly, barely even registering what was going on. Before he even knew it, he found his lips crushed against Axel's in a bizarre imitation of a kiss. Roxas opened his mouth to protest, but was suddenly met with a full blast of cigarette smoke. Oh.

Axel pulled his face away, slowly, a smug grin barely illuminated on his pale face. He could see Roxas trying to frown, but unable to mask the completely shocked expression on his face. "There's your nicotine, angel. Now, get your ass back upstairs. I want to pass out on your couch."

The elder of the two finished his cigarette, before flicking it onto the ground. The embers dyed out within seconds, as the snow drifted onto the crinkled butt. Axel was the first to re-enter the house, and Roxas closed and locked the sliding door behind the both of them. As the blonde closed the gliding blind, Axel arranged the cushions on the old couch. Roxas turned, blinking at the red head. "Do you want any blankets or anything?"

Axel snorted, sending a bit of a cynic look at the younger. "I'll be _fine_. I assure you." Roxas gritted his teeth, giving Axel a dismissive wave as he headed back up the stairs.

"Fine, whatever. But don't try to wake me up, pleading to cuddle because you're cold. I'm a deep sleeper, and I'm fuckin' grumpy if I don't get enough sleep," assured Roxas. Axel rolled his eyes for the second time, before flopping himself onto the couch.

* * *

The floorboards creaked, usually. 

But they never shuffled, breathed or stubbed their toes in the dark.

Roxas bolted upright, hand going to his bed-side table to flick on his lamp. Immediately, the room was a dull yellow colour, casting eerie shadows against the wall. The eeriest of shadows, Roxas supposed, was the one that Axel created against his dresser. "What the fuck are you doing in here?" hissed the younger, feeling a little exposed. The LCD clock next to his lamp showed him that it was just after midnight.

Axel blinked back at him, and Roxas noted that his eyes were entirely bloodshot, and his entire body was quivering like a leaf. Axel backed away from the dresser, his neck twisting around in every direction, paranoia overtaking his system. The boy was raking blunt nails against his arms, like it was a second nature, as normal as blinking. "I-I," began the red-head.

Roxas narrowed his eyes in suspicion at the red-head. Either the kid was on some serious drugs, or he was just plain crazy. "You what?"

"I-I…" Axel cut off, his eyes directed to the floor. For a few seconds, Roxas thought he was going to pass out. There was a distanced look in Axel's eyes, but the red-head suddenly crawled forward, to the point where he was almost straddling the blonde's legs. "I need to borrow some money."

Roxas began to grind his teeth. Since the moment he had let Axel walk into his home, he knew that money was some how going to appear into one of their conversations. "Yeah? So what. Everybody needs money, but don't think I'm just going to let you free-load. Fuck, is that why you snuck into my room? To mug me while I slept?"

Axel would've shaken his head, but what Roxas had said was entirely the truth. Despite himself, Axel swallowed all of his lies and gave Roxas the most pleading of looks that he could make. "…Please, Roxas…"

Roxas shook his head, his mussed blonde locks bouncing against his forehead. "No way. I need money, myself. Just because you look like a pathetic coke-head, I'm not giving you any cash," re-stated Roxas, giving Axel a half-assed push. He hadn't meant to be forceful at all, but Axel nearly fell off of the bed.

After a sluggish movement, Axel was back on his hands and knees, pathetic look back in place. With his eyes glued to the bed-spread, Axel mumbled, "Please… I'll… I'll do anything." He raised his face, eyes now locked with Roxas's own. "I mean it. Anything."

Roxas could feel his stomach sink in his chest at the mere intensity of the gaze. For that very moment, Roxas almost believed that Axel's words were true. He would do _anything_ for cash. Perverted suggestions of those _things _fell into the blonde's brain, but he quickly banished the thoughts. Axel wasn't like that.

"Fine. Fuck. But you have to pay me back," dismissed the younger, throwing his legs off of the bed. In only a pair of boxers, he felt severely underdressed. Axel was still buried in his over-sized sweater, with eyes glued to Roxas's back as he moved. Oddly, the blonde felt like a specimen under study. It was almost as if Axel had never experienced a normal human's reactions to simple requests. Roxas wondered what type of 'friend' Axel had been living with for those four years. The friend was probably a drug addict, or something of the sort.

Roxas returned from his dresser, with two fifty dollar bills crumpled in his fists. He pushed them into Axel's open hand, and hissed a word of warning; "Make this last for as long as you damn can, because I'm not giving you any more until you've paid every cent back."

Axel's blood-shot eyes narrowed, but he gave a nod of agreement. "Y-yeah. I will, as soon as I can."

Roxas shook his head, crawling back under his covers. Axel was already off the bed, creeping back towards the door. "Where are you going, anyway?" asked the blonde. "When'll you be back?"

"I'll be back by morning," was the only information that Roxas got.

It was really the only information he needed. For the moment.

* * *

**disclaimer: don't own anything.**


	2. one more pill

gin and sin  
chapter two

_i felt your skin i've tried to melt into your skin  
and i did, you let me sin  
i failed, i fell down, i fell on my face  
_one more pill - stabilo boss

**

* * *

**

It wasn't usually this quiet in the morning.

When you lived in a house full of foster kids, you didn't get to sleep in. Sleep was a rarity in itself, because the more rambunctious kids tended to stay up later than they were supposed to, either throwing rocks at the windows or having the television on until four in the morning.

As a sleep-induced Roxas opened his eyes and got his first glance at the clock, he realized just how well he had slept. It was already 7:45. He was actually quite surprised that Tia hadn't wandered in to wake him up. Sighing, he pulled himself up and rested his back against the headboard of his bed, reaching over to click on the lamp.

That was when he really noticed that Axel, of all people, was lying beside him.

The blonde gave a squeak, looking at the other boy who was as straight as a goddamn statue beside him. The red head's eyes were open, but he didn't look quite… there. Roxas carefully leaned over the other boy's body, observing his face.

Axel's lips were bleeding and cracked, but Roxas wasn't sure it was actually from his lips or from the small trail of blood that was leading from his nose. The taller boy's eyes were bloodshot, and he wasn't blinking at all. Axel's breathing was ragged and uneven, and despite all of the quiet, Roxas could barely hear him. Pressing his first two fingers to the other boy's pulse, the blonde determined that he wasn't in any type of critical situation, but it was a little bit rapid.

Axel was wearing the same clothes that he had left in, though they were considerably more dirty looking than before. His hair was more of a spiked wreck than usual, and his hands were twitching against the bedspread. Roxas debated getting Tia, but decided not to, as Axel slowly started to come to his senses.

With Roxas lightly prodding and pulling at his face, it forced Axel into some state of consciousness. The boy slowly opened his eyes, which were merely a Christmas-coloured slit of emerald green and bloodshot white. Roxas moved backwards on his haunches as Axel pulled himself up to his elbows, staring blearily at the walls ahead of him, waiting his vision to adjust to the light.

"What the hell are you doing in my room?" hissed Roxas, glaring for all he was worth at the kid who had decided that it'd be all right to crash in his _bed._ Axel tossed him a weary look, pulling himself up into a seated position. His hand immediately flew upward to clench his forehead. For a moment, Roxas was almost worried that the red head might pass out.

"Mn, shut up," muttered Axel, through gritted teeth. "…F-fuck." Again, Roxas wondered if Axel was going to pass out again. The older boy merely sat there, for a few moments, clenching his jaw and eyes and apparently, trying to wait something out.

Roxas was a statue beside him, with his breath held in slight apprehension. He really had no idea what was wrong with Axel, or how to help him otherwise. He extended an arm, letting his fingers briefly hang over Axel's shoulder. Pressing himself forward onto his knees, Roxas raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You dying?"

"Not yet," mumbled the older, pulling his knees to his chest. He rested his chin on his knees, hands still massaging his temples in pain. At the look of pure torture on Axel's scrunched features, Roxas took the time to just stare at the red head.

"So, why you in my bed?" Roxas asked, simply, after a few moments of silence. Axel didn't speak for a few seconds, and just proceeded to rock back and forth, evidently attempting to scare away an on-coming headache. "Or in my room at all, really. Don't you have any fucking common courtesy? It's called 'knock first', moron."

The blonde's mouth was fixed into a straight line of defiance, and he idly wondered if Axel was _ever _going to answer him. Finally, after a deep breath, Axel began to speak. "Climbed through the window," he said, slowly. He seemed to be trying to keep up with his heart, which was beating a rapid tattoo against his ribcage. Roxas could practically hear it. "I guess I just… passed out. I don't really remember."

Roxas sighed, pulling the covers off of his body. The cool air of the room sent shivers up his legs as his feet hit the carpet, and the blonde soon realized that Axel probably hadn't bothered to close the window. He stood, leaving Axel on his bed to clench at his scalp, trying to quell his pounding brain. "…You climbed through my window?" mumbled Roxas, finally realizing the magnitude of Axel's adventure back into the house.

He paced over to his dresser, feeling utterly freaked out by the situation. A guy that he barely knew anymore had shown up, in his bed, after stealing about a hundred dollars to go run off and do God knows what. "Ah, never mind," muttered Roxas, tempted to ignore the condition completely. "So what are you going to do today, anyway?"

Axel slowly lifted his head from his knees, giving the other boy a tired look, before quickly wiping the blood off from under his nose. Roxas didn't even return a glance, instead shifting through the drawers of his dresser, searching for something to wear for the day. _Towels in the hall closet. Ugh, this is so weird having him here._

"I have no idea…" mumbled Axel, invading Roxas's thoughts. The red head shifted uncomfortably on the bed, wrapping his arms around his shins, staring at the blonde's back. "Maybe… go see someone. I don't have a fuckin' clue."

"My mom's probably going to interrogate you, again," said Roxas, digging himself out a wrinkled, navy blue shirt. He tossed it over his shoulder, closing the drawer with a slam before kneeling slightly to access one of the lower drawers. Axel had to close his eyes, before wincing again.

"Don't be so loud with that fuckin' cupboard… thing. It hurts," the red head spat, raising a hand to his head once again. Roxas scoffed, slamming the next drawer for good measure, and maybe, just to piss Axel off. The red head visibly winced once more, giving a dry, humorless laugh. "I hate you."

"Then get out of my room," stated Roxas, standing to his full height once again. He turned back towards the red head, who didn't move from his position on the bed. "No, really. Get the fuck out." The older boy frowned, but stumbled to his feet, nevertheless.

Axel stayed stationary, not knowing if he should really leave, or stay. His mind was still a little bit hazy, and he wasn't exactly sure what the hell he was doing. "Do you just want me to go downstairs?" he asked, padding his way to the door.

Roxas gave the red head a bit of a sarcastic look. "No, I want you to follow me into the bathroom and watch me shower, fag," stated the blonde. The older boy just returned the comment with something that looked like _genuine hurt_ before he left the room. Roxas merely stared at the empty space that Axel once occupied, wondering if the look meant anything. Probably, not.

Roxas shook his head, before heading out of his room, himself. He had enough to think about without Axel even being in the picture. Ducking into the bathroom, before anybody else could see him, Roxas really debated just making Axel leave. He didn't need to worry about somebody else when he could barely take care of himself.

**

* * *

**

Awkward as it was, Axel had to do _something_. He couldn't just sit around and freeload while Tia did all of the work, even if his head felt like it might implode. He watched, disjointedly, from the kitchen table as she attempted to get socks onto Selphie and make sure that the little girl's pot of oatmeal didn't over-boil. "Uh, do you want some help?" mumbled Axel. As soon as the words fell out of his mouth, Tia glanced upwards, from where she was bent over, struggling to cover the little girls' feet.

Axel damn near flinched under the scrutiny, but Tia gave him a little smile. "Well, maybe you could get Selphie's socks on. She always takes them off. I've tried duct-taping them on, before, but it never seems to work," mused the woman, straightening her back. Axel pulled himself off of his chair, and plodded his way over to the opposite stool, where Selphie was peeling her socks off, once more.

Axel kneeled, his head level with Selphie's. She really was a short little girl, Axel quickly realized. Probably wouldn't be very much bigger than 5'0, even. "Hey, you wanna put your socks on?" asked Axel, feeling very lost as to what to do. Tia just gave him a fleeting smile, before setting back to work on stirring the oatmeal. No lumps for Selphie, of course. Axel couldn't cook to save his life.

"I don't like sockies," stated Selphie, her cat-mouth quickly turning into a pout. "They're un… un-comfertble, and I can't wiggle my toes!" Axel couldn't resist a slight laugh, despite himself. He shut himself up, quickly, for he could feel Tia's eyes leering into the back of his neck.

"Maybe you just need bigger socks?" said Axel, trying to sound mature. Selphie stuck out her tongue, throwing both of her socks onto the floor. She hopped to her feet, soon after, taking Axel by the hand. He avoided the contact for a moment, but quickly re-adjusted himself, letting her drag him back to the stairs. He had to bend over to reach her properly, but she didn't seem to mind.

She pulled him up each step, and he cringed a little when the last one creaked. He could hear the shower running, so he didn't have to worry about running into Roxas, again. That was one thing he _wouldn't _like to do, at this point. Nevertheless, Selphie made her way into Roxas's room, with a quick push of the door.

Releasing Axel's hand, she bolted over to one of Roxas's drawers, immediately sorting through it, throwing various items of clothing onto the floor. Axel shook his head, leaning against the doorway, trying to hide something of a smile. Finally, pulling herself away from the dresser, Selphie came back with a pair of slightly mud-stained white socks.

Sitting herself down, right on the floor, she pulled them onto her previously bare feet. They hung off of her toes like Dumbo's ears, but she didn't seem to mind. "Sockies amn't so bad no more," decided Selphie, bobbing her head happily. Axel couldn't shake off the feeling that he was looking at a walking, talking bobble-head doll.

"Amn't?" repeated Axel, carefully walking over to where she was seated. She patted the ground beside her, like some sort of sage educating her cricket, and he vigilantly sat down cross-legged beside her. "That's not a word."

"Yes, it is!" shouted Selphie, punching Axel's thigh. The red head's back went rigid, but Selphie didn't notice. "It's like 'am' and 'not'. Amn't." Axel just laughed. Really, the mechanics of the word _did _make sense, but for some reason, wasn't a real word. Funny how things worked out like that.

Axel opened his mouth, attempting to say something, but he simply exhaled and a ghost of a smile quested onto his lips. "You're such a little weirdo," he mumbled, shaking his head. Selphie just gave her dainty cat-smile, her hands playing with the too-large socks. Her head abruptly snapped towards the door, when a very soggy-haired Roxas walked into the room.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" he hissed, directing it at Axel, obviously. The red head opened his mouth to explain, but Selphie beat him to it. She jumped up, clapping both hands onto Axel's shoulders. Even at her full height, she was just a little bit bigger than him, even as he was slouching.

"No saying that word! And we stole sockies!" announced Selphie, pointing amiably to her feet. Roxas raised an eyebrow at her quirky display of affection, but didn't say much more to Axel. He ambled over to where she was standing and knelt down in front of her, picking up the tips of his socks with nimble fingers.

"Who said you could take my socks?" said Roxas, faking sternness. Selphie just scowled, crossing her arms. Her bottom lip stuck out in a pout and she threw her nose into the air, before pointing an accusatory finger at Axel.

"He did!" she piped, and Axel's face immediately went to a look of surprise. He gibbered incoherently for a moment, trying to find the right words to say. Roxas just smirked at Axel's expense, picking Selphie up into a sort of piggy-back. She kicked her feet at his thighs, almost unable to hold on.

"I didn't do it!" protested Axel, pulling himself to his feet. His eye twitched a little bit, and Roxas wondered if the kid was just paranoid. Rolling his eyes, Roxas turned on his heel and stumbled out the door. It was a little hard with a giggling six-year-old clinging to your back, but Roxas managed to do it.

Axel sighed, digging his nails into his forearms. He followed after Roxas, flicking the light off as he went. Roxas had managed to blunder his way down most of the stairs, with careful deliberation. He was about a quarter the way down, with Axel carefully treading behind. "You're getting too big, Selphie," pouted Roxas, as the girl squirmed in his arms.

"Maybe you just stopped growin'!" stated the little girl. The blonde scowled, tromping down the rest of the stairs. He could hear Axel emitting slight, airy laughter behind him, but when Roxas turned his neck back to see, Axel had his mouth closed and a slightly guilty expression on his face.

The three of them maneuvered their way into the kitchen, where Roxas finally put the younger girl down onto the floor. Little Selphie barreled her way over to where Naminé stood. The blonde girl looked paler than usual, with droopy eyes and a withering stance. She had a blanket clutched around her shoulders, and by quick analysis, Axel determined that she probably wasn't going to go to school today.

"Aw, sick again, Naminé?" piped Selphie, latching herself onto the blonde girl's leg. She gave a little, congested laugh but her face remained uncomfortable. Axel could tell that she didn't like being around him or just unfamiliar people in general. "Feel better soon, sissy!"

Roxas arched an eyebrow, turning his gaze to the blonde girl. "Somebody must've left a window open," said Naminé, shivering slightly. Her tone was so quiet and scratchy, the blonde boy could scarcely hear her. "It was really cold last night."

"You get sick so easily," said Tia, her voice laced with motherly concern. She pressed a palm to the frail girl's forehead, and quickly determined that she was running a slight fever. "You're definitely staying home today."

At this, Axel felt a little out of place. The concern and affection the family members were blatantly passing around was a little too much for him. He really wanted to just leave the room, but was quickly blocked by Tia. "So, Axel, dear, what do you have planned for today?" she asked, her voice a little bit over-perky. Naminé decided it was prime time to evade the vicinity, and thus dragged Selphie into the living room. Roxas sat himself down on a chair, waiting for the figurative bomb to drop. Tia still didn't know that Axel had dropped out of high-school, though Roxas had already summarized that she probably knew.

"Um, nothing," the red head said, quietly. The little female clapped her hands together in delight, a smile adorning her face. Both Roxas and Axel gave her slightly weary faces, wondering what was going on in her head. "I… I'm not going to school right now."

"Good! Well, not about the school thing, you know. But, you can stay home and help Naminé take care of Selphie," stated the woman, heading back over to the counter where some lonely, dirty pots lay. "She doesn't have kindergarten until the afternoon. I know, I know, she's too old for kindergarten, but she had pneumonia and… well, you get the picture. Entered school a year late, the silly girl."

Tia smiled to herself, but Roxas was all but alert. He carefully took his mother by the arm, pulling her to the side. Axel summarized that he should probably not listen, and quickly turned his head away. With his face close to his mother's, Roxas hissed, "What are you doing? Do you really trust him to stay here, alone?" Now, Roxas wasn't cruel enough to unveil that Axel had snuck out last night with quite a bit of his cash, but he _really _wasn't about to leave a frightening teenager home with a defenseless 14 year old and her younger sister. Tia frowned a little, her eyes switching over to look at Axel.

"Oh, shush, Roxas. He's just fine," she said. Roxas abated his alert, because he knew his mother had quite good judgment. After all, being a foster mother for many different kids, she _had _to know something about personality. Roxas gave a groan of discontent, but quickly erased it at Tia's disapproving look. She flicked her bright eyes back over to where Axel stood awkwardly, waiting for an entrance back into the conversation. "So, Axel, dear. How do you feel about that? I'm sure Naminé could use some help. After all, Selphie is quite a handful."

She searched Axel's eyes for a response, but he seemed to stutter on words. Finally, he swallowed the lump in his throat and responded. "She doesn't seem too… comfortable with me," he said, his voice a little shaky. Tia clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

"Don't worry. It's not you. She's just nervous around new people," commented Tia, leaning herself back against the counter. Really, she was like a teenager stuck in a woman's body. "But don't worry about it! I've got to work, but on my lunch break, I'll swing by and pick Selphie up. And then you and Naminé can have the rest of the day to be lazy, and Naminé can recover a bit."

"Uh, it sounds okay to me," said Axel, giving a self-conscious half smile. Roxas continued to scowl, and Tia casually ruffled his still damp hair. The blonde ducked out from under her hold, giving an exasperated grunt.

"Oh, shush, grumpy," laughed the woman, and Axel shook his head and smiled at Roxas's expense. The blonde glared at Axel, and the older boy's expression faded quickly. He scoffed, heading into the next room where Naminé and Selphie were watching television. Tia turned to Roxas, crossing her arms. "And now you have to get to school, bonehead. The bell goes in twenty minutes, in case you've forgotten."

Roxas scowled. He would humor his mother a little bit. "And if I say no…?"

"You'll be saying hello to 'Mister Room Confinement' for the next week, buddy," Tia said, rather curtly. There was a prominent hint of amusement in her voice, and Roxas couldn't resist flipping her a little smile in return. He sighed, turning and heading back towards the door, where his distended backpack from the previous night lay.

Tia chuckled. What a grumpy little boy.

**

* * *

**

"Roxas! Over here!"

Averting his attention to the calls of a familiar voice, he quickly caught sight of a frantically waving Pence. Roxas laughed, giving a half-wave back. The side of the school, just across from the main entrance was where his friends _always _waited. He quickly caught sight of Olette, who just smiled, waiting for him to come and see her.

Of course, he did, trying to seem casual as he paced over. He quickly received a punch on the shoulder, courtesy of Hayner, and a quick kiss on the lips, courtesy of Olette. "Hi," she said, grinning. "Missed you yesterday. How was the math session thingy?"

Roxas shrugged, and Hayner quickly stuck out his tongue. "It was probably lovely. I bet Roxas got raped by the teacher, Luxord," teased the boy, his dark brown eyes flashing with amusement. Roxas sputtered, and Olette gave a giggle, smacking the taller boy across the back of his head.

"That's not funny!" protested Pence, who waddled his way over to Roxas. "Pedophilia is a _serious _issue!" Hayner just laughed at the boy's expense. That was all right, though, as Pence managed to do everything else right besides receive a good joke. He was smart, but some of Hayner's humor just went right over his head.

They dropped the subject after that, and Hayner started gibbering about the latest fight that was going to happen because of he-said, she-said bullshit. Roxas tuned most of it out, and was rather content to just make out with Olette against the wall. Upon doing so, Hayner scowled. "Aw, man. Can't you two get a room?" he grumbled, crossing his arms and giving what he could see of Olette and Roxas's back a pointed look.

Roxas pulled his lips off of Olette's neck, not releasing her from his hold, and simply inclined his head towards the taller blonde. He was about to come back with a retort, when Olette beat him to it. "You're just angry because _you'd_ rather be the one against the wall!" she jabbed, and Hayner grinningly flipped her the finger.

Pence laughed at Hayner's expense, and Olette's cheery giggle chorused along. Hayner continued to scowl, feeling utterly left out. A hint of a blush passed his cheeks, that Roxas happened to notice, but didn't acknowledge it. Abruptly, the deafening sound of the school bell rang and Pence gave a loud squeak before waddling off towards the main doors. He was quite concerned with school, probably the only one of their group of four who was.

Roxas backed away from the wall, letting Olette out of his arms. She smiled up at him, green eyes twinkling mischievously. She slid her hand into his palm and he couldn't resist giving her a tiny smile in return. "…You have, er, chemistry first? Right?" questioned Roxas. She scowled.

"You have such a bad memory! But yeah. I hate the teacher, really miss the old one," Olette laughed, running one hand through her coffee coloured hair. She tossed a gaze back to Hayner. "Now, come on, we all have to get to class. We're gonna be late if we don't hurry!"

"Ah, fuck class!" snorted Hayner, shoving his hands into the pockets of his cargos. Olette shook her head, dragging Roxas along, who was attempting to hang back with his best friend. Hayner was more likely to skip class, anyway, and Roxas would prefer to do that. Olette would skip, occasionally, but for the most part she just went to class so that she could sleep.

And so, Roxas's relatively boring day began, with three friends traipsing off to a classroom, following a boy who looked relatively like a penguin into the wide doors of a school.

**

* * *

**

"Hey, uh, you okay?"

Naminé slowly opened her eyes, quickly coming face to face with the red headed boy. She had completely forgotten he was even there. Pulling herself into a seating position, Naminé yawned, her throat burning in protest, and the girl was thrown into a coughing fit. After catching her breath, she realized that Axel wasn't alone, as Selphie was balanced carefully on his back, arms around his neck and legs around his waist. This was a position she usually maintained with Roxas, a piggy back.

The little brunette grinned down at her bigger sister. "Me and Axel found you some cough medicine!" she shouted, kicking her feet against Axel's thighs. He visibly winced, but managed a small smile at Naminé. His hands were twitching a little where they held onto Selphie's legs, and he looked really tired.

"How long have I been sleeping for?" mumbled Naminé, rubbing at her eyes. Selphie kicked her feet once more, scrambling off of Axel's back to land on the couch. She crawled forward, curling herself into Naminé's lap.

"About forty-five minutes," Axel told her, giving her a somewhat sympathetic smile. The poor girl looked exhausted, and far too pale for her own good. He felt awful for leaving the window open, but then again, he had much more things to worry about. "Don't worry, we've been okay."

Naminé gave a shaky sigh. She'd really been wary about sleeping around Axel, but her nausea made her quite fatigued. Nevertheless, she wrapped her arms around Selphie, ignoring the television as it talked noisily in the background. She wondered how in the world she had slept through that, really.

"Uh, do you want that cough syrup?" said Axel, even though he was clearly uncomfortable. Naminé blinked at him for a moment, before scooping Selphie off of her. Naminé's feet hit the floor, and she stood up to her full height, Selphie plopping off the couch after her. The blonde girl picked up her blanket, wrapping it around her shoulders like some great cocoon, once again.

Axel offered an uneasy smile, turning on his heel. "It's… er, just in the kitchen," said the red head, leading the two younger girls into said room. He felt nervous, mostly because he felt like he had to prove himself to Naminé. She seemed unsure around him, almost like she was purposely avoiding him, while Axel really didn't feel like he was in anyway threatening to her. Roxas, maybe, but not Naminé.

Selphie pulled a chair up to the counter, the screech of wood against linoleum nearly deafening to Axel's pounding ears. She pulled herself onto the furniture, her waist barely reaching the top of the counter. Pulling open the cupboards, she fished inside for a moment before coming back with a bottle of Buckley's. Both Naminé and Axel grimaced, with none too fond memories of the awful stuff.

"Don't you have anything cherry flavored?" Naminé whimpered, hugging herself tighter in the blanket. Selphie blinked, turning her head back into the cupboard, before quickly coming back.

"Nope! You're stuck with ucky Buckley's," piped the little girl, jumping back off of the chair. She pressed the bottle of cough syrup into Naminé's hands, grinning. "Don't worry, sissy! If you drink some, I'll make Axel drink some, too, so you're not alone with yucky." Axel blinked, for he truly didn't want to consume any of that grotesque medicine.

Naminé let a little smile cross her features at the thought of Axel drinking disgusting cough medicine. Well… "I'll do it if you do it, Axel," decided the girl, still feeling a little bit shy. She paced over to a drawer, her hand disappearing for a second but quickly coming back with two teaspoons.

Axel grimaced, accepting one of the spoons that she quickly passed him. Her hand didn't linger, as she was still a little wary of being in any close physical contact with the boy. She uncapped the syrup, pouring it carefully into Axel's spoon first. He held his hand under the utensil, watching as a few murky purple droplets fell into his palm. With equal diligence, Naminé poured herself a spoonful as well. "Okay, you first," she told Axel, with a nod of her head. "You take one spoon, I'll take two, since I'm the sick one."

"Sounds fine with me," said Axel, letting a slightly arrogant grin pass his face. He was always one for competition, be it small and insignificant like this one, or the battle of wills that happened between him and Roxas. He tipped his head back, letting the spoon disappear between his teeth for a moment. Abruptly, a look of utter disgust passed his face, and his eyes were wide with shock. He really had forgotten—

_I warn you, this… medicine is rather grotesque. You might want to hold your nose._

—how badly this stuff tasted. He managed to choke it down, quickly licking the droplets off of the palm of his hand, receiving an amused giggle from Selphie and a ghost of a smile from the blonde girl. With a final grimace, Axel tossed his spoon into the sink and stated, "Ugh, there. Now your turn."

Naminé screwed her face into a scowl, holding her breath as she shoved the spoon between her lips. She immediately sputtered at the awful taste, and ripped the spoon out of her lips. She quickly handed it to Axel, motioning quickly for him to refill it as she frantically waved her hands and attempted to swallow it down. All the while laughing, Axel's hands shook as he managed to pour an unsteady second spoonful. With equal vigor, Naminé downed the second dose of medicine and immediately dove for the faucet, taking a large gulp of water.

"All better?" said Axel, his voice holding a hint of sarcasm. Naminé frowned, turning her face back up to him. She wiped the moisture off of his lips, and opened her mouth to retort, before breaking into a fit of sneezing. She embarrassedly covered her mouth with the corner of her blanket, and Axel just waved it off. "Don't worry. I'm not afraid of girl germs."

"Girl germs? You're mean," said Naminé, her voice nasally and weak. Selphie stuck out her tongue, waddling over to Axel and tugging at what she could reach of his pants. He looked down at her, and she raised her arms with a slight pout on her face. Sighing, Axel bent down and picked her up, coming back to his full height and resting her on the sharp edge of his hip. All the while, Naminé watched with slight amusement, wondering where in the hell Axel got to be so… maternal. "Say, Axel. How did you find the medicine? _I_ don't even remember where mom keeps it, with all these cupboards."

"Uh, I just looked around. I was looking for Tylenol, earlier. Massive headach—"

"Let's go play Barbies!" shouted Selphie, utterly bored with the conversation. Axel arched an eyebrow at her, to which she giggled in return and kissed his cheek. Naminé blinked at the sudden display of affection. Even the vivacious Selphie wasn't generally _this_ affectionate to newcomers.

Naminé smiled, nevertheless. "Okay, Selphie. Axel, you can watch TV if you want to," she told the older boy, and he opened his mouth to speak, but was quickly interrupted by a frowning little girl.

"No!" pouted Selphie, kicking her feet at Axel's thighs. Naminé scowled, knowing that it wasn't right for a six-year-old to boss around Roxas's guest. "I want him to play!"

"He doesn't have to, Selphie. It's his choice. Besides, he probably doesn't like Barbies," said the blonde, tickling Selphie's feet. She smiled, despite the fact that the little brunette was being a bit of a brat.

"No, it's okay," assured Axel, raising his freehand to gesture his approval, before he had to quickly tuck it back under Selphie's legs when she started slipping downward. "Hey, I have a little sister too. I know what it's like to play 'Skipper and Barbie Go Shopping'."

"You have a sister?" inquired Naminé, a little stunned upon the revelation. Axel grinned, for once appearing actually excited about something.

"Yep. She's about twelve or thirteen, now. I don't see a lot of her, but she's damn smart," he said, talking quickly with enthusiasm. His head bobbed slightly as he spoke, and his mannerisms seemed to change with a simple mention of a sister.

Selphie kicked at Axel's thighs, once again, not particularly interested in hearing about his sister. She wasn't young enough to play with Selphie, anymore, so Axel's little sister was of no concern to her. "Barbies!" whined the little girl, feeling left out.

Naminé laughed a little bit, her throat still feeling scratchy as she walked to the stairway. They went up the stairs, Axel wobbling slightly with Selphie's weight and Naminé sluggish because of her nausea. When they finally made their way into Selphie's room, Axel couldn't believe the mess. Barbies were littered everywhere, but the thing that really threw him off were all the _trains. _Posters of trains, toy trains, train models, a train track circling her room, a train-shaped bed, train blankets, and even a train light switch plate—this girl obviously liked her trains.

"I wanna be Ken!" was the first thing that Selphie shouted, as she squirmed in Axel's arms. He immediately put her down, where she scrambled into the din, pulling a man-doll in a conductor hat out of a pile of laundry. "He's a train-worker guy!"

"I think Axel would want to be Ken. He's the boy, after all," giggled Naminé, kicking aside a toy unicorn as she made her way into the center of the room. Axel stuck close to her, afraid he might get lost amid the fray.

"No! I'm Ken!"

"But Axel's the boy," commented Naminé, once again. Axel, himself, really didn't mind being Kelly or Teresa, just to get them to stop arguing. Suddenly, Selphie flexed her scrawny arms.

"I am all that is man!" bellowed Selphie, before breaking into a fit of giggles. Naminé couldn't resist a laugh herself, and Axel stifled his. He scoured across the piles of doll-clothes, finally coming across the foot of a lone Barbie doll. He pulled it out, coming upon Skipper.

"I'll be her," he said, quickly. Naminé shook her head, thoroughly sure that Axel didn't know what he was getting into. Naminé found her own doll, a Barbie, and Selphie quickly proclaimed Barbie and Ken were married, and Skipper was Ken's mistress.

"His what?" squawked Naminé, utterly mortified that Selphie even _knew_ what a mistress was. Axel was just laughing behind his knees, his thighs pressed up to his chest as he attempted to silence himself.

Selphie nodded. "Yep. Ken an' Skipper… uh, fa-uh-ck like Roxas says he does to Olette. You know. They kiss lots and hold hands! You know, fa-uh-ck!" Axel broke out into unabashed laughter, falling onto the floor. Naminé's face was glowing red with embarrassment.

"…Selphie, don't say that word."

"What? Fa-uh-ck?"

Axel just laughed harder.

"…And Roxas really said that?" inquired Naminé. She'd just assumed that Roxas was still a virgin. After all, whenever he brought Olette home with him, he barely touched her in front of Tia. Still, Selphie nodded.

"He was talkin' ta Hayner on the phone. Telling him how he licked her pussy. I don't know what that means to a girlfriend, but who would wanna lick a cat?" said Selphie, her face contorting into a grimace. Naminé, herself, couldn't resist a muffled giggle, even as Axel hyperventilated on the floor. "Your tongue'd get all furry."

Naminé's giggles only increased, while Axel continued to hug himself on the floor, his stomach hurting as he was laughing so hard. Selphie was confused and a little embarrassed at their reaction. "Whassofunny? Tell me!" she whined, pounding her fists against the floor.

"N-nevermind," wheezed Axel, finally calming himself down and sitting back upright. He pulled Skipper off of where she rested on the floor, wrapping his long fingers around her waist and clearing his voice and speaking in character; "What a lovely sunny day."

Naminé blinked. She had no _idea_ a man could get his voice that high. Nevertheless, she took Barbie by the shoulders and walked her by Skipper. "Oh, hello, Skipper! What a lovely day, indeed!" Naminé said, as Barbie. Selphie took the opportunity to inject an overly-hyper Ken into the game, and the man-doll seemed to bounce with joy in her hold.

_A lovely day? It's raining! What kind of drugs are you on? Where can I get some? Maybe then, my day will _finally _lighten up if the world is a bloody acid-induced rainbow._

**

* * *

**

"Hey, Roxas, wait up."

The blonde boy turned around, waiting for the heavier boy to catch up. Pence did, quickly, his breathing a little heavier than Roxas's as the two fell into step. Pence was smiling enthusiastically as he did so. Roxas blinked down at the boy, wondering what in hell he was doing. "Pence, er… you don't usually take my bus. What the hell are you doing?"

Pence just smiled, his eyes holding a trace of weakness. "Goin' to go see my grandpa," he said simply. Roxas snorted, his thoughts about Pence not having a life quickly confirmed.

"That's pretty cool," said Roxas, his voice holding not-so-subtle sarcasm. It took Pence a moment to catch it, but when he did, he quickly corrected himself.

"Grandma's in the hospital again," he told the blonde, chubby hands clamped onto the straps of his backpack. His knuckles were almost white, really. "Grandpa's going kind of crazy. He's forgetting stuff, and he flooded the basement by accidentally leaving a tap on. He misses grandma… but, we don't think she's going to make it out of the hospital this time."

Despite Pence basically just spilling his soul, Roxas didn't really care. He wasn't heartless, it was true, but he had never met the woman, and had simply heard Pence's stories about her. All in all, that was his only knowledge of Pence's grandmother, save for a few stolen pastries from Pence's lunchbox. She was a good baker, that was for sure, while Olette couldn't even make a simple cookie. Finally, summarizing his thoughts, Roxas came up with a response; "Oh."

"Yeah," said Pence, with a sigh. He sniffled a little bit, bringing a large hand to wipe his eyes. Roxas blushed, finding it oddly strange to be around another guy who happened to be crying. Pence managed to hold it in, though, and Roxas was glad that he didn't break down right there in the street.

The walk was quiet, other than their slight conversation. Eventually, Pence came by his grandfather's house and bade a quiet goodbye, pacing up the paved walkway with lethargic footsteps. Roxas increased his pace, as the wind picked up, blowing unforgiving chills through his hair. He merely pulled the collar of his coat against his neck, hiding his mouth inside of the folds, attempting to ignore the fact that his nose felt like it might fall off.

He made it home reasonably fast. As soon as he opened the door, warm air blasted onto his face and he nearly grimaced. With both variables so painfully different, his face felt like it had melted off. Shrugging off his backpack, and soon after his coat, he stepped into the entryway, and quickly realized that the television was on. "Oh, that's right, Naminé stayed home today," he reminded himself, toeing off his shoes.

Making his way into the living room, he managed to significantly warm up his fingers. Eyes on his soaked socks, it took him a few minutes to realize what _exactly _was lying on the couch. Axel was all but sprawled out, head tucked against a pillow, chin nearly to his shoulder. One hand was hanging off the couch, knuckles nearly brushing the floor, and leg in matching suit. His entire frame seemed to span the couch, but the most unexpected thing was that _Naminé _had decided to curl up on top of him, covering herself and most of Axel with her blanket.

Well, the first thing that Roxas did was pull Naminé off. In waking-up disorientation, Naminé was lank against his frame, arms at awkward angles with his strong hands wrapped around her midsection. He dropped her to the floor without so much as a second thought, and had brought his foot down into Axel's stomach in an instant. "What the hell did you do to her?" he yelled over Axel's confused sputtering. The red head's eyes were barely opened, but he managed to quickly pull himself into an upright position. "Did you touch her? Fucking tell me you jackass, so I can kick your ass!"

Naminé protested, shaking her head frantically from where she sat on the floor. "He didn't do anything to me! Roxas, stop it!" The blonde boy was still furious, snagging Axel by the hair and pulling him to his level.

"I swear to god if you touched her, I'm going to fucking cut off your cock and shove it down your throat," he spat into Axel's face, and the red head visibly winced. He didn't say anything in objection, though, merely hanging there by Roxas's hand. "You disgusting piece of shit. I can't _believe _I let you into my hou—"

"Roxas!" shrieked Naminé, interrupting his entire train of thought. He snapped his face down to her, not releasing Axel and merely fixing her with a glare. She whimpered at the intensity, horrible memories revived all too quickly. "…H-he didn't do anything, really. We just fell asleep… he's really a nice guy. Don't hurt him."

"You heard her," Axel stated, his voice grim. He sounded weak, more so, than firm like he had tried to be. Roxas slowly turned his eyes back to the red head, violent blue burning holes into Axel's forehead. "Put me down."

Roxas released Axel, letting the red head flop back onto the couch. He stormed back into the entrance way, slipping on his shoes and ignoring the exasperated calls of Naminé, and quickly leaving through the doorway. Axel and the blonde girl both exchanged quick looks, and Axel quickly stood up, following Roxas outside. He had barely gotten his shoes on and flung open the door, as he quickly discovered Roxas was half-way down the street.

Even with smoker's lungs and a battered body, a few years of track had prepared Axel with quick movements. He managed to catch up to Roxas, his fist smashing into the blonde boy's shoulder. "What the hell was that?" snarled Axel, all too ready for a fight. "You bastard. Why the hell would I sleep with your fourteen-year-old sister when I'm frantically trying to _gain _your trust?"

Roxas hissed, spinning on his heel and catching Axel's wrist with his left hand, and delivering a punch to the red head's midsection with the other. Axel doubled over, but before Roxas could issue another attack, Axel had swung a long leg against Roxas's heels, causing the boy to fall with his back flat against the ice. "I don't know, you tell me?" retorted Roxas, "You were probably just waiting until we were all gone so you could feel Naminé up! You sick shit, that's why you left the window open! So she would get sick and stay home!"

"You idiot…" muttered Axel. He crossed his arms, inclining his chin a little. "I wouldn't sleep with Naminé. I don't even _like_ girls."

Roxas's face was possibly more contorted than before. He made a noise of disgust, pushing himself away further from the red head. "So _now _you're telling me you're a faggot? Oh, shit, you woke up in my bed," realized Roxas, putting two and two together. "You felt me up while I slept, didn't you?"

Axel back-stepped, visibly shaken a little. While Roxas was slowly bringing himself to his feet, Axel stumbled over sentences, trying to prove his innocence. "I-I didn't do anything! Really, I just came through the window and fell asleep, I was so goddamn tired, please, Roxas, you have to believe me," he pleaded, even as Roxas advanced on him.

"Bullshit," sneered Roxas, pulling his fist back and effectively landing a blow against Axel's nose. The red head stumbled backward, wiping the new trail of blood under his nose, with the back of his hand. "You fairies always want to cop a feel. You're fucking sick."

"Roxas, please, just-just stop it…"

The blonde was pretty much ready to kill. Expression locked in a look of pure murder and fists at the ready, he could easily take out Axel, and both of them knew it. The red head was still quivering, as he had been in the morning, and his posture was slouched and utterly weak-looking. There was absolutely no way this kid could hold up in a fight.

_I'm not always going to be hanging around to save you, love. Everybody needs to grow up sometime._

Axel caught the first fist with his own long fingers, but Roxas effectively kneed him in the thigh. He stumbled, and was quickly pushed into the ice-slicked pavement by the blonde, and Axel found himself staring up at blue eyes that held nothing but hell. Roxas pressed a soaked shoe to Axel's neck, applying a slight amount of pressure, delighting in the way that Axel's hands scrabbled at his ankle, begging him to let go. "You idiot. I'm not going to kill you," he muttered under his breath, but not taking his foot, despite his words. "But I want you to leave my house. Leave my family alone, leave Naminé alone and never come the fuck near me, ever again."

"Get off of him!" Roxas froze as he felt sharp, little fingers grasp his shoulders. He flipped his head around, coming face-to-face with Naminé, who was gasping and coat-less, despite her illness. Tear tracks lined her face, and her expression was one of utter determination. "Roxas, get off of him."

"No," retorted the blonde boy, only increasing the pressure. Axel was barely wheezing for breath, now, his hands falling limply against the snow. "He's a fucking gay wreck. People like him don't deserve to live."

Naminé gasped at his words, pulling both of her hands away as if she were afraid to touch him. She had never heard Roxas speak such words, and had no idea of his homophobia. "…You had better take that back."

"I won't, Naminé, because I don't take back shit when I mean it."

"Take it back or I'll never forgive you."

"Whatever. Of course you will, Naminé. You always say that," Roxas snorted, pulling his foot back ever-so-slightly when he realized that Axel was losing consciousness. He didn't want Axel to die, really. He didn't want him to be seriously harmed, either. But Roxas had a thing about gay people, and they seriously creeped him out. He just wanted Axel to stay away. "Besides, he doesn't belong here. He belongs in some gay drag show, or something."

"But we didn't belong here, either, did we? You're such a hypocritical asshole."

With that, Naminé slapped him straight across the face, and in Roxas's stunned stupor she reached down and pulled Axel up by the collar. He managed to stumble to his feet, eyes glassy with lack of oxygen as he leaned heavily on her shoulder for support. Roxas, still utterly amazed at the fact that the mild Naminé had called him such a name, was bug eyed as she hauled Axel back into Tia's house, slamming the door behind her and most likely locking it as well.

Roxas's chilled fingers twitched as he held them against his thighs. Looking at the situation now, and the blood that stained the snow, he realized that he had gone a little overboard. _I thought I'd gotten over that._ He sat down in the snow bank, not caring as the moisture soaked into the material of his pants. He thought his rage issues were behind him, but apparently, he was wrong.

"I haven't been that angry in a long time."

_Family will do that to you, love. Just call her, one more time. _

_

* * *

_**disclaimer: i don't own anything.**


	3. awful

gin and sin  
chapter three

_swing low, cherry, cherry  
yeah it's awful  
he's drunk, he tastes like candy, he's so beautiful  
he's so deep, like dirty water  
god, he's awful_  
awful - hole

* * *

It was awkward when Roxas went back into his house, to say the least. Naminé didn't even look at him as he paced into the living room. He noticed that Axel was gone, though, and for a mere second he wondered where the boy had disappeared. Shaking his head, he erased the thought, not wanting to even _think _about Axel. Though, it was hard for the boy's messenger bag was still lying beside the sofa, proving a constant reminder that he was gone. 

They sat in silence for a good half-hour, Naminé silently watching an old episode of the Simpsons with Roxas pouting to himself beside her. Still, Axel didn't show himself and Tia with Selphie weren't due back for the next forty-five minutes. Finally, with a click of her tongue, Naminé spoke. "He might not come back, you know."

Roxas snorted, crossing his arms across his chest. He hadn't bothered to change his pants from earlier, and the wet slush had chilled his flesh where it soaked into the fabric. "Good," stated the blonde boy, quickly receiving a glare from Naminé.

"Roxas, if you got to know him, you'd _know_ that he's a nice guy. You're just judging him because he's gay, but Roxas, that's not his fault!" protested the younger girl, frowning. "I mean, if I were a lesbian, you wouldn't beat me up and throw me out of the house, would you?"

Roxas opened his mouth, a little flabbergasted by the question. He wasn't about to tell Naminé that he thought, like any other guy, that lesbians were hot. She'd point out to him that it was contradictory, and she would quickly win the fight from that particular angle. "…But it's a different circumstance, Naminé," Roxas began, slowly. "I mean, you're family. And besides, Axel lifted a hundred bucks from me to pay for who the hell knows what. He's probably doing drugs or something, and he was gone all last night. He's bad news."

Naminé gave a tired little sigh. "So? You smoke pot! That's doing drugs. How is that any different?" retorted the girl, fixing Roxas with a combination of puppy-eyes and a pout.

"He could be doing cocaine, Naminé," Roxas told her, his eyes completely serious. "That's a lot more serious than occasionally doing weed. You haven't seen how thin he is. He's fucking anorexic, and he's a twitchy little bastard. He's probably been shooting up or snorting _something_."

"Then we can get him help!" pleaded Naminé, sliding the back of her hand under her eyes. Roxas quickly realized that she was _crying_ a bit. "I mean… Tia gave you and me help. You aren't going to just let him disappear like this, like we could have, are you?" Roxas opened his mouth, and let it fall closed soon after. He pursed his lips, bringing his hand to his head to massage his temples.

"All right," he finally said, pulling himself back onto his feet. "I'll go find him, if he even wants to have anything to do with me. I can't guarantee he'll come back, though." Naminé sighed, sliding herself over on the couch, so she was nearly towering over Roxas. Shading most of his body with her quite smaller one, she glared.

"He had better come back, Roxas, or I'm never letting you into the house!" she proclaimed, her stance meaningful. Naminé was a girl who couldn't hold grudges, so Roxas didn't really believe her. "I mean it! Never!"

Roxas rolled his eyes, pulling himself off of the couch. He left a rather large wet-spot from his snow-logged pants, and inevitably decided that he should change. Trudging back upstairs, into his room, he quickly maneuvered himself into a pair of dry pants and equally dry socks. Roxas sighed, going back down the stairs. His shoes were soaked, that was for sure, and with his newly dry clothes there would be no way he'd put them back on. His eyes fell onto Sora's ridiculously yellow snow-boots. "Hey, Naminé? Where's Sora?"

"At Riku's house," called the girl, from the living room. She poked her head over the back-rest, staring at Roxas. "His parents didn't trust him alone, and since they're out of town they called Sora to stay with him for the weekend. He must've stayed longer, though. When Mom came home to pick up Selphie, this afternoon, she said she's bringing Sora home too. He should be home by tonight."

Roxas nodded, throwing a quick glance at the clock as he toed on Sora's neon yellow boots. It was nearly five o'clock, and judging by that, Tia, Sora and Selphie would be back at five-thirty, as per usual. He ran a hand through his hair, quickly debating the situation. He knew that he wouldn't be able to find Axel by then. Even if he came home with his tail between his legs, Tia would most likely yell at him for scaring a kid (who was obviously in need of help) away.

He shrugged on his jacket, hand reaching for the doorknob. "I'll be back in a bit. Er, if Mom comes home, tell her I… took Axel to see a friend," he stated, receiving a hand-wave over the couch from Naminé. Nodding his head in response, Roxas opened the door, receiving a blast of cool air. It had started snowing again. Fantastic. He growled low in his throat, and with that, Roxas faced the cold.

* * *

He spent for what seemed like days out in the cold. Really, it couldn't have been more than about an hour, but with bitter wind biting at your fingers and blustery wind freezing even your hair, the time seemed to move more slowly. Roxas shivered, burying his mouth and nose into the collar of his jacket. He was freezing, utterly and completely freezing, even as he huddled against himself and attempted to hide from the wind. 

He shuddered, turning his head away from the wind, ignoring the blonde wisps of hair that scratched at his eyes. He really had no idea what he was doing, or where he was going. Axel could've been anywhere, and Roxas knew that. He was quite ready to give up. "This is useless," he mumbled to himself, teeth chattering noisily. He shook his head, ready to turn around and go back home.

A little cat stood in front of him, cowering and shaking. It gave a pathetic mew, slinking forward to brush up against his damp pant legs. Roxas scowled, bending over to pick up the little cat. A calico, it was, but its fur was caked with mud and grime. He could barely tell that it was even a cat. Nevertheless, it gave another pathetic mewl sliding a rough tongue against his cheek. "What, you hungry?" he asked, feeling rather stupid for questioning a cat. Sighing, he zipped his jacket open and shifted the kitten inside, keeping it cradled against his warm chest with only its head poking out.

"I'm not taking you home," he told the kitten, pointedly. Rolling his eyes, he wondered where in hell he could take a stray kitten. The SPCA was probably closed, already, and he didn't know anyone who would want a cat. Doing a little 360, he let his eyes wander around the buildings. He was in a pretty run-down section of town, and most of the windows were barred. Briefly, he wondered how far he had walked.

The calico mewed happily, nuzzling its dirty nose against the underside of his chin. Roxas giggled a little, quickly covering it up to push the cat's face away. "That tickles. Stop it," he stated, wrapping his arms around his chest and effectively cradling the cat. He began to walk forward again, not really knowing exactly where he was going as he didn't really know where he was, either.

He continued to wander, wondering if he could even figure out a place to leave an abandoned kitten. As if his feet had minds of their own, he managed to come across a little community church, with broken dry-wall and a slightly caved-in roof. Sighing, Roxas realized that this might be his only opportunity. With all thoughts of finding Axel completely banished from his mind, he opened up the door to the church, peeking his head around the large, wooden entrance.

"Hello?" he asked, a little embarrassed. He had no idea what he was going to say, let alone how to push the little kitten onto the church. Roxas let himself inside, his eyes wandering across the entrance of the building. The wallpaper was peeling, somewhat, and there were water marks on the ceiling where pipes had leaked. The flooring was old, carrying years of dirt even though there was a vacuum lingering in an open closet nearby. "Hey… anybody here?"

With a light mew, the calico in his jacket had started squirming. With the nice, indoor heating it had gotten a little warmer. Roxas unzipped his jacket, kneeling as he carefully placed the kitten onto the floor. It scampered away, and the blonde boy listened to it bounce happily into the main room. He decided to follow, sliding his feet as he walked to get some of the sludge off of the soles of his shoes. Picking up his feet, he walked into the large room. Pews lined each side of the wide walk-way, and the main room was considerably cleaner than the entrance way. A few of the windows were cracked, but the bright tapestries and joyful messages that adorned them brightened up the room significantly. A large cross hung in the front of the room, hiding behind a rather odd looking man wearing priestly robes. Roxas stepped forward, barely behind the man, attempting to formulate a sentence as how to ask the man to take the kitten.

The calico purred, sliding its muddy body against the priest's robe. The man gave a hearty chuckle, whirling around. Roxas had to dodge the sudden flurry of white, as the man's waist-long beard followed in his swiveling. "Hello!" stated the priest, fixing the spectacles balanced on his nose. "Come to find yourself?"

"Uh… what?" asked Roxas, cocking his head to the side. The priest chuckled, stooping to pick up the kitten and bouncing away from the podium. With a flurried hand motion, he beckoned Roxas to follow. Cautiously, the blonde did, concerned for the kitten's well-being. Really, the man looked like he was more likely to put it into a soup than take care of it.

"Come, come now! Don't be shy!" chided the man, successfully latching a hand onto Roxas, when the boy was too slow. With one arm wrapped around a kitten, and the other extended for a boy, the priest looked rather odd as he walked. He led the blonde into a back room, where a pretty brunette stood, watering a menagerie of flowers.

Upon hearing the commotion, the woman turned and blinked her large blue-green eyes at the two of them. She put down the watering can, and the priest swiftly handed her the kitten. "Oh, Merlin, did you find this one out in the cold?" she asked, her voice filled with concern. She nuzzled the dirty kitten, leaving a rather large mud-stain on her cheek. Pacing off behind another curtain, Roxas looked to Merlin for an explanation.

"_Alis volat propris_," stated Merlin, winking an eye and fixing his spectacles once again. Roxas was tempted to ask what he had said, when the woman came back into the room with a half-can of tuna and the kitten still in one arm. She placed the kitten on the floor, bending over to slide the tuna under its mouth. The calico purred as it began to attempt to swallow some of the food. Abruptly, Merlin began talking to the woman. "No, I didn't find the grubby kitty. This fine young boy did, and he most likely risked his life for the grubby kitty-cat."

Roxas, slightly befuddled, upon hearing a grown man talk like Selphie, just stood there in wide-mouthed stupor. The woman chuckled, placing her fingers to her chest. "Thank you. We take in stray cats, and we'll be glad to take care of her," she stated, passing a glance down towards the cat. "My name is Aerith Gainsborough. I volunteer at this church."

"Oh," said the blonde boy, quickly re-accumulating himself. "Er, yeah. I thought it would be a good idea to bring the cat here. Because, you know, my mom doesn't exactly want a cat around." Realizing that he was rambling, Roxas quickly shut his mouth, blushing upon the calm gaze of Aerith.

"It's quite all right," she said, nodding her head. "We'll keep her. I think I'll call her… Figaro." The little kitten mewed between a bite of tuna, probably rushing herself because she was in such a hurry to eat. Merlin chuckled.

"_Coram populo_ you are named Figaro," stated the priest, staring down at the kitten. "To me, you are still just a grubby kitty." Figaro mewed, pawing at the can of tuna. Aerith shook her head, pointing a finger at Merlin.

She smiled, nevertheless, before saying, "I'll give her a bath once she's eaten some." Aerith picked up her watering can, once again, gliding over towards the disarray of chrysanthemums. "I love the November flower. It's so pretty." She sighed dramatically, doing a half-twirl with her watering can.

"Aerith!"

Both Roxas and Aerith turned abruptly, the former coming face-to-face with what looked like an older clone of himself. With mild shock, Roxas stepped out of the way for the man to successfully storm in. Merlin chuckled from where he stood, backing himself away, closer to Roxas. It was then that Roxas noticed a little boy clinging to the back of the blonde man's jacket.

"Oh, Cloudy!" sang Aerith, her eyes twinkling. "What's the problem?" Roxas could pretty much see every vein in Cloud's neck as the man struggled to contain his anger. Another man who sort of reminded Roxas of a porcupine lingered at the doorway, head in his hands as he struggled to contain laughter.

Cloud scowled, reaching behind his back to successfully pull the ten year old boy off of himself. "**This **is my problem," he stated, hanging onto the squirming boy by his collar. He dropped the black-haired boy onto the floor. "The _thing_ damn near set our house on fire!"

"I'm a real boy!" protested the self-proclaimed boy, waving his arms. He scampered over to Aerith, hiding behind her skirt and sticking his tongue out at Cloud. "Cloudy, you're just mean."

The man at the door ambled into the large room, his walk rather lazy but his posture impeccable. He grinned down at Roxas for a moment, and clapped a hand onto Cloud's shoulder. Only then did Roxas realize that Cloud was a whole lot shorter than he seemed. With such an imposing presence, he seemed gigantic, but really he was a little bit shorter than Roxas himself. "Chill, Spike," said the man, "He didn't set your house on fire. It was a good thing you had that fire extinguisher handy, though."

Cloud turned a glare to the man with the slate-coloured hair. "With no help from you, Zack!" he claimed, poking a finger at the taller man's chest. "You sat on my couch watching Looney Toons while I put out the goddamn fire!"

"Language!" interrupted Aerith, pulling the boy up into a hug even as she held her stern look on Cloud. The little boy prodded at the blood-red flowers, giggling happily and ignoring the conversation. Roxas stood back, feeling utterly out of place, before he felt something brush up against his leg. He turned his vision downwards, quickly finding Figaro purring at his feet.

Cautiously, Roxas bent down to pick the kitten up. Hugging it against his chest, he watched the exchange between Zack and Cloud with mild amusement. Though, he couldn't really help but feel that Zack was reminding him of something. Long, spiked hair. He couldn't help but feel he was forgetting something.

"Oh shit! Axel!" shouted Roxas, abruptly. All eyes turned to him, and Roxas could feel his face heating up with embarrassment. Zack broke out into a laugh, Cloud continued to glare in Zack's general direction, the ten year old boy picked the petals off of the flowers, and Aerith gave him a stern look.

"_Discipuli nostrum bardissimi sunt_!" shouted Merlin, a grin on his face as he threw his hands into the air. Zack was apparently the only one who got it, and broke into a smile.

Crossing his muscular arms, Zack cocked his head. "Axel Erickson, by any chance?" he asked, rather mildly. Stunned, Roxas could only nod. "What the hell has he done, this time?" Zack's smile faded, a little bit, and something akin to concern dashed his distinguished features.

"Er…" mumbled Roxas, wondering how in hell Zack knew Axel.

As if reading his mind, Zack stated, "I'm a cousin of his." Roxas's left eye twitched at the confession, but it really wasn't all that odd to hear. They bore something of a resemblance with their hair, though it wasn't glaringly obvious. While Axel was a natural red-head (which many people didn't believe, but Roxas did since he had known him for so long), Zack had a musty black mane.

Turning his eyes around the room, everyone else was listening with rapt attention, save for the black haired boy who simply played with the flowers. Merlin adjusted his spectacles, once again, and gestured for Roxas to continue. "He kind of ran off. He's… well, he's staying at my house right now, and I think I scared him away," said the blonde, a slight blush coming to his cheeks.

Zack shook his head. "Ugh. And here I thought he was still staying with that idiot, Demyx. Anyway—"

"Wait!" shrieked the ten year old, squirming in Aerith's hold. "I saw him! I saw him!" Roxas blinked, while Cloud scowled at the boy.

"No, you haven't, liar. You were with us the whole time, and we didn't see him," snarled Cloud, crossing his arms. Zack shook his head, smile returning once again, as he leaned on Cloud's shoulder.

"You never know, Spike. Pinocchio has an eagle-eye," said the taller man, winking to the boy. Pinocchio grinned, giving Zack a thumbs-up.

Roxas looked, confusedly, between all of the people in the room. "So, you guys all… know him?" he asked, with mild curiosity. There was a synchronized nod between all of them in agreement.

"He comes here, a lot," said Aerith, her voice soft. Her lashes grazed her cheeks, and she carefully looked up at Roxas. "He likes the cats." Cloud gave a silent nod, turning his head towards the floor.

"Well… do any of you have _any _idea where he is?" asked Roxas, feeling somewhat out of the circle. Around them all, he felt like a complete stranger, which he was despite their kindness. Aerith shook her head. She opened her mouth to speak, but suddenly, Cloud gave a furious cry.

"Get your son away from my boots!" shrieked Cloud, attempting to kick at Pinocchio as the boy went for his shoe-laces. Roxas was slightly amazed that this kid was Aerith's son. Really, the woman didn't look a day over twenty. It didn't make any sense as to why she had a child. Figaro mewed in his hold, and he suddenly remembered that he still had the cat.

Zack swiveled over to pick Pinocchio up, flicking his nose once the boy was successfully trapped in his strong arms. "You, kiddo, are a brat," he stated, grinning. Cloud just scowled, crossing his arms and pouting to the side. Merlin chuckled, giving the boy a look of content.

"_Illegitimi non carborundum,_" Merlin said, enthused at Pinocchio's giggle. Of course, only Zack and Pinocchio seemed to know what Merlin had said, and Roxas felt completely out of the circle once again.

Aerith shook her head, striding over to Roxas. "Come on. Let's leave these bone-heads to chatter, and we'll go give Figaro a bath in the kitchen sink," said the woman, smiling.

Roxas nodded, feeling awkward, but nevertheless followed her.

* * *

Aerith padded her way into the kitchen, reaching for the taps. Roxas watched as she filled the sink, fishing in some upper cupboards for pet shampoo. With a light 'aha' she found her prize, pulling it back and giving him a wink. "I bet you're wondering why we _all _know Axel so well," she said, turning off the hot water as the old, slightly rusty sink filled. The entire kitchen was scattered with old appliances, which looked to be in working condition. Roxas pulled himself onto the counter, kicking his heels against the cupboards under the counter. Aerith had taken Figaro, earlier, and she instantly submerged the kitten in the warm water. 

Unlike most cats, Figaro didn't bolt. Quite the contrary, it seemed to actually like the warm water. The kitten splashed and mewled, and Aerith gave a light chuckle. "So… uh, aside from that Zack guy, how in hel—er, how do you know Axel?" inquired Roxas, adjusting his grammar. They _were _in a church, after all.

"Axel comes here a lot," said Aerith, her voice rather quiet. She poured a little bit of the fluorescent green shampoo into the palm of her hand, bringing it to a lather with quick movements. She rubbed it into Figaro's fur, her hands gentle as she did so, and the cat purred at the attention he received. "He used to sleep in the pews, sometimes. Over the summer. He'd talk to me sometimes, but he didn't tell me much." She gave a slightly nostalgic smile, and Roxas merely observed, waiting for her to continue.

"He's not religious," she said, and Roxas snorted in agreement, banging the back of his feet against the wooden cupboards. They made a loud clatter with each fall, and Aerith didn't show a sign of disagreement to his fidgeting. "We all know of his… problems. But God is a forgiving being, and all sins can be atoned for eventually.

"Either way, we all accept Axel for who he is," Aerith said, softly. "He's just a troubled boy. Zack's tried, countless times, to talk some sense into him. He never talks; we don't even know where he's been living for the past three years." She inclined her head towards Roxas, questioning him with her eyes.

"He hasn't told me hardly anything about his past," said the blonde boy, eyeing the cracked tile beneath Aerith's brown-booted feet. "Apparently, he was staying with a friend. He didn't say who, though."

Aerith sighed, shaking the slightly brown-stained soap suds off of her fingers. She went back for another palm-full of the shampoo, setting back to work and massaging it into the kitten's fur. "It's so strange to think about," voiced Aerith, her eyes downcast. "I mean, I remember coming over to visit Zack and Axel would be over. He was such a normal little kid. Extremely _spoiled_, but he lived a good life."

Roxas cocked his head, a little interested to hear about Axel's home-life. The kid was, indeed, spoiled like Aerith had said. The blonde firmly remembered Axel coming to school every day with something new to brag about. Instantly, he was intrigued to find out why in the world Axel got kicked out of his house. Really, his mother always seemed to love him _so much_. Roxas scowled, turning his head back to Aerith. "So, nobody knows exactly where he's been staying for three, almost four whole years?" inquired the boy.

Aerith shook her head, draining the sink, keeping the kitten in place with one hand. Soap was still clinging to Figaro's fur, and when the woman started running water again, Roxas realized that she had to rinse him. "Well, Kairi seems to know something, but she won't tell," said Aerith, shaking her head. "And Zack has no idea, either. Axel hardly tells him anything."

Roxas nodded, understanding that Axel was apparently a very secretive person. He snorted at his own thought, realizing how blatantly obvious that fact was. Axel was like Pandora's Box, just _begging _to be opened and Roxas's fingers were getting a little itchy. "So, what are we supposed to do? I mean, if Axel won't tell us and nobody knows what's up with him…" Roxas sighed, running his fingers through his hair, snagging slightly when the white knuckle-ring that Olette bought him caught against his hair.

"Then we'll just have to let him be. Until he's ready to tell," said the brunette, calmly smiling. With the kitten properly rinsed, she instructed Roxas to get her a tea-towel, and the boy obliged. She dried the kitten's fur as best she could, with the towel, but quickly found herself grumbling. "Merlin needs to spring for a hair-dryer." She smiled, pulling the kitten against her chest. "All clean!"

Roxas found a little smile pulling at his own lips. Aerith spun on her heel, bending over to put Figaro back down onto the ground. Roxas let his eyes wander the kitchen, and his eyes fell upon the clock. "…Is that clock correct?" he asked, his tone a little bit deadpan.

Aerith straightened her back, giving him a slightly confused look. "Why, yes it is," she stated, "Why? Are you late for something, Roxas?" The blonde's head flicked around nervously, and he gave an uneasy half-laugh.

"Er, well, I should've found Axel by now. Naminé wanted me back home, because of mom and—" Roxas released a heavy sigh, shaking his head. "Anyway, I'd better go find Axel again or Naminé will beat me." Aerith shook her head, giving a chaste laugh.

Her laughter faded into something of a nostalgic smile. "Well, you'd better go find him. Axel is good at losing people," she said, her voice the very definition of serene. "He always won against Zack and me at hide-and-seek." Roxas quirked a brow, before Aerith's hands were pushing at his shoulders. "Go! He's probably getting cold, anyway."

Roxas took this comment into consideration. Really, Axel only had that hoodie, right? So he'd probably be freezing, and judging by a look out the window, it was also snowing. The blonde made sure his jacket was zipped up to his chin. "And don't be a stranger. I'm sure Pinocchio would love to have you around, and Zack'll probably want to hear about Axel more," said the brunette, ushering him to the back-door.

"Is Pinocchio really your kid?" blurted Roxas. It was really something he had wanted to ask all night. The little boy didn't look like he had any relation to Aerith whatsoever, and the woman herself looked far too young to bear a child of that age.

Aerith laughed, pulling open the door for him. "No. I adopted him," she stated, backing away from the snowflakes that fell into the door. Glancing out into the darkening, Edmonton atmosphere, she addressed Roxas, "It's getting dark out. Hurry home, okay?"

Roxas nodded in affirmation, feeling a little bit awkward. He didn't know how he was going to find Axel, as the teen was probably long-gone by now. His lip curled at the thought of having to face him again; nevertheless he gave Aerith a friendly wave and a call of farewell as he headed out into the snow.

Well, it was certainly a lot cooler out than it had been before. Roxas shivered at the first gust of chilled wind against his face, and pulled the collar of his tan jacket up a little further. Hands in his pockets, he stalked out of the street, heading to the nearest alcove where he'd be sheltered from the wind.

He continued walking, judging his directions by the street signs, finding them hard to read when they were so thoroughly caked with snow. He ducked under an overhanging shop sign as a blanket of snow tumbled down from the roof. Roxas realized that he hated winter, quickly, and found himself grumbling like an antagonized old lady.

Shuffling, he ducked into an alleyway he knew as a shortcut— and a shield from the teasing wind, which was good as well. Pulling down his collar ever so slightly, he dodged his eyes around. He'd never seen so many cats in once place. The alleyway was just crawling with kittens, their irritating mews of need filling his ears.

He ignored them, trudging through the alley as fast as he could. What was with all of the cats, lately? His pace driven, he quickly made it out of the alley, tugging his collar back up to cover his lips as he came back out into the white void, which was the back parking-lot of a seemingly deserted family restaurant.

Okay, he recognized this. Roxas's eyes dodged around, and he was rather thrilled that he only had a few blocks left to go. Huddling his arms closer to himself, he stalked out of the parking lot, nearly missing a flicker of crimson as he passed the back-steps.

"Yo."

Roxas flicked his head backwards so fast he heard the bones grate against each other. He found himself staring into angry, tired green eyes against a backdrop of pale skin and black clothes. Roxas idly watched the smoke curl from Axel's mouth, creating a sort of mock halo around his head.

The blonde felt rage crawl into his lungs, but he attempted to suppress it. "I've been looking for you," he said, managing to keep his voice calm.

Axel snorted, flicking his finished cigarette into the snow-slush melting around his feet. Keeping his spot on the stairs under the overhanging roof, he stared up at Roxas. "What the hell do you want?" he asked, sounding utterly angered.

Roxas stiffened. "Look, you're coming back home with me," he stated, firmly. He didn't want to start begging— it wasn't his style. But he was going to have Axel come back with him, regardless if he wanted to or not.

Axel's lips turned into a slight smirk. "Aww, Naminé still pissed at you? That's what you get for going all homophobic," he muttered, leaning backwards with his weight propped up by an arm. His entire frame was shaking furiously, and Roxas decided he was definitely cold. His lips were nearly blue. "Jackass."

"I'm not gonna say I'm sorry or that I really want you to come back," started Roxas, clenching his fists as his sides. His hands felt utterly numb from the cold. "But you can't just keep running from everything."

The red head broke into dry laughter, his eyes practically leaking cruelty. Roxas was a little confused, wondering where the 'lost puppy dog' Axel had gone. "Who says I'm running?" snarled the older boy, his eyes intense on Roxas's frame. "Maybe you're just assuming. Didn't anyone tell you, moron, that assuming makes an ass of you and I?"

Piecing the words together, Roxas arched an eyebrow, his teeth grinding in his mouth. He attempted to keep his composure, but he was _furious _because Axel somehow kept everything so impersonal. "You'll die out here in the cold," growled Roxas. "You need to come back."

Axel clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, raising himself to his feet. He advanced on Roxas, and the boy backed away, feeling a little bit intimidated. This 'new' Axel was a little bit more threatening, a little bit less of the weak persona he had emitted before. This Axel was a little frightening.

Nearly nose to nose, Axel gave Roxas a condescending grin. "Who said I wasn't coming back?" he said, his voice nearly a whisper. At this, the rage in Roxas's chest all threatened to flood out of his throat like vomit. So, he'd just spent who the hell knows how long wandering out in the cold for fear that Axel wasn't going to come back, to find the kid was just out goofing around in the snow? "Hey, man. It's free room and board. There's no way in hell I'm giving _that _up."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" flared Roxas, yelling in exasperation. Axel's composure remained the same, as the blonde stalked off towards the street. He attempted to ignore his surroundings, keeping his eyes glued to the snow-covered pavement even while he blocked out the sound of wet footsteps behind him.

Axel caught up, quickly, falling into step with Roxas. "What, you really thought I would just leave?" he said, laughing. The younger didn't even look at him, continuing to trudge forward. "I mean, come on Roxas. It was so easy to convince Mommy-dearest to let me stay. Most foster moms don't break as easily as her, but I pulled the puppy-eyes, and she's putty in my hands."

"So that wimpy druggy thing was all an act?" snapped Roxas, throwing a loose punch at Axel. It barely brushed the older boy, due to the inaccuracy, but it made Roxas's point very clear. "Who the hell are you _really_, Axel?"

The red head pulled a large smile, looking utterly malevolent as he did so. "Whoever I want to be," stated the boy. Axel was obviously an actor. He could pull any angle he wanted to, and it was all glaringly obvious to Roxas now.

"So, you being all nice to Naminé and Selphie was just a way to get into my family? So they wouldn't kick you out?" demanded Roxas, his voice dripping with anger. Axel rolled his eyes at these questions, waving his hand.

"Eh, I actually like those two," Axel confirmed with a nod of his head. "Selphie's sweet and Naminé's so mild, it's hard not to like her." Roxas scowled, crossing his arms and feeling completely pissed off. He stopped on the sidewalk, turning to face Axel.

"In other words, you invaded my home, stole some of my money—"

"I'll pay that back eventually."

"—manipulated my mother and you expect me not to tell you to stay the fuck away from my family?" Roxas gave Axel a hard look, receiving a harsh glare paired with a little sneer in return.

"Well, my original plan was to let you fuck me and stay with you, that way," said the red head, getting only a look of wide-eyed stupor from the blonde. "But after all original _assumptions _were removed, you're actually straight. So, I had to suck up to your mommy. And that proved to work better."

"I don't look gay!" shouted Roxas, throwing his arms into the air. Axel just laughed, turning on his heel and continuing to walk even as he shook his head in defiance. Roxas scowled, storming after Axel. "I do **not **look gay!"

"And I'm Santa," retorted Axel, waving a hand over his shoulder.

The blonde boy gave a huff of anger, screwing his face up into a grimace as he stalked after the taller boy. "And here I thought you were just _attempting _to be my friend or maybe trying to get some _help _for your fucked up problems. What a load of bullshit," mumbled the younger, deciding that it would probably be best to shut up.

At this, Axel spun around to face Roxas once more, his expression horribly serious. Roxas back-stepped a little bit, raising his arms up in defense. "Look, Blondie," snarled Axel, "I don't want your sympathy. I don't want to be _friends_ unless you're looking for a fuckbuddy. I don't like you at all, and you don't like me, but I'm looking for a place to stay so we're going to act all happy and buddy-buddy for mommy-dearest or else I send one of my 'friends' on your ass to fuckin' splatter your brains all over the wall!"

Roxas blinked, his expression blank for a moment before he immediately became infuriated once more. "Wait, are you threatening me?" alleged Roxas, his voice raising an octave. Axel's face spread into a wide grin, his eyes glinting with malice.

"Course I am," he said, his voice implying hidden malevolence. Roxas stiffened a little bit, arms rigid at his sides. "But seriously. If you're going to go all disobedient on me, and get me kicked out of your house, I'll send Lexy to beat the shit out of you."

Roxas swallowed, hard. Well, he'd gotten his affirmation. Axel was part of a gang, or something, obviously; if he had connections like this, it uncovered the fact that he might have killed someone.

Axel shrugged, his murderous front disappearing a little bit. He looked more relaxed now. "And besides, I don't think I'll have to kill you, so long as I stay in Tia's good books. I mean, it's her house, after all," stated the red head.

_Oh, great. There's a could be murderer living in my house, _Roxas thought dryly. He scowled, attempting to gain a sense of conclusion. "So, we have to be friends?" he murmured, staring at his shoes. Axel smirked, sliding a finger under Roxas's chin to make the shorter boy face him.

"Nope. We get to pretend. I don't want to be saved, and you're not my friend. Got it memorized?"

And sadly, with threats in place, Roxas got it.

_Oh fuck._

* * *

"Roxas!" 

Said boy shucked off his boots, scowling at the short brunette who occupied the stairway in front of him. "Whatcha doin'? Why you here so late?" inquired the boy, raising himself to his full height. Roxas nearly slammed the door on Axel, who along the way had converted himself back into the quiet, injured puppy-dog from before.

Upon seeing Axel, Sora blinked and sputtered uselessly. "What's he doing here? Who is he?" queried the youngest of the three boys, pointing up at Axel. The red head raised a thin eyebrow, and Sora immediately shut himself up.

"Sora, you're a dumb ass," mumbled Roxas, really not in the mood for any of this. He stalked off towards the kitchen, utterly famished. He really hadn't eaten anything earlier, and it was around 9'o'clock, already. "What did mom make for dinner?"

"She made 'Baked Selphie'," stated Sora, a wide grin on his face. Axel avoided the boy at all costs, edging by him into the kitchen, "because a certain little girl wouldn't go to bed."

"Is everybody asleep?" said Axel, quietly. Sora tossed a glance at the red head, wondering how someone with such an odd appearance could be so… quiet. Nevertheless, Sora nodded his head with such speed it made Axel a little bit dizzy.

"Yep. Naminé was really tired and so was mom because Selphie was hyper and bored because nobody knew where you guys were and oh, by the way, my name is Sora," blurted the brunette, bouncing on the back of his heels. Roxas cast him a disapproving look over his shoulder, as he scoured the fridge for something remotely edible. Axel gave an uneasy laugh, stumbling over to the fridge and peering meekly over Roxas's shoulder. "Er, sorry. I'm a little bit, er, happy. Uh, Riku likes to give me _lots _of sugar."

Roxas emitted a short bark of laughter. "He just likes to do that so he can ditch you on us," said the blonde, his tone teasing, "and we have to deal with your stupidity." Sora's lower lip stuck out in a pout, and he crossed his arms, looking very much like Selphie instead of the 15 year old he really was.

"Oh, shut up, Roxas. Remember last summer, and how I was _scarred_ by your stupidity?" jested the brunette, watching Roxas's entire posture stiffen. The blonde bolted upright, spinning around to face Sora, his face utterly red. Axel was a little taken aback, wondering what the boy was so angry about.

"I told you never to mention that summer! Ever!" shrieked the boy, his tone dropping as soon as he realized that everyone else in the house was asleep. Sora giggled through his hand, attempting to stifle any laughter.

Axel gazed over at Sora, attempting to dig a little deeper for answers. "Why? What happened last summer?" asked the red head, as Sora's impossibly wide grin grew even more extensive.

"Don't say another word or I'll kill y—"

"Well, it involved Roxas, a couple cases of beer and his buddy, Hayner," said the youngest boy, gleefully, "and a whole lot of tongue!" Roxas blushed furiously, and Axel couldn't contain laughter.

"And you told me you weren't gay!" stammered Axel, through muffled snickers. Roxas looked like he wanted to _throttle _Sora, but instead decided to take out his rage on an innocent bag of potato chips, instead.

Tearing open the bag, Roxas managed, through a mouth of salt and vinegar potato chips, to snarl; "M'not gay! I was drunk! And Sora, you're **dead**." The youngest squealed, ducking a thrown potato chip and bolting up the stairs. For a kid with such big feet, he didn't make a whole lot of sound aside from the slight jangle of a crown pendant hitting his collar bone.

"Oh, shuddup, Roxas!" giggled Sora, from where he stood on the stairs. "Hayner was more drunk than you, anyway!" At this, Sora bolted into his room, shutting the door, and most likely intending to go to sleep or bounce on his bed or something.

It was awkward for Axel and Roxas, after that. They stood in silence, Axel staring at Roxas and the latter drowning his sorrows in potato chips. The air reeked of salt and the pungent scent of vinegar, and the legs of Axel's pants clung to his ankles. He wanted to go get changed, but he didn't want to risk going upstairs.

But still, he wanted to find out more about this summer incident. "So… you really made out with a guy?" questioned Axel, trying to appear casual as his smirk returned on his face. Roxas continued to scowl, not really wanting to answer the question.

Still, he was trapped. "Yeah," he admitted, his face going a little redder. Axel's entire stance brightened considerably, and he couldn't stop the smile on his face.

"Maybe I have a chance, yet," stated the red head, "I mean, you're hot. And with that all that _rage, _you look like you'd be kinky in bed." Roxas's mouth hung open at the other boy's bluntness. What the hell was he saying?

There were a few moments of silence, where the air was pregnant with awkwardness. Roxas didn't want to say anything to make himself sound or look like a fag, and Axel was too busy feeling delightful to say anything else.

But, it was Roxas's curiosity that broke the silence. "So, you've really slept with another guy?" he blurted, immediately shutting himself up. He felt entirely unintelligent for asking a question like that, but it really had been itching at his mind for a while.

"What, you really think I'm a virgin?" snorted Axel, padding his way over to Roxas to steal a handful of chips. He hated salt and vinegar, but seeing as it was the only available food, he'd live.

Roxas sucked in air through his teeth, nearly dropping the chip bag as Axel walked by. He was _really _curious about it, only because the entire idea was totally foreign. A little sickened by the images, he pressed on despite his obvious discomfort; "So… like… sex with guys… uh…"

"Up the ass?" finished Axel, razor-sharp grin making Roxas shudder. Even with Axel still visibly shaking, Roxas's entire body quaked twice as hard as any of Axel's involuntary motions.

But after a few more moments of quiet, Roxas spoke up again. "…Doesn't it hurt, though?" He was blushing furiously by then, his hands both white-knuckled fists as nervous tension held him steady.

"Sometimes. Depends if they're rough," mused Axel, his voice calm as if they were talking about something as simple as a math test. "I like a little bit of pain, though, so it's okay."

Roxas could feel his left eye twitching madly, but with this new angle, he might be able to figure more out about Axel. Using this opportunity, he steeled his nerves and asked; "So, how many guys have you, uh, done it… with…?"

Axel laughed, crossing his arms. In this light, he looked a lot surer of himself, as if he knew what he was doing. "I don't know," he said, offhandedly. Roxas blinked.

"But what about all those STDs and stuff," he mumbled, and Axel again brushed it off. His smile was a little less malevolent than before, though, and his posture relaxed considerably.

With a one-shouldered shrug, Axel supplied his answer. "Yeah, I know it's all a risk and stuff, but if you're generally careful and get tests and shit done every once in a while, you're okay," he muttered, before releasing something of a yawn. "Anyways, Shorty, I need to get some sleep. I'm leaving again later tonight, so I'm gonna hit the sack."

Roxas was about to say something about the nick-name (he wasn't that short!), before Axel shut him up with a flick on the nose. Axel padded his way into the living room, where his familiar 'bed' on the couch sat, along with the messenger bag he had casually left behind from before. Roxas rolled up the top of the slightly greasy bag of chips, throwing it back onto the counter and casually wiping his salty fingers on his jeans. "You'd better not wind up in my room again," said the blonde, feeling a little wary. "Assmuncher."

He could hear Axel chuckle in the dark. "Right-o, Blondie."

"Fairy."

"Britney."

"Pillow biter."

"In denial."

"I'm not gay!"

"Turn off the light and go to bed."

"…Goodnight."

"That's right, Stumpy."

"…I hate you. So much."

Hearing the top stair creak and the light switch click upstairs, Axel smiled in the dark.

* * *

paragraph 27 "_she flies with her own wings_" 

paragraph 31 "_to the people_ you are named Figaro"

paragraph 43 "_our students are stupid_!"

paragraph 57 "_don't let the bastards grind you down_!"

* * *

**disclaimer: still don't own it**


	4. ocean breathes salty

gin and sin  
chapter four

_your body may be gone, i'm gonna carry you in  
in my head, in my heart, in my soul  
and maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both live again  
well i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. don't think so_  
ocean breathes salty - modest mouse

* * *

Roxas stiffened. 

Though he wasn't really sure _quite _what it was, something was moving around. The boy shot bolt-upright, breathing heavy, before snapping on his light with nimble fingers. He found himself face-to-face with a certain red head, and he felt absolutely pissed off, once more.

"What the hell!" hissed Roxas, attempting to keep his voice low. The flashing analogue clock told him it was around four-thirty in the morning, so pretty much everyone was sleeping. Though, Axel looked quite awake for a kid who normally looked like he was about to fall over and die.

"Hey, Roxas!" said the red head, gleefully. Roxas cocked an eyebrow, pulling the blankets up a little further to cover his exposed chest. There was no way he wanted fag-boy seeing him half-naked.

But then again, there was something a little bit… off about Axel. He was sporting a rather large grin, eye twitching uncontrollably as he stared at the blonde boy. He couldn't sit still, fingers and arms moving and flailing as he spouted something off about something Roxas couldn't quite understand. "Keep it down, you'll wake everybody up," snarled the boy, feeling utterly exposed. "And get off of my bed."

The red head moved from his straddling-situation on Roxas, but not getting completely off of the bed. Sitting cross-legged, he regarded Roxas with dilated, open pupils and bloodshot eyes, and the blonde found himself quite disturbed.

"Uh… Axel?" he murmured, waving his hand in front of the other boy's face. When he didn't respond immediately, Roxas got a little bit worried. Snapping his fingers, Axel's eyes continued to twitch, but he didn't get any type of voluntary response. A little concerned, Roxas pulled himself out from under the covers, now knees-to-knees with the red head and rather close to his face. The older boy flinched at the contact, but didn't do much else. The blonde noticed that Axel was a hell of a lot warmer than before. "Axel?"

Abruptly, Axel waved an arm, coming rather close to hitting the blonde in the face. Dodging, tactfully, Roxas scowled. "What the fuck?" he mumbled under his breath, malice dripping from his words. He outright prodded Axel in the face, and the red head didn't budge. "What's wrong with you?"

"You told me to 'keep it down'. So that's what I'm doing!" exclaimed Axel, overtly loudly. Roxas immediately clapped his hand against the red head's mouth, trying not to yell in disgust when he felt a warm tongue slide against his palm.

Taking a deep breath, and slowly moving his hand away, Roxas said; "Okay. Talk, but quietly, okay? What's with you?"

Axel blinked. "I'm fuckin' sm-smashed, man," he said, grinning. Roxas rolled his eyes. Well, he knew _that _of course, but he had no idea how the red head could go out and do this every night. Well, by the way he looked, Roxas had assumed Axel got stoned or high or something daily—though, he wasn't sure if it was the severity of the drugs or the quantity.

The older boy idly wiped at his nose, giving an eerie grin as he did so. Roxas unconsciously backed away, moving to stand. Only then did he realize that Axel smelled like cigarettes and pot, and maybe an odd mixture of something else that he couldn't quite place. Wrinkling his face in mild disgust, Roxas stood, moving to his dresser to find a t-shirt. He didn't want to be around the gay kid half dressed, after all.

His back to Axel, Roxas stared into the dresser, looking for something in the barely-there lamp light to put on. His brain still wasn't fully functioning, and he found himself almost sleep-standing instead of doing the task at hand. He only budged when he felt Axel's arm against his, and he quickly snapped his head towards the boy.

Axel had started folding his clothes.

"…What the fuck are you doing?" deadpanned Roxas, as Axel's hands sifted through his drawers. The red head lifted each article of clothing, folding it surprisingly neat for a teenager who was whacked out on god-knows-what.

Axel gave him a rather airy look. "Foldin'."

Roxas returned it with a weary sigh. "Why?"

The older boy grinned, hands shaking more fiercely than ever before. "I feel productive!" he said, a little too loudly, once more. Rolling his eyes, Roxas grappled a shirt, tugging it over his toned frame. Axel continued to fold clothes, eyes oddly blank as he did so.

Staring, Roxas sat down on the edge of the bed. "So… what did you do? Like, er…"

"I snorted some coke," stated Axel, rather simply. Roxas blinked. Well, he had found out what drugs Axel was on, and that really had been one of his goals. One thing off the mental checklist, four-hundred billion more to go.

Roxas didn't speak, and when the quiet was too unbearable, Axel filled the room with idle chatter. The blonde was a little more than baffled by the boy's odd behavior—the other Axel seemed cool and unpredictable, the proverbial flame for the proverbial moth.

But this Axel that Roxas was witnessing—well, he just seemed… normal. Happy and aloof like a real teenager should be, and productive and lazy all at once, talking to Roxas like he was a real friend. But really, it was just the drugs talking.

The blonde sighed. Seeing Axel like this, a happy kid, was unnerving and good all at once. The fact that he had done something as hard as _cocaine_, though, was what really scared him. No, what actually terrified him, was thinking about Axel coming down from his high.

"So…" mumbled Roxas, interrupting Axel's sentence. The red head didn't even notice for a moment, and continued folding and talking all at once. A few seconds later, when he actually realized, he faced the blonde with jerky movements. "S-so, how long have you been doing this stuff?"

Axel looked surprised for a moment, and his face went entirely blank. "…I like the rain," he said, finally. Roxas squinted, wondering if Axel was serious. No, he wasn't serious, he was just stoned out of his head. Cocking an eyebrow toward the window, Roxas turned his head.

"So, did you come in through there?" he asked, jerking a finger towards the particular entryway. Axel gave a spastic nod, looking very much like a Chihuahua with too large of a head as he did so. Roxas would have laughed if it wasn't such an odd situation, and instead maneuvered himself over to the window, to make sure it was closed. Oddly enough, the older boy must have remembered to close it, but it wasn't locked.

"Didn't want whatserface to get cold," reminded Axel, "Because cold is bad. Bad, bad, bad. So bad! Sick, sick, sick, sick." The red head sneezed and coughed all at once, closing the drawer quietly (like Roxas had told him to), and skittering his way back onto the bed.

Roxas sighed. Really, it appeared the red head was going _nowhere_ tonight. "I guess you're going to have to stay in my bed," he mumbled, not trusting Axel to go back downstairs. He'd most likely wake somebody up, and they'd have problems all over again.

"Yeah, but you'd better not tell mummy that I did this. Or else, you know what, you know," rambled Axel, tugging off his sweatshirt without much conviction. Upon doing so, his t-shirt slid up his side, revealing more and more odd bruises. Roxas kept his eyes glued to the abstract shapes, only to have his scary little peep-show interrupted by Axel's feverish pulling down of his shirt. "You know, you know, I'll tell her stuff. Bad stuff about you."

Roxas's expression quickly went sour. "You don't know _shit _about me," he damn near snarled, sliding his legs under the covers. Axel just kind of laughed, an odd tinkling sound, melodic almost. But it was probably just because he was stoned.

"Selphie told me stuff. Stuff like… how you fucked your girlfriend and told your buddies about it. Bad form, bad, bad, bad," said Axel, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. He waggled a finger at the blonde, slipping under the covers as well. Roxas tensed at this, not really expected Axel to do that.

But what he couldn't believe was Axel's sheer stupidity to bring a subject like his _girlfriend_ up. "Hey, man. I can do whatever the fuck I want with Olette," he stated, firmly.

"Yeah, but you don't tell your fr-fr-friends. Cause they'll tell other people, and then, and then, they-they'll rape her. Don't tell, don't tell, bad form," stuttered Axel, having trouble forming the words. His high was coming down a little bit, but only because he hadn't done a whole lot of coke that night. Just enough to get himself wired, and to forget a little bit. "I don't tell you about the guys who I've fucked."

Roxas scowled. He did want to know where the boy had been staying or sleeping with, for his mother's sake, but he wasn't too eager to hear all of the disgusting details. "Look… just… don't talk to me. You're way too out of it," mumbled Roxas, reaching over to flick off the light. "Go to sleep."

"M'not t-tired."

Roxas sighed, repeating his command. The green-eyed boy didn't respond. The blonde was as far away as he could get from Axel, one leg nearly hanging off of the bed. After all, he really didn't want Axel groping him in his slumber.

Though, he couldn't help but count Axel's rapid breaths as he attempted to fall asleep.

Just to remind himself who was there.

* * *

Axel was still sleeping when Roxas got up. He had most likely fallen asleep later than the blonde, and was still coming down, sleeping it off, maybe. Though, he'd probably have a killer headache when he did finally wake. Sighing, Roxas slowly got out of the bed, glad that Axel was still in the statue-position he had fallen asleep in, and not spooned against him or something equally embarrassing. 

After picking out some (folded) clothes, Roxas cast a glance back at the boy in his bed. Various little bruises were laced about Axel's visible arms, though they weren't anything really major. Odd circle shapes around his wrists, about the width of his fingers, and little blots of purple on his upper-arms where his shirt-sleeves had ridden up adorned the red head. In his sleep, Roxas supposed, Axel looked a little more innocent, with a blank expression and closed, but dark eyes.

If he was in some kind of gay romance novel, Roxas would have said Axel was the exact opposite of beauty in big, flamboyant words. The kid was far too thin, bony elbows and equally razor-sharp shoulders, collarbones clearly visible through his low-collared, black t-shirt. He didn't have long eyelashes, or anything remotely feminine about him, other than his small waist-line. High cheekbones and a wide smile made him look boyish and playful, but his sunken features marred the image almost artistically. If Roxas observed enough (which he wasn't), he could make out freckles on pale skin, and maybe a hint of another bruise at his neck.

Shaking his head, the blonde sighed. "…This is too weird," he mumbled, turning his way out the door. Most likely Tia would come in to wake Axel up, to take care of Selphie, but Roxas wasn't really sure when.

Aside from early morning, Roxas's day was relatively normal. He spent time helping Olette attempt to study for a quickly approaching test, skipped a block with Hayner to go smoke pot in the cold behind the rather rickety, old, unused store-room, and managed to copy Pence's English homework even in his stoned stupor. Yeah, he'd seen what drugs did to people earlier that very morning, but he just needed to let go for a while.

The next week, actually, passed equally uneventfully. Well, aside from Axel's morning visits. Every couple of days (Roxas was rather glad to learn it wasn't daily), Axel would show up early in the morning, ranting and raving and _folding_, totally stoned and sporting a few more bruises. Roxas was a little bit timid, though, and didn't really want to ask about the particular marks.

It wasn't until the following Wednesday that Roxas finally got a _real_ wake-up call.

He walked to school, as usual, dragging his feet in the snow and feeling the grotesque sensation of sludge seeping into the weak fabric. Sora, being the smart one, had worn his atrociously yellow boots, and was gibbering obscurely beside his older sibling. Roxas just really wanted to ditch him, but Sora wouldn't leave until he found Riku.

Now, Roxas couldn't _stand_ Riku. The kid was the most pompous, arrogant jerk, Roxas's age, tall and cocky and Roxas utterly loathed him. He made girls swoon, but oddly, didn't ever date anyone. Hayner always called Riku a faggot behind his back, but they'd never let it get across to Riku.

After all, the kid had a black-belt in various martial arts.

Sighing, Roxas shuffled his feet. Axel had been awake when he'd left, more vibrant than usual. Selphie and the red head were actually getting along perfectly, which proved Axel hadn't been lying when he'd said he liked Selphie. Naminé was perfectly fine with Axel, as well, eager to have someone who would actually listen to her when she talked. Axel and Sora didn't exactly see eye-to-eye, though, because Sora was utterly petrified of the boy.

Oddly enough, Roxas had gotten used to having Axel around as well. The boy didn't really hit on him, or bother him in any way, for some reason. Roxas was thankful for that, at least. Though, it did really disturb him when Axel wigged out and was a grinning mass of glee on drugs. Coming down was the worst part, when Axel would randomly start crying or looking for something to hurt himself with, and Roxas would have no idea what to do.

All in all, he'd gotten pretty much used to Axel's strange behavior and gotten used to ignoring his pained cries as he came down. After the incident a little more than a week ago, Axel didn't say anything malevolent to Roxas at all. Either it was an utter change of heart, or the red head was really just being bipolar—Roxas didn't know. But he was glad for a nicer Axel, either way. And he had finally gotten (a little bit) used to letting Axel curl up against his body, too.

"—talking about Primus, and oh my god, did you hear the new Tool CD yet? God, it's simply brilliant! And Primus! Oh my god, Primus!" raved Sora, clutching his arms to his chest. He was either cold or excited, because he only got this way when something was up. "Hey, Roxas? You listenin'?"

Roxas nodded, though his heart wasn't really in it. He kept his eyes glued to the white-ridden pavement, sliding his feet as he walked and enjoying the sound of slush and stone meeting. Sora arched an eyebrow. "Really? Cos I don't think you're listening!" he protested, lower lip sticking out in a pout.

"I… I'm listening," mumbled Roxas, hands in his pockets. His visions were slowly being flooded with images of Olette, to block out the images of Axel. Besides, Olette probably looked a lot better naked than Axel did. At least to Roxas.

Sora scowled. "You're not listening. Either way, Primus is so much cooler than whatever you're thinking about," said the boy, face breaking into a grin. He thrusted his fist up into the air, sliding slightly on some ice. "Primus sucks!"

Roxas rolled his eyes, already getting sick of his younger 'brother'. He hated having to walk to school with him. Sora just gave that irresistible grin of his, wrapping his big hands over the straps of his backpack and walking in stride with Roxas. "So, what are you thinking about?" questioned Sora, his tone slipping into that of total obnoxiousness. "I bet yer thinking about Olette. How much you wanna hug her and kiss her and love her and _marry her_."

Roxas gave a growl of frustration, batting a hand at Sora, which the slightly shorter boy quickly dodged. Laughing, Sora turned his head towards the nearing school. He caught sight of Riku, who was making idle noise with a few giggling girls. Scowling as he approached, Sora stared up at Riku. Roxas stood beside his brother, sighing at the silver-haired boy's arrogance. "Riku, you have a girlfriend. Quit flirting," Sora said, pointedly. Riku gave that utterly _perfect_ grin that made everybody love him, and Roxas loathe him to no end.

"C'mon, Sora," taunted Riku, jabbing his best friend in the ribs. Sora giggled, as he was utterly ticklish in that particular place. "It's harmless flirting. Besides, Meg won't mind." The brunette's expression slipped back into one of seriousness, and Riku quickly took a cocky stance, shooing away the girls.

With Sora ready to give his best friend a verbal beat down, Roxas took that as a cue to leave. He headed towards the doors of the school, knowing that he was a little earlier than normal, so his friends probably wouldn't be around. Shaking his head, the blonde numbly looked for somebody to talk to, but the school was still rather empty save for the ever-early faculty. He didn't get more than two feet near the door, when he overheard something particularly interesting.

"No, no, Daisy. Goddamnit, I'd of told you if I saw him. I **just** talked to the principal, and he said Axel got expelled."

"Does he know _where_ Axel went? The man should know! After all, he holds some responsibility for the safety of these kids!"

Ducking his head around the corner, one hand clenched on the strap of his bag, Roxas sidled to the wall and observed the people lingering in Hayner's usual spot. Blinking, Roxas took in the images of the characters who were possibly discussing the drug-addict who'd living in his bedroom for the past week and a half.

Needless to say, the two men and woman hiding around the corner were the most _peculiar _group Roxas had seen in a long time. The woman was the very definition of 'strong, independent female', with a slicked back helmet of pink, spiked at the back of her head giving her the image of a porcupine. She was short, much shorter than the two men around her, with large, pierced lips and the whitest skin that Roxas had ever seen. Her eyes demanded 'no nonsense', and she looked very much like a mother hen. Keeping the other two idiots in line, to say the least.

The man adjacent to her looked like he had decided to stay in his Halloween costume. His clothing appeared to have all been picked up at a thrift store, covered in various patches and safety pins, including the jacket that was far too long, brown, and forced him into something of a pirate-like appearance. The man was wearing _eyeliner_, heavy amounts of it, with his long mess of dread-locked, dirt coloured hair tied up in a loose bandana. The man was so obsessed with braids and dreadlocks, his goddamn _beard_ was done into two little braids.

The final person, the one who had spoken to the woman, was possibly the sanest looking one of the group, and that was saying a lot. He was taller than both of them, wearing something of a frown, but with humorous cerulean eyes, he was probably just pouting. His hair was a work of art, possibly, a mountain of dirty blonde Mohawk that almost turned into a mullet, and Roxas was left wondering how in hell the man kept it up like that. He was young, and it was obvious in the way he carried himself, with a slouch and a slight moody swagger (completely different from the dreadlocked man's nearly drunken stumbling).

Blinking, the tallest of the three looked over, scowling at Roxas. The blonde boy ducked his head again, trying to hide his body from the prying eyes. "Hey, what the fuck are you doin' kid?" asked the blue eyed man.

The woman scowled at him, giving him a hard smack between his shoulder blades. Evidently, she was a hell-of-a-lot stronger than she looked, for the tallest man stumbled. The dreadlocked man smiled, revealing slightly yellow teeth, and Roxas was more than a little bit put off. Nevertheless, he took a few cautious steps forward, eyeing the three of them with wary eyes.

"Ello, love," said the dreadlocked man, his voice tainted with a British accent. Dark skinned, he didn't look all that British, or maybe he was just plain dirty. "Come ta spy, 'ave ye?"

Roxas rolled his eyes, not willing to have his dignity taken away by some idiot. "No. I was just passing by," he told the man, slowly. He wasn't quite ready to tell the three that he knew where Axel was— after all, they might've been talking about a different Axel, or they might've been total creeps.

Giving the dreadlocked man a stern look, the woman placed her short fingers to her chest. "Excuse him," she said, her voice almost motherly. "He's not in his right mind. Either way, my name is Daisy Mellurd. That's Jack Sparrow, and that man is Demyx Sutherland."

Roxas blinked. He recalled the name 'Demyx' from somewhere, but he couldn't quite place it. Idly, he wondered why in hell he was coming across so many people who knew Axel, lately. "Roxas," said the blonde, avoiding giving a last name.

"This is pointless," grumbled Demyx, crossing his arms and hugging his trench coat closer to his body. "I don't wanna talk to some kid who can't keep his ugly mug out of other people's business. We have other stuff to do, Duckie."

Daisy scowled. "Don't fucking call me that or I'll rip off your balls," said the woman, darkly. Jack snickered into his gloved hands, lightly elbowing Demyx in the upper-arm. Roxas scowled, feeling out of the loop, like he had with Aerith, Zack and Cloud the last week.

"Hey," stated Roxas, alerting all three of the people's attention, "if you're looking for Axel Erickson—"

"You know where he is?" said Demyx, almost immediately. Roxas, a little pissed at being interrupted, simply raised an eyebrow at the man, not wanting to reveal too much else. The taller man seemed irritated, an a little over-eager to find out about Axel.

"Yeah," said Roxas, trying to feel calm. _Demyx, Demyx, Demyx. Where have I heard that name? _"I know where he is." Daisy gave a little gasp at this, flicking her attention up to Jack who just grinned in response.

With a slightly wavering walk, Jack moved over to Roxas and clapped a bronzed hand onto the blonde boy's shoulder. The boy found himself wondering how Jack stayed so tanned during the winter. "Ye really do, love, or are ye jes messin' 'round wif our 'eads?" asked the man, leaning over slightly to twirl a finger around his ear, simulating the 'crazy' gesture.

Roxas scoffed, brushing Jack off and sliding out of his hold. "I'm not joking. But I do know where he is," said the blonde, trying to appear sincere. Hesitating for a moment, he slowly eased out the next question. "…How do you guys know him?" Aside from the fact that Demyx looked around twenty, with both Daisy and Jack obviously past that barely-adult age, Roxas had to be a little bit cautious.

Demyx swallowed thickly, turning his head over to Daisy, wanting the girl to answer for him. She picked up on it, bobbing her head, slightly in response. "Demyx is a childhood friend of Axel's."

It clicked in Roxas's head, all of a sudden. '_And here I thought he was still staying with that idiot, Demyx._' Hadn't Zack mentioned something about this guy, standing right in front of him? Feeling suddenly very stupid, Roxas trusted Demyx a little bit more, now that he _knew _Zack, Axel's cousin, knew the guy with the Mohawk.

"Uh, yeah, I remember now. I've heard about you," said Roxas, scratching the back of his head to try to stifle the embarrassment he was feeling. Demyx eyed him for a moment, before letting a tentative smile turn his lips upward.

"So… so he talks about me?" questioned Demyx, looking quite earnest. Roxas hesitantly nodded and shook his head all at once. Demyx opened his mouth to question, but Roxas quickly corrected him.

"Zack, his cousin, said that he was staying with you for a while," blurted the blonde, not really knowing if Axel would want him to tell an apparent stranger all about him. Though, with Axel's current predicament, Roxas didn't really think he'd care too much if somebody else knew a little bit more, or Roxas found out a little.

Demyx cocked an eyebrow at the comments. "Er, no. He wasn't staying with me. I haven't seen him for… er, a while. Um, how long…?" Demyx turned on his heel, looking to Daisy and Jack.

The tanned man grinned. "Nine months, twenty four days, eleven hours and eight minutes, love," said the man. Roxas stared, deadpan, at the man, wondering how in hell he knew. With a shrug and a look at his grimy nails, Jack simply said, "M'good wif numbers. An' me sharp memory, well, it dun hurt."

Roxas blinked wide blue eyes, gaze traveling to all of the odd people around him. He really didn't know how in hell this Demyx character knew Axel. 'Childhood friends'? He doubted that; mostly because of the fact that the tall man looked about three or four years older than Axel. But then again, Roxas didn't really know who Axel bonded with, at all. Roxas didn't really know anything.

Demyx cleared his throat, noisily. "So, can you really bring me to him?" asked the blonde man, fixing Roxas with a grin. He looked as if the world was one big joke to him, and Roxas found himself wondering just how serious this guy was.

The blue-eyed boy stared at the snow beneath his feet for a few seconds. "Well… maybe," he mumbled, not knowing exactly how he was going to set this up. He didn't exactly want Demyx and his odd little group of followers coming into his house, but he had no idea where else to go. "Where do you want to meet?"

Daisy cocked an eyebrow, opening her large mouth to speak. "Well, we're currently living in a van," said the woman, slowly. Her voice seemed frantic and measured all at once, a slightly high-pitched whine that Demyx and Jack surely got annoyed of. Roxas was a little confused about her declaration of van-sitting, but he was soon answered with a grin, courtesy of Demyx.

"We're in a band. A not-very-successful—"

"As of yet!" blurted Jack, swinging himself over to latch onto Demyx. He thoroughly shook the tall man, giving him a disgruntled stare. "I told ye! We're gon' get famous soon." When Demyx had effectively brushed the man off, he continued.

"—band. Either way, it's just cheaper to live in a van." He gave a shrug of his shoulders, at Roxas's still confused gaze.

"But… isn't that… weird?" he mumbled, looking over to Daisy. Surely they couldn't be all living together. After all, Daisy was clearly a quite cute woman, despite her large nose and nasally voice.

Jack just rolled his eyes. "I can usually find a lovely lass ta stay wif, thanks. Dais, well, she's a peach, but naw, more like a siblin'."

Demyx provided Roxas with a grin. "Well, it's all good. I mean, Duckie here knows I'm not interested." A slightly smarmy grin crossed the crazy haired man's features, and Roxas unconsciously backed away.

'_Childhood friend'. Bah, more like a fuck buddy._

_

* * *

_

Roxas talked for a little while longer, only really leaving when the first bell had noisily sounded that it was time to go to class. Really, talking to the trio of… well, whatever they were, was quite intriguing. Jack would blabber about anything, in his barely distinguishable accent, with Daisy keeping his comments in line every step of the way. Demyx was surprisingly intelligent, with a goofy sort of humor that Roxas could only attribute to Sora.

All in all, aside from the fact that Demyx was most likely gay (probably for Axel, a thought which disgusted him to no end), the three were quite all right. After much discussion and an exchange of cell numbers, they decided that they'd meet in a little coffee shop that they all knew about forty-five minutes after Roxas's school ended. The actual shop itself was around where Roxas lived, but not too close for him to feel uncomfortable. After all, it showed that the blonde boy was overprotective of his family.

Clicking his fingers against his desk, Roxas numbly watched the clock tick away minutes of his valuable time. _Seven goddamn minutes and I can get out of here_. He didn't even realize he was ignoring his girlfriend. "Roxas…? Roxas, you listening?" asked Olette, her voice rather hushed. After all, the particularly annoying and droning teacher, Yensid, was trying to lecture the class about something or other.

The ocean-eyed boy snapped his gaze up to the brunette. She gave him a tiny smile from where she sat across the row, and he suddenly felt utterly guilty. He hadn't even said 'hello' to her, earlier that morning. "…Hi."

Olette idly twirled a strand of chestnut hair between her fingers. "You seem kind of distant," she said, flicking a look up to Yensid. He wasn't really paying attention, more intent on verbally smacking the class clown, Aladdin, than listening to Olette and Roxas attempt to converse. "You okay?"

Roxas stared at the floor for a moment, finally coming back into reality. He had spent all day wondering how exactly he was going to throw Demyx back into Axel's life, and expect everything to _not _get fucked up. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just kind of tired," said Roxas, all though he didn't feel it in the least. He was excited and perhaps a little bit anxious to actually find out where Axel lived, though, he wouldn't admit it.

Olette sighed, resting her chin on her hand. "Well, then. I suppose you wouldn't want to go with me and Pence to the mall," she murmured, her tone disappointed. Roxas gave her a sympathetic shrug. He had more important things to do, anyway.

"I have to get home. Mom wanted me back early," stated Roxas, lying through his teeth. If anything, his mother would've liked him to spend more time with his friends. For the last week and a half, all he ever did was go straight home— though, he wouldn't admit it was solely to see Axel. The older boy intrigued him, and he wouldn't deny the fact. There was just something about him.

The brunette sighed again. "Well… I guess," she said, glancing up once at Yensid. He was still talking to Aladdin, earning a frivolous grin from the black haired boy. Every time the teacher turned around, Aladdin would make childish faces, imitating and teasing the man and making an almost religious deal about it. "If Tia wants you home then… Roxas, we miss you."

The blonde boy blinked. "You… miss me?"

Olette nodded, eyes downcast. She looked almost saddened for some reason, and Roxas couldn't figure out for the life of him _why. _"It's weird not having you around," said Olette, her voice relatively silent. She forced a little bit of a smile. "I mean, even though Hayner won't admit it, he misses you, and Pence has kinda sunken back into a little hole. I mean, with his grandparents still out of commission, he's been pretty depressed."

She folded her hands on her desk, staring at her short-clipped, orange painted fingernails as if searching their colourful tips for an answer. Finally, taking a clipped breath, she continued; "I know it's only been about a week. But you barely talk to us. What's going on, exactly, Roxas?"

The blonde tensed. He wasn't about to tell his girlfriend that he was spending most of his time with a drug-addicted gay kid who stole snuggle-sessions from him in the early mornings. Biting his lip in a nervous fashion, Roxas cast his glance to the floor, unable to look Olette in the face as he spoke. "Naminé's been getting sick a lot—" _Oh, great. So I'm lying about her too. _"—so, I've been going home earlier to see her."

Olette frowned, a little bit. "Has she?" Her voice was tinged with a little bit of concern. Roxas felt a little bit of guilt sink onto him. He hated having to lie to her like this. The emerald-eyed girl was truly a caring person, and it would probably break her heart to hear that Roxas hadn't been telling the truth. Giving a little bit of a smile, Olette stretched her body across the row to lightly place her hand on Roxas's. "Well, if she is, tell her to get well soon."

Roxas forced a half-smile of his own. "Er, I gue—"

The blonde and the brunette both jumped as a ruler was smacked down on the desk. Both of them received harsh glares from Yensid, Olette giggling nervously in return, and Roxas just scowling at his hands. "You two have ignored everything I've said in the last half hour," said the grey-haired man, his wrinkled eyes thinned. "I think it's best for you, Mister Appledorn," at this, he gave a stern look to Roxas, "and you, Miss Gamble," he passed his gaze to Olette, "to have a mild seating arrangement for the rest of the year."

Roxas frowned, but didn't reply. He could hear other students snickering to the heavily blushing Olette's embarrassment. The blonde scoffed, leaning back in his chair and coming off with a slight 'I-don't-give-a-fuck-what-you-thing' air. Yensid's brows quirked and he gave a smug smile. "It shall fall into effect tomorrow. As for today, it would prove useless," stated the elder man, crossing his arms behind his back. A loud bell sounded, signaling the end of school. "Good day to you all."

Roxas immediately bolted to his feet, snatching his books and barreling out the door. He didn't even catch the little wave and faltering smile that Olette attempted to give him.

* * *

"Oh my god!" 

Roxas covered his ears. Dear _god, _Sora was annoying. Especially when he got into that mode where all he wanted to talk about was Primus. Or the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Or Cake—whoever the fuck _they_ were. Riku, who happened to be walking alongside the both of them, just showed utter amusement on his pretty-boy face. Lucky for Roxas, the silver-haired boy had decided to follow Sora home.

_Yippee._

"And so, I was listening to Primus and then I just got this inspiration to run upstairs and find some dolls and put them in togas and Selphie was wearing my socks so I gave her a noogie—"

Riku promptly cut Sora off with a well-placed uppercut thrust to the boy's neck. The short brunette choked a little, although it didn't really hurt. Lower lip jutting out in a pout, Sora crossed his arms as he continued to walk. "Hey, Riku. That was mean!"

The tallest of the three just rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, dumbshit." Even Roxas had to scowl at that particular insult. He truly despised Riku. The boy was so fucking _arrogant _and yet Sora always followed him like a blind puppy.

After a ridiculously boring bus-ride with Riku talking about just how many girls he had laid, Roxas had been eager to get home. With their street just in sight, the boy released a sigh of relief. Riku just continued to pull that odd-looking slouch of his, casting a sidelong glance at his shorter best friend as they walked. Roxas was a walking lump of ice as he trudged down the slushy sidewalk, ignoring everyone around him, even as Sora began to pick up the pace with his mindless chatter once more.

When they finally reached the house, Sora fumbled with his set of keys, hands pretty much frozen. It was typical that Roxas forgot his own set. Sora had always had the better memory, anyway. When the click of the lock was finally heard, the three teenagers damn near barreled inside, Riku hogging up most of the doorway with his larger frame.

When Roxas finally got his way inside, he was greeted with the familiar hum of the television set; some nice little background noise for the idle conversation Naminé and Axel seemed to be having in the living room. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Riku frown. After all, Riku still hadn't met Axel.

"We're home!" announced Sora, hurriedly toeing off his shoes with the grace of a one-legged centipede, to bound into the next room and scoop the confused Naminé into a hug. Roxas glowered because Sora was so damn _affectionate_, that a lot of people confused the kid for being on drugs or something.

Riku strolled into the living room after Sora, Roxas following in his wake. In a sitting up posture, thighs pressed against his chest, chin rested on his knees, Axel gave a half-wave but a screwed expression at Riku's existence. Pulling his legs down, the red head murmured; "Who's he?"

"Riku Bregant," said the silver-haired teen, warily. His voice still held something of ignorance, even if he didn't look particularly comfortable around Axel.

"Axel Erickson," voiced the red head, his voice equally uncomfortable. Sora had bounded over to Riku once more, giving a sharp wave to all three people in the room before promptly dragging his friend upstairs. Glad to be rid of him, Roxas quickly addressed Axel.

Cocking an eyebrow, he said, "Hey, Axel. Get some shoes on, we have somewhere to go." Axel and Naminé, who had taken her position back on the couch, exchanged glances.

"What for?" asked the red head. Roxas gave him an irritated glare, stalking into the kitchen to find something to munch on. He really only needed a good twenty minutes to walk to the café, and he had around five to spend at the house. Scrambling to his feet with shaky legs, Axel took cautious steps over to where Roxas had disappeared. "Why?"

Roxas rolled his eyes, staring up at the older teen. "It's a surprise, dumbshit." _Oh, great. Now I sound like Riku._ Scowling at the thought, Roxas shoved one of Tia's cookies into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. Axel stared in a detached manner, and thankfully, Naminé was the one to break the awkward silence.

"Um, hey, Roxas," said the blonde girl, her nose wrinkling slightly at the fact that some loose cookie crumbs had chosen to stick to Roxas's bottom lip. She didn't say anything, though. "Tia called earlier. She said she'd be home a little late because she had to pick Kurt up at the airport."

Roxas visibly perked up at this, swallowing the slightly mushy remnants of chocolate chip and oatmeal. Axel looked a little bit confused, trying to accumulate who the hell 'Kurt' was. The first thought that came to mind was Courtney Love's husband had been brought back to life, but he quickly erased the ludicrous thought. "Oh, Dad's home?"

Naminé nodded. "Yeah. She took Selphie with her to see him," stated the blonde. "But where are _you _going?" Roxas stared at her for a moment, abruptly sliding the back of his hand over his lips. He stole a cold glance at Axel, silently beckoning the other boy.

"I need to take him somewhere," said the blue-eyed boy, jerking a thumb at Axel. The boy, in turn, blinked confusedly. "We'll be back… hell, I don't know when we'll be back. Just get Mom to call my cell or something." Naminé nodded, diving back into the living room to retreat with her reruns of Powerpuff Girls.

Axel stayed stationary, not knowing what in hell to expect. Finally, with a sigh of exasperation, Roxas grappled the red head's wrist, leading him to the door. Disoriented, Axel managed to get on his shoes while the blonde found his own. He had left on his jacket, and with a deliberating look at Axel, he handed the redhead one of his own father's coats. A slightly worn thigh-length coat, black and made mostly out of wool or something. The lining was tearing, but it was a well-loved coat bought by Tia, most likely. Axel stared for a moment, silently appreciating the gesture of kindness. It was a rare thing from Roxas, really, but Axel wasn't going to call him on it.

Putting the overly large coat onto his willowy frame, Axel nodded to Roxas. The blonde opened the door and issued a call of 'I'm going' to Naminé. The girl wasn't even able to answer when Roxas and Axel were out the door.

Naminé sighed. Roxas was being quite unusual since the arrival of Axel. He didn't really talk to anybody but Axel, which was odd in itself. Usually Roxas would talk to other people, as he obviously liked his family, but he had kept quiet most of the time as of late. For some reason, Axel had pulled Roxas into whatever little hole his mind lived in.

And for some reason, it really didn't look like Roxas was coming out of that hole for some time soon.

* * *

"Roxas, _where_ are we going?" said an exasperated Axel, trudging along behind the blonde. His speed was hurried, as if he was going to miss something important. Axel, of course, was completely baffled by the blonde's silence. Frowning, the red head just jammed his hands into the pockets of the quite warm coat, ducking his mouth under the raised collar. 

The younger boy kept his steady pace, feet not even dragging in the frozen snow, even though his sneakers were visibly soaked. His cheeks were red, Axel noted, and he found himself wondering how Roxas stayed so damn healthy all of the time.

"C'mon, Roxas," grumbled the red head. "This is pointless! Tell me!" Hanging his head in miserable defeat when the boy, again, didn't answer, Axel glared at his shoes. He hated feeling so left out of the picture all of the time, and thus, was left to be a hovering little bug above Roxas's shoulder.

Roxas snorted, instead staring across the street. They had less than two blocks to go, and Axel still wouldn't stop asking questions. Waiting for the green-light, Roxas idly flicked out his cell phone, staring at the numbers. They were a few minutes late, but he really doubted Demyx would be on time, either. He didn't really seem the punctual type.

As the cars roared by on the left side of the two teens, Roxas eagerly walked onto the road, counting the white lines below him. He could feel Axel's presence behind him, silent anger radiating off of his hunched form. It occurred to Roxas that Axel really did want to know where they were going. Oh well. It'd just be a surprise.

They continued their walk, Axel growing more and more withdrawn as they moved. Trying to lure the red head out of his shell for the meeting with his 'friend', Roxas cleared his throat. "So, I ran into one of your cousins last week," stated the blonde.

Axel's head perked at this, and he caught up to his shorter companion, staring down at him from his right. "…Who?" inquired Axel, one eye squinting slightly, as if he was trying to see into Roxas's soul.

"Zack something-or-other," said the blonde, waving his hand. Axel's expression was immediately fixed into a scowl.

"Lousy, good-for-nothing, prying bastard," hissed the older, his slouch even further. He looked a little bit like a hunchback now, chin jutting out in blatant anger, eyes downcast with eyebrows almost artistically drawn against eyes. If Axel represented anything it was _fury_, and only then did he really come alive.

Roxas knew he was staring, but he really couldn't help it. He didn't even _like _Axel, in the slightest, but with the boy brooding like this, it was amusing to watch. "Yeah. He said he was worried about you," voiced the younger, frowning. He didn't know how Axel could seem so… selfish, not caring if someone actually cared for him in return.

"Bullshit," spat Axel, his mood quickly darkening. "Him and the rest of my family. They wanted to throw me into an insane asylum, I swear to god. Worried for my sanity, when all of those fuckers are crazier than I am." Roxas blinked, innocently, wondering why.

But he wouldn't question it. They moved in silence for the rest of the walk, Axel brooding beside a curious Roxas, the red head almost becoming as short as Roxas in his slouching. It was a slightly amusing picture, and Roxas was damn near smiling. He found himself wondering how in the hell he was so damn… giddy around a drug-addict like Axel. _Maybe it's just because I'm better off than him and I _know _it._

When they finally reached the café, Roxas's toes were numb and half of Axel's face had retreated into the lovely shelter provided by the collar of Kurt's jacket. As soon as they entered the glass door, the lovely tinkling sound of a chime was heard, and three sets of eyes traveled toward a certain red head and his blonde follower.

The first sounds heard was a screech of metal against linoleum, an enraged yell and hurried footsteps. In mere seconds, Axel had damn near _tackled _the guitarist that Roxas had met earlier in the day. "What the _fuck _are you doing here?" hissed Axel, his voice barely audible where Roxas was standing. The shorter boy had a fist curled around the collar of Demyx's shirt, tugging the man downward to his level. Pure and utter rage was stamped on his face while Demyx stood there, baffled.

Daisy was the one to intervene. "Axel, if you will just calm do—"

"Shut the fuck up," snarled Axel, earning curious glances from the other customers in the shop. Jack winced at the harsh words, patting Daisy on the back where the two sat. Roxas stood, totally oblivious, at the doorway watching as Axel stormed off towards the back, where the washrooms were.

Demyx just forced a grin. "Well, that went better than I expected," he said, dryly. Roxas blinked, once again feeling like an outsider, like he was some casual observer witnessing a tragedy unfold in front of him. Shifting, Demyx glanced at Daisy and Jack. "I… I'll go see if I can talk to him."

With that, Demyx followed Axel into the depths of the coffee shop. Roxas stared at the man's retreating form, eyes glued to Demyx, even as he took a seat beside Daisy. "What was that all about?" Roxas mumbled, finally tearing his gaze away as Demyx disappeared.

Daisy sighed. "It doesn't matter," she said, calmly taking a sip of tea. "It's something they need to work out on their own." Roxas exchanged a glance with Jack, and the man just shrugged.

"I haven' known 'im long 'nuff to know. Sorry luv," said the tanned man, taking a deep gulp of coffee, charged with espresso. With the commotion nearly dead, the rest of the café's noise had lulled to a dull murmur. Roxas couldn't help but wonder what was going on in the rooms, but his pondering was interrupted.

"Hey, before your friends return and start assaulting each other again, can I get you anything?"

Letting his gaze wander upward, Roxas was faced with the _largest _set of breasts he had ever seen. Blinking, he inwardly blushed as he heard Jack cackling behind him. Flicking his face up to meet the server's, he stammered as he was met with a pair of equally large, brown doe-eyes. She just grinned. "Don't worry. I'm used to that," said the woman, her tone easygoing.

The blonde boy died a little bit inside, right then, as merciless images of Olette with _that particular set of breasts_ flooded his head. His blush only increasing as Olette disappeared entirely, and replaced with the waitress herself. Eyes glued to her nametag, trying to pretend he wasn't staring at her chest, he cleared his throat. "Uh, j-just—"

"He'll have tea," said Daisy, forcing a smile at Roxas's display of 'typical teenage-boy horniness'. "Thanks Tifa." The waitress clicked her tongue, giving a mock salute and wandering her way back to the counter.

Jack just collapsed on the table, laughing.

* * *

Demyx winced as his back collided with the tiled wall, and hands tightened at his shoulders. With the door locked, there was no sign of anybody coming in to interrupt their little spar. Axel looked ready to spit fire, and there was no stopping the kid when he got to _that _level of rage. 

At least the washroom was clean.

"You little fuck," growled Axel, "How the hell can you just, fuck, I don't know, _waltz _back into my life and expect me to welcome you with open arms?" While Axel was shorter than Demyx, he was a hell of a lot more intimidating, staring up at him like he was.

"What the hell else was I supposed to do?" retorted Demyx, his voice not completely serious. Axel scoffed, pulling his arms away and holding something of an offensive stance. "I mean, should I have snuck back in? Perhaps frolicked."

Axel shook his head, pacing away to rub at his temples. He didn't have the heart to put up with Demyx's sardonic bullshit. "Look, if you're here for a fuck, I'm fine with that." Demyx could only blink. Wasn't Axel angry at him?

Cautiously stepping forward, the dirty blonde-haired man reached out a hand to slide it onto Axel's shoulder. The red head didn't even move, standing there with his back to the older man. In a quick two seconds, Demyx had Axel spun around, slamming the boy roughly against the door of one of the washroom stalls, hearing the metallic sound of the door crashing against it's lock.

"Look," said Demyx, his usually playful voice holding only seriousness. He glared down at Axel, the intensity only matched by the younger's own. "I'm not here for a fuck, right now. I wanna know what the hell you've gotten yourself into while I've been gone. First question: _How the flying fuck did you get expelled?"_

Axel's face broke into something of a twisted grin. "Don't play dumb, Demyx," said the boy, his voice dripping with malevolence. "You and I _both_ know how I got expelled." The musician's face dropped, and Axel saw his features twitch slightly.

Demyx stared for a moment, still not releasing Axel's wrists from his hold. The boy looked a hell of a lot shorter with his wrists pinned above his cocked head, thin lips curled into something of a smile, body pressed against Demyx's. The man tried to ignore the fact that the boy's knee was slowly sliding between his legs.

"S-second question," managed Demyx, still ignoring the fact that Axel's thin leg was slowly applying pressure to the underside of his cock. The kid still remembered how to get him turned on, and the musician couldn't resist biting his lip in frustration. Axel had a way of making him unable to talk, and he truly _hated_ that. Whenever he _did _want to talk, Axel would shut him up with the promise of sex. That was probably the whole reason their relationship and even their friendship had ended.

Clearing his throat and trying to adjust to the fact that Axel was slowly shifting his raised leg between his thighs, Demyx continued. "Wh-what happened to _him_? What's with the kid?"

Axel's entire demeanor immediately darkened, and he squirmed one of his wrists out of Demyx's grasp. He quickly made work of the high-pulled collar, hurriedly undoing the buttons. The coat stayed on his form, as one of his arms was still raised above his head, but his message got across. He didn't want to talk.

"You know, you really didn't seem to care much about _him _last time," Axel murmured, sliding his other wrist out of Demyx's weakened hold. He slid the coat off of his shoulders, bruised neck and arms coming into view. After all, he'd only been wearing a t-shirt underneath. He really attempted to ignore Demyx's look of disgust at the state of his body. Nevertheless, Axel knew how to handle himself. "Remember, Demyx? How you dragged me to a hotel just to end up fucking me right as we got in the door?"

While the words could've easily made Demyx aroused, the tone was only that of pure malice. Demyx hissed as Axel dug ragged nails into his upper arms, and the taller man lightly pushed the red head against the door again, loving the resounding smack of skull against metal. The red head winced, even though it didn't really hurt that much. "You're the cause of all this," continued Axel, his tone hateful even as he continued to move his thigh between Demyx's legs. The not-so-soft rubbing was creating friction, and Demyx had to use one arm to brace himself against the stall door.

"You're the cause," muttered Axel, eyes still connected with Demyx's as he slid a hand under the man's long-sleeved shirt. His coat had been long ago abandoned to a coat rack, as the café itself was quite warm. Axel's palms slid across toned skin and slightly exposed ribs that the red head used to know so well. While Demyx was always naturally thin and tall, his weight no-where near came close to the amount of mass that Axel was missing. "You're the reason."

Trying to control his breathing, even as he was getting obviously aroused, Demyx continued. "Thr-third question," he murmured, jerking slightly as Axel finally slid his hand down against his clothed front. Cupping his half-hard cock, the red head sighed in sudden remembrance. Letting his head fall with a little breathy noise, Demyx breathed noisily on Axel's shoulder. "W-why did you start snortin' coke again."

He knew the rest of the sentence. 'That was our thing.' Many, many days spent totally stoned with Demyx on his bedroom floor were a constant reminder that snorting coke together was 'their thing'. After all, it was Demyx who'd introduced him to drugs, popped that first tablet of ecstasy in his mouth, slipped that first bit of acid onto his tongue, scratched that irritating credit card across the table to make a perfect little rail of coke for him—Demyx had been behind it all.

You're the cause.

Squeezing the slight bulge in Demyx's pants, Axel couldn't resist a smug grin. "Just like old times again, huh?" he asked, lightly. Still massaging Demyx's hardening erection, Axel treated it like a simple conversation. He could hear the musician's breathing, hot and heavy in his ear, where the man forced himself to restrain groans. He had come here to talk, not to fuck his underage little friend and he was trying his best to prove that little fact.

_Well, something like this has never stopped me before._

"Remember Demyx? All of the fun stuff we used to do?" taunted Axel, knowing Demyx was useless in his hold. It was true; they'd done lots of crazy shit together. After all, the musician was literally the first person he'd done _everything _with. Demyx shivered as the younger casually increased the pressure, hand still moving against him. Letting his other palm slither around Demyx's head, he pulled at his hair bringing him back to connect with his lust-clouded eyes. Axel pulled the man's face in, stopping him right against his lips. He could feel the warm air on his own lips.

Axel's expression turned to one of utter hatred. "Remember how my _mother_ found us fucking in _her _bed. Payback may be a bitch, but at least you didn't get kicked out of your house because of it," snorted the red head, pushing Demyx away. He dove for his own coat, quickly pulling it on, and storming his way out of the washroom before the sputtering musician could even get a word in.

And Demyx, now visibly hard, was left _knowing_ that he had completely and utterly fucked up.

* * *

**disclaimer: don't own shit.**


	5. fall behind me

gin and sin  
chapter five

_when you skip steps on the way up  
the gaps have a way of catchin up  
and you can't cover that with make-up_  
fall behind me - the donnas

* * *

Roxas watched in awe as Axel stormed out of the café, not even caring about all of the whispers and pointing that was going on in the room. The door slammed shut, and for a moment, the blonde boy was actually scared that the glass in the frame might shatter. Daisy looked utterly worried at the display, but Jack just kept laughing into his hands, an eerie gesture of how little the man knew.

The boy had half a mind to get up and follow him, but as soon as he moved to stand up, Daisy had a hand on his shoulder. "Wait," she warned him, her eyes weary. The blonde sat back down, biting his lip and nervous as to what was going on around him.

Demyx was the next to storm out of the café, looking more flustered than Axel had. His face was heated and his eyes read only anger, and Roxas couldn't restrain himself from bolting upward, snatching his jacket and following the man out the door. Daisy wasn't even able to get a word in, but she scowled and smacked Jack on the back of the head for good measure.

Trailing closely behind the taller man, Roxas knew that the man really didn't want a confrontation. But Roxas needed his information, and maybe a little part of him wanted to defend Axel. After all, the red head had looked ready to maim someone or _cry_ when he had left the place.

"Hey, slow down, I wanna talk to you," demanded Roxas, walking close enough to Demyx to touch the man's back. With the older boy's quickened pace, Roxas had to work his body to keep up.

Demyx didn't respond to Roxas's request. The younger blonde scowled, pressing himself forward and connecting a hand with the tall man's back. Demyx stumbled forward, slightly, and whirled around to stare down at the blonde. In reality, Roxas wasn't ridiculously shorter than Demyx (at 5'8 and maybe a half-inch more, he was probably average), but the musician looked infinitely bigger with gritted teeth and a scowl that could rival that of a Doberman's.

"What?" snarled Demyx. The younger boy's entire perception of the man was changed in that very instant. Before, Demyx had seemed like a sort of saint among sinners, the friendly one who could always make a joke. And now Roxas was faced with a frightening visage of an ogre.

Swallowing heavily, Roxas took a moment to respond. "What the hell is going on?" he demanded, though his voice lacked any real firmness. He could practically hear Demyx grinding his teeth, and the younger blonde visibly winced.

"It's none of your goddamn business," retorted Demyx. For a moment, he glared at Roxas before finally sighing and crossing his arms, hip-shot as he stood and thought. "…Fuck, I've really messed up this time."

Roxas raised an eyebrow, glowering up at the man. "You must've really pissed him off. What the fuck did you do?" inquired the younger, once more. Demyx stared at the younger for a moment, as if trying to find a right answer.

"It's what I didn't do. Besides, it's none of your business. Just go away!" he said, his voice rather agitated. Roxas could understand why the man was upset, simply because of Axel's sheer arrogance, but he didn't even know how the two of them knew each other yet. All in all, the entire predicament with Axel was confusing. Though, through Demyx he might be able to learn some more.

"Look," said Roxas, standing straight and attempting to make himself appear taller. "Axel's living with me, okay? It _is _my business." Demyx cocked an eyebrow, studying the boy for a second before finally sighing.

"Fine. Come on, let's go find him," he muttered, shaking his head. Turning on his heel, he stalked off in the direction Axel had gone. Roxas sighed, trailing after the taller blonde man at an easier pace. Really, even though he lived with Axel and had spouted all of that nonsense, he still didn't feel like it was 'his business'. He was actually slightly frightened of the idea of finding out what was going on in Axel's life.

They walked for a few moments, trailing footprints in the newly fallen snow and looking into alleyways and around corners. Demyx's mood didn't change at all, and the musician continued to scowl even as their search continued. They didn't exchange so much as a word, too busy calling out Axel's name every couple of steps, the older a little bit more desperate to find him.

As Roxas pondered the nature of Demyx's and Axel's relationships, he didn't even realize that the musician had stopped until he crashed into his back. Demyx immediately whirled his head around to cast a murderous glare at the younger boy, only to jerk a thumb over in the ally. Half-hidden behind an over-flowing dumpster was the black-clothed leg of someone they probably knew.

Demyx motioned with a finger to his lips that Roxas had to shut up. The younger blonde nodded in response, falling into step behind the older, as both of them slowly approached Axel. Roxas didn't know why the hell Demyx was being so cautious, but then again, the man knew Axel better than he did.

Edging his way around the dumpster carefully, Demyx didn't do anything until he was sure it was Axel. And of course, it was Axel, who looked extremely out-of-it. Demyx raised an eyebrow at the sight of the twitching, muttering Axel curled over in front of him, but he didn't say anything. Roxas hid behind the musician, wondering exactly what he was looking at.

Demyx didn't even say anything for what seemed like hours, standing there and staring at Axel. Roxas held his breath, and in the quiet night, he could hear Axel's quiet incoherencies. The entire picture frightened him a little bit, but possibly more so because Axel _still _didn't realize that they were there.

Suddenly, in a split second, Demyx had pounced downward to yank on the collar of Axel's jacket and ram the boy against the wall, so they were both at eyelevel, Axel's green staring into Demyx's ice-blue. Roxas jumped at the sudden noise, and he swore he heard Axel's back crack against the brick.

"Hey, Axel," said Demyx, his voice playful. But still, it held something of underlying malevolence that made a shiver run up Roxas's back. Demyx still grinned and stared into Axel's panic-stricken eyes, keeping the boy held up by his shoulders. "We weren't done talking."

Axel's face darkened and the red head lashed out a foot to have it strike Demyx's thigh. He winced but the musician still didn't move, instead slamming Axel against the wall and letting his head roll against the brick. "I don't think you're listening," said Demyx, laughing lightly, like it was all a big joke.

Roxas tensed, visibly. What the hell was going on? He didn't understand anything, and with Demyx's actions, he really wanted to pry the man off of Axel. After all, the red head looked more than a little bit scared. "We need to talk Axel. Maybe I should ask my questions again? This time, leave the hand-job for later, okay?" laughed the musician, though his intentions were still dark.

The shorter blonde paled a little bit. Axel had felt him up? Was that what happened? His head was spinning with all of the possible probabilities, and he couldn't surmise what in hell was going on. Though, he knew that if Demyx kept being so aggressive, he'd have to step in. _Even if I don't like Axel, I'm not gonna let him get beaten up._

Holding his ground, Roxas watched as Demyx began to interrogate the blonde boy. "Okay, so let's ask these questions again," began Demyx, taking a moment to remember just what his questions were. "Okay. Firstly, expelled? Explain."

Axel gritted his teeth, still glaring daggers at the musician. He wasn't about to answer anything. When he stayed silent, Demyx thrusted him against the wall again, and Axel grunted at the impact. "Hey, stop that!" insisted Roxas, stomping a foot down to accentuate his point. Demyx cast him a furious look, which Roxas returned with one of his own.

"_You know _the a-answer, Demyx," Axel said, his voice tired. He gave the older man a harsh look—he didn't want to tell in front of Roxas, obviously. Gritting his teeth, the musician avoided the question, much to the youngest blonde's dismay.

Keeping Axel in place, Demyx contemplated his second question. "Okay. Why the hell are you so thin? I mean, you've always been thin, but not like this," he murmured, his voice rough. "I mean, yeah, the coke. But haven't ya been eating?" Axel scowled at this before issuing Demyx a quick strike to the upper thigh, narrowly missing his crotch. Demyx winced. "Ow, that hurt!"

Roxas bared teeth when Demyx's grip on Axel's shoulders tightened, but the man didn't show any more aggression. Raising an eyebrow, Demyx sighed. "And finally, what happened to hi—"

The startling ringtone of Roxas's cell phone tore everyone from the conversation. Roxas jumped at the sound, but quickly dug his phone out of his pocket to answer the shaking little machine. Pressing the 'talk' button, he brought the phone to his ear, uttering a quick 'hello'.

Demyx spoke in quieter tones to Axel, ones that Roxas couldn't quite make out over the ecstatic voice of his mother. Evidently, his father was home from the air-port, Roxas judged by the noise of Selphie's excited squeals in the background. He talked quickly, wanting to get back to the situation at hand before telling Tia he loved her and hanging up.

Bringing his eyes back up to Axel and Demyx, he found they were still arguing. Wrinkling his face in disgust, the blonde boy marched over to Axel and tapped the teen on the shoulder. Glancing downward, Axel fixed Roxas with a look that could've scared a hydra. "What?" snarled the red head, hating to be interrupted.

"We need to go," stated Roxas, his voice firm and controlling. Demyx finally released Axel and back-stepped to get a better view out of the youngest teenager. Roxas flashed a look to Demyx before continuing his words. "My mom called. We have to go back home."

Demyx grinned. "Or else what? You'll get grounded?" he asked, his voice teasing. At this, Roxas scowled in discontent. The older man made him feel like such an idiot around Axel. Despite the fact Demyx was making fun of the youngest, the red head edged away from the wall to nudge Roxas in the shoulder.

"But yeah, he's right," said the teen, his voice a little softer than usual. Scowling at Demyx, the red head continued; "His dad's coming home or whatever, so we need to go see him. Tia actually _wants _me to meet him, right?" Roxas nodded reverently at the question. Kurt always wanted to meet the 'new kids'. The man himself wasn't always eager about having new kids to take in, but he never directly protested—and besides that, he always grew to love them.

"So?" asked Demyx, placing his hands in his pockets and shivering a little. "I'll just tag along. I _really _need to talk to Axel. Properly." Still holding that cocky grin, Demyx winked at Axel, who didn't return the secretive gesture at all.

"Wait, what the hell am I going to say when I bring some twenty-year-old home? 'Uh, hi, mom, this guy is sleeping with Axel, can he stay for dinner?'" commented Roxas, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Demyx clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, sauntering over to sling an arm around Axel's shoulder.

"Naw, we'll just say we're long lost friends," joked the eldest, still holding onto the very not-amused Axel. "Very, very close friends." With this comment interjected, Demyx took hold of Axel's jaw, forcing their faces together in a somewhat awkward kiss—Axel wouldn't respond or push away, and Demyx was far too eager.

Roxas jumped away, a little shocked to _actually _see two guys kissing. Of course, he had kissed Hayner, but he'd been drunk off his ass and too stoned to see straight. As for the 'almost kiss' he had with Axel, well, he didn't really count that as a kiss.

But still, seeing two men tongue-fuck each other's faces was a little odd. Eventually, Axel did semi-respond, hesitantly parting his lips only to have his mouth thoroughly ravaged by Demyx's enthusiastic tongue. Roxas stared in mild agony as the kissing slowly turned into making out and then into groping, and by the time Axel had Demyx pinned up against the wall, Roxas was thoroughly disturbed.

"Okay, that's enough!" he announced, forcefully parting them. He heard the wet sound of lips parting, and he damn near winced. Grinning down at him from his position on the wall, Demyx licked his lips.

He swore he heard Demyx say '_jealous?'_

Regardless of the fact, Roxas didn't make an angry retort or bristle or respond. Axel wiped off his lips with the back of his hand, shoving his icy fingers into the pockets of his borrowed jacket, looking entirely grim in the certain predicament.

"See. I always told you angry sex was awesome," stated the musician, glancing over to Axel. The red head still looked enraged, despite the fact that he'd just kissed the very guy he'd been angered with. Sticking out his bottom lip, Demyx added; "But make-up sex is always even better."

"Go fuck yourself."

Demyx grinned before adding cordially; "Why not _you?"_

* * *

In the end, Demyx ended up following Roxas and Axel home. Though the red head was angered beyond belief (and had started shaking again), he didn't do so much as protest. Roxas was a little bit more forward about his hesitancy to have Demyx follow him, but the blonde man just laughed and told him; "I'll call Duckie to pick me up in a bit. No worries." 

Still, Roxas couldn't shake the feeling that _something _was going to go wrong. With Axel so on the edge and Demyx already _over _it, the blonde knew the shit was eventually going to hit the fan. The tension was so thick he could practically feel it.

"So…" began Demyx, looking around for something to talk about. The streets were darkening fast, and though the sky was clear, those kinds of nights were always cooler. With the snow-slush beneath their feet, they created a sort of muddled walkway down the sidewalk. "Er, Rox…"

"Roxas."

"Yeah! Roxas. How's school?" said the musician, idly shaking change in his pocket. The coins sounded a lot louder than they were—the particularly desolate neighborhood street they happened to be walking didn't make too much noise. "I mean, what subjects do ya like and stuff?"

Roxas snorted. "I hate school," he said, crossing his arms. Partly, it was to keep himself warm, but mostly he was just angry about the interrogation. Axel hadn't said so much as a word since they had started walking.

"So did I," stated Demyx, laughing. "But I managed to finish it. Barely. Most of the time, I was out late with Axel. Never got any work handed in." Roxas scoffed, but at the same time, he was curious about Axel's 'adventures' with Demyx. The red head hadn't really told him a lot about what had happened, so he had to look to other sources.

"So you were out with Axel that much?" inquired Roxas, his voice attempting to sound convincing. He looked over to the taller blonde, forcing a look of interest. "I mean, where did you guys go?"

Demyx gave a lazy, one-shouldered shrug as he glanced over to where Axel slouched behind the younger blonde, trying to make himself as distant as possible. It was evident he didn't want to have anything to do with him. "We partied. Pretty much every night of the week," stated Demyx, giving a slightly-sleazy grin. Roxas blinked, wondering if he had gotten in over his head. "Did all sorts of shit. Axel was drunk all of the time, he missed more school than I did. We got stoned on everything, and hey—Axel, remember that time you gave that guy head for ten bucks? Aw, man, that was _so _funny."

Axel snarled loudly, looking like he wanted to push Demyx into traffic—if there was any. "Don't bring that kind of shit up," the red head said violently. Demyx raised a hand in silent apology, before he went back into gibbering about what kind of music he liked.

Roxas sighed. _Well, I'm still basically at square one. _Staring at the muddy ground, he contemplated what he would do from there. He had no idea how to bring up the question about why exactly Axel got expelled or anything. He felt out of the picture again, and he didn't like that feeling.

By the time they got back to the house, it was dark. Roxas didn't realize how long they'd spent out there, and with the fact that night always fell faster in the winter added, it felt like it was a lot later. Roxas steeled his nerves before opening his door, poking his head around the entrance way. Both Demyx and Axel lingered behind him, the former talking excitedly and the latter, ignoring it.

Stepping inside and kicking off wet shoes, Roxas looked around. He could hear talking coming from the living room, so he quickly called out a greeting. Forcing a smile onto his face to appear 'all right' to his family, Roxas casually opened the door to let both Demyx and Axel enter. Both did, Axel considerably more silent about it than Demyx.

"Whoa, look at this place. It kind of reminds me of home, 'cept for the lack of beer bottles everywhere," laughed the man, alerting the rest of the family to his presence. Turning his gaze, Demyx met the inquiring eyes of both Tia and Sora. The blonde man gave an uncomfortable laugh, scratching the back of his head. "Uh, hi. Demyx Sutherland. I'm an old friend of Axel's."

"Old, I'll bet," said Sora, grinning. "Your hair is _awesome._" Demyx chuckled, quickly engaging in a thorough conversation about styling products with the smaller teen. Tia nudged Roxas into the kitchen, a little wary of all that was happening around her.

"Roxas, who is he?" inquired the woman, her voice edgy. Roxas looked up at her, arching a blonde eyebrow as he responded.

"He really is a friend of Axel's. He came looking for him and I knew Axel so we met and stuff—"

Tia interrupted with a harsh look. "Roxas, he's still a stranger! Do you have any idea what could've happened to you? That man looks a hell of a lot older than you _or _Axel," stated the woman. Roxas tensed at her use of a word stronger than 'heck', since Tia wasn't usually one to use harsh words. Sighing, Tia pinched the bridge of her nose. "Well, I suppose he can stick around for a while, if he's Axel's _friend_. Just… be more careful next time."

Roxas gave a tentative nod, wondering what his mother was talking about. Pacing back into the main hall, he'd found that Sora and Demyx had already bounced ahead into the living room, where they were _both _chatting it up with Kurt. Axel had hung behind, still glaring moodily at the floor in front of him. Not wanting the boy to make a bad impression on his father, Roxas took hold of the older boy's hand and forcefully dragged him into the main room.

Plopping down on the couch to the left of Naminé (who was contently curled against her father figure), Roxas pretty much left Axel the center of attention. The red head stood awkwardly in front of the television, not knowing what to say. With all eyes on him, he just sort of sputtered awkwardly until Selphie, who was perched on Kurt's lap, finally introduced him. "That's Axel!" stated the little girl, pointing to the red head. "He likes to cuddle wif Naminé and he likes to eat Mommy's cookies when he thinks no'un's lookin', but I'm lookin' and he doesn't know I'm lookin'!"

Kurt blinked his wide blue eyes, idly bringing a hand up to scratch at his temple. The man looked like an older version of Sora, really. With dusty, dirty blonde hair and large, aqua eyes encased in wrinkles, but showing something of innocence. He wore a constant smile on his face, much like Sora. He was larger, of course, but his build read _class_. It was obvious that he kept himself in shape. "He cuddles with Naminé, huh?" asked Kurt, adjusting his glasses on his narrow face.

Selphie nodded, bouncing excitedly in his lap. Axel clenched his jaw, still glaring at Demyx, but he took a seat in the armchair kitty corner to where Naminé was curled against Kurt's side and Roxas was staring at the television. Tia glanced into the room, smiling. "So that's where all my cookies have been going?" she inquired, amusement hinting her voice. Roxas analyzed the red head a little bit more. His hands were still shaking.

"So, who's this one?" asked Kurt, jerking a thumb over to Demyx. The blonde man grinned, already formulating a gigantic, magnificent speech to clarify just how important he was.

Auspiciously, Axel said; "My stalker."

Demyx sputtered angrily, while Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Stalker, huh?" he asked, tickling Selphie. He completely crushed the air of seriousness he was trying to portray. "Well, perhaps we should consider a restraining order?" Axel rolled his eyes, wanting more than anything to leave the 'warm family atmosphere'.

It was obvious that Demyx wanted to do that, as well. He was receiving rather scrutinizing stares from Kurt and Tia, who was watching from the kitchen. They seemed a little wary of his presence; well, who wouldn't be? He was a rather grungy looking twenty year old man, and he was sitting in their living room. Laughing uncomfortably, Demyx attempted to prove his 'innocence', and maybe gain some trust. "Er, really," said the musician, trying to devise his words. "I've been looking for Axel for… a while. We were friends when we were younger."

Selphie beamed. "Like, didja play dollies when you were me?" asked the girl. Sora snorted from where he sat on the floor, and Roxas realized the boy was occupied with watching TV. Demyx's expression fell into something of confusion before he realized what she meant, and the man laughed.

"No, we were friends when we were about… I 'unno, Axel how old were you when we met?" asked the older blonde, looking over to Axel. The red head gave him a pointed glare, obviously not in the mood to respond.

Regardless, Axel did, anyway. "I think I was about twelve when I actually started hanging around with you," stated Axel, looking up at the ceiling as if to look for answers there. Finally, he brought his face back down to stare Demyx in the eye, challenging him. "Remember that summer?"

Demyx grinned. "Of course I do."

Roxas glanced between the two of them, wondering if he was missing something. He knew he was, but still, at least he didn't feel _quite _as alone anymore. Naminé and Kurt were exchanging confused looks, but neither Demyx nor Axel would put an end to their confusedness. Tia, being the lovely kind of person she was, walked into the room with a rather large plate of freshly baked cookies. Well, they weren't really freshly baked. They were the pre-made kind. Tia didn't have time to bake often, but Selphie seemed to express quite an adoration for the store-bought cookie dough.

With a plate of cookies and the general clumsiness of the beginnings of conversations gone, awkward silences weren't as awkward and laughing was a little less nervous. Demyx got along better with the rest of Roxas's family than Axel himself, in the end. The red head basically sat in silence the entire time, glaring at Demyx as he did so, telling the man just how much he didn't want him around. In reality, Demyx was lucky that Kurt and Tia were as friendly as they were. Any other set of parents would've probably kicked him out.

They talked for quite a while, and Tia even invited Demyx to stay for dinner. The musician said 'yes' (of course), even though Axel was practically breathing fire down his back. Despite the red head's irritation, he didn't really say anything. Roxas watched him the entire night, hating everything about his fake laughter (also hating the way he made his fork _screech _across the plate) though Axel mostly stayed silent. The young blonde decided he'd have to confront him later.

It was around Selphie's bedtime when Demyx's phone rang rather noisily. The musician jumped before digging into the pocket of his jeans and pulling the noisily ringing (Tia recognized it as some eighties pop tune, though she couldn't remember the name) cell phone. Demyx promptly excused himself from the room upon the phone call, and took to leaving the _house _altogether. Evidently the call was _extremely _private, or else he wouldn't have gone outside, where it was cold.

Roxas noted this, though nobody else seemed to really care. Axel just continued to stare at the television, obviously not interested in Demyx, instead running shaky fingers through the sleepy Naminé's hair. The rest of the family just let Demyx do his own thing, not really noticing when Roxas slipped out as well.

With his jacket on and in Sora's atrociously yellow boots once more, he exited through the front, peering around the corner, where the musician was standing under the overhang of the garage roof. He was talking unenthusiastically into his cell phone, position slightly hunched. He didn't look nearly as cheerful as before, to say the least.

As Roxas approached the taller blonde, Demyx's tones immediately quieted. He murmured a few more sentences into the phone, before finally flipping and clicking the device shut. "Hi," he said, giving a faltering smile. Roxas waved his hand, slightly, sidling up to the musician.

Demyx gave a melancholy laugh. "I really fucked up today," he stated, right off the bat. Roxas nodded, rolling his eyes. Of course Demyx had 'fucked up'. He'd basically assaulted the person he was trying to interrogate. "I mean, I didn't want to be so… mean. It's just with Axel, violence is the only way to get through to him."

Roxas nodded again, feeling a bit like a bobble-headed Chihuahua. "I know what you mean. I had to beat him up, too," stated the blonde, though he knew his original intentions for hitting Axel were a little less justified.

"Ah, he's already being a pain in the ass to you, too?" inquired the musician, with a tiny bark of laughter. Though the humor soon faded, Demyx was still smiling, ever so slightly. "What did he do to make you mad?"

Roxas scratched the back of his head, averting his eyes to the snowy pavement. "Er, I kind of jumped to conclusions," stated the younger blonde. Demyx cocked an eyebrow, as if silently telling the boy to elaborate. "Er, I kind of caught him getting a little too close to my little sister, then he said he was gay and I freaked out." The words seemed to spill out of his mouth all at once, and he ended up sounding like a confused eight year old.

Demyx's expression went into a full-blown grin. "Wow, you sound just as bad as his mom. How bad didja hurt him?" inquired the musician, leaning over slightly to look Roxas in the eye. Roxas pulled back, arching an eyebrow at the man.

"What do you mean 'as bad as his mom'?" snarled the younger. He always knew Axel's mom as an overly nice woman, always wearing a smile and ready to answer to Axel's every beck and call.

Demyx crossed his arms, tilting his head upward to stare airily at the sky. "Er, I meant, you reacted as bad as her." Demyx let his head fall into a hand, wearing something of a goofy grin as he did so. "Well, not really. She took it kinda harsh."

Roxas stared, deadpan. "What the hell are you talking about?" he questioned, feeling stupid for asking. After a moment of rethinking his own question, he realized that Demyx was talking about the fact that Axel's mother had kicked him out.

Either way, Demyx must've read his thoughts. "Yeah, his mom kicked him out around the time she found out."

"Why?"

Demyx was ecstatic. "She found us fucking in her bed!" Roxas damn near groaned at the statement, wondering what kind of _idiots _would pull a stunt like that. Roxas knew he'd get in shit if he even _thought _about sleeping with Olette in his mom's bed.

The musician bit his lip. "Well, yeah. I know what you're thinking. Totally stupid move, right?" inquired the older, earning a mechanical nod from Roxas. He gave an awkward laugh, bringing a finger up to scratch at his temple. "Er, yeah. It was pretty stupid. I think she was more pissed off at the fact that he was screwing a guy three years older than him, though."

Roxas silently realized that Demyx was twenty, probably nearing the age of twenty-one. Well, he was around the age that the younger blonde thought, anyway. Steeling his nerves, Roxas inquired; "So, er, how old was Axel…?"

"Thirteen."

Even though Roxas had known, hearing it out loud was always a little bit more real. Gritting his teeth, he tried to imagine someone like Naminé fucking someone like Demyx. It just didn't seem right. "So… you were sixteen then? Ugh, you're the biggest

_--imbecile! what the bloody hell are you doing out here? it's freezing out here you--_

idiot I've ever met."

Demyx gave an uncomfortable laugh. "I know, I know. He was young and all, but he was willing. It wasn't like I raped him or anything." Roxas clenched his jaw, knowing that the reason Axel was such a screw up was standing right in front of him.

"I get the impression he was probably high a lot when he was around you. I mean, that's the only way I can really see him fucking you, ugly," growled the blonde, his mood rather sour. Demyx frowned at the comment, and it was obvious that _he _didn't think he was ugly.

Idly letting his hands glance at his Mohawk, Demyx continued. "Er, yeah. We actually met at a party. He was about twelve at the time," said the man, staring up at the stars. "I still think he was way too young to be doing that shit when he was. But, he was drunk as hell, and I figured I should've helped him or something. He ended up at my house the next morning, and we bonded over a toilet where he was puking his guts out."

Roxas snorted at Demyx's over-romanticized version of the story. He really couldn't believe that Axel was _twelve years old_ when he started getting drunk. Then again, it was probably true. "Either way, we wound up being friends. Kind of. We got stoned together a lot," said the musician, turning his eyes back to Roxas. "He was whacked out on acid the first time we fucked."

Roxas wanted to bash his head into a brick wall. He got stoned, hell, he loved getting stoned. On_ pot._ But doing LSD when you were thirteen sounded pretty stupid to him. "You…" he muttered, trailing off. He had no idea how to respond to that type of inanity.

Demyx gave an embarrassed little laugh. "Yeah, I know what you're thinking. It was… pretty strange. But he just kept _asking _for me to do it, like some kind of slut," accused the man, trying to make himself feel less guilty. Roxas scoffed, ready to come back with some sort of retort. Though, he was interrupted.

By Axel.

"How long have you fuckers been talking about me?" snarled the red head, stalking forward. Demyx's expression fell as he dodged a wild, inaccurate punch from the shorter boy. Immediately, he took hold of the thrown fist, locking his fingers around Axel's tiny wrist. Axel growled, almost looking like he was ready to _bite _the man.

"Calm down," said Demyx, giving a laugh. Roxas wondered how the man could always seem so damn cheerful. He was the polar opposite of Axel, really. Then again, Demyx had proved earlier that he was basically a loaded pistol. "Not long! Really, Axel, we've just been talking about how I met you and stuff."

Releasing Axel's smaller body, the red head stumbled off-balance, and Roxas had to brace him with one hand. Grunting, Axel edged away from either of them. "You guys are real assholes," he muttered, glaring daggers. Demyx still grinned.

"I know that _I'm _an asshole. But Rox here seems pretty cool," said the dirty blonde, earning a disbelieving cry from the younger. Axel snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. I'm leaving, I'll be back later," affirmed the red head, promptly turning around. After he had taken a few steps, without anyone trying to stop him, he jerked his head to glare at Demyx. "And if you're still here when I get back, I'll castrate you."

Demyx winced at the thought, but he still wouldn't back down. "I won't stay for tonight, because knowing you, you'll stay out 'til sunrise. But I'll be back," stated the musician, tucking his hands in his pockets. He didn't look nearly as threatening as he sounded. "I promise."

Axel snorted, continuing his stalk down the street. "Whatever," he muttered. Roxas and Demyx watched until the red head was out of sight. Nobody followed him. Roxas idly placed a finger to his lips.

"He left earlier than usual," said the younger blonde. Demyx cocked his head, hearing the satisfying crack of bones as he did so. He felt so damn stiff. Clenching his jaw, Roxas turned his back to the older man and stared at the door. "…Anyway, we should go back inside. He won't be back."

Demyx nodded, going on ahead, leaving Roxas to trail.

"I know."

* * *

"I'm Opraaah! Teehee book-club!" imitated Selphie. Roxas stared sleepily over her. She was wired on the candy that Kurt had brought her back, and it was around 10:45. She still wouldn't sleep. So, they were watching re-runs of Oprah. "I could buy God! Now, where did I put my dia-mund covered rocket luncher?" 

…_Diamond covered rocket launcher? _

"Okay, I think it's time for bed!" announced Tia, shaking her head. Laughing, she scooped Selphie into her arms and disappeared from the living room, most definitely to put the small girl to bed (or secretly play G.I. Joes with her). Kurt chuckled from where he sat on the couch, before edging over a little bit to be able to talk to Roxas properly. Sora was passed out beside him, noisily snoring away, but most conversation obviously didn't affect him. Naminé had already gone to bed, after she most likely studied for an upcoming math test. Demyx had left a little while ago, around the time Axel had left. It was Daisy who'd phoned him, after all.

"So… where'd Axel disappear to?" inquired the man, raising an eyebrow. Axel was the subject that Roxas had been tactfully avoiding all night. Steeling his nerves, Roxas finally responded.

"Er, he went out."

Kurt's eyebrows just seemed to go higher, and his expression was rather humorous. "Oh, really? It's rather late. After all, school day tomorrow," stated the man. Roxas stared at the floor, breathing heavily and trying to think up his next answer.

"Er, Axel's not in school anymore," he said. He figured Tia would've probably already told him this stuff about Axel, but obviously the woman had been far too busy to do so. "He got expelled."

Kurt crossed his ankles, posture a little more erect now. He didn't look quite comfortable. "For what?"

Roxas shrugged. "He still won't tell me," muttered the younger blonde, shrugging one shoulder. He felt awkward having this sort of conversation. "He doesn't really tell us a whole lot."

The elder man nodded, looking quizzically at the boy. "Well, I'll have to find out myself. He looks like trouble," decided Kurt. He was the type of person who was stubborn enough to think his opinion was always correct, regardless of what everyone else thought. "What about his family?"

"His… mom kicked him out. I've met one of his cousins, though," said Roxas, though he was hesitant to say these things. It wasn't really his business at all. Even so, he couldn't help but want to help Axel—for whatever reason.

"Oh, interesting," said Kurt, his voice unattached. He continued to nod as he said this, looking very much like a therapist as he did so. "And that Demyx person. Who was he?"

Roxas shrugged. "Just like they said. They were friends," said the blonde, not really wanting to unveil the true nature of their relationship. Or what he knew of it, at least.

Kurt made a soft noise of understanding. "I see. How old is Demyx?" Roxas raised an eyebrow, tempted to ask if it really mattered. Really, in the day and age it was, it _did _matter.

"Twenty. Why?"

Kurt scowled, re-adjusting his position once more. Sora continued to noisily snore aside them, muttering things in his sleep like he usually did. It was slightly bizarre, but around this time, Sora sounded like he was saying; 'Badgers stole my vitamins.'

"He seems a little old to be hanging around teenage boys," said Kurt, and Roxas turned his head to his father figure once again. He shrugged, not really seeing anything wrong with it. He had older friends himself, but at the same time, they weren't the type of 'friends' Axel had.

Roxas blinked. "I guess," he mumbled, not knowing what else to say. "But… I don't think they're really friends anymore, anyway…" Roxas trailed off, and Kurt interrupted once more.

"So, Roxas? Did Axel go to see his girlfriend? Is that why he's missing?" asked Kurt. His intentions were obviously pure, but at these words, Roxas couldn't help but cringe a little. He really didn't need that mental image of Demyx and Axel with their tongues down each other's throats again.

Shifting nervously, Roxas glanced around. "Er, no. I don't think he has one," said the blonde. Kurt nodded, pulling himself to his feet. Bending over to find the clicker, the man flicked off the television screen, engulfing the room in black. Roxas promptly turned on a lamp, illuminating the room somewhat.

"Well, that's good then. It wouldn't be too fun to have a teenage boy complaining about how he got a girl pregnant, anyway," said the man, chuckling slightly. Roxas giggled along, nervously, getting to his feet as well. Kurt turned around, and the blonde could barely make him out in the meager light. "Anyway, kiddo. Get to bed. I'll carry this idiot," he pointed to Sora, "to bed. He's like a log when he sleeps, and I don't want to wake him up."

Roxas nodded, glancing to his younger brother who was drooling on the throw pillows and muttering about how he hated short-shorts. Cocking an eyebrow, and deciding not to dwell on it, Roxas headed up the stairs, avoiding the top step as he usually did. He figured he'd attempt to get his homework done. After all, he'd been neglecting science. Then again, science was so damn boring now.

_You're more pessimistic than I am._

* * *

When Roxas woke up in the morning, Axel wasn't there. It was a most bizarre occurrence, and the blonde found himself a little bit disturbed. A thousand possibilities filled his head, and he quickly banished them with a shake. Going through his morning routine was strange, and Roxas felt far more rejuvenated than usual. 

When he was fully dressed and his hair was finally drying, Roxas headed downstairs. Bouncing off of the last step, he about crashed into Sora, who was holding a piece of toast between his teeth and trying to tug socks on. Naminé hustled after Sora, dashing upstairs to find a pencil. The house was a complete animal house, to say the least.

After getting pushed past a few times, Roxas finally made his way into the kitchen. "So, where's your bedroom buddy?" laughed Tia, as she moved to the counter. Roxas froze immediately, staring at her, terrified. "I didn't hear him come in this morning."

"Y-you mean—"

Tia scoffed, turning around with her hands planted on her hips. "What, Roxas? You think I'm blind, deaf and dumb? I can hear that window closing from a mile away," said the woman, clicking her tongue. Roxas immediately blushed, ducking his head and turning to the fridge. "I went to check on you once and Axel was cuddling against you! It was so cute!"

"Mom!" pleaded Roxas, wanting to bang his head against the wall. Tia just laughed, waving around a butter-knife that was covered with mustard. "C'mon… that's weird! Don't watch me while I sleep, and _argh, _he was _cuddling _with me?"

Tia nodded, humming Demyx's cell phone ringtone as she made sandwiches. "Yep! It was so cute. He was using you for a teddy bear," said the woman, glancing at the wall-clock. "Ooh, I'm going to be late! Anyway, I knew that boy was a sap."

Roxas heaved a sigh of relief. At least his mother didn't think he was gay for Axel. That would've been a thousand times more embarrassing. Finding a carton of milk, Roxas carefully made his way back to the counter to find a glass, as Sora motored his way through the kitchen, now holding a _waffle _in his teeth. Where the hell did he get a waffle?

After the general strangeness of the conversation had ended, Roxas found himself staring at the door, wondering where Axel was. Tia, of course, told him not to worry. She had faith in Axel, for some strange reason. Around the time she had to leave, she got a little bit worried though, and just as she was about to walk out the door, Axel showed up.

Scarily enough, he looked like he'd gotten more sleep than usual. Wearing an awkward smile, Axel toed off his shoes and made his way into the house. Ignoring the suspicious look from Roxas, he damn near had to dodge the excited Selphie as she collided into his legs. He bent over to pick the girl up, and immediately was queried about his whereabouts by both the young girl and her mother.

Axel simply told them he'd spent the night with another one of his friends. Tia wasn't one to question, so she simply gave him a hug goodbye and headed off with Naminé, to bring her to her respective school. Sora had just shrugged on his backpack when Roxas, who had minutes left until he had to leave, questioned Axel.

"So, who was this friend?" asked the blonde, watching as Axel made Selphie squirm. The red head loved tickling her. Her giggles made him feel happier. "I'm guessing it's not someone I know."

Axel shrugged. "Not Demyx. Just some guy."

Roxas nodded, deciding to play along. After all, Selphie and Sora were _right there. _Leaning in closer, lips nearly to Axel's ear he questioned softly; "What are you on right now? You're way too happy."

Axel snorted, wiggling his fingers along Selphie's sides. The girl cackled with laughter, rolling around on the living room carpet and pleading for him to stop 'because it tickles!'

The red head glanced up to Roxas, edging his eyes to Sora before he spoke in hushed tones. "Nothing illegal. He just gave me some of his wife's uppers, because I was pissed off. They're wearing off now."

Roxas nodded wondering just how old this _friend _of Axel's was, before he was noisily alerted of the time, courtesy of Sora. He was unable to dwell on the subject, it seemed, so he figured that he'd ask Axel later. Giving a half-wave, and an utterance of a goodbye, he left the house more confused than he had ever been before.

Grinning as Roxas left, the red head flicked his gaze down to Selphie. "So, whaddaya wanna do now that your idiot brother is gone?" he asked, playfully poking the girl's stomach. Selphie giggled before getting to her feet.

"Well, I'm missin' this dia-mund covered rocket luncher, ya see," said the little brunette, poking her own nose as she thought. Axel sat cross-legged in front of her at the girl's own height.

"Diamond covered rocket launcher?" inquired the older, cocking his head. Slightly damp crimson hair slid across his shoulders, and he was reminded that a shower would be nice.

Selphie gave a grin. "Yeup! I think it's wif my trains, but I don't remember," said the little girl. Axel stood up, stretching out before he picked up Selphie.

"I dunno. It might be in _Roxas's_ room."

"Yay! Lessgo move his bed and look fer it!"

"And we can mess up his room, too!"

"An' I can get some more sockies!"

"Exactly."

"And can we blow it ta smithereens wif tha rocket luncher?"

Payback is a _bitch_.

* * *

Demyx stared at his cell phone. 'Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?' seemed quite ironic. Sighing, he picked it up. "What, Daisy?" 

"I phoned the school. Talked to the principal. Looked at old records, you know," stated the woman. Demyx was barely listening, and over the idle chatter in the coffee shop, he could hear Jack gabbing in the background on Daisy's end. "Anyway, I figured it out."

Demyx cracked his neck, adjusting his phone slightly. "So?"

"Three years."

The musician damn near froze. "He… for three years?"

"Yeah. I can't believe nobody realized it. I mean, the bite marks on his neck were obvious enough, but damn, when he started walking in the other direction, don't you think someone would've realized?"

Demyx had to stop himself from shaking with pure, unadulterated anger. "So that's why he always told me 'no'," he muttered, letting his head fall into his hands. Feeling the slightly hard substance that was hair glue, he brought his head back up so he wouldn't mess up his hair.

"I guess. Either way, you _need _to talk to him."

Attempting to lighten the mood, Demyx said; "I will. Thanks Duckie."

He could practically hear the woman scowl. "The next time I see you, your amount of future children will be sufficiently lessened."

"I'm gay."

"Ass-children, then. I don't know. You gay people can make anything possible. Anyway, I've got to go."

Deciding to be that much more of an asshole, Demyx decided to lay the gay on thick. Adjusting his voice, he sounded rather nasally, but it got his desired effect. "Okay, sweetie-pumpkin. I love you lots and we should go shopping! Rainbows and hugs! Bye-bye!"

"…You want to lose both of your testicles?"

Demyx shook his head, laughing, and hung up the phone.

* * *

**disclaimer: **i own nothing. 


	6. the reasons

gin and sin  
chapter six

_i know,  
you might roll your eyes at this,  
but I'm so  
glad that you exist  
_the reasons - the weakerthans

* * *

"C'mon, Axel, wake the fuck up." 

The red head groggily opened one eye, getting to his elbows as he stared blearily up at Demyx. The standing sixteen year old had large, dark circles under his eyes, but he still managed to flip a cocky grin. In all reality, Axel couldn't even remember where in the seven hells that they were. He sat upright, yawning before some pants were tossed at his head. Axel scowled, watching Demyx as he moved across the room. Oh, right. They were at that guy's house… what was that guy's name? Axel couldn't remember, and he didn't think he wanted to.

Demyx goose-stepped over some broken bottles, coming back with Axel's shirt as well. The red head quickly realized he was lying on a couch, in a pile of blankets—he had no idea how he'd gotten there, or where in hell the blankets had come from, but he was somewhat grateful. "What time is it?" muttered Axel, glancing around on the floor for his cigarettes. The entire room stank heavily of various drugs with an underlying scent of sex. It was obvious by the slight waver in Demyx's walk that something had happened last night.

Well, really, when they were together _something _happened every night.

"It's noon-ish," said the older boy, bending over to find his own shirt. Clothes were scattered everywhere, and Axel was positive that those clothes weren't there when he had first arrived the day prior. Shrugging into the t-shirt, Demyx glanced over to Axel. "You gonna put on clothes, or stare at me all day?"

The red head grunted, crawling over to where his pants were and slipping them onto his nude body. Demyx laughed when the younger about fell off of the couch in sheer fatigue. "Hung-over, huh?" he questioned, making his way over to the old sofa and flopping down. Axel just grunted again, landing his forehead on Demyx's shoulder and closing green eyes. He was tired and he didn't want to move—it was as simple as that.

"Ngh, I feel like shit," muttered Axel, his voice muffled slightly. Demyx nodded, rearranging his body so that Axel was against his chest with the older boy's legs on either side of him, cradling his body.

Demyx gave a light laugh. "That's what happens, buddy." He ran his fingers through Axel's coarse hair, tugging slightly to manage his fingers through the various tangles in the red, flattened locks. The younger boy nuzzled his face into Demyx's chest, most likely trying to scare off an oncoming headache. "Don't worry; you'll be fine in a bit."

* * *

Demyx, true to his word, visited Axel nearly every day. He'd often show up with either Jack or Daisy in tow, the former ecstatic to meet Sora and discuss Primus and the latter just generally irritated. Daisy found she got along better with Roxas than with Demyx, himself. The blonde boy often found himself thrown right out of the picture whenever the musicians would show up, so Daisy kept him company. 

Axel was still angry with Demyx. He showed his discontent by smashing his fist into Demyx's face on most occasions. But after all was said and done, Roxas often caught the red head nearly smiling; he didn't hate Demyx.

More often than not, Axel would leave with the older man and not come back until the next day. Roxas, as disgusted as he was, had no problem guessing exactly what went on. It was easy to deduce by Axel's obvious limp.

Kurt, being the friendly type of person that he was, really had no problem with Demyx. He obviously missed all of the subtext between Axel and the older boy, but really, he wasn't looking for it. Roxas, however, always had one eye open to find all of the bizarre signs the two sent each other. The blonde boy was still amused that his adoptive father hadn't figured out that both of them were gay. Tia had most likely assumed, because she caught onto that type of thing a lot faster. Besides, Kurt was more of a mathematician and didn't deal with people a whole lot.

By the time that the month of November was almost ending, Axel had pretty much wormed his way into the family. He still visited Roxas nearly every morning, with a twitchy grin and coke-charged antics. All was not well with the red head, but Roxas didn't question. Whenever he brought up the subject with Demyx (who'd now determined himself as a family friend), the blue eyed man would just scowl at him and say 'Not now.'

Not now, not ever.

"So, Roxas, Axel, Selphie," said Tia, bustling her way around the kitchen. Even though Christmas wasn't for a little less than a month away, the room was already showing signs of festivity. Even Tia, herself, had a deep green sweater on. "What do you want for dinner tonight? I have chicken out, but I'm not sure how I want to make it."

Selphie glanced upward, tearing her eyes away from her scribbled on colouring book. "Fried chicken!" she giggled, her voice a little bit overpowering. Roxas and Axel glanced at each other.

"Fried chicken?" inquired Tia, her voice sing-song. She ducked her head into the fridge, coming back with a few large packages of raw chicken. "Can't you pick something better for you? How about baked chicken?"

Selphie scowled, lower lip jutting in a pout. "Baked chicken, boo!" she stated, raising a pink crayon in protest. "Fried chicken, yay!" Axel just idly used one of Selphie's crayons to colour a cloud brown (straying out of the lines, horribly, due to shaking hands), and attempted to stay out of the conversation. Whenever Selphie and Tia got going about what to make for dinner, it was just best to let them duke it out.

"No, no! Baked chicken, yay! Fried chicken, boo!" laughed the older woman, placing the packages down onto the counter. She paced over to a cupboard, reaching inside to come back with a cookie sheet. "I'm going to make baked chicken. With rice and… hmm, what kind of vegetables?" She glanced over to the three kids sitting at her table.

"I hate vegetables!" said Selphie, crossing her arms. She was still pouting, but Tia took it as more of an adorable, cute thing than the brat that Selphie was attempting to be. "They're gross!" The little girl stuck out her tongue, scrunching up her face into an expression that imitated a bulldog. Roxas rolled his eyes. He didn't like it when Selphie whined, as jokingly as it was.

"You've gotta eat your vegetables. Or else you won't get as big and tall as Axel!" said the woman, looking over a variety of spices. Selphie's eyes widened. She aspired to be exactly like Axel, for some reason; she'd even taken to dressing like him (by stealing some of his clothes, of course). Many of Axel's mornings babysitting Selphie were spent chasing after the girl when she stole his clothes.

Selphie nodded reverently. "Okay, momma. We'll eat veggies, then. Just not green ones, they're ucky," said the girl, scowling. Abruptly, the melodic sound of a doorbell resonated in the air. Selphie squealed, excited, but Roxas was the first to stand.

"I'll get it," he said, shoving hands into his pockets before slumping off towards the door. Tia scoffed at his hunchback-like posture, but smiled to herself. The boy had been a little bit more sociable ever since Axel had showed up. Not much, but at least a little bit.

Perhaps it was because Axel didn't want to talk about things, and Roxas was the one interrogating; either way, the blonde had taken to asking more questions instead of just guessing, like he'd used to. Even as she bustled around the kitchen, Tia wondered if Axel was really learning anything from Roxas, either.

Well, they'd all find out eventually.

Roxas opened the door, giving Demyx a deadpan stare. The musician was shivering, and giving him a half-hearted smile. "Yo, Roxas. Can I come in? I'm frickin' freezing," said the dirty blonde. Before the younger could even sidestep, Demyx had barreled through and was already throwing off his coat and tearing off a light-blue scarf.

Roxas scowled, following the older man into the kitchen. As soon as he came into view, Tia gave Demyx a friendly 'hello', and Selphie about burst out crying. She didn't really like Demyx all that much; despite the fact that the musician _attempted _to make nice with her, she just called him an 'Axel stealer' and turned him down. Axel rolled his eyes as soon as the older man slid down into the chair beside him, subtly ignoring the fact that Demyx's hand was comfortably resting on his thigh.

"So, Demyx? Gotten any work in town so far?" inquired Tia, turning on burners as she spoke. She was a so-so cook, usually using directions or mixes; nevertheless, her food tasted fine. Kurt made better pancakes, however. Demyx half nodded, giving her a thoughtful look. Axel looked a little blank, and his face had paled slightly. Roxas noted this from where he stood, leaning on the wall behind the musician.

Demyx bit his lip. "Well, yes and no. I've had a few people who said they _could _but they're not sure type-thing." He mused for a second, and Selphie started jabbering in the silence. Over the little girl's voice, he stated; "I'm sure it won't be hard to find work. The local music store is looking for a banjo teacher, and I bet I could learn how to play!"

Tia laughed, shaking her head. Axel sat there, motionless, before finally taking Demyx by the hand and dragging him away with a soft 'excuse us'. Roxas watched as the two disappeared upstairs, presumably to his own room. The blonde didn't really mind if the two went off to talk, but if they started fucking in _his _bed, heads would roll.

The woman snickered, stirring something in a pot for a few moments before speaking. "Axel's angry," she said, rather mildly. Roxas looked over to her, cocking an eyebrow in suspicion.

"What?" questioned the blonde, confused.

Tia sighed, placing her spoon down onto the counter. "I don't think that Axel wants Demyx around. He only gets that quiet when he's angry," she murmured. _He also gets really loud and bizarre when he's angry. You should've seen him yell at Demyx, I swear he was foaming at the mouth._

"I don' want him around, either!" proclaimed Selphie. Tia glanced down to the girl who was innocently colouring away, giving a picture of an ant a bright pink exoskeleton. "He's a meany head!"

Tia just shook her head. She'd nearly forgotten that the little girl was there. "Roxas, let's talk about this later," she said, dismissing the subject, for now.

* * *

"You're actually thinking about staying here?" snarled Axel, trying to keep his voice quiet. He didn't want to raise hell; really, he just wanted to take out all of his suppressed rage on Demyx, right there and then. "What the fuck has gotten into you? Are you actually considering _staying _here and trying to get all lovey-dovey with me?" 

Demyx rolled his eyes. "I'm looking for a job, Axel, not buying a ring." The red head scoffed, snapping a hand outward to forcefully push Demyx backward.

"Look, asshole," said the younger, eyes narrow. "I don't want you back here. I don't want you _anywhere _near me. I thought I made that clear the last tim—" He was cut off when Demyx shot forward, knocking him backwards and slamming him against the door. Axel tensed, afraid that someone downstairs might've heard them.

Demyx sighed, shaking his head. "I don't wanna fight, Axel. Seriously, me getting a job has nothing to do with you," he said, his voice stern. After a moment, he laughed sheepishly. "Okay, it kind of does having somethin' to do with you. But really, I've grown up, Axel. I'm sick of living out of a van."

Axel stared at Demyx, a little horrified. What had happened to the Demyx who just wanted to party and be a rock star? Then again, the two hadn't really seen each other for a while. "People change," said Demyx, with a one-shouldered shrug.

The older sighed, snagging his fingers through his gelled hair. "…I miss you, man," he said, uncomfortable with unveiling his feelings. He hated sounding like such a little girly man, talking about how he felt. It was awkward, to say the least. "I guess… I just want to be more than fuck buddies this time around, you know?"

The red head's eyes fell to the floor, while Demyx attempted to not feel like a total loser. Wearing a melancholic smile, the dirty blonde stepped forward, sliding his hands around the other boy's body, bringing him against his chest. Axel felt like a damn skeleton, but the older didn't want to say anything. It was a real hug, for once, not some faulty embrace inside the confines of lust. They were used to just fucking, and Demyx was through with it.

Unexpectedly, the red head snorted and pushed the dirty blonde away. "Look, man. I'm waiting for someone. I'll fuck around with you, but I'm not looking for a 'boyfriend'," stated Axel, his words firm and voice raised. Demyx was momentarily upset, but he didn't like to feel exposed, to feel weak.

Instead, he wore a cruel face to match the younger's. His voice was nearly a yell; "Of course. You're looking for a ped—"

"Hey, will you two shut the fuck up?" Roxas had slammed open the door, and was now implying murder with his eyes towards the two men in his room. Demyx backpedaled, giving a clumsy smile. Axel just stayed stationary, obviously too angered to move. Roxas scoffed, looking the both of them over once more, before disappearing out the door.

Demyx let his eyes wander back to the younger boy. "…I'm sorry." He sighed, clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides. He was stressed out, and he really just wanted to tell Axel how he really felt. He couldn't say—Axel would just laugh at him.

Axel shook his head, sinking back into the quieter, calmer mask he had made for himself. In reality, the boy was so damn _guarded _that Demyx wasn't even really sure he knew who Axel was. "No, you're not," said the other, shaking crimson hair into his face.

Demyx stared at the ceiling, rocking back on his heels. He knew there was no way to get through to the younger boy, but he didn't want to just stop talking to him altogether. He enjoyed Axel's company, regardless if it was just a cheap fuck or not.

Axel turned to leave. "You were never sorry for anything, Demyx."

* * *

"So, you like… ah, what the hell is his name?" 

Axel snarled, kicking Demyx in the shin with a bare foot. "I don't like Aaron. Shut up."

"Riiight."

The blonde shook his head, pushing Axel down onto the bed. The red head almost wanted to get up and kick Demyx's ass, but the musician was on him in a flash, pressing his back into the mattress. The blonde quickly scaled up the bed, straddling the lithe man's waist. "You're heartless," mumbled Axel, before his lips were covered by an over-zealous Demyx.

Why the hell would Demyx think he liked Aaron Mitchell, of all people? Axel was stuck on the thought for a mere moment, but it was nearly impossible to think while a nimble musician was happily working his tongue against his own and using equally nimble fingers to pinch his nipples under his shirt. He had lost his pants on the way to the bed, though he couldn't quite remember how this little tryst had started out.

Axel sucked in air through gritted teeth as Demyx grinned down at him, pinching and pulling at his sensitive nipples, which were reduced to hard nubs. "Ah! Fuckface! Go faster, dammit!" snarled Axel, sliding his leg against Demyx's clothed erection. The blonde made a slight noise of approval, still grinning down at the thinner, bitchier red head.

"Aww, wouldn't you rather take things slower?" retorted the musician, before Axel growled and reached upwards. With fumbling fingers, the red head easily undid the older boy's pants, releasing his erection. Demyx never wore anything under, ever the arrogant rock star.

"I'd rather you just fuck me, moron," stated Axel, palming Demyx's cock with his long fingers. The blonde wanted to say something, but the only noises that seemed to come out of his mouth were airy sounds of pleasure. Axel grinned up at the blonde man. He had the upper hand. The musician leaned forward, his hands gripping the headboard, face hanging directly over Axel as he slouched there.

"S-so," stuttered Demyx, eyes screwed shut, "y-you like Aaron?" Axel snarled again, digging his nails into the other man's erection. The blonde released something of a whimper, his eyes flying open to glower down at the red head.

"I don't like Aaron."

"Ow, tha-that hurt."

"Suck it up, princess."

Demyx arched an eyebrow at the red head, and as Axel gave a particularly satisfying stroke, the musician bucked into his hand. "So, about this 'fucking' business…?" he quipped, half a smile on his face. Even through lust-glazed eyes, that same sort of childish amusement hid there. Axel wanted to punch that stupid smirk off of his face.

"Take off your clothes, and I'll consider it," the shorter boy replied, his voice practically _dripping _with cynicism. Demyx rolled his eyes, before dipping his hands into the collar of his own shirt, and pulling the thin article of clothing off of his body. Revealed to Axel was a taut, wiry body with angular hips and angles that his own frame had, though to more of an extreme. The only real difference was Demyx was far more filled-out, and lacked the sunken, pale look that Axel possessed.

"Like what you see? Better than Aaron, right?" Demyx laughed, thrusting his hips forward once more. Axel rolled his eyes, trying to appear nonchalant, though his body was quickly reacting, anxiously. The evidence of that was pressed against Demyx's backside. He tightened his grip ever-so-slightly around the blonde's cock and dug his nails in, again, carefully observing the man's reaction. Apparently, Demyx could take a little bit of pain, as his back arched and a groan was released from his lips.

"Did you bring lube?"

* * *

Despite the fact that both Axel and Demyx seemed less sociable, the evening went well enough. Roxas didn't know what the two had been talking about, but most of it was forgotten when Kurt came home. 

After dinner was finished and everything was cleaned up, the group of people sat in the living room and talked, with the television as background noise. With a few added people, Demyx talked again, though he was a little bit more subtle about it. When Selphie went to bed, Demyx was about ready to go. Sora, being madly in love with Demyx's _musical sense_, protested. "You can stay for a while longer!" said the small brunette, hovering around the older blonde as the man attempted to put on his coat. "We haven't even _gotten _to talk about Tool yet!"

"Hey, hey. Don't worry about it, little man," said the musician, scanning what he could see beyond Sora for the red head. Axel peeked his eyes around the kitchen door and sent Demyx a glare that could kill angels. "I'll come over again soon. Axel, do you want to come over to… er, my mom's house?" It was a known fact, now, that Demyx was back living with his mother (who was, thankfully, vacationing for the next month in the Bahamas), until he could get a place of his own. Daisy and Jack, however, had refused to live with him, and Daisy had found herself a comfortable motel, while Jack switched houses every other night; he did know how to work the ladies, that was for sure.

"I got stuff to do tonight," said Axel, glaring. Demyx's eyes narrowed and he glanced down to the red head's hands. He looked a little shaky, moreso than usual. Demyx knew what was wrong, but he wasn't about to say anything. Sighing, the musician agreed, and bid goodnight to everyone in the household before marching back to his mother's 'soccer mom' minivan. He loathed the thing itself, but Daisy refused to give him the van.

Axel sighed, following a rather disheartened Sora back to the living room. The red head obviously had plans to go out that night, but Roxas (who was seated on the couch alongside Naminé) wasn't going to ask. In all truth, he was still curious as to where exactly the older boy went.

As soon as the red head had settled back on the couch, his arm was grasped by Roxas. Giving the blonde a curious look, Axel rose when Roxas headed off towards his room. Ever since that incident with Tia (when she had so aptly declared she had seen the two sharing a bed), there were no questions about where Axel slept. Roxas had really stopped caring at that point—there was no way Axel was going to willingly go back and sleep on the couch.

Axel closed the door behind him, giving what he could see of Roxas a questioning look. The blonde sighed. "Okay, I'll get right to the point," said the younger, turning around. Emerald eyes blinked, and Axel crossed his arms and waited for Roxas to continue. "Explain to me _exactly _why you don't like Demyx."

Wide eyed, Axel wondered if Roxas was serious. After a moment, he broke out into a full-blown grin. "Is it really that hard to realize? Damn, Roxas, you're stupider than I thought," said the red head, placing his hands on his hips. Roxas scowled, flopping down onto his bed.

"Seriously. Despite the fact that he's a fag, like you, he doesn't seem like too bad of a guy. He's trying to get a job, at least, you free loader," said the blonde, words harsh. Axel rolled his eyes. "And besides that; he's clean now. Doesn't that like, inspire you to quit, or anything?"

"When the fuck did our conversation about how big of an asshole Demyx is switch to me using coke?" snorted the older boy, pacing about the room. "As for Demyx, he's just an asshole. I want nothing to do with him whatsoever. Whatever we had before is over."

_You say you always finish everything; you're a liar._

Roxas shook his head. "Well, I guess it's your choice. But… why are you still, er…" The blonde trailed off, a little too embarrassed to say what he was thinking.

"Fucking?"

"Yeah. Why are you guys still, er, you know, if you hate him?" said the blonde, blushing slightly. He still wasn't comfortable with the knowledge that the two guys were sleeping together. Axel grumbled, staring at the floor.

"I don't know," said the red head, still pacing about the room. He sighed, crossing his arms and locking his green eyes with Roxas's blue. "I…" He trailed off, gritting his teeth.

_Sometimes, you just need to learn to let go._

"I don't hate him."

* * *

"I'm so fucking sick of you!" 

Axel was like a walking, talking storm as he barreled his way through the basement, swiping up clothes off of the floor as he moved. Demyx just sighed, rolling his eyes as he proceeded to re-play 'Too Many Puppies' on his guitar for the fourteenth time that day. Cross legged on the couch, Demyx idly strummed, laughing to himself as he messed up. They were both high on meth; the drug tended to make Demyx a lot happier, while it just angered Axel more than usual, and sent him into a cleaning binge.

"God, I hate you so much!" shrieked the red head, nearly knocking over a fish tank as he stormed by, picking up a few cans of half-finished beer from the previous night. They'd hidden down in his mother's basement for quite a while; his mother, step-father and younger sister were all gone to a wedding for the weekend. Axel, at his mother's request, hadn't attended.

Demyx laughed, eyesight blurred. He pushed his guitar out of his lap before getting to his feet and stumbling his way over to the younger boy. He didn't fully comprehend that Axel wasn't in a specific mood to be bothered. Regardless, Demyx cornered the red head between his arms, pushing the boy against a wall. "You don't hate me!" he said, mostly trying to convince himself.

Axel glared at the older boy, upper lip twitching madly. His right arm had the beginnings of a wound in it, Demyx saw; Axel was one of those people who tweaked. That particular side-affect of meth didn't affect the musician, but he usually caught Axel scraping whatever he could get across his flesh, sometimes, when he was on the drug. "I do, I do hate you and you're a bad guy," muttered Axel, head bobbing as he spoke.

"You're just silly," said Demyx, pressing a sloppy kiss to the younger boy's temple. "I love you and you give me inspiration and you're perfect and I love you and you love me." Axel didn't answer, instead flailing his arms, pushing the older boy away. In all truth, it was the meth that motivated Demyx, but in his intoxicated mind, all he saw was Axel.

While Demyx was laughing, half singing something with his mediocre voice, Axel had gone back to storming around the room. "I hate you!" He was screaming, by now, voice reverberating in the large, unfinished basement. The cement floor was cold underneath his feet, but he didn't realize it. "I fucking _hate _you and you deserve to die because I hate you."

Demyx just sang and stumbled back onto the couch, laughing like it was some big joke. "_Que pasa contigo?_" he crooned, out of tune. "_Yeah,_ w_hat's the matter with me?_"

* * *

"R-Roxas? Wake up, c'mon, c'mon, wake up." 

The blonde squirmed, slowly opening his eyes. He was used to Axel's morning wakening, now. He was a little bit more tired than he used to be, but other than that, he wasn't afraid anymore. Axel gave him a wild-eyed look, crawling backwards, now straddling the blonde's legs instead of his stomach.

Sitting up, Roxas stretched, yawning loudly. He looked at the red head. "Hi," he said, giving him a tired look. Axel just jerked away, as if something had touched him.

"H-he's watching me and he's te-telling me I shouldn't b-be doing this, because it's b-bad and we u-used to do it together," mumbled the neurotic older boy, twitching uncontrollably. Roxas's eyes narrowed, and he quickly clicked on his light. The red head was scratching his arms frantically, head jerking around in all directions as if he was seeing something. "He's wa-watching me Roxas, he is, I know he is."

"Fuck, what are you talking about?" murmured the younger, taking in that Axel's eyes were extremely bloodshot. Really, there was no doubt about the fact that the boy was high. Or, he was coming down. Really, Roxas didn't know a whole lot about the effects of cocaine, so most of the time, he was left guessing.

"D-Demyx is watching me," he said. Roxas rolled his eyes. He was getting sick of the boy's paranoia already. He had no idea how to deal with Axel, and he knew it. But still, he wasn't willing to tell anyone that Axel had a problem, for fear that the older boy would be angry with him.

_Not that I really mind him being angry with me, _Roxas added, mentally. He was reluctant to admit that he _might've _cared about Axel. The kid was gay—he didn't want to be associated with a faggot. If news like that got around, people would say that _Roxas _was gay as well.

Finally, the blonde sighed. "Nobody's watching you, Axel. I'm the only one here," he said, his voice firm. He wanted Axel to listen to him. Still, the red head just giggled uncomfortably, fingers still scraping across his arms. It was a repetitive action that quickly annoyed the younger boy. "Stop that." He reached outward, taking hold of Axel's wrists and pulling them away from his arms.

"Let g-go of me," stammered the red head, squirming a little bit.

Roxas's jaw was set as he stared at the older. "I'm not going to let you keep hurting yourself. With the rate you're going at, you're going to get your blood all over my bed and I don't want to get AIDS or something from you, fag," snarled the blonde. He made a point to keep his voice down, however.

The red head's face fell, and he went still, save for the occasional arm spasm. Roxas exhaled noisily, pushing the other boy off of him to press Axel into the mattress with one hand. "Just go to sleep, okay?" he asked, giving a weak smile. He didn't feel like smiling. "Demyx'll go away if you just sleep."

Axel frantically shook his head in response. "He'll never go away. H-he never lea-leaves me alone," he stuttered, voice barely intelligible. Roxas gritted his teeth, trying to think of a way to calm the nervous boy down. He had no idea how to deal with him, whatsoever.

"There's no one else here. Just you, and just me," reassured Roxas, trying his damn best to convince the older boy. He felt like he was soothing a small child. Really, when Axel was in this type of state, exposed and unsure, he was, mentally, just a small child. Parents and teachers had always told him that drugs were 'horrible', but it was so much worse to see the effects first-hand.

"H-he's always there with that st-stupid heavy metal and th-that stupid tea and peppermint," mumbled the red head, even after Roxas had lain down and turned off the bedside lamp. The blonde sighed, pulling his pillow over his head to try to drown out the other boy's noises.

Axel kept mumbling.

Roxas glanced at his analogue clock _again_. The boy still hadn't come down, and it had been one hour since he'd gotten there. Roxas sat up, rubbing sleepy eyes to flick the lamp back on and stare at Axel's blank expression. He was worried. Axel's breathing had slowed a little, and while his heart was still beating rapidly, he didn't seem quite… there.

"Axel?" asked the blonde, shaking the older boy by his shoulders. When the red head didn't immediately respond, Roxas was a little bit worried. Pulling himself out from under the covers, Roxas knelt to the side of Axel, half-shaking him and getting far more frantic by the second.

After a moment of increased fear for Roxas, the red head did finally rouse, opening green eyes and giving him a tired look. "What?" he mumbled, not really realizing that Roxas was almost on top of him. The blonde sighed, bringing a shaky hand up to run fingers through his hair.

"You were… unconscious. I though you'd gone and died on me," said the blonde, voice relieved. Axel gave a barely-there grin.

"Naw, I live to annoy you," he said. Apparently, he was back to his usual attitude. _Does that mean the drug's wearing down? Does that mean he's crazy? What the hell is going on? _The red head groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes to block out the light. "What the hell is u-up? Fuck, just turn off the li-light and let me sleep, I feel like sh-shit."

Roxas raised an eyebrow to the other boy's bizarre speech patterns. It was evident that Axel wasn't completely sobered up, but at the same time, it was getting better, so Roxas figured it was all right to go back to sleep. Slowly, he crawled away from the other boy to go back to his side of the bed. He slid his body under the blankets, before reaching over to click off the lamp.

Laying his head down on the pillow, he sighed. He could hear Axel's irregular breathing, and it disturbed him a little bit. "…You gonna wake up in the morning?" he asked, mildly, trying to mask his voice and contain any type of worry.

"Why the hell w-wouldn't I?" muttered the older. Roxas couldn't see him in the dark, but he knew that Axel was probably just starting to drift off to sleep. The blonde exhaled noisily, rolling over onto his side.

"I'm just checking. No need to get all defensive," he mumbled, curling up into a slightly fetal position and shutting his eyes. Eyelids snapped open, however, when he felt uncomfortable warmth pressing against his back. "…Axel, get off of me."

"Shut up," muttered the red head. So what if he was selfish, he was also very cold. Still in a sweatshirt and jeans, he made his way under the blankets as well, before getting as humanely close to Roxas as he could. The two were in practically mirror positions, with Axel basically surrounding the blonde. Roxas's only escape route was off the edge of the bed.

Roxas stared at the wall, until little purple flecks of colour started to cross his vision. He wasn't gauche, really. The warmth that Axel permitted was somewhat… comfortable. Roxas blinked. He hadn't lain next to someone for a little while. _I haven't been spending a whole lot of time with Olette lately, have I? _Suddenly, he felt guilty for almost replacing her.

Axel was completely different from Olette. He was thin, tall and to Roxas, it almost felt like sleeping with a bag of pointy sticks. Olette wasn't the curviest girl around, but her skin was soft and her hair wasn't scratchy and above all, she wasn't a man.

_Holy shit, I'm fucking _cuddling _with a guy._

Roxas squirmed a little bit, wanting more than anything to get away. Axel, being the cruel type of person that he was, simply curled an arm around the boy's waist and pulled the blonde full against his body. Roxas squeaked.

It was going to be a _long_ night.

* * *

Needless to say, when Roxas woke up the next morning (or rather, got up—he didn't really sleep a whole lot), he was tired. Eyes opened, he stared at the wall hating the fact that Axel was _still _curled against him. He had to push the red head's arm off of him, only to practically fall to the floor. As soon as he moved away, Axel grumbled at the lack of warmth, rolled over and proceeded to snore and drool all over the pillow. 

Roxas seethed for a quiet moment, before going off to do his usual morning routine. Once finished and basically ready for school, he tromped his way down the stairs, only to find Sora idly plucking the raisins out of raisin toast as he sat at the kitchen table. "Mornin', Roxas," said the brunet, gleefully. Roxas just grumbled in response, walking over to the cupboards to search for pop tarts. "Mom and Naminé are already gone. They had to leave earlier this morning. And, hey, man stop slamming' the cupboards! Are you grumpy or something?"

"Nngh." The blonde was obviously not in the mood to talk. He stalked his way around the kitchen, avoiding Sora at all costs. Sometimes, the kid was just too damn cheery for his own good. The blue eyed boy sighed, idly going back to picking the raisins out of his toast.

"Man, you're such a downer," he muttered, finally taking a tentative bite of the toast. It was around that time that Selphie, still in her footsie pajamas, tore into the room dragging one of Sora's old teddy bears along with her.

The young girl jumped around, excited, eyes wide open. "Is Axel up yet? I had a dream an' I wanna tell him about it!" She bounced about, getting a little bit upset when a very agitated Roxas didn't answer her. "Roxas, can I wake him up?"

The blonde shook his head almost immediately. "He didn't sleep well, last night," said Roxas, voice blatantly annoyed. Sora rolled his eyes.

"What, did you guys have hot, kinky gay sex?" inquired the younger brunette. Roxas tensed up, breaking his pop tart in his hand. Selphie squealed as crumbs fell onto the countertop and the boy's hand was covered in strawberry filling.

Roxas whirled around, glaring daggers at Sora. Said boy laughed uncomfortably. "Hey, man, chill out. It's just a joke, Roxas," he laughed, finishing his toast and standing up. "Hurry up, we gotta go to school." The blonde sighed, sticking his hand under the sink to wash off the gooey mess of pop tart.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "I guess I'll have to go wake up Axel," he muttered, before picking a very angry little Selphie up and carrying her back up the stairs. "We don't want to leave Selphie alone. She could set fire to the house." Though the words were all in fun, the blonde didn't doubt that Selphie would accidentally set the house on fire.

The boy lightly knocked on his bedroom door before carefully poking his nose in. He only saw the black lump in his bed that was Axel, so he cautiously entered the room. Selphie squirmed out of his arms and bolted over to the end of the bed, scrambling her way up onto the mattress and crawling over to the red head.

"Mnng, go back to sleep, Roxas."

The blonde couldn't help but smile, slightly, as Axel awoke and rolled over to pull the little girl into a hug. While Axel may have been a total asshole to him sometimes, he did have a bizarre way with children. Both Naminé and Selphie got along with him quite well.

"Wait a sec, you're not Roxas. Who are you?" Selphie giggled loudly at Axel's words as the red head pretended to not know who she was. "Hm. Could you be a cat? You kind of look like a cat?"

"I'm not a cat!" protested the little girl, worming her way under the covers. When Axel's eyes peered out from over the covers, Roxas quickly rolled his eyes and gave a slight wave before leaving the room.

Heading down the steps, Roxas called back; "I'll be home later, you guys. Have… a nice day or something." Seeing Axel and Selphie bond like that had somehow brightened his mood a little, even if he wouldn't admit it. So when Sora pointed and laughed at him, he smacked the kid on the back of the head and hid a secret smile.

* * *

"She smelled like Dr. Pepper lip balm and she drank three liters of water a day. She had really nice skin because of it and… uh, well she was nice. I liked it when she used to play solitaire and her tongue would stick out the side of her mouth when she thought." Axel rolled his eyes, not wanting to have to put up with Demyx's talking. 

"I thought you didn't like girls," said the red head, blinking lazily.

"I don't. But she was different," whispered the older boy, idly chewing on the end of a joint. The thing itself was rolled so sloppily that pot stuck out everywhere and it looked like it was about to fall apart. They were so high they couldn't really think straight, and Demyx just kept laughing about nothing.

"How so?" asked Axel, staring up at the ceiling. Demyx had a nice basement, and that was for sure. The old sitar he'd abandoned for a more 'practical' guitar lay between the two of them.

Demyx sighed, giving a one shouldered shrug before handing the joint to Axel. "She just was."

* * *

After school, Roxas just wanted to go home. He was sick of the cold air, sick of the lonely atmosphere and just generally sick. He hadn't been feeling very well, and he felt like he might've had something of a cold. 

Teeth grit, he slammed his locker shut. He heard a girl squeak behind him, but he really paid no mind to the noise. Slinging his backpack onto his shoulder, he turned around to come face-to-face with a rather meek looking Olette. "Hi…" she said, giving him a half-hearted smile.

Roxas blinked. "Um… hey Olette," he said, awkwardly. He hadn't really talked to her, much, over the last month. Sure, at school, but he thoroughly neglected her after school and on the weekends. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she said, smile increasing slightly. She looped her hands behind her back, looking a little bit silly doing it while she was standing there in a parka and ready to go outside. "Say, Roxas. I know you're probably busy at home and stuff, but would you wanna do something this weekend?"

Roxas cocked his head, thinking about it for a moment. "…I guess I could," he mumbled, rather slowly. Olette's happy demeanor faded slightly, but she kept smiling nevertheless.

"Well, if you're too busy—"

"No, he will."

Roxas turned his head towards the voice, taking in the sight of both Hayner and Pence. The former looked a little less than infuriated, but Pence just looked depressed. Hayner placed his hand on his hip, strutting forward in his usual manner. "Look, man, if somethin's going on at home you _have _to tell us," he said. Hayner was the type of person who never abandoned his friends and trusted a few select people. He'd gotten a little bit worried with Roxas's sudden disappearance from their usual group. "I mean, we haven't seen you for the last _month, _Roxas."

The blonde boy, suddenly feeling like a cornered animal, just shrugged. "I've been busy. Stuff happened, you know," he muttered, not wanting to give away that there was a gay drug addict sleeping in his bedroom and stealing midnight cuddle sessions from him.

"Yeah, but _none _of us have seen you outside of school for almost a month!" said Pence, his voice borderline melancholic. The tension was wearing away at Roxas, and he just wanted to leave.

Coming up with a thousand different excuses, Roxas merely stood there. Hayner had his jaw locked, and Pence was giving him a distraught expression. Finally, it was Olette who spoke, repeating the same words she had before. "We miss you."

Roxas heaved a sigh. "Look, I'm busy on the weekdays. We can do something this weekend, okay?" he said, blowing them off easily. Hayner swore loudly, stalking after the blonde as he turned to leave.

"You can't forget about us completely!" snarled the boy, knuckles nearly white as he clenched fists by his sides. Olette shook her head, heading off in the opposite direction. She had to take a different route out of the school, anyway. Pence just followed her, falling into step easily. While Hayner tended to get angry, the other two just went quiet. Scoffing and waving a hand at Roxas, the leader of their little group followed after Pence and Olette. "We don't fuckin' need him, anyway."

Roxas, however, just felt guilty. He didn't want to blow his friends off, but he had no other choice. As he stalked to the bus stop in the snow, collar pulled up over his nose and hands buried in his pockets, he thought about why he was doing this. He didn't hate his friends. Hell, he liked his friends. He loved Olette.

But there was something more important on the line.

Roxas wasn't willing to give up on people. He may have been seen as a lazy type of kid with no real ambitions, but people were an entirely different matter. He hated death. In fact, he despised it. Death took away his parents. Death took away everything important to him.

'There is no greater enemy than death.'

He'd heard Kurt say it many times. Kurt was terrified of death. Tia always told him that death was a mystery, and meant to be explored. Naminé thought death was scary but inevitable. Selphie thought death was a colour.

Roxas, however, had a different view.

_The end is only the beginning. In our death comes our life._

He didn't like death, but he knew it was there. It was something that was going to happen to everyone eventually. He didn't want Axel to die so easily, so early, when there was so much else out there for him to embrace. He used to say he didn't care, but really, he didn't want anyone to die.

Nobody wants anyone to die.

Roxas had made up his mind.

He was going to follow Axel.

* * *

"That's her, Axel," said the musician, flicking a finger towards a girl. She was cute enough. "Her name's Nala." She was a little bit older than both of them, with pale skin and almost white-blonde hair. She was tall, lean andbright eyed with a lively smile on herface that Demyx thought was just gorgeous.Axel shrugged, shoving a popsicle back into his mouth. Demyx scowled. "You just don't understand real beauty." 

"It's because I've never seen it," he snorted, stalking his way back to the CD store. He didn't want to stand around in West Edmonton Mall forever, after all. Demyx sighed, taking one last glance at Nala and her new boyfriend, before hurrying after his younger friend.

"So you think she's ugly?" asked the blonde, scowling. People around them were giving him strange looks, due to the fact that his hair was lime-green at the time.

Axel frowned, biting a large chunk off of the blueberry popsicle. "I never said _that," _he muttered, wanting more than anything to kick the older boy in the head. He didn't care about some girl that Demyx had a crush on. All he was occupied with was Demyx liking _him_.

"Then what did you think?" said the musician, grinning. Axel scoffed.

"She just _was_."

* * *

**disclaimer: don't own it.**


	7. speak slow

gin and sin  
chapter seven

_you wait up for me i don't wake up for you  
would you like the company or are you sick of me  
when your love lets you go you only want love more  
even when love wasn't what you were looking for_  
speak slow - tegan and sara

* * *

"You know, I really like bagels." 

Roxas blinked in the general direction of Sora, wondering what in hell the boy was going on about now. The brunet was spreading butter onto a cinnamon raisin bagel (with the raisins picked out, of course) and glancing airily over the comics section in the newspaper. Roxas, however, was munching on a pop tart, as per usual. It was finally Saturday—the greatest day of the week for Roxas (due to the fact that he was able to sleep in until two in the afternoon) and the worst for Sora, who had to work for the entire day. He hadn't wanted to apply for a part-time job, but with the co-workers that he had, it was hard to say no.

"Where did that come from?" murmured the blonde. Sora was always one to speak his mind, never the type of person to conceal any of his thoughts. Truth be told, Roxas had other things on his mind; like the fact that he was supposed to go see Olette, Hayner and Pence at the mall today. He wasn't particularly looking forward to it—actually, he wanted to focus his thoughts on following Axel. He still hadn't followed the older boy, and it was becoming more and more of a dire issue.

Sora gave a one-shouldered shrug. "I don't know. I just like bagels. They're better than waffles but not as good as muffins," stated the brunet, digging his teeth into the circle-shaped baked good. Roxas stared at the younger boy, wondering where the hell Sora's brain had gone for a vacation and if his own could go as well.

"You're… weird," said the older boy, blinking large blue eyes and shoving his pop tart into his mouth. He glanced over to the microwave where the current time showed brightly. It was definitely earlier than his usual morning wake-up time; a startling 8:30 AM. The only reason he'd gotten up was because Sora was noisy when moving about the house and getting ready for work. He had to be at the mall by 10:00 to work, and Sora, being the lazy person that he was made him slow to rise and ready in the mornings.

The brunet just grinned. "I'm not weird," he stated, taking another bite of his bagel. "Just… quirky." The blonde shook his head in disbelief, finishing what was left of his pop tart and getting to his feet. It was about that point that a living, breathing ball of sunshine barreled into the room like hell was at her heels—incidentally, Axel followed her into the kitchen.

"Good mornin', good mornin'!" sang Selphie, before outright slamming herself into Roxas's leg. The blonde stumbled ever so slightly, but quickly regained his balance. He was slightly annoyed that the girl had been so reckless, but he wasn't about to talk her down. "I had the funniest dream! Listen to my dream, Roxas!"

The blonde boy shook Selphie off of his leg, and bumbled his way over to the kitchen counter. Axel took the moment to scoop the pouting Selphie up into somewhat weak arms, before planting the girl into her usual chair at the kitchen table. "Breakfast?" suggested Sora, over a mouthful of bagel.

"Lucky Charms! Only if Axel makes it fer me," stated Selphie, immediately reaching for her colouring book that was left on the table the previous night. "He makes it special!" Roxas rolled his eyes from where he stood; the attachment that Selphie had to Axel was borderline obsession now. The girl wouldn't do or accept anything unless the red head had some part in it.

Sora grinned. "You know, Selphie, he can't do _everything _for you, as willing to do it as he probably is," said the brunet, finishing up the remnants of a cinnamon without raisin bagel. Selphie scowled at the comment.

"Yes, he cans, because I say he can," said the little girl, flipping open her colouring book and bringing a yellow crayon down to scribble in Santa's eyes. With Christmas nearing, more and more festive decorations and other such things were showing up in the Appledorn household. Even outside of the home things were quickly becoming festive—even Demyx had taken to wearing a red and green striped scarf instead of his usual blue.

From where he was standing, the red head scowled at Selphie. It wasn't as if he didn't like the girl, but he _was _getting sick of doing everything for her. Sighing, he moved towards the counter, feeling very much like a door mat. Even so, as soon as he reached for the cupboard handle, his hand was nudged out of the way by a very grumpy looking blonde. Blinking, Axel gave Roxas a questioning look. "I'll do it. Go sit down, retard."

Somewhat hesitantly, Axel stumbled over to the table and flopped down less-than-gracefully into a chair. Legs sprawled, he idly looked over to Selphie who didn't look too happy. "I wann'ed Axel to make it!" whined Selphie, kicking her feet madly from where she sat. Roxas rolled his eyes, sloshing milk over the side of the bowl of cereal he'd been pouring.

"Tough luck. He's not your slave, you know," grumbled the blonde, placing the bowl of cereal down in front of the tiny brunette. Selphie frowned and stared at the little marshmallows floating in the milk.

Screwing her face up into a pout, Selphie pushed the bowl of cereal away. "I don' want it!" Sora rolled his eyes, pushing his chair away from the table to stand. He still needed to get ready for work, and damn if he wasn't going to.

"Oh, hey, Sora," said Roxas, turning around to face his younger brother. "Mom and Dad went out for breakfast, so they left you cash to take the bus to work." The brunet immediately groaned—he hated taking the bus. It was cold and it always smelled like old ladies; not to mention the fact that he had to walk for about ten minutes to get to the nearest bus stop.

After a moment of grumbling, the teenage brunet headed upstairs. The blonde boy down in the kitchen just scoffed at Sora's dismay—really, Kurt and Tia had informed them the night previous that they wouldn't be there in the morning. Sora should've expected to have to take the bus, after all.

Axel, still shaking somewhat, flicked his eyes over to where Roxas stood. "What, does he not like the bus or something?" he grumbled. He hadn't exactly gotten the best sleep last night (as per usual) and looked more tired than ever.

"He always complains about it," said Roxas, shrugging. He glanced over to Selphie, frowning at her un-eaten and quickly growing soggier cereal. "You should eat that, you know."

"Nuh-uh!" squealed Selphie, puffing her cheeks out in dismay. "Axel didn't make it! It's icky!" The blonde boy sighed, fed up, not wanting to put up with her silly games. As Roxas walked into the living room, Selphie glanced down at the cereal in question.

Once the blonde youth was out of sight, Selphie quickly took to devouring her Lucky Charms. Axel blinked at her in mild horror, wondering if some sort of demon had possessed her sad little soul. It was evident she had no qualms against eating the cereal—she just liked to make Roxas's life a living hell.

Grinning slyly at Selphie's mischievousness, Axel got up from his chair. Making his way out of the kitchen, he gave Naminé a small wave to where the girl was sitting on the sofa. Roxas was curled up into a ball on the opposite side of the divan, looking very much like some brooding little child. The red head cautiously made his way into the room, before flopping himself down directly beside the blonde. He was way too close, though, for Roxas's tastes. He could feel Axel's bony side pressing into his own.

"Go away," grumbled the blonde, frowning. He wasn't exactly in the mood to be bothered. Dark circles hung under his eyes, and he had a severe lack of sleep (mostly due to the fact that Axel woke him up every early morning).

Axel rolled his eyes, and set to poking the younger teen in the side for sheer annoyance. "Make me," he retorted, rather childishly. Brows drawn, Roxas wondered why the red head had taken to acting… his age, really. He'd never seen Axel be so immature.

"Fuck off," said Roxas, batting a hand at Axel's in irritation. In a seemingly quick movement, poison green eyes glinting, the older teen had yanked Roxas's arm and pulled the youth into his lap. Flushed and furious, Roxas squawked and flailed, trying to get away from the bony structure that was Axel. "Let me go, you fag!"

Axel quirked an eyebrow, wrapping long fingers around either of Roxas's wrists. "Why should I?" he said, his voice somewhat teasing. At that point, Naminé had averted her attention from the television to look over at the two.

"Can you guys be quiet, please?" said the pale girl, scowling. "Or go upstairs if you want to crawl all over each other." At this, Roxas flushed before elbowing Axel in the ribs and pushing himself away from the red head who was sputtering in pain.

"I'm not gay!" protested Roxas. Both Naminé and Axel blinked in his general direction, the girl scared of his reaction, the older boy just trying not to break out in laughter.

Naminé giggled. "…I didn't say you were," she mumbled, ducking her head under her arms to ward off a thrown cushion, courtesy of Roxas.

"But you implied it!" snorted the teenager, turning around to pick up another sofa cushion to throw at his younger sister. Axel interrupted him, however, by smashing a throw pillow into his face, muffling any sort of noises the blonde boy would've wanted to make.

Axel sighed. "Stop your bitching," he mumbled, bringing the pillow down from Roxas's face. The blonde scowled.

"I should be allowed to bitch. I listen to your idiotic ranting all of the time," retorted the younger boy. Axel scoffed, crossing his thin arms across his chest. About to say something, the red head damn near jumped when the door bell rang.

It was around that point when a squealing Selphie bounded out of her chair and scurried her way to answer the door. Her steps were muffled by her socks as she barreled her way down the hall, only stopping when she yanked open the door. Scowling in dismay at the figure in front of her, the young girl almost slammed the door in his face. "Axel stealer," she hissed, even as she let Demyx in the house.

The dirty blonde just laughed, tossing his scarf and jacket onto the coat rack. "Good morning to you, too," he mumbled, reaching downward to muss Selphie's hair as a sign of affection. The girl just protested, smacking his hands away and grumbling her way back to the table to finish her cereal.

Axel, from where he was standing in the living room, had a clear view of Demyx. He basically had the same reaction as Selphie. "What are you doing here?" he questioned, posture going rigid.

"Oh, Sora called just a few minutes ago. He said he was 'desperate for a ride' or something," said Demyx, scratching the back of his head, rather absently. Roxas's upper lip twitched. So, Sora had decided to take the lazy route and call Demyx? That was a little bit bizarre, even for Sora. Usually, despite his complaining, the young brunet was self-reliant. He would ask for help, but usually wouldn't do it unless he was in dire need.

Axel scowled. "How the hell did he get your number?" questioned the red head, eyes following Demyx's every move as the older man walked into the living room.

The older man shrugged. "He asked me for it a while ago, so I gave it to him. Anyway, where is he?" Roxas idly pointed to the stairs, flopping back down onto the sofa beside Naminé.

"Still getting ready. He's really slow in the mornings," said Roxas.

Abruptly, the red head snarled; "What, looking for someone younger?" Naminé scowled and wondered what was going on. Demyx laughed uncomfortably, dodging his eyes away from the red head's glare. Roxas seethed. _He shouldn't be talking about that shit around my sister._

"N'aw, Axel. You know my devotion is only for you," joked the dirty blonde, trying to lighten the mood. Axel rolled his eyes, sitting himself down on the sofa on the far end and glaring moodily at the television. Demyx sighed, knowing that he'd probably never get his point across. Most of his slightly teasing comments were sincere, even if Axel never thought that.

Demyx eventually just took a seat beside Axel, sighing in slight discontent when the red head didn't acknowledge his existence. Roxas was tense as well, not wanting to admit that two gay guys were in his house, and seemingly having some bizarre sort of spat. Axel was always antagonistic towards the older man, but even now was a little bit severe.

The worst part, though, was trying to ignore the fact that Demyx was resting his hand on Axel's thigh, casually sliding his hand back and forth, seemingly trying to console the younger man. The red head didn't move away, but he didn't seem to notice the touch either.

The sheer fact that Demyx was touching Axel _at all _in his house made Roxas's mouth dry. He cleared his throat, giving both of the other males a pointed look. Demyx still didn't move his hand, however, and Axel just glared.

They stayed waiting like that for longer than Sora should've taken. Roxas found himself glancing at the clock more than he possibly should have. Finally, at 9:15, the brunet bounded down the stairs, decked out in his work clothes (a rather hideous green shirt with orange trim) and pulling on a pair socks as he tripped over the last step. "Ack, sorry I took so long!" said the youth, glancing around the living room hurriedly.

Demyx glanced over his shoulder to look Sora in the eyes. "Oh, hey. Let's get goin' then," he mumbled, pulling himself to his feet. To Roxas, Axel looked vaguely relieved the older man was leaving. Though he couldn't help but jump slightly when Demyx bent down to press a chaste kiss to the side of Axel's lips. "See you guys later. Chances are I'll be picking him up _from _work again, too."

"Yeah, most likely!" laughed Sora, even if his voice showed some discomfort. He may have liked Demyx, but he wasn't exactly comfortable around homosexuals. He didn't mind them per se, but it still freaked him out a little bit when two guys kissed around him. "There's no way I'm taking the bus home!"

"That's cuz yer lazy!" yelled Selphie, still in the kitchen. She had gotten preoccupied with her colouring book, and was now fixated on giving Rudolph a purple nose instead of a red one.

Naminé giggled. "She's probably right, Sora," said the blonde girl. Sora just scowled, even if there was some sort of humor to his expression. Demyx walked into the hall, quickly putting on his jacket and scarf again, ready to go.

"You're gonna be late if you don't hurry," said Axel, staring absently at the television. He didn't even need to pretend he cared—it was evident by the tone in his voice that he just wanted Demyx out of the house.

Sora had barely toed on his ridiculous yellow boots before he bolted out the door, waving to the rest of his family. Demyx simply waved, and was out the door behind the younger brunet.

Roxas sighed. For some reason, he wasn't entirely comfortable with his younger brother hanging around with Demyx. The man seemed a little bit sleazy, but at the same time everyone but himself (along with Axel) seemed to trust him.

When the blonde had finally begun to relax again, Axel killed his optimism.

"Don't blame me if your brother ends up raped."

* * *

"So, uh, nice car." 

Sora found himself staring at the minivan instead of getting into it. It was so… ugly. Compared to the coolness that was Demyx, the vehicle was the epitome of un-coolness. The dirty blonde scowled, opening the door to the driver's side and clicking the button to automatically unlock Sora's door.

"Yeah, well, what can you do? It works, at least," mumbled the older man, sliding into the driver's seat. Sora mirrored the older man's movements almost to a point as he slid into the passenger seat. "And it has speakers and a CD player. Good enough for me."

As soon as he was in the seat, Sora was forced to take notice of all the CDs littered everywhere. He literally couldn't put his feet down because of the discs on the floor. "Uh, you sure like music, don't you?" said the brunet, laughing somewhat uncomfortably.

"Music is my life," said the older man, flashing a slightly crooked grin. Sora laughed somewhat awkwardly as Demyx jammed his keys into the ignition and started the car. It was in pretty good condition for an older vehicle, but it needed a tune up judging by the sound of the engine.

"I can see that," laughed Sora, looking for CDs he recognized. He scowled upon reading the label of one in particular. "…Aqua? Why the hell do you have _this _in here?"

Demyx shrugged, not really paying attention to Sora as he backed the minivan out of the snowy driveway. "I don't know, I guess I just kind of like them. They're fun to listen to sometimes," he mumbled, somewhat absently.

"You have weird music taste," said Sora, vaguely entertained. The dirty blonde snorted, eyes focused on the road.

"If you want weird music, check what's already in the player. My mom left the CD in there, and I haven't bothered to change it yet," snorted Demyx, flicking his eyes over to Sora. Frowning ever so slightly, the brunet reached over to the player and pressed the 'on' button. He jumped when deep, rich vocals flowed through the speakers, and the heavy bass of the music rattled the frame of the minivan.

After a moment of silent, astounded pondering, Sora mumbled, "…Barry White?" Demyx grinned, bobbing his head instead of a proper answer.

"Yeah. My mom was always into him. See, I like the Maestro myself, but I'm a sucker for the 80's, and Duran Duran have sweet awesome songs," said the older man, grinning as he blathered about his musical sense. With a backdrop of Barry White and Demyx making his own noise, the car seemed to be filled with life.

Only when Demyx finally tired of his own talking did the mood sink somewhat. "Man, Sora, talking to you is good. It sucks all of the stress out of me."

Sora cocked an eyebrow, glancing out the window at passing buildings. It wouldn't be too much longer before they'd get to the mall and Sora would be pulled into the drudgery of work. "How so? Like, why ya stressed out?"

The dirty blonde gave a heavy sigh. "Axel, mostly. But you know, I don't wanna make you uncomfortable by talking about him," said the man, flipping Sora an awkward smile.

"Heh, it's all right," said Sora, glancing at his hands. "Like, Axel's cool and all. He seems nice. But… I don't know, there's somethin' about him that seems kinda off. Like, he's just _weird _or something."

Demyx nodded, reaching a hand over to the sound system to flick the volume dial. The noise level in the car lessened, even if the bass still rattled at Sora's back. "Well, that's probably not his fault. It's probably my fault. For everything. I suppose I should feel guilty, but I don't really." _Man, is he just rambling, or is he gonna get to the point? _thought Sora, pretending to be interested.

"See, I… well, I like Axel. A lot," said the older man, smiling somewhat awkwardly. His hands tensed on the steering wheel. "The problem with that, though, is it's one-sided. I fucked things up real bad with him."

Sora shrugged. He didn't know how to deal with gay relationships. He figured it couldn't have been too much different than a lesbian relationship (seeing as gay guys were so girly anyway). Frowning, Sora mused that it wasn't the case with Demyx and Axel. Neither of them were effeminate or womanly in any way; the two men didn't fit the 'gay' stereotype that the media laid down. In reality, every concept that Sora had of homosexuality was completely muddled now.

"The worst thing though is that he still has a thing for this _guy_," said Demyx, chagrin hinting his words. "Which he really needs to give up on, by the way, because there's no way in hell they're going to end up together."

"Why do you say that?" inquired Sora, scowling. The young brunet went by the old standard of 'where there's a will, there's a way', and he believed that anything was possible if you put enough effort into it.

Regardless, Demyx was out to smash that particular dream of his. "There's no fucking way in hell I'm letting Axel end up with that sleazeball," said Demyx, his voice somewhat dark.

A little bit scared of the way the conversation had taken a turn for the worse, Sora switched the subject. "…I want a kitty. I've always liked cats, but mom's all 'Nooo, Naminé's allergic', so I'll never get that kitty. But I work at a pet store, and _damn _are cats ever cute."

Demyx quirked an eyebrow. "What pet store do you work at?"

"Oh, the one in the middle of the mall. Donald and Goofy's Pet Emporium, you know."

* * *

"Leaving?" 

Axel didn't turn around. Back facing Roxas, he seemed to be looking down at something. Blinking, the blonde glanced at the clock. 12:37 AM. Axel's usual haunting time. "What are you doing?" murmured the blonde, staring at the red head's back somewhat blearily. He had his shirt and sweatshirt hiked up—what the hell was he doing?

"Mh, taking out piercings, they get in the way," said the red head, his hands shaking somewhat. Roxas's eyes narrowed. What the hell? Piercings—there weren't any piercings on Axel's face or anything.

"What piercings?" grumbled the blonde, running a hand through his sleep-mussed hair. Axel glanced over his shoulder to the younger boy, fixing him with a glare.

"Nipples," he said, as if it was the most common thing ever. Roxas blinked. He hadn't known that Axel had his nipples pierced. Then again, it wasn't like he'd seen Axel naked or even wanted to _think about_ Axel naked or anything.

After a moment, Roxas mumbled, "Uh… wow. I didn't know… you, er…"

"Eh. Got them done a long time ago. Demyx did them. I was drunk off my ass and I couldn't feel it, but man, one of them got inf-infected and it hurt like fuck," said Axel, his words slightly garbled. The blonde knew that Axel was out of it enough that he could follow him without him noticing. While it wasn't necessarily a good thing to see the red head shaking so badly he looked like he was about to fall over, it still made him less aware of his surroundings. "…Yeah, I'm going now. Uh, I'll be back… later."

Roxas nodded. He knew that. Sighing shakily, he recounted the events of the afternoon. At one point, he'd made an effort to hide his jacket and his boots under his bed. He couldn't afford to go out the front door, due to the fact that he might've woken someone up. He had his plan made out in his mind. Roxas disregarded the fact that it was dangerous and stupid to go out in the middle of the night and chase Axel to god knows where—but still, he needed to learn what was going on.

The blonde sighed, glancing to the clock again. He felt the bed sink as Axel got onto it, and the red head crawled over to him, nearly straddling his legs as per usual. "What, Roxas, you worried about me?" he said teasingly, his face rather close to Roxas's. The blonde turned his head to face the red head, and quickly found his nose touching Axel's. His body stiffened, but he didn't move away.

"D-don't worry, I'll be fine," murmured Axel. Roxas stared into dull green eyes, letting his gaze wander about the red head's face. Tattoos on high cheekbones, thin, chapped lips and slightly sunken features; he could've been good looking. Roxas knew he was scrutinizing, but Axel didn't seem to care.

Really, Axel didn't care about much.

"So, when did you get those tattoos?" questioned the blonde, keeping his voice rather hushed. Axel gave him a blank stare for a moment, seemingly deciding if he was going to speak or not.

"Summer," murmured Axel, cloudy eyes hooded by heavy lids. He looked tired, but being the kind of person he was, he wouldn't care. Roxas sighed, half wanting to push Axel off of him. The red head was just being kind of creepy now, and he could smell Axel's breath and it wasn't exactly the most pleasant thing.

Grimacing, Roxas pulled away.

But Axel pushed forward.

And kissed him.

It was incredibly awkward. Axel had nearly missed his lips, and Roxas was frowning and trying not to move. Lips pressed tight, he prayed to god that the red head wouldn't try to stick his tongue in or some bizarre shit. He couldn't handle some fag doing that. Squirming as Axel used shaky fingers to take hold of his jaw, he yelped when the older boy dug sharp fingernails into his skin. With the blonde's mouth open, Axel let his tongue forcefully slide into Roxas's mouth.

He tasted like cigarettes and puke. Roxas gagged.

As abruptly as it happened, Axel pulled away. "You kiss like a dead f-fish," he murmured before getting off of the bed and sliding open the window. Roxas just stared, mouth open, wondering what the hell just happened. Without another word, the red head climbed out the window and out of the room.

The blonde closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths, trying to clear his mind somewhat. Regardless of the bizarre kiss the two of them had just had, he still needed to follow him, as much as he didn't want to.

He was going to wait a few minutes, though. He couldn't risk Axel hearing him. For the moment, he let himself dwell on the fact that Axel had kissed him. He supposed it was probably just the craving for drugs talking, but still, the red head had been pretty eager. He found himself wondering if Axel actually liked him at all, or maybe he was just being a cock-hungry little slut. Maybe it was a way to get back at Demyx.

Deciding enough time had passed, the blonde got out of his bed. He quickly put on much needed clothing, along with his jacket and boots. Steeling his nerves, he peeked his nose out the window, flicking his eyes around. He was glad that it wasn't snowing anymore. It had snowed earlier that night, and because of that it made it much easier to follow Axel.

Roxas swung one leg over the windowsill, glancing down to the ground below. It wasn't a necessarily long drop, but there was a chance something could go wrong. A lifetime of falling off of monkey bars and various other high places told him so.

He brought the other leg over the sill, scooting himself forward so that he was barely supported at all. Clenching his eyes shut, the blonde took a deep breath. Opening blue optics once more, he prayed he didn't smash his face in, (or crush Tia's rosebush) before using what leverage he had with his arms and pushing himself out of the window.

The air was cool on his face. He bent his legs as he hit the ground, absorbing most of the impact as he stumbled forward upon landing. Just happy he didn't break anything, he kept his eyes focused on the snow below him. He was glad that the snow was freshly fallen—at least he could follow the older boy's footsteps. "Okay, if I jog for a little bit, I might be able to catch up with him," he murmured to himself, glancing around the lonely neighborhood. It was different seeing it at night, that was for sure.

Willing himself to not turn around and go back inside, the blonde shoved his hands in his pockets, bowed his head and followed the footprints. He was lucky there was no one else walking around—he figured he might have some problems if it started snowing, or if he found other footprints, but as long as he could catch up to Axel and keep the red head in viewpoint, he'd be all right. It wasn't like the older youth would notice him in the state he was, anyway.

Eyes glued to the ground, he followed the footsteps in the dark. He was tired, and he knew this wasn't exactly the smartest thing, but it was something he needed to do. The air was cold and biting on his skin, but he tried to ignore it. Picking up his pace, he attempted to jog some of the way, hoping to god he didn't slide on some wet snow or ice and fall on his ass.

Eventually, however, he did catch sight of the red head. _Oh, fucking god, I hope he doesn't notice me. _He pulled up the collar of his jacket so it somewhat shielded his face, but really, it didn't look like Axel was going to pay too much attention to him. The red head was shaking violently as he charged down the dimly lit street. He looked like he needed something _badly. _Or hell, he was just cold; he wasn't even wearing a jacket. Roxas wondered if Axel was going to catch hypothermia—it was possible.

He must've walked for almost an hour. His legs had gone numb, and his toes felt like they were going to fall off. They were getting into the shadier neighborhoods, and Roxas was getting a little nervous. There were lights on in the houses around him—he presumed that most of the people were up and doing drugs or something.

Suddenly, light was burning into his retinas. He brought a hand up to shield his eyes from the glare of the headlights. With his eyes used to a dim street, he could barely see in blinding light. He kept walking, hoping to god that there wasn't some kind of pervert in the car out to kidnap him.

"Hey, kid!"

Roxas picked up speed, ignoring the fact that the car had done a U-turn behind him. He still had Axel in sight, that was all that mattered. He ignored the fact that the car had pulled up beside him and the passenger window was rolled down. Roxas flicked his eyes over to the car, trying to get an eyeful of the man following him. Oh, great, it was like the damn Marlboro Man was following him. "Hey, kid, what the hell are ya doin' out here? It's almost 2 AM, and you sure as hell don't look like the usual folk 'round here," said Marlboro Man, scowling at him from under a black hat. Roxas glared at him sideways, taking in the fact that this guy looked a hell of a lot like Brad Pitt. _Okay, so, I'm walking around at after one in the morning, chasing a drug addict who's bound to notice me now, talking to Brad Pitt the Marlboro man. How much more fucked up can this get?_

"Look, do ya need a ride home?" asked the man, genuine concern lacing his casual southern drawl. He certainly wasn't from Canada. Roxas stiffened, picking up his pace again, but Marlboro Man just kept following him.

Scowling, the blonde said; "Look, just go away. I don't want your help you fucking pervert; I'm here for a reason." Marlboro Man raised an eyebrow before stopping the car altogether and opening the driver door. Roxas was about to take off sprinting, when he heard the distinct sound of someone falling on their ass.

This guy _had_ to be kidding.

Marlboro Man winced, picking up his hat before getting to his feet. He'd evidently tripped over the side of the car as he got out, and fallen flat on his face. Nursing a bruised chin, the man had one hand in his pocket as he sauntered over to the blonde, seemingly trying to come off as smooth. His hair was far longer than any woman, let alone man's that Roxas had ever seen, and decked out in a trench-coat and cowboy boots, he was the very definition of 'Hick Sheik'.

"C'mon, kid, I'll give you a ride home. This place is dangerous, an' I don't want you gettin' raped or nothin'," said Marlboro Man, placing one long-fingered hand on the blonde's shoulder. Roxas jerked away.

Scowling, the blonde turned and kept walking once more. He didn't want to lose sight of Axel, and the red head was slowly disappearing down the street. "Don't touch me, jackass, I need to leave," he snarled over his shoulder, giving the taller man a glare. Marlboro Man just readjusted his hat and sighed.

"Look, kid, at least tell me where you're goin', so I can make sure you come out alive?" the man said, loud enough for Roxas to hear him. Well, at this point, it didn't really look like a bad idea. The blonde had no idea what he was doing, after all. He hadn't even thought about the fact that he might get screwed over; it would pay to have someone there to help.

Sighing, Roxas turned around to face the cowboy again. Marlboro Man smirked, swaggering over to him once again and giving him a look of approval. "I knew you'd listen to me. Alright, so, I know you're not here for the drugs, just by lookin' at ya. Nice clothes, and hell, ye don't look a day over 14."

Roxas scowled at this. "I'm sixteen, dumbass. And I'm here because I'm… following someone," he murmured, trying to keep his voice down. He glanced over his shoulder again. Well, damn. Axel was out of sight now. But at least the footprints were still there.

Marlboro Man rolled his eyes. "Well, I've heard that one a lot. Is this person in trouble?" He gave Roxas a somewhat scrutinizing expression, but he didn't want to pressure too much.

"Yeah. Well, kind of. I don't know exactly where he goes, but it's close to here I guess. He's that red haired guy you passed." At this, Marlboro Man's expression fell. He stood up straight, took off his hat and scratched the back of his head, almost as if he was embarrassed or something.

"Oh. Axel?" he said, voice somewhat strained. Roxas scowled, but nodded his head nevertheless. Evidently, Axel had a sort of reputation here. That wasn't exactly a good thing, but at least he knew where Axel was now.

Roxas crossed his arms, shivering somewhat. "So you know where he goes?" inquired the boy, trying to keep his teeth from chattering. He wanted to keep moving; at least it kept his blood moving, and he didn't get as cold.

"Yeah. I know. I'm there a lot," said Marlboro Man, giving a somewhat crooked smile. Roxas tensed again; he didn't like the tone that the man had used in his voice. He almost sounded guilty of something.

The blonde gave the taller man an inquisitive look. "For what?" he asked, voice suspicious. Marlboro Man didn't look like he was into cocaine. He seemed healthy and generally sober, save for the fact that his trench-coat smelled like cigarettes and cheap booze.

"Er, you should ask yer friend," said the cowboy, dodging Roxas's eyes. The blonde rolled his eyes, turning away from the older man to try to get some answers.

"…So how was Axel in bed?"

Marlboro Man grinned. "He's like a damned cat in heat, tha' one," said the cowboy, speaking as if he was a child talking about a toy. And thus, Roxas's suspicions were confirmed. He groaned into his hand, and Marlboro Man's face fell. "Er, wait, I—I didn' say that! Er, he's as sweet as an angel, I'm not sleepin' with him! My heart's devoted ta Squall! It's a conspiracy, I tell ya!"

While the auburn haired man rambled, Roxas got increasingly angrier. _Axel's a goddamn _minor, _this asshole should get thrown into jail and sodomized by some guy named Bubba. _"Look, can you just take me to wherever the hell he's going? I don't give a fuck if you've slept with him, I'm guessing half of the people in this neighborhood alone have, too."

The man froze, giving a slightly awkward laugh before placing his hat back on his head. He tried to smile and look friendly, but he failed somewhat miserably. He opened his mouth to say something, but Roxas interrupted him. "And I'm not getting in your car. You can lead me there on foot."

Nodding tentatively, the cowboy slumped his way back to the car, grumbling about how the blonde was paying for it if it got stolen. It wasn't the nicest of neighborhoods to leave a car, (even if it was barely intact), alone, and there was a high chance it would be stolen. Marlboro Man locked the vehicle, before dragging his feet back over to Roxas. "Lead the way," murmured Roxas, and the cowboy grunted in return.

The walk to the slightly derelict-looking place was a short one. While the house wasn't exactly falling apart, and it was reasonably large, it needed new paint and the deck was almost rotting. Roxas scowled—well, it definitely looked like the kind of place that he pictured. Maybe a little less run-down, but with snow laying like icing on the roof, it looked very much like something out of some kind of bad porn flick.

Roxas glanced over to the cowboy, as if asking if this was the place. Marlboro Man nodded, pulling a half-finished pack of cigarettes out of the inner pocket of his jacket. _Hey, those aren't Marlboros. I guess I have to give him a new nickname. _He idly shoved one into his mouth, chewing on the filter as he lit up. "I'm not goin' in with ya. Lex would skin me for comin' back," he murmured over the cigarette, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'll wait for ya to get back out, though."

The blonde nodded, making his ways up the steps, avoiding the rotting ones. He didn't exactly want to fall through. He stepped up to the door, steeling his nerves as he let his hand hover over the doorknob.

Unfortunately, the door was opened for him. Roxas found himself facing a stomach. Hell, this guy was a giant. He just _towered _over the blonde, and Roxas quickly found himself staring up into hard, condescending eyes and a dead-set mouth. _Oh, shit. _

"…Who is it? Get out of the way, idiot, let me see," said a somewhat grumpy male, pushing his way past the imposing figure in the door. Roxas took a step back as a rather short man stuck his face as close to Roxas's as possible. "…Hm. Who the hell are you? You don't look like the people around here. How old are you? Ten? Nine? Don't answer that, keep your mouth shut and only nod or shake your head."

The guy looked like he had jumped out of a cartoon. Purple-blue-silver (hell, Roxas couldn't even classify the colour) hair that fell into narrow eyes, he would've looked ready to kill if not for the fact he was half-dressed and looked like something out of a Japanese cartoon. The giant behind him sighed, placing a broad hand on the short man's shoulder. "Go back inside," he murmured, baritone voice soft. "I don't want you to catch col—"

"Oh, shut up and go back inside. I'll deal with this pipsqueak myself," said the small man, crossing his arms over his narrow chest and staring down the blonde. "Are you looking for Squall? Nod if 'yes', shake your head if 'no'."

"Zexion…" murmured the large man, only to have a small palm on his chest trying to push him back into the house moments later. Roxas merely shook his head; who the hell was 'Squall'? He didn't understand what was going on.

'Zexion' scowled, turning a glare back to Roxas. "Okay. Not looking for Squall, huh? Well, are you looking for Rikku? I doubt it, nobody's looking for Rikku these days. Okay, so not Rikku," said the man, before Roxas even had a chance to respond. "Axel?"

At this, the youth frantically nodded. Zexion quirked an eyebrow, turning a glance back to the large man who was still standing in the doorway. "Urgh, didn't I tell you to go back inside?" said the slightly manic man at the doorway. "Get, get. I can deal with this myself, you big oaf!" The large man's face softened somewhat, but he didn't leave.

Scowling, Zexion analyzed Roxas once more. "You… don't look like the kind of person who shows up here. You're lost, aren't you? I mean, you look like some damn virgin who got lost. I don't need this right now! Lexaeus, kill him!"

Roxas immediately stiffened. The situation was evidently taking a turn for the worse. _Oh, shit, I am so fucked. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. _While he was praying for a quick and painless death, he didn't notice the large man's lips tug upward into a smirk. 'Lexaeus', as it seemed, was amused. He brought one massive hand upward to run thick fingers through wiry hair. "Relax. I won't kill you," he said, tone quiet as it had been before.

The blonde visibly relaxed. Well, now that he knew he wasn't going to die, he wasn't particularly scared. Zexion's lips were pressed into a straight, angry line as he flashed a grimace up at Lexaeus. "What, going soft on me because of some prissy 10 year old? I miss the days when you'd attack someone on command."

"I'm not ten," retorted Roxas, glowering at Zexion. The man wasn't all that much bigger than him in size, but he evidently possessed a personality that wasn't one to be trifled with. "I'm sixteen. And I'm looking for Axel Erickson. He's here, right?" If Brad Pitt Marlboro Man Whatever the Fuck His Name Was led him there on a wild goose-chase, there was going to be some ass kicking—after all, the guy was still just out of the viewpoint of the house, probably smoking a few dozen cigarettes and waiting for him. Well, maybe. Roxas wasn't even sure; Marlboro Man wasn't the most trustworthy looking person, after all.

"Axel? He _is _here," said Zexion, glancing back towards Lexaeus. The large man gave him a slightly weary look before disappearing into the house. From over Zexion, Roxas couldn't make out much of the dark room behind him. But man, the stench coming from the place was almost overpowering; sex, drugs and booze hung in the air, and Roxas almost gagged. Lexaeus came back into view and gave the both of them hard looks. It was evident Zexion did the talking and Lexaeus was the muscle behind the operation. "But he's busy at the moment."

"And by 'busy', I presume he's passed out or high," questioned Roxas, cynicism tingeing his voice. After a moment, the lilac haired man gave a hesitant nod. He didn't budge when Lexaeus slid a jacket over his shoulders; he didn't want the younger man getting cold, after all.

Lexaeus sighed. "You should go home," he stated, his voice almost commanding. Roxas almost flinched; these guys were damn intimidating, and if had been any other teenager standing there, they would've ran away by then.

"Look, I know I must be the weirdest person in the world to you guys right now, but I really need to get him out of here. Like, I don't even like this idiot, but he's… I don't even fucking know, I just hate seeing him like this," stated Roxas. Zexion shrugged, leaning his body against the doorway where Lexaeus stood. He idly let one hand peek out from under the coat to pull it closer to his body.

"He's this way because he wants to be. I doubt you'll be able to change that," said Zexion, his voice clipped and to the point. He wasn't the type of person to repeat himself, and his words were deathly serious. You couldn't change a person by just telling them to. It took time and effort and dedication and in Axel's case, rehab.

Lexaeus backed away from the doorway, placing his hands on Zexion's shoulders and practically dragging him back into the house. "You're working on a lost cause," murmured the large man, seemingly intending to end the conversation.

"Well, go away. We don't want you here. Marluxia would be angry with us for telling you this much," said Zexion, scowling. In two seconds flat, the door was shut and locked, and Roxas stood there with a dumbstruck expression on his face, wondering what the hell just happened.

Roxas felt disappointed; somewhat in himself, mostly in Axel. He hated the fact that he had morals—he couldn't leave Axel to kill himself. It wasn't… humane. He couldn't stand watching Axel pick at his skin, or cry, or laugh or act nice to him or anything that he did when he was stoned. It was scary.

He was afraid.

The blond stepped off of the porch, movements lethargic as he made his way back over to Marlboro Man. The cowboy gave him a half grin as Roxas stood beside him. "Find yer friend? I guess not, or else he'd be here with ya."

Roxas sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets once more. "…They wouldn't even tell me what he was doing," murmured the blonde, hating that he looked far too innocent for his own good. He often got treated like a little kid because of it.

"That's Zexion for ya. Hell, I've been goin' there for God knows how many years, and he still hates me. Nothin' personal, he's jus' not a friendly guy," said Marlboro Man, smiling somewhat crookedly.

The youth glowered at the ground. He felt cheated. He wanted to know what the hell was going on. And then it came to him. "Hey, wait," he said, chin rising. "You've been in there. What exactly goes on? Like, they do drugs, it's a crack house, but you don't look like the type to…"

Marlboro Man shrugged. "I'm friends with the owner of that there house. He runs a kinna drug ring or somethin'. I dunno, I don't pay attention to it," he muttered. Roxas's brows knit. He knew this guy wasn't telling the whole story. There was something about him that Roxas just didn't trust.

"…So I guess Axel's just in it for the drugs," said Roxas, leaning his head back to stare at the sky. The cowboy shrugged, tipping his hat a little bit lower so that the brim shaded his eyes.

The older man nodded. "Yep. It'd seem so," he stated, voice somewhat offhand. Roxas wasn't sure, and he didn't know the guy well enough, but there was something about him that made the blonde feel like he didn't know the truth.

"Well, I guess I'm going home then," said Roxas, reaching upward to pull the collar of his jacket around his neck a little bit more. Marlboro Man gave him a slightly confused look.

"You're not gonna walk, are ya kid? How far d'you live from here?" said Marlboro Man, quirking an eyebrow. Roxas scowled—there was no way in hell he was letting the Chuck Norris wannabe give him a ride home.

Roxas shrugged. "I'll walk. I don't live too far away," he mumbled, even if he was lying through his teeth. He gave Marlboro Man one last wave (simply to show politeness) and practically tore off down the street.

He could hear the man following him, presumably to get back to his car. God knows why he left it there in the first place, instead of bringing it back up to the house along with him. Either Marlboro Man was a genuine idiot, or he was just trying to go unnoticed.

And when he once again heard the distinct sound of the cowboy falling on his ass, he knew it was option number one.

* * *

Roxas woke up the next morning with Axel curled around him, as per usual. He didn't even bother to push the older boy away. He was too tired from his adventures last night, and hell, he was just happy to have the kid home. 

…_Am I really happy? _Roxas mused on this. He didn't like Axel. He didn't particularly enjoy having him around, even. The red head was a two faced asshole who was selfish, greedy and useless. He wasn't even worth a place in Roxas's brain, as far as the blonde was concerned.

But that was the problem. He _was_ concerned.

He didn't like that fact. Axel was gay, he was a goddamn faggot; Roxas wasn't supposed to like faggots. Not even a little bit. The cherry on top of his already macabre sundae was that Axel was especially promiscuous; the kid was probably crawling with all sort of STDs. Roxas didn't even know why he was letting Axel touch him at all.

Even so, the blonde just sighed. The sun had barely risen, and he was wide awake. He couldn't go back to sleep. Sunday mornings were always the best to sleep in, but he found himself unable to do such a thing when Axel was in his room.

At the same time, he didn't really want to move. The red head was warm against his side, leg draped over Roxas's, head nuzzled in between the pillow and the blonde's head. Axel was still taller, and thus pretty much dwarfed the younger boy in comparison—even so, Roxas couldn't help but compare him to a giant, bony teddy-bear. He had no idea someone so crude, demented and offish could be so cuddly.

But man, did Axel ever have a bad case of morning breath.

Roxas pushed him away as soon as the red head's mouth got too close. He sat upright, scooting himself to the edge of the bed before standing up. "Wake up, dipshit," he murmured to Axel, kicking the edge of the bed.

The red head groaned and rolled onto his side. Well, that was a no.

So, instead of kicking the bed, Roxas smacked Axel across the face. The red head immediately retaliated, even though he was lethargic in his movements. The blonde just snorted, throwing on some clothes and marching out of the room.

* * *

It was the usual thing between the two of them; lying on the couch, Axel slightly grumpy and Demyx more than happy to have the red head in his presence. The blonde was on top of the red head, hands almost everywhere, lips locked with the younger man's. 

The red head groaned under his touch, grinding his hips against Demyx's, trying to make him go faster. He hated being treated like some kind of princess, and goddamnit, that was exactly what Demyx tended to do, lately. He took his time—and really, that wasn't like the musician at all.

So, Axel decided to say something about it. He tugged his lips away, bringing a hand up to push the musician up a little bit. Demyx gave him a slightly confused look through his foggy eyed stupor. "…What?"

"If you're not gonna fuck me already, then I'll just leave," snorted the red head, already moving to sit up. The dirty blonde didn't budge, instead pushing Axel back down.

Frustration. He didn't get why the younger man didn't understand. "…Axel, I can't just… fuck you…" he mumbled, hating the fact that he sounded so childish. But still, he needed to get it out in the open. "I can't. Because I lo—"

Axel cut him off with a punch in the face.

Demyx felt the skin on his lip break. He felt the blood dribble down his chin. Even so, he couldn't hate the red head for it. The musician knew it was coming; he'd screwed up. But everyone deserved a second chance, right?

"Don't even fucking _think _about saying that," said Axel, his voice dripping with venom. The dirty blonde sighed, making a move to get off of the couch. He was held back, however. "I didn't say you had to leave. Just don't tell me that."

He always hated hearing those words.

* * *

**disclaimer: still don't own anything.**


	8. i need some sleep

gin and sin  
chapter eight

_everyone says i'm getting down too low  
everyone says: "you just gotta let it go"  
"you just gotta let it go"  
i just gotta let it go_  
i need some sleep - eels

* * *

Roxas didn't know what the hell he was going to do. He was pretty much screwed, in all meaning of the word. He didn't know what he was going to do about Axel – the kid was still disappearing into that weird little mystery house pretty much every night now. 

Curiosity was eating away at his insides. He wanted to know what was going on. Drugs, obviously, but he knew that wasn't all there was to it. Roxas wasn't stupid; he knew there was sex. He just needed to hear it from Axel. He needed to know if Axel was actually selling himself for drugs.

It all sounded so sick.

Sunday. He could barely open his eyes, let alone get out of his bed. Sitting up, he glanced to his side; yeah, Axel was there as usual. Sighing, Roxas slid his leg out from under the covers, before bringing his entire body out and getting off of the bed. He didn't want to wake Axel up – the guy was damn grumpy if woken up any time before noon on weekends.

The blonde could hear people moving around downstairs. It was no doubt that Naminé and Sora were up already; the two were adamant early risers, after all. Selphie was probably raising hell, to boot. Scratching the back of his head, trying to find a pair of socks, Roxas wondered if he was actually ready to go downstairs. He didn't really feel like facing the rest of his family.

Abandoning any thought of socks, he opened his bedroom door and made his way onto the main floor, hands running against the walls framing the stairs as he moved downward. He immediately found himself bumping against his mother on the last step, however. "Uh, mom?" he questioned, backing away slightly. Tia gave him a tiny smile.

"Can I talk to you for a bit? It won't take long," said the woman, quirking her head slightly. Roxas scowled, but nodded nevertheless. Tia led him over to the kitchen table, where a rather large stack of paper sat in the center. Roxas eyed the brochures somewhat wearily, wondering if his mother was about to con him into going into ballet again.

Sitting down in one of the chairs, Tia rested her hands on the table before addressing the blonde. "I'm going to come right out and say it," stated Tia, before clearing her throat. "Axel has a problem."

_No shit_. Roxas's scowl only deepened, and the elder woman sighed. "What we need to do is make him admit that he has one. And then, we'll take him to a rehab center." She lifted one of the brochures and passed it to him. Roxas, still somewhat confused, let his eyes scan over the paper in his hands.

"_Recovery Acres Society?" _Roxas snorted, setting the paper down on the table. "Mom, he's not gonna go for this. And he's not on drugs." He didn't want his mother knowing about Axel's bizarre lifestyle. She didn't need to know.

It was Tia's turn to roll her eyes. "You still think I'm stupid? Roxas, I've fostered a lot of kids. I know what drug abuse looks like. Not to mention he acts bipolar." She tapped a finger on the table, eyes fixed on Roxas, trying to read him.

Turning his eyes away, Roxas mused for a moment. Axel definitely did show signs of bipolarity, but for the most part, he was probably just two-faced. Depression was another probable symptom, but Roxas couldn't be sure. Axel would probably remain a mystery for a long time; Roxas doubted that the older boy would tell him anything.

"So, could you please at least talk to him about it?" asked Tia, half-smiling. She really did want to help him, after all. Seeing kids mess up their lives wasn't the most satisfying thing ever. "Oh, and I want him to talk to an old friend of mine as well. Tomorrow, so tell him to keep his schedule free, okay?"

Somewhat blankly, Roxas nodded. He really wasn't the one to ask about Axel's apparent 'schedule', but he didn't know what to say. He understood his mother was only trying to help, but Axel was a lost cause. He didn't want to get better. He didn't want to quit doing drugs.

With a nod of her head, Tia stood up and left the kitchen, giving Roxas a few minutes to think. Glancing over the brochures, he realized that even taking Axel to one of those rehab centers, to see people getting themselves out of drug abuse, might be somewhat beneficial. But he knew that he wouldn't be able to convince the older boy alone. He'd need help.

Frowning, Roxas thought. Demyx was definitely out of the question. Although it seemed the dirty blonde had gotten himself out of the drug scene, he knew that Axel would freak out before Demyx even got a word in. _But who else do I know that knows Axel…?_

Zack.

Roxas immediately brightened. He knew that Zack and Axel didn't exactly see eye-to-eye, but it would be worth a shot. Quirking a smile and feeling happy with himself, Roxas stood up and immediately turned towards the stairs. He had to go wake Axel up.

* * *

Axel trailed behind Roxas, pace somewhat leisurely. It was obvious he wasn't all there – he had bumped into countless things, talked to a few signs, nearly tripped over a dog, and wouldn't shut the hell up. While whatever he'd done before they'd left (to 'loosen up', as he'd said) wasn't as heavy as his usual poison, it still deluded him quite well. 

"Roxas, haha, I'm so horny," laughed the red head, flicking dilated eyes around wildly, bemused by all of the lights and sounds. "If you suck me off, I'll give you candy." Snorting, the blonde raised a hand to give Axel a sharp slap on the head. "Ow, that hurt!"

Scowl deepening, Roxas decided to inform Axel the exact details of their little trip. "We're going to a church. You know, that one you go to sometimes. I don't know what it's called though," murmured the blonde. Axel's head bobbed slightly, as if he was listening to some kind of music that Roxas couldn't hear.

"Cool. Churches are fun. They have those cool windows that I like to look at and they're shiny and colourful and sweet." Roxas felt like beating him with a brick. Really, the psychedelic, tripping on most likely shrooms or something like that-Axel wasn't any better than the neurotic, twitchy one Roxas encountered at night.

Dipping his head further into his jacket, the blonde's demeanor only darkened. "Can't you just stay sober, for like, twenty minutes? At least? This is kind of important," he murmured, wishing he'd brought a scarf. His nose was cold.

"Nuh-uh. I'm gonna be high for hours, man," said Axel, laughing as if everything in the world was funny. He was barely even aware of the fact that he'd stepped in a big slushy puddle, and his sneakers were basically soaked. Roxas wondered if he was cold. "This one time, I tripped for like, a few days. I can't really remember much about it, but it was fun and I'd do it again. Oh, hey, let's cut through here."

Roxas watched Axel duck under a low tree-branch, before deciding that he should follow. Tailing the taller boy, he was sent through snow-crested shrubbery, dodging undergrowth as the red head let it slap back into his face. "Where are you going?" he asked, stumbling over a root. They were cutting through someone's backyard, and it just didn't seem right.

Finally out of the bushes, Roxas raised his head, finding himself standing in a large, snowy field. They were at a school, or the local Catholic school to be more precise. He didn't know about that particular shortcut. Evidently, Axel knew his way around a lot better than he did.

He made his way over to where Axel stood, staring out at the white expanse. "I like the winter," mumbled the older boy, as Roxas stood beside him. "I love the cold. I wish it was winter all year round." Roxas, who liked the summer, didn't know what to say. It was probably the most truthful thing he'd heard Axel say in a long time.

"But why? You could get pneumonia and die," grumbled the younger. He hated the winter. It was way too cold, and he didn't like getting wet from the snow. Axel just cast him an airy glance, before taking off running and laughing like some sort of maniac. Roxas, standing where he was, observed the older boy, noticing how much he resembled a chicken. In a way, it was a little bit funny, but at the same time, so damn sad it almost made Roxas want to shoot Axel and end his misery forever.

Finally, about three quarters of the way down the field, Axel slowed down and slumped over, obviously tired out. Smoker's lungs definitely weren't the best thing for someone who felt like running around like an idiot. Roxas slowly walked over to him, taking his time about it, because Axel sure as hell wasn't going to be running anywhere.

Standing beside the red head, Roxas felt unusually at ease. Axel had showed literally no hostility towards him for the day, and the blonde was beginning to think that the older boy was finally beginning to lighten up.

Axel stood up straight again, still looking rather distorted. "I'd live here if I could," he said airily, wavering on his feet. He looked like a strong wind could blow him over. Hell, one probably could.

"Why?" inquired Roxas, glancing up towards the older boy. Axel looked back at him with a crooked smile, before making his way over to the school playground.

"C'mon, I'll show you," he said, before breaking into a mad flood of words. He just wouldn't stop talking. Dazed and high, Axel was basically a walking train wreck waiting to happen. Roxas didn't want him to ever crash down, see him depressed and sobbing. He observed it often when Axel came down from his coke binges, and it was really a depressing image.

They walked a little further, an odd little space between the gym doors and a window that looked like it contained a kindergarten class. Upon setting foot on the snow-sprinkled asphalt, Axel immediately set to cleaning the snow away with the side of his foot. Yellow paint with a slick skin of ice was revealed under his ministrations, and Roxas wondered what in the world he was doing.

Soon enough, whatever Axel had been looking for was completely revealed. "Hopscotch? Is that what you came to show me?" questioned Roxas, cynicism tingeing his voice.

"Look at where you're standing," said Axel, pointing at Roxas's feet. The blonde looked down, finding he was still standing in snow. Clearing the white away, he revealed the word 'earth'. Glancing over to where Axel was standing at the end of the hopscotch game, he read one word.

Heaven.

Axel grinned, sliding his hands through his belt-loops and rocking back and forth on his heels. "I like this place. Lots. And the windows look really sweet right now, and colourful and oh, man, Roxas, you should see it." The thing that Axel didn't understand was Roxas was looking at the same windows with the same childish scribbles that were passed off as artwork taped to the glass. He just didn't see the beauty in something so simple. "You need to see it."

_I can_. Sighing, Roxas let his eyes wander over to Axel's frame. For once, the red head wasn't shaking or really abnormal in any way. He was high, he was happy and that was good enough for Roxas. "We should get going," said the blonde. He still wanted to get to the church, and he knew it wasn't too far from here.

Axel was lost in his own little world, oblivious to his surroundings. He felt euphoric, and he didn't want anyone bringing him down. Even so, he couldn't just stand on heaven forever. "…Okay."

Sighing, Roxas grabbed Axel's upper arm, dragging him down the snowy asphalt. Axel stumbled along, eyes glassy, unaware of what was really going on. Roxas knew that Zack wasn't going to like seeing his little cousin high, but Axel refused to follow Roxas in the first place, unless he was happy.

They continued walking, both of them taking visual cues as to the location of the church. Finally, they came across the same shabby-looking church that they had visited over a month ago. Christmas lights were displayed (although, some of them had been stolen), lighting up the area surrounding with merry colours.

"In here," murmured Roxas, knowing that it was a Sunday, and they were probably invading some sort of service or something. But still, he needed to talk to Zack, and Aerith would most likely know where he was. Opening the door, he allowed Axel in first, before following inside.

Wiping wet feet off on the dirty carpet, Roxas took in the familiar surroundings. The wallpaper had been replaced, at least. Glancing over to where Axel was standing listlessly, Roxas sighed; the red head was still completely out of it.

Further into the church, Merlin (who Roxas remembered as an eccentric priest) was speaking from the bible. Roxas, not really a religious person, didn't know what he was talking about, for the most part, but chose to drag Axel into one of the pews anyway. They'd wait until the sermon was finished before questioning Aerith. He could see the girl sitting near the front, looking very ecstatic about being there.

The sermon dragged on. Roxas was barely aware of what was going on, and had even begun to nod off. He had no idea how long the lectures were, but some of the hymns sung were actually kind of pretty. Axel remained lucid; eyes fixed anywhere there was colour. Finally, after everything was said and done (and Roxas had actually fallen asleep), a warm voice woke him up.

"Wake up, sleepyhead."

Opening one eye, then the other, Roxas took in the sight of a smiling Aerith. She looked all but thrilled to see him, a slightly larger Figaro struggling in her arms to get away. "How long have you two been here?" inquired the woman, nodding to where Axel was sitting and staring out into space.

"Uh, I don't know," murmured Roxas, reaching one hand upward to rub at a bleary eye. Everything was a little fuzzy, and he wasn't quite awake yet. "Since… well, for a while."

Aerith nodded, finally letting Figaro go, placing the kitten in Axel's lap. The red head didn't even notice the calico, simply continuing to gaze airily up at the tapestries. Roxas, however, took hand of the cat, murmuring, "Missed you, stupid cat."

"I suppose Axel's here to look for… Zack? Hmm, he's here somewhere. He was talking about bacon before, and I don't really know what that has to do with anything… Oh dear, I'm rambling, aren't I?" Aerith giggled behind a slim hand, before motioning for both of the boys to stand up. "He's probably in the back. Let's go find him, shall we?"

She led them into the familiar back room, where Aerith's gaggle of flowers filled the room. Axel looked possibly more dazed, due to all of the colours and scents. Roxas could hear Zack's familiar laughter in a nearby room, the one Roxas remembered as the kitchen.

The black haired man was there, of course, leaning against a counter and talking to an elderly woman. He wore a stupid grin on his face, the usual one, while he chatted with her. Roxas didn't really take him as the overly religious type, and he was probably only there because Aerith forced him to go. _I wonder if Cloud's around here… _

Upon spotting Aerith, Zack glanced at her, but continued to carry on his conversation with the older woman who had the 'nice young man' in her cheek-pinching grip. When the woman finally hobbled away, to presumably visit the rest of the people, and both Roxas and Aerith finally approached Zack.

Upon seeing Axel, however, Zack grew mildly distressed. "…Uh, Axel. Nice to see you," he murmured, eyes fixed on the red head (who was still rather disoriented). "Roxas, you too."

"Likewise," murmured the blonde, crossing his arms in distaste. Axel continued to look like he wasn't there, and Zack looked like he was getting more uncomfortable by the second.

Clearing his throat, the black haired man murmured, "How have you been, Axel?" It was a general question, as Zack didn't exactly want to take things too deep with Aerith standing right there. Roxas could see the tension in his body – he looked ready to snap.

"I've been happy," said Axel, giving an airy laugh. Aerith looked a little frightened of his bizarre actions, but she was too polite to say anything. "I'm so happy right now. I can't feel my mouth."

Zack's face contorted into something of a scowl, but he quickly flipped it up into one of his usual smiles. He wasn't the kind of person to be negative, and he preferred to joke about anything and everything. "Well, uh, that's… good."

It was about that point that Axel burst out in pointless laughter, and he kept laughing until he was coughing up blood because his throat was raw. Zack just watched, eyes melancholy, but still wearing that forced little smile. Trying not to let the blood dribble from his lips, Axel swallowed thickly, turning glazed eyes up towards his cousin. "So fuckin' happy, man, you have no idea how happy I am."

"You don't look happy," said Zack, under his breath. Axel was laughing again, and jabbering about whatever he could think about. Aerith looked displeased, and Roxas looked like he wanted to kick the older boy.

Glancing around nervously, Zack decided he'd better get to the point. Planting a hand on his hip, he assumed his usual 'big brother' form, the same kind of guise he assumed for Cloud when they were a little younger. And hell, he knew Axel needed the guidance. "You can't be high forever. Axel, you're too thin, and you're stoned. You need to go to rehab."

It seemed that the lavender-eyed man and Tia were on the same psychological level. Roxas wanted to smack himself in the head as Axel's expression of joy quickly deteriorated. "You're killin' my buzz, Zaff, or whatever the fuck your name is. I'm leavin', I don't need to hear this shit. C'mon, Roxas," stated the red head, before marching out of the room before anyone else could get a word in.

Roxas gave a sympathetic look to Zack, but he found that the man wasn't even there. He'd followed Axel – evidently, this man didn't give up on people that easily. It was a trait to be admired, but his perseverance might prove to be his demise in this particular situation.

"Listen to me!" said Zack, rushing after the dazed red head. Axel really wasn't moving very quickly, but Zack didn't want to disrupt people by running through the flower room, where people were observing the Christmas flowers Aerith had taken care of. Figaro had to skitter out of the way to avoid the man's heavy footsteps, and gave an irritated hiss when both Roxas and Aerith followed after him.

Axel kept moving, ducking through the pews, creating a zigzag and forcing the other three to trail after him. Zack's anger grew, and Roxas _still _wanted to kick the older boy. "Just hear me out, okay?" pleaded Zack, following Axel as the red head bolted out of the doors, onto the street, and consequently slammed into Merlin (who'd only been bidding people goodbye).

"Aha, Santa!" laughed Axel, before taking off into an awkward run, speeding across the street and narrowly missing a car. Zack slowed, glaring at Axel's rapidly retreating figure. He shoved his hands into his pockets and kicked at the ground – he didn't take defeat easily. Merlin looked surprised, the comical frown on his face only made more humorous by his high eyebrows.

Roxas sighed. "There isn't much we can do," murmured the blonde, glancing up to Zack. The older man's eyes were cold, and Aerith looked visibly upset.

"There's always something you can do," murmured the black haired man. "I'm going to call his mother." With that, Zack turned back into the church and disappeared without even saying goodbye.

Roxas didn't know what to say or do. He just stood there, feeling a little bit miserable, and not quite willing to go home and face Axel again, yet. He and Aerith held a meager conversation, before awkward silence took over, and she went back into the church. Merlin, still bidding people goodbye, finally turned to Roxas.

"He's right, you know!" claimed the older man, clapping a friendly hand on Roxas's shoulder. The blonde felt uneasy again – he didn't trust most people.

"Who's right?" said Roxas, scowling.

Merlin gave that smile, the one that made everyone think he had a secret that was so important they had to know. "Zack. 'There's always something you can do'."

"Not always." The young boy felt pessimistic, crossing those arms again and glaring moodily at the slushy sidewalk.

The priest continued smiling, gangly fingers linked behind his back as he attempted to spread his glee to the rest of the world by merely looking upon its people.

"_Nimirum illic est. _Because all things truly wicked start from an innocence."

* * *

Sunday passed. Roxas didn't even bother talking to Axel, even as the boy slipped into his bed and pressed a damp face against his neck, as he usually did. Crying. 

Monday came. Tia informed Roxas in the morning about visiting the therapist after school. Oh, how Roxas _dreaded _that word. He'd seen so many therapists when he was young, that he was entirely sick of the people. They made their profession of pretending to understand people, and making themselves feel worse about the world.

Roxas analyzed them as much as they analyzed him. They were always the same, staring down at him, pretending he was less of a person because he had some anger issues, some bipolarity disorders and he had to take pills to keep his rage in check. He wasn't like that anymore, of course, but he still carried his intense dislike for therapists.

He thought about therapists on his walk to school. He thought about therapists while ignoring all of his teachers, his friends. He thought about therapists at lunch, while he forced himself to eat something, and he didn't pay attention to Pence or Hayner or Olette. He thought about therapists through his entire math class. The only time he didn't think about therapists was when he was thinking about Axel. The only _other _time he wasn't thinking about therapists was when the teacher, Luxord (most people avoided his last name), stopped him to talk for a moment, after the last class of the day.

"Your grades have been slipping, as of late," stated the blonde man, fingers linked where they balanced on his desk. His voice was heavily accented, and his enunciation was precise. He pronounced his T's, and Roxas could always see his tongue hit the back of his teeth whenever he did. "Do I need to bring you back here for more instruction after school?"

Roxas hiked his backpack up higher on his shoulder, blinking dumbly at the teacher. He hadn't really been paying attention to anything Luxord had said. He'd been staring at his earrings – the guy had a lot of earrings. "Uh…" mumbled Roxas, flicking his eyes around. Luxord had the most intense, scrutinizing stare, and he was so critical that it almost hurt to look him in the face.

Eyebrow raised, Luxord got to his feet, kicking his chair back as he did so. He was known as one of the 'cooler' teachers, so it made him a lot easier to talk to. Pretty much everyone got along with him, whether they wanted to or not.

Pacing to the front of the desk, the teacher analyzed his student. Roxas felt like a bug under study, an imaginary pin forced through his chest, making him stay put for observance. Luxord pursed his lips for a moment, before speaking. "Is everything quite alright at home, Roxas?"

The blonde's eyes went wide. He fumbled on words — he was never very good at lying. "G'uh, everything's fine," he stammered, back going perfectly straight. He was nervous, and it showed everywhere. Luxord easily picked up on the tension in the boy's body, but if he didn't want to talk it was fine. He'd just call the councilors later, to check up on his student.

"If you say so," murmured Luxord. Concern was easily heard in his voice, but Roxas really didn't want to talk. He didn't even talk to his friends, let alone a teacher.

"Er, anyway, I'll see you tomorrow," murmured the younger blonde, wanting more than anything to leave. Luxord sighed, giving a slight nod of his head.

"Just catch up on those grades. Don't fall behind." With that, Roxas left the classroom, bent on getting home quickly. He wanted to talk to Axel about the therapist they were going to be seeing later, before the older boy got stoned or something.

He hadn't made it more than a couple of steps down the emptying hallway, before running into Hayner. The boy looked beyond angry, arms crossed and staring him down like he'd robbed a bank. Roxas, taken aback, glared at him with equal fervor. He could practically see the sparks.

"You bailed again, Roxas."

It was an accusation. Roxas didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything at all. Hayner, brown eyes feeling like needles sticking into Roxas's face, glared, lip curling slightly. "You said you'd come see us on Sunday. But you didn't. Roxas, how many times has it been now, huh?"

Roxas couldn't even count. He hadn't actually showed up to one of their excursions since, well, since Axel showed up. _Two months… Jeez, I really am kind of an asshole. _Feeling a little bit guilty, now, Roxas bit his lip. "Look, I'm… I'm sorry, I've just been—"

"Let me guess, really busy? Or is Naminé still 'sick'?" said Hayner, voice incredibly sarcastic. He rolled his eyes, and Roxas felt entirely frustrated.

He didn't know what to do. Telling Hayner about Axel would save him a lot of grief, but at the same time, it would possibly create _more _conflict. Giving a dry swallow, Roxas clenched his fists. It was time to come clean.

"The reason I… haven't been around lately… is, er, there's someone new at my house," he murmured, glancing to the floor. He couldn't look Hayner in the eyes.

Both of Hayner's eyebrows raised precariously. His interest was piqued. "…Someone new, huh? You shoulda just told us, Roxas. I mean, it's not like it matters that much," said the other boy. Roxas took a shaky breath, preparing himself for one hell of an explanation.

"Can we walk?" suggested the blonde, earning a half-nod from his friend. Neither moved. It was too awkward for someone to make the first move. So, Hayner did, walking forward, and leaving Roxas to follow.

"So talk."

Roxas looked at Hayner with a detached sort of fascination. He didn't know where to start, or where to end, or even, what to say. "Well, the… person living at my house. Er, it's been distracting me a lot."

Hayner snorted. "No shit," he grumbled, and Roxas allowed himself a tiny smile. He kind of missed hanging out with Hayner, and forcing himself to put up with the boy's negativity. "Go on."

"Er, this person… well, it's… I'm living with a cocaine addicted prostitute." He figured it would be easier to just spit it all out. After all, Hayner would understand.

Of course, he looked taken aback, staring at his shoes as he walked. He took his time in answering. "…Tia actually let her into the house? I know she… she likes to help people, but that seems a bit much." Roxas nearly winced upon hearing 'her'. He supposed most people would have assumed that, since male prostitution was less brought up than that of females.

"Yeah, well, I guess it was kind of my doing," murmured the blonde, choosing his words carefully. Hayner looked a little suspicious, so Roxas took a deep breath and continued. "I mean, I was the one who kind of… offered to let the person stay."

Hayner snorted. "You just wanted her to give you favors so she could stay, right?" Roxas immediately darkened. While Axel had brought that up initially, he couldn't imagine it like that, ever.

"It's not like that. Don't talk about it that way," he ostracized, entirely serious. Hayner caught on quickly, and closed his mouth. Musing for a moment, Roxas kept talking. "Anyway, that's why I've been ditching lately. 'Cause I gotta help. I mean, I don't want him to die."

Blinking dark brown eyes, Hayner cautiously glanced up to Roxas. "…Him?" Roxas stiffened, arms going rigid at his sides. He realized he'd let a bit of information he'd wanted to keep secret slip.

Well, there was no use covering now. "Yeah… It's a guy." Hayner stopped walking, looking almost amused and a little bit horrified.

"So, let me get this straight," said the boy, placing one hand on his hip, the other pointing at Roxas as if accusing him. "There's a coke snorting male prostitute living at your house, and he's the reason why we haven't seen each other in almost two months?"

The blonde nodded, flicking blue eyes away. He was actually ashamed to admit it. "Yeah… I've been trying to help him. It's taken up a lot of my time," he murmured, embarrassed.

Hayner grinned, and Roxas was a little confused. "You shoulda told us, Roxas! If it's something like that, it's cool. Hey, you could've even asked _us _to help," said the taller boy, wrapping an arm around Roxas's shoulders and giving him a semi-hug.

_Hayner. Pence. Olette. I really have ignored them. I should've just told them. _Roxas sighed, edging out of Hayner's hold. He'd had enough boys touching him as of late. Axel was getting a little bit more eager to cuddle up to him whenever he had the chance.

"I need to go home," said the blonde, stopping at his locker. "Mom's taking Axel to a therapist today, and I need to give him a heads up." Hayner's eyes immediately opened.

"Axel? Ugh, that guy used to pick on us when we were in elementary school," groaned Hayner, before he realized who he was talking about. "Hold the phone. So you're saying that _bastard _is the drug-addicted hooker?" The idea didn't make sense in his head. He tried to recall an image of Axel, and could only ever remember the kid bothering him.

Roxas gave a shaky sigh, nodding his head. "Yeah. He's… different, now." Hayner snorted, leaning against the lockers beside Roxas's as the blonde went through his own. It took some real effort to pull out his stuffed backpack, but Roxas didn't make another sound.

"I guess," said Hayner, with a one-shouldered shrug. They were silent for a moment, as Roxas stuffed a few binders into his backpack, and put on his coat. "Hey, if you ever need any help with him, call me."

Hayner was a real friend. Roxas knew that. Even after two months of ditching him, he was still there, offering to help. The blonde felt a little relieved – Hayner really couldn't hold a grudge.

Without so much as another word, Roxas headed towards the entrance. He still had a bus to catch. As an afterthought, Hayner called; "Oh, I forgot. Olette needs to talk to you, so make time for her tomorrow."

Roxas merely waved over his shoulder. He knew Olette would forgive him, too, if she heard the situation. _I'll just have to tell her tomorrow._

* * *

Upon staring into the man's one eye, Roxas immediately felt intimidated. This guy was tall, he was imposing, he had scars running across his face and he looked like he belonged in the military or a jail cell somewhere. This was the kind of person that mothers warned their little girls about, and here he was, standing in a turtle neck sweater and black pants and conversing with his mother. 

This was Auron Harper, and he was Axel's therapist.

Tia smiled at Auron, shaking his hand as he offered it. The words the man was saying went right through Roxas's ears, but he still stood there in a daze, wondering what in the world he was going to do. Axel had closed up into himself again, looking a little bit depressed. It was probably because he was in need of a fix, and Roxas hadn't allowed it.

When Auron finally turned to Axel, assessing the boy, he was interrupted by a sudden blur of bleach blonde. "Hi! You must be crazy. I'm pretty crazy too, at least that's what Shuyin tells me, but he's whacko," said the boy, waving a finger around his ear in a 'crazy' motion.

Both Axel and Roxas subconsciously took a step back. Auron, who looked utterly tired, placed a hand on the strange teenager's shoulder, pulling him backward. "Tidus, that's enough." Tia even looked a little bit shaken up. Tidus just continued grinning, before his face almost snapped into a frown. He pushed Auron away, stumbling backward with a harsh look in his eyes.

"I don't need to listen to you!" he snarled, before sending a glare to Axel. "He'll fuck you over, too, buddy. You'd better get out of here while you can. He's trying to kill me."

_I knew it, _thought Roxas. Auron didn't look like any therapist he'd seen. Instead of having an office, Auron worked out of his home, most likely because the patients he did have were wary of being seen as crazy to the general public. The people who came to him were the ones who were quietly depressed – they didn't want anyone to know. Tia had heard of him through a co-worker, and thought it would be a good idea to check him out.

"Shuyin. Let Tidus back out," said Auron, voice calm, deep and almost dangerous. He glared at the teenager who returned the look with equal vehemence. Finally, their staring contest ended, and the bizarre blonde brightened up once again.

Tidus shot forward, grabbing hold of Axel's hands. He dragged the hesitant red head into the other room. "C'mon, man, I'll show you around! Chances are, you're gonna be spending a lot of time here, like I do," he laughed, and Auron, Roxas and Tia watched the two disappear into another room.

They looked at Auron for an explanation. Crossing his arms, the older man flicked that one harsh eye over to Roxas. "Multiple personality disorder," he murmured, offhandedly. "He got too much for his mother to handle, so he lives with me."

Tia nodded, clasping her hands together in front of her. "Oh dear. That poor boy," she said, feeling a little broken-hearted. She couldn't imagine a mother giving up her son because he had two personalities. There was just more of him to love that way.

"Like, so, he's got two people inside of his head?" questioned Roxas, curious. He had always wondered if there were actually people like that. He'd only ever heard about things like that in movies. The man nodded, but didn't say much more.

Sighing, Auron beckoned the two of them into the kitchen. He offered both Tia and Roxas something to drink, but they both declined, Tia more politely than her son. The three of them could hear Tidus talking loudly in one of the other rooms, as he showed Axel around the house.

Awkward silence hung in the air. Auron wasn't much of a talker, especially for a therapist. Roxas coughed, hands in his pockets as he tried to figure out what to say. "…Axel's depressed. And he's addicted to drugs, but he won't go to rehab," he murmured, figuring he should say something about the red head.

"I know," said Auron. He'd judged by simply looking at the boy. Far too thin, withdrawn, dry mouth, bloodshot eyes – he was the very definition of junkie. He wanted to say that he'd be useless in a situation like this. The boy needed to get clean physically before emotionally. It was hard to force someone to go into therapy, and this was exactly what Tia was trying to do. Her cause was noble, but really, it wouldn't go anywhere unless Axel wanted to be saved.

They were getting nowhere. Tia cleared her throat, speaking delicately. "I figured he needs someone to talk to. Someone who knows what they're doing, and I was told about you."

Auron fixed his stare at the clock, as if counting the seconds to when he could finally have some peace. "Yes. But, I don't know how much I'll be able to help." Tia nodded. She understood that she couldn't force anyone to change, but at least she could try.

Roxas, bored of the conversation already, wandered into the other room to try to find Axel. Upon walking for a bit, he found the red head in an office room with Tidus jabbering about something. With a slight wave, Roxas forced a smile. "Hey you guys."

Axel didn't so much as look at him. Sitting in one of the chairs with his knees pulled up to his chest, the red head looked entirely defeated. He didn't feel like talking to anyone, let alone some crazy kid who acted like he'd had too much sugar.

"Hey, hey! Didja talk to Auron? He's kind of an ass, but he's nice to me," said Tidus, lying back on the floor. He had a thing for sitting on the floor – he wasn't too fond of chairs. "I think Auron'll like him because he's quiet and not like me. He gets sick of me really quick, y'know."

_Gee, I wonder why. _Roxas felt out of place, a little bit scared and generally brain-dead. He didn't know what he was going to do with this particular situation. The idea of Axel going to therapy was almost funny.

The red head probably found it equally amusing. Or depressing. Axel didn't look like he was feeling much, right then. He was comfortably numb. That was the way that he wanted to stay.

Roxas wanted to leave.

Tidus kept on talking. He wouldn't shut up, so Roxas tuned him out and stared at Axel. The red head just kept sighing, eyes downcast. He couldn't even force himself to look out the window.

While Tidus continued to jabber, Roxas edged his way over to Axel. Standing beside the red head, he leaned in. He wanted to hear Axel's opinion. "So, do you actually want to come here and get therapy, or whatever?" murmured the blonde.

Axel shrugged. Around that point, Tidus's personalities had began to fight, and he kept switching between himself and 'Shuyin'. Evidently, Shuyin was far more hostile, and was almost making Tidus cry. It was a bizarre thing to watch, really.

Apparently, Auron had the ears of a dog, because as soon as the boy started arguing with his other self, the man showed up, with Tia right behind him. He pulled Tidus to his feet, giving the boy a harsh look that made him wince. Auron meant business, and he was going to help Tidus if he could.

"I think it's best we be going, now," said Tia, a little disturbed. Tidus was certainly a handful, and more and more she was learning why a mother would give someone like him up. He was completely unstable, and there were so many opportunities for something to go wrong.

Auron nodded, glancing at a wall clock. "When should we make our appointments? When's best for you, Axel?" The red head in question merely shrugged, not even bothering to look up.

"I don't care. It's whatever works for Tia," he mumbled. It wasn't like he had too much to do at home other than take care of Selphie and get high, anyway. Tia's face broke into a smile, and she and Auron discussed possible times for which to meet.

They ended up settling on Thursdays from 3 to 4 o'clock, and with usual pleasantries, Roxas, Tia and Axel left Auron's house a little worse for wear. Tia kept reasonably quiet on the drive home, musing on the situation, while Roxas and Axel tried to find conversation in the back seat of the car.

"Hey," murmured Axel, keeping his voice low. He didn't want Tia to hear him over the radio (which was playing some awful disco throwback, or something). Roxas glanced to his red haired companion. "There's a pretty sweet party this Friday. My friends Blank and his girlfriend Gabby are having it. You should, y'know, come."

Roxas was slightly shocked. He'd never imagined Axel actually trying to be nice, and invite him somewhere. Then again, it was probably a ploy to get him drunk enough to have sex. The blonde frowned. "No."

Rolling his eyes, the older boy muttered; "Pansy." Roxas aptly ignored the comment, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat. The car was cold.

* * *

"I want to strangle him, but I'd have to touch him to do it," growled Roxas, making strangling hand gestures as he said the words. Hayner looked rather surprised, eyes wide and mouth curved into a frown. 

He crossed his legs. "It's really _that _bad?" inquired Hayner, raising a hand to scratch the back of his head. "I mean, what does he do?"

"Well, one minute he's an asshole, and the next he's trying to get me to come to a party. He's unclean, he's stupid, he's a druggie, he's conceited, he's spoiled and he _cuddles _with me. He's _that _bad, trust me!"

Hayner was laughing at him, and Roxas felt like kicking the other boy in the head. He just didn't get it, really. He was still stuck on the idea that Roxas had a gay guy sleeping in his bed. "Oh, man, I totally want to meet this guy!" laughed Hayner.

"No, trust me, you don't," stated the blonde, hunching over. It was embarrassing enough. After a few minutes, the conversation changed, and Roxas and Hayner found themselves discussing who the hottest girl in the school was, although, Roxas's mind was still fixated on Axel. _I'm never going to introduce him to my friends. Ever._

Sitting around before school was one of Roxas's 'things'. Lately, it was the only time he really got to talk to his friends, usually Hayner. Pence was usually doing other things in the morning, and Olette would hang out with her female friends before school.

Evidently, Olette chose a different plan today.

She stood behind Roxas for a moment, before finally tapping him lightly on the back. Roxas jumped, whirling around to face her. His face relaxed when he realized who it was. "Oh, hey."

"Hi…" mumbled the girl, eyes shining. Roxas immediately knew that something wasn't quite right with his girlfriend. He pulled her into a hug, but she wasn't all there. Hayner, noticing something was wrong, told Roxas to go talk to her alone.

The blonde led his girlfriend into one of the more secluded areas of the school. Only a few students walked by now and then, but it wasn't anything really distracting. Holding onto both of her hands, Roxas faced Olette, and finally asked; "What's wrong?"

Olette didn't look him in the eyes. She stared at her inward pointing feet, sniffling quietly. She was already crying. Olette didn't cry often, at least, in front of people (including Roxas), so something was definitely wrong.

"Olette?" questioned Roxas, voice straining. He didn't know what to do. Hell, he hadn't really talked to her for two months – he had no idea what was going on in her life. He knew about her drunk father, and that was probably the issue. "…Is it about your dad?"

She stumbled over a laugh. Now, genuinely puzzled, Roxas said her name again. Olette raised her head, green eyes boring into ocean blue. "Roxas, at first I was worried about you. I didn't know if you were cheating, or doing harder drugs, or just ignoring me."

Roxas could feel his world start to fall apart.

"…Olette," he mumbled again, hands clenching tighter around hers. She just forced a smile, a few extra tears trickling down her face.

"I think we should break up."

* * *

**disclaimer: **don't own it. 


	9. big yellow taxi

gin and sin  
chapter nine

_don't it always seem to go  
that you don't know what you've got till it's gone_  
big yellow taxi - joni mitchell

* * *

"Hayner, Hayner let go of me!" 

Laughing, the taller boy tugged Roxas along, ignoring his protests. Twelve years old, the both of them, and a new family had moved in on Hayner's street. His mother had insisted that both boys go over and greet them – after all, they had a child around their age. A new friend.

They slowed down as their feet clapped against the walkway to the house. "Should we just go in?" asked Hayner, biting at his lips. They were covered in a thick layer of chapstick. Hayner's mother was the doting type, and she always made sure to make him smother the stuff on before even daring to let him go outside.

Roxas glowered. He was still angry because Hayner had interrupted him while he was reading. He hated it when people did that. It was hard to concentrate already, without the added distractions. The shorter blonde simply rang the doorbell, ignoring Hayner's words. In mere moments, the door was opened and Roxas found himself facing a short, brown-haired girl with a fresh patch of acne on her forehead.

"Um, hi," she murmured, glancing at both of them. Hayner's nose wrinkled. It was obvious he'd been expecting the person to be a _guy. _Being less mature than Roxas, at the age of twelve, he wasn't really interested in girls yet. He would've rather had someone to play video games with.

The blonde swallowed thickly. "Hi… you're new here, right?" The girl nodded, opening the door further to display piles of boxes behind her.

"Yeah. I'm Olette." She gave a half-smile, letting both of the boys wander inside. They didn't bother taking off their shoes, as Olette was still wearing hers. The house was a little bit run-down (Hayner said it was built in the 70's), and Roxas almost wondered why Olette and her family had even bothered moving here.

When Roxas didn't speak, Hayner stepped in. "Yeah, yeah. I'm Hayner, this is Roxas, and we're gonna go back to my house and do, y'know, boy stuff." Olette blinked in confusion. This Hayner kid acted more like an eight year old than a preteen.

"Can I come?" asked the tiny brunette, eyes hopeful. She hadn't really made any friends yet. Hayner's nose wrinkled again in that typical fashion, but Roxas gave him a light push, telling him to back off.

Nodding, the blonde murmured, "Sure. We were gonna go play shooter games." Olette immediately brightened.

"Oh, which ones? I love shooters!" She formed her hands into a little gun and pretended to shoot Hayner in the head. Cue nose wrinkling. "Me and my dad used to play Goldeneye on my N64 all of the time, but ever since the PS2 came out, we haven't played it recently."

Hayner looked confused. The girls at his school didn't like video games. At least, the ones that he knew. Then again, he didn't talk to many girls. "Oh, uh, then, you can come over." Olette grinned, wanting to hug Hayner or Roxas, but knowing she'd probably freak both of them out.

"So, let's go then," grumbled Roxas, eternal scowl fixed in place. He turned, slumping out the door looking angry as ever. Olette called a quick goodbye to her father, who was unloading boxes in the kitchen, and followed after Roxas.

Hayner decided that she wasn't so bad, then.

She was horrible.

After she continually kicked his ass at various shooter games, and _then _the snowboarding game SSX Tricky, Hayner thoroughly disliked her, and he'd wrinkled his nose to the point where he looked like a pug dog.

Roxas laughed, for once. Olette was the coolest girl he'd ever met.

* * *

It was hard to keep up with Axel's long stride when the older boy was determined to go somewhere. Roxas almost had to jog to follow him, though, his heart wasn't really in it. The week was a blur to him. He hadn't gone to school for most of it, either. He'd spent the last two days getting high with Hayner, trying to turn his head into pleasant sludge, to forget what had happened. In fact, Hayner had encouraged him to forget, to let go, to just think. After all, it was Hayner who was covering for him – Roxas had told Tia he was spending the night at the other boy's house. 

He hadn't even tried talking to Olette. He hadn't seen her around, either, but Pence told him that she wasn't doing too great. Two years wasted. _Two fucking years wasted because I decided to let a junkie into my house. _Even more, four years of friendship wasted. Olette had said she'd wanted to stay friends, but it would be awkward.

_So _awkward.

And now, trudging after Axel on the way to some party he hadn't even heard about, Roxas felt dead. Virtually dead. Part of him wanted to throw something at Axel, but the red head was actually trying to cheer him up, somewhat. Upon seeing Roxas in his depressed state, Axel's brutal personality had eased up. He made a point not to come home to Roxas if he was fucked on cocaine.

Turning his head, Axel stared back at his little blonde friend. "Hurry up. You're fuckin' slow," he grumbled. Reaching out a hand, he clamped shaky fingers around Roxas's arm, pulling the boy up to him. The two walked in time, now, Roxas with his eyes on the ground. He couldn't even think straight. Maybe getting drunk would be a good idea.

At least they were in a better part of town. Not the greatest, but better than the sleaze-ball trash house with the gay cowboy, cotton-candy man and his not so friendly giant. He could already hear the steady thrum of bass from a nearby house. His stomach sunk. _I want to go home. _

"Hey, Stumpy, don't worry. You'll have fun, get smashed, maybe find a pretty girl to stick your dick in," grumbled the red head, mood somewhat foul due to Roxas's quiet nature. He knew the kid had just lost his girlfriend, but he honestly didn't care. There were always other people out there to fill the void.

Roxas frowned. "Just shut up about it, okay?" He sighed, bringing one cold hand up to cradle his forehead. He already had a headache. He honestly didn't know how long he'd last at a party, or rave, or whatever the fuck Axel had invited him to.

Rolling his eyes, Axel let go of the blonde's arm. "Fine. Just walk faster."

* * *

It was Olette's fourteenth birthday party. She was ecstatic, surrounded by laughing, happy people who were all glad to be there. Roxas was still as grumpy as ever, lingering in the corner, watching as she flirted with other boys. Pence sat beside her, cheery, writing down which gift she got from who. There were at least thirty people there, family members (which was virtually only her father and grandmother), friends (the majority of them, male), and people who knew Olette from around the neighborhood. She was quite a popular girl. 

Hayner sidled up to Roxas, elbowing him in the stomach. "You're not havin' fun. Why?" Brown eyes widened as Roxas almost growled.

"Go away, Hayner. Not in the mood," he muttered, keeping his arms crossed. Hayner's eyes narrowed, and he turned to fully face the younger boy. He liked the fact that he could finally stare down at Roxas. Growth spurts were fun.

Poking Roxas in the chest, Hayner stated; "You used to have fun at Olette's birthday parties. Cheer up or something." Roxas's scowl only deepened, and he turned his eyes away. Hayner sighed, running his hand through the wiry mess of hair on top of his head. "I know there are a lot of people here, Roxas, but it's Olette's day to be happy. You can't just ignore her."

"Screw you. I can do whatever I want," grumbled the blonde, pushing away from the wall, and away from Hayner. He made his way out the back door, slumping into a patio chair to glare at the ground. Summer time weather was always the best, but Roxas didn't even want to be in the sun. _July 21st. Olette's birthday. _

He didn't even hear her approach. "Hi, Roxas." Jumping out of the chair, he turned around to face her, eyes wide. Olette smiled, looking a little bit timid.

"Er… hi." He hadn't even really gotten the chance to talk to her, so far. She'd been busy entertaining guests, receiving presents, eating cake. Her best friend Clayton, being the arrogant bastard that he was, had hogged most of her time. When Clayton was around, Olette barely even got to talk to Roxas or Hayner or Pence.

Olette's smile changed to a small frown. "Aren't you forgetting to say something?" she inquired, linking her hands behind her back. Roxas stared at her stupidly for a moment, before rolling his eyes at his own forgetfulness.

"Happy birthday."

Olette smiled again, and he forced himself to smile back. "I got your gift. You suck at buying presents for girls." She giggled, and Roxas wondered what he'd done wrong. Olette had specifically _said _she'd wanted Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. "That's why you're a good present-buyer for me!"

He sighed with relief. He didn't want to disappoint her or anything. She placed a finger on her lips, idly rocking back and forth on her heels. "But you know, I didn't get everything I wanted."

Roxas blinked. "What else did you want?"

"This." Olette kissed him. Full on the lips. Roxas froze up, stumbling backwards and he crashed against the chair, grabbing onto the first thing he could (Olette) before he fell back onto the ground. Olette landed on top of him, her dark hair sprawled all over his face.

They both stared at each other.

And burst out laughing.

* * *

"We're here," mumbled Axel, before all but barging in. Roxas didn't even move as the familiar stench of drugs clouded out. Roxas gagged, but Axel didn't even seem to notice it. His footsteps were heavy as he moved into the room, where people were passed out everywhere, some were dancing, some where just screaming at nothing. It was evident, however, that all of them were stoned. Roxas had to stare at his feet to avoid stepping on needles. 

He was in hell.

Axel looked completely at home, immediately greeting the only sober person in sight. Some old guy with grey hair swooped back into a pony-tail, with an eye patch and scars all over his face. He looked like he'd survived an atomic bomb or something. When Scarface caught sight of Roxas, he questioned Axel, and Roxas was all too quickly dragged over to talk.

"Xigbar, this is Roxas. Roxas, this is Xigbar. It's his and Blank's house," informed Axel, jerking a thumb towards Scarface. "Dunno where Blank is, though." The guy was a hell of a lot older than either of them – probably mid-forties, at least. Roxas didn't like the vibes he was getting from him, either. The guy was blatantly _staring _at Axel.

No, no, Roxas didn't like that one bit.

People pushed by him, and Roxas got a little bit lost in the fray. Axel was obviously dismissing him, to do his own thing, as the red head disappeared down another hall with old man Scarface. Roxas found himself hauled into what seemed to be a living room, and he looked around, disoriented.

"Hey little boy," laughed one of the random people in the room. Roxas could hardly tell who was talking to him. Everything was so foggy. God, he really needed a drink.

He was pushed around a little bit more, before somebody shoved a bottle of beer into his hand. Satisfied to see that it was thus far unopened (Roxas wasn't stupid enough to let something get slipped into his drink), he opened it himself and drank deeply. He really needed to let himself go.

Stumbling slightly in the sea of writhing, moving people he was pushed into a short brunette who elbowed him in the side. "Watch where you're going, dipshit!" growled the girl. For a moment, Roxas was wondered if she even _was _a girl (since she was quite the man in personality). After getting a better look at him, her cute little face broke into a grin. "Little boy!"

_What? _Roxas was pushed again, as a shorter man edged his way through. "What? Little boys crawling about?" The man scowled under a thick bandana that fell over his eyes. "I dunno, but I'm not all about corrupting little kids." He caught Roxas's eyes and offered him a handful of colourful little pills. "Hey, you want some E?"

Roxas scowled. So much for not corrupting the youth. He pushed the hand away, and ducked further into the crowd. The crazy brown-haired girl he'd crashed into just laughed it off and went back to dancing with bandana-boy, shrieking 'Blank, Blank!' as she did so.

This was way too fucked up.

Roxas wanted to leave.

* * *

Everything had gone horribly, utterly wrong. Roxas half wanted to just fall down and die. The 'perfect date' he'd planned had basically failed – and it was raining. Fucking awesome. Olette turned to give him a half-smile, huddling closer to him to keep herself warm. 

He'd had to walk her home. It wasn't like she lived far, and it seemed nice enough when they'd left. And then buckets upon buckets of rain fell. Olette was soaked. Roxas was soaked and miserable.

"Sorry," he grumbled, crossing his arms and trying to ignore the feeling of wet clothing sticking to every place of his body. He wanted to go and get himself changed out of those clothes. Olette just laughed, looking like a drowned rat with her hair pasted to her face.

"It's okay! Really, I had fun! Seeing you fall on your ass was cute," she said, referring to the point where he'd tried to show off somewhat, only to end up looking like a moron with people from school laughing at him. He really had no idea that stupid little ice cream place would be so full of people.

He huffed, hugging himself tighter, feeling like such a moron. While Olette kept insisting it was fun, he still felt like he'd failed somehow. He didn't know what he was doing. "I really did have fun, Roxas. Don't be so hard on yourself," she urged, gently, snuggling up to him again, peeling one of his arms away from his body so that she could wrap it around herself.

They were soaked, stumbling along, with Roxas holding one arm around her awkwardly, not knowing what to do. She was shivering a little bit. The blonde half considered just standing beneath a tree to get away from the rain or something.

He glanced over to Olette, opening his mouth to ask her if she wanted to stop. He didn't so much as get a word out. She was staring up at the sky, mouth open, catching rain drops on her tongue, beads of water clinging to her eyelashes and dripping off of her nose.

She was pretty. Gorgeous, even. Roxas silently cursed himself for not making the first move. On top of his thoughts of stupidity surrounding the date, he was slightly embarrassed that he couldn't take a hint. He'd liked her _that way _for the longest time, not knowing that she liked him _that way _in return, so he didn't ask her out, because he wouldn't until he was sure that she liked him _that way. _

"You look good wet," he blurted.

And then he realized how perverted he sounded.

_Shit._

* * *

Roxas was drunk. Completely and utterly drunk. He downed pretty much everything in sight, unconcerned with the fact that anything could be laced with rohypnol. He mixed drinks. He was going to be fucking hung over and he knew it, but he couldn't bring himself to care. 

He only wanted to forget. He didn't want to think about Olette and her tomboyish ways, or her high-pitched almost screechy laugh, or the way she twirled her fingers in her hair when she talked to him, or how she linked their little fingers together and swung their hands back and forth when they walked.

He was going to miss her.

Sitting on the couch in the middle of the living room with people alive and sweaty and _high _around him, Roxas felt dead. Virtually fucking dead. Legs sprawled out in front of him, he stared at his feet, feeling detached from his body, like he was looking at some other person.

What seemed like hours went by. Roxas watched other people laugh, run around and act stupid, dancing to music that was all but thundering around them. Shaking the house. Making pictures fall off of the walls. If any of the neighbors tried to complain, nobody would've heard them. Nobody would've cared.

He finally stood up. Bored of his surroundings. Bored of seeing the crazy brunette girl from before crawl all over her boyfriend. His head was foggy and fuzzy and he couldn't even really see where he was going, but he somehow managed to stumble his way into the kitchen. His shirt was covered in glitter from some girl with a sparkle-coated upper body, but he didn't care. He didn't care at all.

The kitchen didn't have nearly as many people. Actually, it was quite cleared out. If Roxas had been sober, he would've noticed the people guarding the doors, but they really saw no problem for letting the blonde bumble his way inside.

He felt like he could breathe again. The area was far less congested, and he could actually move around. Eyes blurry, he looked at the surrounding people. He recognized some of them.

Fucking cotton-candy head boy.

"What are you doing here?" grumbled Zexion, eyes scanning the blonde's slightly taller form. Roxas didn't dodge his eyes this time – he was far too drunk to even think about who he was dealing with. "Answer me."

Roxas only mumbled in reply. Lexaeus, who'd been standing at the opposite doorway to the kitchen, finally left his post at the door to come over. The large man crossed his arms, looking quizzically to Zexion. "Why must the annoying ones _always _follow me around?" Zexion's words made Roxas feel even worse. He was wobbly on his feet. He felt like he was going to fall over. The lilac haired man gritted his teeth, bringing a small hand up to massage his temples.

"Don't stress yourself out," murmured Lexaeus, glancing back over his shoulder. There was someone sitting at that table that Roxas couldn't really see properly. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to know who it was.

Zexion huffed. He seemed a lot calmer this time around, actually. "I'm not stressed out. Just… unhappy." His lip curled, and he turned to talk to the younger blonde. Mouth opened, he was interrupted by a deeper, softer voice.

"Is that the boy you told me about?"

Lexaeus glanced over his shoulder again, before stepping aside to let the person finally come into view. Even through Roxas's blurry eyes, one could tell that this guy had some kind of authority. Leaning over the table, head propped up on his arm, the man scanned the youth. He rolled his eyes.

Roxas just blinked. Lexaeus looked a little bit uneasy, standing there. Zexion just looked pissed off. Then again, the man _usually _looked pissed off, no matter the situation. The brunet at the table laughed, sitting up straight. "Axel's little stalker, right?" he questioned, voice like molasses. He knew how to manipulate people. He was in charge.

"M'not stalker," slurred Roxas, wavering slightly. Lexaeus almost looked like he was ready to catch him – he was evidently the most caring of them. "Who're you?"

"Marluxia," stated the brunet, glancing over to the door that Lexaeus was supposed to be guarding. Roxas looked over, too. Axel blinked back at both of them, a little bit confused.

He looked quite worse for wear. Hair mussed and bruises visible on his neck, his eyes looked tired and his hands were shaking. "What the fuck…?" Flicking green eyes between both Marluxia and Roxas, he was at a loss for words.

Marluxia observed for a moment, before extending one long finger and beckoning Axel. The red head bit his lip for a moment, before answering Marluxia's call. Zexion and Lexaeus pretended not to watch, but it was obvious where their eyes kept looking.

* * *

"Roxas, you're poking me." 

"Hngh, what?"

Olette blushed and giggled and coughed all at once, dodging his eyes. It took Roxas a minute to figure out what she was talking about, but he, too, went red as a damn tomato. "Uh, shit, fuck, sorry," he mumbled, hopelessly embarrassed.

It wasn't exactly his fault, either. After all, he had a pretty girl straddling his lap, leaning over to kiss him. She wasn't even wearing a shirt. They were home alone for the night – Olette's father had no idea he was there, and for good reason. He'd gone out on a date, and wouldn't be back for quite some time.

Swallowing thickly, he moved to push her off. But she clamped her legs around his hips, staying in a rather suggestive position. Roxas blinked. Oh, shit. "Uh, Olette, I don't—"

"You don't want to?" she interrupted, worried.

Roxas swallowed, again. His tongue felt tied. Of course he did! He was a horny teenager, almost fifteen years old. Of course he wanted it. "It's just… I don't have any condoms on me." He silently berated himself, wishing he had thought ahead. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm home alone with a girl and I forget condoms! Idiot!_

"We could just, y'know, not go all the way," murmured Olette, offering a crooked smile. Roxas's lips twitched. He was slowly starting to get nervous.

Flicking his eyes away, he tried to calm down a little bit. "Uh, it's just, I… I haven't really done this before, and it probably won't be very good." When he turned his eyes back to her, she had slipped off her bra and was dropping it to the floor. Of course he'd seen her naked before, but he was honestly at a loss at how exactly to go about this.

Olette didn't even care about how awkward it was. She just cared about him.

* * *

The red head basically slinked forward, edging his way past a rather disgruntled Zexion. Marluxia didn't so much as say a word as he pulled the skinny, sickly boy into his lap. Roxas still felt fuzzy. He didn't feel like he was actually there anymore. Just watching, a bizarre sort of outsider looking in. 

Axel played with Marluxia's hair while the brunet asked him questions, whispering. The two laughed at something for a moment, before Marluxia gave Roxas a not-so-subtle glance. "So, you're not a boyfriend?"

Roxas fumbled on his words, barely registering what in the hell was going on. Lexaeus gave him a stern look – you didn't keep Marluxia waiting when he asked you a question. They were like their own little mafia; it was almost stupid when you thought about it.

"N-no. M'not gay." Marluxia scoffed, clearly amused with the statement. Even Axel laughed a little, but it was hesitant. Nobody was really in their right mind. Nobody wanted to be.

Licking his lips, Marluxia glanced to Axel once more, pulling the red head further onto his lap, grinding their hips together. The red head's lips parted, and their eyes connected. Marluxia's glare was cold to anyone, but with Axel, it just seemed to burn up the room.

Roxas's face was on fire.

"So… you won't mind if I—"

The blonde was out of the room before Marluxia could even finish his sentence. He didn't need to see a bunch of fags making out. Zexion's lips curled as he passed, and Lexaeus just shook his head. The kid really needed to get out of there.

And he did.

He fucking ran as fast as his sluggish legs would carry him. Threading through the people, he tripped and fell right on his face, hands getting stepped on as people mercilessly ignored him. He could barely even bring himself to care.

But no, he couldn't stay. He picked himself off of the ground, dragging his feet as he stumbled to stand. Roxas couldn't even see anymore – his vision was hazy, everything was swimming in smoke.

He finally slammed into a door, scrabbling at the handle until he finally managed it open. Cold air blasted into his face, but his arms didn't feel cold. He realized that he hadn't even bothered to take his jacket off, earlier.

Crashing down the front steps, he kept walking until he was standing near the mailbox. Leaning against the post, he stared at the sky. He felt like killing something. He felt like dying. He felt like screaming and yelling and wishing, for once, that he actually had a purpose.

Roxas started crying.

* * *

There was a crash of glass, and Roxas bit his lip, staring at Olette's home. The brunette came barreling out the door, looking frightened and clutching her arms as she stumbled into his embrace. Her tears were wet against his shoulder. "…Olette?" 

Her breath hitched and she audibly sobbed, wrapping her arms around him. He could only hold her – he didn't know what to do. The only thing he _could _do was keep her there, and try to make her happy.

Olette stayed there, for a while. Roxas held his breath, not knowing what exactly went on, or what to say. He was so unsure of himself. He felt like he'd just make her cry more if he did happen to say anything.

"…It was my dad, again," she mumbled, against his shirt. Roxas stiffened against her, arms clenching her body closer to his. He knew it wasn't exactly his business, but his physical violence was just getting worse and worse. It wasn't like he was a bad guy, or anything – he was just depressed. Depression led to substance abuse.

All in all, he drank way too much.

Olette swallowed thickly, pulling away from him to wipe her eyes with the back of her sleeve. "What did he do this time?" Roxas's voice was almost a growl. She sighed, glancing back to the door. At least he hadn't come outside to try to attack Roxas, or anything.

"He just… yelled at me. And threw a bottle at me," she mumbled, staring at the ground. It was almost like Olette didn't feel she was worthy enough. If anything, the worst part about her father was that he made her feel useless. Unloved. "It didn't hit me or anything... just the wall. That's what made the noise."

She trailed off, sniffling slightly. Roxas gritted his teeth – he really just wanted to go inside and beat the shit out of him. Part of the blonde knew that it wasn't really his fault; Olette's mother had left the both of them for a younger, richer man a long while ago, and left the man feeling low. He'd looked into the bottom of a bottle for life's answers.

He threaded his fingers into hers. "I could beat him up for you, if you want," he said, only half-joking. The side of Roxas's mouth curled upward into a crooked smile. The two of them made a perfect little broken picture, her face stained with tears and his like half of it was numb.

Olette forced herself to smile, green eyes dull and lifeless. "Come on. No use crying," she said, wiping her eyes again, with her free hand. Her fingers tightened around his. "Let's go to your house. Do something."

"Like… eat popsicles?" he suggested. Summertime was the best time for popsicles. Olette ate them differently from him – she tended to leave them in her mouth until they melted. Roxas just chewed and ate until it was gone, and usually chewed on the stick, after.

Giggling, the brunette swung their hands back and forth as they walked down the street. "I'd like that," she mumbled, cheered up, somewhat. Olette obviously wasn't happy, but at least she was trying.

God, he wanted to see her truly smile.

Biting his lips, Roxas glued his eyes to her face. He wanted to ask her this time. "Hey, Olette," he said, dodging blue irises as she looked over to him. "You… you should move out. And come live with me. I mean, my house, not my room."

Olette blinked, and Roxas blushed. "Well, cause, yeah. Your dad is a jerk, and my mom would let you. Tia loves you, and I'd really… well, I'd really like you living there. My house."

He could feel the heat creeping into his face. He was nervous about asking her, there was no doubt about that, but at the same time he really wanted her to come. She wasn't safe living with her father. Olette was constantly in danger, as much as she wanted to deny it.

She nibbled on her lower lip, thinking. Olette stared at the sky, even as they continued walking. Roxas kept his eyes fixed on her face, wanting to read her. "No," she said, after a while.

Roxas's face fell. "Why not?"

She laughed, softly, pausing her gait. He stopped with her, releasing her hand to look her in the face. "Because, Roxas," she said, after a moment, "I'm sure I can fix him. I just need more time."

He sighed.

"Yep," Olette said, taking hold of his fingers once again, "All it takes is time. You're proof of that. After all, I fixed you."

* * *

Axel eased his way through the crowds, sporting a new bite mark on his neck. Proof that he was owned. Proof that he was Marluxia's. He had no concern, however, because nobody was really paying attention to him. It wasn't like he cared if anyone noticed, anyway. 

Pushing people out of the way, sending them crashing into furniture, Axel finally found his goal. "Xigbar, you fucker, get over here!" he laughed, before almost colliding into the man. Xigbar barely got a chance to turn around, before he was forced to greet the teenager.

"Hey, you," he stated, grinning like a moron. He looped an arm around the younger man's waist, before leading him over to the stairs. "I've been lookin' for you. Where you been?"

The red head's lip curled as he let himself be dragged. "Dealing with Roxas. Fuckin' pussy. He's already drunk and probably sobbing like a little kid outside." Xigbar only laughed as they stepped into the upstairs hallway. People were making out against the walls, but Axel didn't pay a second thought. He was just going to do worse than they were. So much worse.

"So, how the other guys been treatin' you? Bad? Nice bruise there, dude," said Xigbar, prodding one long finger on the aforementioned spot. Axel snapped at his hand, grinning when Xigbar instead dipped it into the collar of his shirt.

"Marluxia making his mark. Dunno. Doesn't want anybody else to claim me as their own personal whore." With that, he turned around, taking both of Xigbar's hands and opening a nearby doorway with his shoulder. Xigbar kept that stupid fucking grin on his face. He looked like a wolf who'd just found his last meal.

"So, Axel, bein' your friend and all, do I get a discount?" The older man sat himself down on the bed. His room was a fucking mess – he acted more like a teenager than anything. If Tia had been there, she would've had a damn heart-attack.

Axel snorted, dropping to his knees. Xigbar immediately spread his legs. It was a goddamn formula now – Axel would suck him off, and then get fucked, and then he'd get his money and they'd act like old buddies when they weren't fucking like animals. It was almost sickening how indifferent they could be in public.

But in reality, Xigbar didn't matter to Axel, and Axel didn't matter to Xigbar. It was casual fucking, nothing else. Xigbar knew that he could easily get free fucks from anyone else, but for some reason, he just kept paying Axel. Maybe he felt sorry for the kid. Nobody really knew.

Snorting, the red head reached for Xigbar's zipper. "No way, old man. I need the cash. Holiday season and all." Dragging the cold metal down, Axel nearly snorted, bringing himself forward a little bit more. Xigbar never wore anything under his pants. Dirty fucking old man.

"Yeah, but it's also the time to be _generous," _stated Xigbar, only jumping slightly as Axel's cold, long hands gently brushed his soft cock. The red head made a loose fist around Xigbar's length, and he quickly worked the older man to an erection. "S-season of giving, right man?"

"Yeah. Giving _me _money." Axel brushed his thumb over the tip of Xigbar's cock, glancing up to the man's face. He didn't look overly impressed, really, but Axel didn't expect it. It was the same with everyone – they didn't care who he was. It was just a fuck. It was just… nothing. "For coke. I _need_ it."

Xigbar laughed. "Let it snow, right?"

It was nights like these that Axel felt the worst. When he was with people that bought him often. It was some bizarre semblance of a relationship, and it hurt him the worst. Not that he'd ever say it, though. Axel was too damn headstrong.

Axel brushed his tongue where his thumb had previously trailed. Xigbar scoffed, shooting one bony hand down to grab at his hair. "Don't be such a damn cocktease, dude. Just let me fuck your mouth."

* * *

Axel shrugged his clothes back on, trying to keep his mind blank as he did so. Xigbar had already left, but at least he had his money. He'd pocketed most of it – after all, his 'family' expected Christmas presents. Besides, Selphie needed some new model trains. 

Pulling his sweater over his head, Axel scratched at his eyes. He needed a hit – badly. Though, part of him wanted to check up on Roxas. He really wanted to see where the boy had gone.

Grumbling under his breath about stupid stumpy boys, Axel yanked open the bedroom door and all but stormed out. People stared at him as he moved, but he really paid no mind. They were all high anyway, and he didn't give a fuck if they were calling him a slut behind his back.

At the bottom of the stairs, he stood at a sort of crossway. He could either go and see Marluxia, and get his drugs and maybe get treated a little better by the man, than he had been by Xigbar. He had bruises forming on his hips already – Xigbar was rough.

Then again, he could always head to the door, look around for his little blonde companion.

He went for the door.

It was cold outside. Axel had to hug himself to keep from shivering, but he at least spotted Roxas. The blonde was banging his fists against a mailbox of all things, only sporting bloody knuckles for all of his trouble.

And, he was crying. All Axel could think was 'oh, joy'. Stepping up to the unhappy younger boy, he attempted to say something. "Xigbar and Blank are gonna get pissed because you put a dent in their mailbox," he mumbled, thinking it was a little bit lame to say it.

Roxas slumped down onto the snowy ground, eyes glistening with tears. "I give up. I fucking give up. It's not even worth trying anymore," he said, quietly. "I just try and I try and nothing ever works out. Nothing."

Axel almost wanted to kick him in the head. This wasn't Roxas. Roxas was as opinionated and hateful as Axel was. He wasn't pitiful like this, a crying blob on the ground. "Get up, stupid. You look like an idiot," said Axel, fidgeting from side to side.

"I don't care anymore," replied Roxas. So, Axel took to pulling the shorter boy up, before letting him fall against his skinny chest. Roxas smelled like alcohol and drugs and smoke and sex and Axel knew that he probably smelled just as bad. The both of them were so fucked up, and Roxas was still crying into his shoulder.

"You are such a fucking pansy. You'd better not get snot all over me," grumbled the red head, reluctantly wrapping his arms around the blonde's frame. It was weird to be holding someone, and Axel felt like an awkward little virgin.

Roxas's breath hitched, and he abruptly pulled away, only to puke all over the snow. Axel's nose wrinkled. It had already been a 'perfect' day and, to top it all off, Roxas now smelled like puke, smoke, sex, alcohol and drugs. "Great. Just fucking great," said Axel, not even hesitating to search the blonde's pockets, even as Roxas continued to heave up the contents of his stomach.

When he finally retrieved Roxas's trusty old cellphone, he searched his brain for Demyx's number. He knew the man would still be awake – Demyx always said his best inspiration came in the early morning hours. Axel couldn't remember, so he gave up for the moment, and tucked the phone into his jeans pocket.

Roxas stood up, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. "I'll have you know I haven't given up on you, yet," he croaked, weakly. Axel's body went tense. "I've just given up on me. I'm dedicating my fucking life to making you clean, now."

Axel's eyes were hard. Roxas turned to face him, and their gazes met. Challenging. Spiteful. _Guilty_. Axel didn't know what to feel. He stared at Roxas, and Roxas stared back.

"You can't make me do anything, Roxas," reminded the red head. "I have a free will. I can do whatever the fuck I want." The blonde gave something that was a combination of a sob and a snort. Axel realized that Roxas was still crying. It was pitiful and almost endearing.

Axel's mind was a blank. He didn't know what to say. He could only feel – the ache of his body, the addiction like a caged animal in his head. He wanted to curl up in Marluxia's lap, snort something and make the whole world go away.

But as long as Roxas was here he just couldn't. Not yet. "I'm not giving up on you," murmured Roxas, once more. His blonde head was bowed. He looked almost ashamed to be admitting that he cared about Axel.

"You should," said Axel, feeling numb.

Roxas raised his head. "Why?"

Axel tilted his head back, arms hanging listlessly at his side. He stared at the sky. "Roxas, I'm seventeen years old and my life is over," he said, tired, defeated. He was being truthful. "Fucking over." His head fell forward, and Axel found himself facing the blonde again. "I don't know why you can't just understand that."

"That's not true. It isn't over." Roxas's voice hitched again, and it almost sounded like he was going to throw up. But he didn't, swallowing whatever had crawled up his throat, as he faced the red head. He wasn't even really drunk anymore – just damn tired.

Axel shook his head, digging out the cellphone again. "Yes, it is. Now shut the fuck up." Axel bit his tongue as he dialed the number he thought to be Demyx's. He didn't want to break out in an angry rant about just how over his life was.

"No, it's not!" insisted Roxas, voice quivering. "You're still breathing, aren't you?"

Axel stared at the tiny illuminated screen, feeling his eyes start to blur. He didn't know what to say to that, so instead, he just listened for Demyx on the other end. "Mnn, who is it?" murmured a sleepy voice, on the other end. Axel gave a shaky sigh, sorting his words out in his head before finally saying anything.

"It's me. Listen, I need you to haul your ass down here," requested the red head, biting his lip as he spoke. Demyx seemed instantly awake upon hearing the younger's voice, and Axel could almost hear him smiling against the receiver.

"Oh? Where are you?" he asked, feigning disinterest. Axel snorted; Demyx knew exactly where he was. After all, the red head had told Demyx _all _about taking Roxas with him that night, just to make the older boy jealous.

Axel's hands shook as he shoved one into his mouth, nibbling at his fingernails almost absentmindedly. "Where the fuck do you think I am? I'm not calling for me, dumbass, Roxas is drunk and he needs a place to crash tonight."

"So you're dumping the kid on me?" whined Demyx, to which Axel only rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm handing him over to you. There's no fucking way he's going home, Tia would kill him for getting this shit-faced."

Demyx gave a heavy sigh, and Axel heard him rolling his fingers across the back of the phone. "Fine. What's the address?" Axel recited the house number and street quickly, before hanging up on the blonde. His eyes crawled their way back to Roxas, who was slumped against the mailbox, crying again.

He scratched at his arms, fighting the need to just snort something, eyes bloodshot, teeth gnawing, breath shaky, hands quivering, Axel murmured; "You're a fucking mess, Roxas."

To this, Roxas only laughed, vomit trailing down his chin.

"Look who's talking."

* * *

**disclaimer: **i don't own anything. 


	10. speeding cars

gin and sin  
chapter ten

_glistening in the cold sweat of guilt  
i've watched you slowly winding down for years  
you can't keep on like this...  
now's a bad a time as any_  
speeding cars - imogen heap

* * *

"Hey, you awake?" 

The blonde groggily opened one eye, and found himself staring up into the equally tired face of Demyx. It took him a minute to recap, and realize why he was there, but as soon as he did he sat upright. He found himself in a reasonably comfortable bed, probably in a guest room at Demyx's (or rather, his mother's) house.

Demyx backed away, half-smiling. Roxas felt like there was a jackhammer going at his head; hangovers were the worst. Demyx all but thrust a glass of water into one hand, and a few little white pills into his other. "This'll help with the headache and stuff," said the dirty blonde.

Almost nervously, Roxas shoved the pills into his mouth and downed them with one quick gulp of the lukewarm water. Smacking his lips, mouth feeling dry, he glanced up to Demyx. "Uh…" he murmured. He honestly didn't know what in the world he was going to say.

Part of him actually wondered if Demyx had molested him in his sleep. He didn't trust the man, at all. He didn't even really trust the pills that Demyx had just given him, even though they said the word Tylenol right on the capsule.

Demyx raised a hand, smiling. "Yeah, I know this is weird. But I can give you a ride home and everything in a bit. I need to pick Sora up." Roxas gave him an accusing look, but Demyx quickly dodged his eyes.

Placing a cool hand to his head, Roxas winced as his brain pounded behind his eyes. _Damn, I was pretty stupid last night. Never doing that again. _The older man grinned, offering a rough hand to Roxas. "Anyway, you in the mood for breakfast? Or do you feel sick and pukey-like?"

Batting the offered hand away, Roxas stumbled to his feet, swaying as the vertigo set in. He was still mostly clothed, and his shirt was wrinkled, but he was otherwise alright. With the acidic taste of vomit on his tongue, from the night before, he tried not to dwell too much on the fact that he still felt incredibly nauseous.

He wanted to ask where the bathroom was, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that Demyx would probably follow him around like a puppy dog, wherever he went. Roxas was obviously not very fond of Demyx, but the aloof older man seemed to ignore the fact completely.

Opening his mouth to speak, Roxas watched as Demyx swung by to scoop up the glass of water that was earlier offered to the blonde, only to watch him place it back down on an opposite bedside table. "No breakfast. Okay then! We should play Monopoly!" he all but exclaimed.

Arching an eyebrow, the blonde wondered why Demyx was behaving so… differently. Maybe he was just waking up, or maybe he'd smoked something before Roxas had woken up… the teen really didn't know. Eventually, Demyx noticed he was staring, and the musician gave Roxas an airy laugh.

"Oh… uh…" he murmured, trailing off, "See, well…" Again, his thoughts went astray. Tapping a finger on his nose, he tried to put his words into place. "Aw, fuck. Anyway, Axel wants me to be more mature! So I'm acting all mature and stuff in front of him!"

Roxas blinked. "Oh, really?"

With an almost bobble-headed nod, Demyx waved his arms about like someone who'd had a little bit too much sugar. "Yeah, really! Anyway, I'm trying to get Axel to love me, so I have to be the kind of guy he wants."

"Pretending to be something you're not really isn't going to help," snorted Roxas, still in a rather sour mood on the topic of relationships. He couldn't get the sound of Olette's laugh out of his ears, or the taste of her skin, or how her body felt against his. His head drooped a little bit as he dwelled, and Demyx only took mild notice.

With a lazy stride into the next room, Demyx almost left Roxas behind. It was almost a second thought for him to peer back into the room with a perplexed expression on his angular face. "Hey, you should be following! Or do I have to hold your hand?"

Part of Roxas wanted to take the older man up on that offer. He didn't feel quite _there _enough to really walk around, but his pride wouldn't let him show it. Shaking the feeling that he wanted to throw up all of the organs in his body, Roxas pushed past Demyx, into the hallway.

Taking it as a sort of competition, Demyx shoved right by him, only to be passed by an increasingly aggressive Roxas. Only when he realized he was playing a stupid game with a possibly still drunk boy, Demyx gave up and fell behind.

Standing in the living room now, Roxas wondered what in the world he was going to do. The house was a lot cleaner than he'd imagined. The décor was all a dulling shade of periwinkle (probably Demyx's mother's choice), with the same shade of furniture and an old television sitting on a stand near the middle of the room. The only thing that seemed out of place in the little suburban nightmare was the ashtray on the coffee table that was piled over with cigarettes, and the bizarre looking instrument lying on the couch.

Demyx leaned against the entryway and grinned, expecting Roxas to ask him what the hell it was. "Sitar," he stated, when Roxas finally did. "It's not commonly used around here, but I started playing it when my mom brought it back from me from somewhere in India or something. I'm kinda rusty, so I've been practicing."

The blonde let his mouth hang open. The thing looked completely bizarre. He had no idea how anyone could even play an instrument like that. It looked like a guitar with a gland infection. Deciding not to ask anymore (because he knew from simply overhearing Sora and the dirty blonde talking how in-depth their conversations about music could get), Roxas simply avoided the room altogether and scooted into the kitchen.

_All of this fucking blue! _Roxas grumbled as his bare feet slapped against the linoleum covered floor. Demyx was bright and happy behind him, as he all but bounced up onto a kitchen counter. In Roxas's head, he was a little bit too old to be doing something like that, but Demyx was really still just a teenager.

Swinging his feet as he observed the smaller blonde, Demyx followed Roxas's every movement with his eyes. When the teen merely took a seat at the kitchen table, Demyx found it high time to start a conversation.

"So, either the party last night was really _bad _or really _good, _judging by how smashed you were," he said, a gleeful, ignorant smile plastered on his face. Roxas stared at his teeth – dull white and a little bit crooked, canines kind of pointy. "Tell me about it."

Almost nervously, Roxas let his head fall into his hand. He really didn't want to tell Demyx about it, but if anyone understood Axel, it was the idiot sitting right in front of him. "Bad. I met Axel's… drug dealer," he murmured. He really didn't want to say the word 'pimp'. Whenever he thought of that word, he thought of a rapper who made people's cars really fancy.

"Oh, Marluxia?" said Demyx, cocking his head. A few strands of his overly long fauxhawk slipped into his eyes, and he pushed them away with an annoyed expression.

Roxas nodded. He didn't really remember much about that night, but damn did he remember that man's look of utter possession when he set eyes on Axel. "Yeah… Tell me, do you know how they even _met?_"

Jutting his lip out in thought (a habit that he must've taken up from Sora), Demyx banged his heels against the cupboards. "Well, Axel said Marluxia sold him shit a few times, and then offered to… well, y'know, put him in the business or whatever. Axel was kind of stoned when he told me, so I don't think I quite got the whole story."

"When isn't he stoned?" grumbled Roxas, wishing for once that Axel would tell the truth. Or at least not some vague truth. Demyx laughed, bobbing his head in that irritating way, again.

"Yeah, that's true. Anyway, I don't know very much more about it. You'd have to ask Axel or Marluxia or those crazy thugs he always carries around," said the dirty blonde, with a carefree shrug of his shoulder. For talking about his potential boyfriend's cocaine dealer, he seemed rather calm.

Then again, Demyx was used to this kind of thing. "Crazy thugs? As in, the tiny one with the weird hair and the giant guy?" asked Roxas. He couldn't really think of any other crazy thugs.

Laughing, Demyx responded; "Yeah! Those two. And the cowboy one, Irvine. He's kind of thuggish. Like… thug-lite or something."

_So, Marlboro man is Irvine. That's an even gayer name than Brad Pitt. _"Thug-lite? You… retard," snickered Roxas, shaking his head. He didn't feel quite as bad as how he'd woken up, but his head still hurt.

"Don't call me that!" whimpered Demyx, though a little unconvincingly. His big, blue eyes still held that familiar mischievous sparkle, like whenever he joked around with Sora. "Axel always calls me that, but that's because he's a jackass! You're not a jackass, are you Roxas?"

The blonde mused on it for a moment, only to decide that he was in a horrible mood. "Yes, I am a jackass. And yes, you're still retarded." He frowned, crossing his arms, and turning away from Demyx.

Lip jutting out a little bit more, Demyx eased one leg, then the other, off the counter. He walked over to Roxas and leaned over his shoulder, the little strands of his hair that weren't gelled into one big amorphous mass on the top of his head falling into Roxas's face. "Why so grumpy, stumpy?"

"…Stumpy," repeated Roxas, with a displeased frown on his face. "Axel calls me that sometimes." Demyx's eyebrows crept up towards his hairline, as he straightened his posture. He took a seat beside the blonde, with that same stupid smile on his face.

"You have a crush on Axel, don't you!" he accused, immediately. Roxas, equally immediately, threw a punch at his face. Dodging out of the way with sluggish reflexes, Demyx laughed loudly. "Faggot!"

Face contorting in disbelief, Roxas kept his hard fist poised. "I do not. I will _never_. I'm not a fucking faggot like the both of you," he said, words firm. Demyx just kept laughing, amused at the mere statement.

"You say that now."

Roxas's face only darkened. He lowered his hand, though – he wasn't about to smack the guy who'd probably saved his ass, even if he was ridiculously annoyed of his constant accusations about his sexuality. He didn't like Axel _that way_. Hell, he didn't even really like Axel at all.

Blinking, Roxas thought for a moment. After all, it was Axel who'd basically saved his ass that night. While the blonde was hesitant to admit it, he was fucked if it wasn't for Axel. So, really, he didn't hate Axel _that much_. He still didn't like him though. _But I do, _said that little nagging voice in Roxas's head.

The dirty blonde kept that stupid smile on his face for a moment, before whipping his head around to glance at the clock. "Oh, shit!" he exclaimed, bounding right out of his seat. He looked like a deranged gazelle, stumbling all over the tile. "I'm supposed to get Sora for work!"

"What are you, his chauffeur?" grumbled Roxas, a little smile of amusement crawling onto his face as Demyx roared off into the next room. He came back with a pair of jeans only half done up and a baby blue t-shirt still over his head.

Pulling the shirt all the way down, Demyx frowned. "I'm just doing him a favor. Jeez, you don't need to get so mean. Besides, Sora is like, the only friend I have right now," said Demyx, staring at his reflection in the microwave and fixing his hair.

"Why's that?" inquired Roxas. Demyx seemed like the type to have billions of friends, none of which who would remember his name. He was the partying type, liking to get stoned with anyone and everyone around him.

Demyx sighed. "Trying to get cleaned up, y'know? I'm done with the bullshit. Sick of waking up swimming in my own puke, not being able to remember the night before," he said, with a dippy half-smile. "Anyway, that's kind of a shitty way to start a day, talking about that kind of thing, so let's go get your brother!"

"If I can stand up again," said Roxas, dryly. Demyx just laughed, swinging his arm under Roxas's, pulling the boy to his feet.

* * *

"Oh, Roxas! You're home! Ah, well, run right by me and don't say hello, that's fine…" murmured Tia, watching the blonde speed right by her. Roxas really didn't want his mother to see what state he was in, or to smell his clothes. Demyx gave her an awkward smile, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat. 

"I picked him up for ya, Tia. Saves a little bit of stress for you and all," said the dirty blonde, flashing his trademark smile. Tia grinned back, only to find herself attacked by a little girl with a tummy ache, whining about how she thought the medicine was 'ucky'.

Leaning down to pick the little girl up, Tia hoisted Selphie on her hip. "Hey, was Axel with you as well? Or did he go somewhere else last night?" inquired the woman. Demyx kept on his usual grin, even though he was about to make up his usual lies.

"He was at my house last night for a bit, but then he left to go do something with one of his other friends. He told me he'd be back here in the morning." Selphie squirmed a little bit. She wanted to play trains with Axel!

Tia frowned, before making her way back into the kitchen. "Typical Axel. Always disappearing, that boy is!" She plunked Selphie down into her usual chair, setting her up with a Christmas colouring book which she immediately scribbled on. Santa's face was a puke-green shade, this time.

Toeing off his shoes, Demyx followed the woman into her kitchen. "Yeah, Axel'll do that. He's not the most responsible guy ever," he said, usual grin plastered on his face. "Where's Sora? If I'm not mistaken, he'll be late for work if he doesn't hurry."

"Sora? Oh, last I checked he was up in his room playing Nintendo or something," said the dark haired woman, pulling a crayon away from Selphie's mouth. Usually, the girl wouldn't put her mouth near them, but she was getting kind of distracted lately. Probably thinking about the gifts she was getting.

Demyx shrugged. "I'll go get him, then!" he stated jovially, before scampering up the stairs like the big kid he was. He all but barged into Sora's room, to find the short brunet listening to Nelly Furtado while playing Mario Kart. Sora didn't even notice his arrival, so it was all too easy for the older man to practically collapse on his younger friend. "Agh, you smell like feet!"

Flailing madly as his stomach was squished into his legs, Sora squawked in utter displeasure. "Get off of me!" he shrieked, though it was somewhat subdued, as his lungs felt like balloons being popped in the position he was in. Shouldering the knee that was pressing against his back, Sora successfully managed to get the taller man away from him.

"C'mon, stupid, you have to work!" announced the dirty blonde, tugging Sora up by his dirty t-shirt. "Or did you forget? Typical Sora." Whining low in his throat, Sora batted Demyx's hands away. "You haven't even showered or anything…"

Sora jutted out his lower lip. "I'm clean!"

"You smell like socks. That doesn't qualify as clean."

"Yeah, well your hair is so greasy it sticks straight up," grumbled Sora, fishing for some clean clothes. Demyx frowned. It was hair gel! Not grease! Self-consciously, he straightened his hair.

"Low blow, man," grumbled the dirty blonde. He was proud of his hair. It had an aerodynamic quality not many people seemed to acquire. "Besides, you said you thought my hair was cool!"

Sora laughed, tugging his atrocious uniform shirt over his head. "I was just kidding, stupid. No need to take it so seriously," he said, sticking out his tongue. Arranging his hair into its usual disarray, Sora stuck out his arms and said; "Tah-dah."

The older man feigned applause. "Brilliant, though I do say the presentation is a tad shabby." Slugging Demyx in the arm, Sora strolled out of his bedroom. The two headed back down the stairs, Sora only taking a moment to complain about not being able to go to the bathroom (which was currently occupied by a showering Roxas).

The two of them rushed off with only a quick word to Tia. Demyx said, again, that Axel _should _be around later, and not to worry if he wasn't. This didn't prevent the woman from doing just that, but the reassurance was better than nothing.

* * *

"So, you finally decided to come back." 

Axel turned his head, cigarette dangling listlessly between his lips. He looked horrible, standing there, in dirty clothes with his hair hanging in his face in rather ugly clumps. "…Yeah," he croaked, before clearing his throat.

Leaning against the patio doorway, Roxas cocked an eyebrow. "Do you _know _how much I—my mom worried about you? She was scared shitless, you idiot," stated the blonde, reaching forward only to tug the cigarette out of Axel's lips. Standing there with his lips pursed, Axel looked a little stupid, but he quickly changed his expression into his usual façade of neutrality.

Taking a deep drag, Roxas muttered; "And she wants us to go Christmas shopping. With Selphie. So, if you're feeling as sick as I do, it's not gonna be fun." The red head shrugged, turning on one heel and swaggering into the house.

Snorting, the blonde boy whipped the smoke into the snow, and followed his 'friend' back into the house. "You're such an idiot," grumbled the blonde, not even sparing a hello to his questioning mother. Tia frowned (she smelled cigarette smoke, of course, only to attribute it to Axel), and opened her mouth to speak.

"Okay, guys. Axel, as soon as you get cleaned up, we'll head out. Roxas, you need to buy for your friends, and have you bought Olette anything yet? That girl deserves something special this Christmas, be a good boyfriend," said Tia, locating her purse. Selphie bounced on her heels, grinning up at her older brother.

However, Roxas certainly wasn't smiling back. The mere mention of his ex-girlfriend sent a shiver down his spine. He really, really didn't want to think about her, or how positively alone he felt. _And it's Christmas, for fuck's sakes. _He reminded himself that he needed to tell his mother about the breakup. Maybe she'd have some sort of remedy for the loneliness. Naminé slipped down the stairs, wearing her favorite white sweater, smiling for a moment as she caught Roxas's sad eyes.

Shrugging again, Axel headed up the stairs. He was one of those kind of guys who could shower and be ready in a few seconds. It wasn't much later that Selphie was wrapped in her coat, and they were all getting into the car, Roxas's movements more lethargic than usual. His head was still pounding.

"So I'm going to drop you guys off, then. I have to go pick your father up at the airport," she announced. Kurt usually came home a little bit earlier for the holidays, but working for Prime Minister Loire was no easy job. The man was a complete scatterbrain, really. "Roxas, Naminé, help Selphie pick him out something nice. I'll give you some money for her."

The blonde nodded, leaning his head against the cool car window. He didn't really want to go anywhere. Axel just looked numb, sitting there in the backseat with Selphie speaking gibberish into his ear. She looked like a snowman, all bundled up in a coat, mittens and a scarf. He just looked like a scarecrow.

Tia dropped them off at the front entrance. Waving her goodbyes, she drove off, telling everyone to keep watch of Selphie. Axel stood there, Selphie's hand held in his, and finally let his eyes drop over to Roxas. "Where should we go first?" he mumbled, brain processing rather slowly.

"It's one of the biggest malls in the world. We can go anywhere," said Naminé, pushing open the door. Selphie bounced right in, eager to go to a toy store, or maybe to sit on Santa's lap. Naminé, scared for the girl's well-being, walked quickly after her, letting the door fall on Axel.

Dodging past a few confused elderly people, Selphie proclaimed; "I wanna see Sora!" Axel dragged himself behind her, stumbling every few steps. Roxas edged up to him, elbowing him in the side.

"You still high?"

Axel shook his head. "…Not really. I had some Tylenol. Fucking horrible headache." He paused, catching Selphie's hand in his, as the girl stared in awe at a Christmassy display. He didn't want her running astray – there were a lot of awful people out there who'd do all sorts of things to an innocent little girl.

Licking his cracked lips, Roxas sighed. "That's good, I guess." Abruptly, Selphie extended her chubby little arms, pointing towards the display she'd been observing.

"Train!" she shrieked, happily. "I want it, Roxas, I want!" Tugging her arm free of Axel's weak grip, she tore off towards the store, Naminé stumbling after her, calling her name in a bad attempt to make her return.

Laughing at his sister's enthusiasm, Roxas shoved his hands into his pockets. "I remember when I used to do that kind of thing," he said, to no one in particular. Axel turned his head, dull green eyes fixed on Roxas's tiny smile.

"So you were greedy like that?" he asked. Kids weren't really greedy – they didn't understand the concept of fair trade. After all, they were born into the world, taking whatever they wanted, never returning anything but perhaps the simple joy of being someone's child.

Roxas sighed. "Yeah, I guess I was. Maybe that's why my parents got rid of me," said the blonde, pushing past people to get into the doorway that Selphie and Naminé had ducked through.

"Is that what happened? Funny, I thought maybe they'd died," said Axel, with a shrug. He trained his eyes on a little glass bauble, vision going fuzzy after a moment. "Who'd want to get rid of a kid like you, anyway?"

Picking up a stuffed bear (one Naminé said she'd liked, before), Roxas said; "My mom. She weren't all that ready for me. Teen mother, and stuff." Looking at the floor, trying not to get shoved by other people, Roxas swallowed thickly. Thinking about that kind of thing around the holidays was a hard thing to do.

"So she just gave you up. Just like that?" Axel glanced over his shoulder, looking at the back of the blonde's head. "Mothers are a waste of skin."

Roxas shook his head. "Not all of them." Glancing at the bear's price tag, and then around the store to make sure Naminé wasn't in the general area, Roxas edged his way up to the till. "Just the general majority."

Axel advanced with him. "What the f—what are you talking about. All of them are. Give me an example of one good mother that isn't Tia, because she's like Mother Theresa or something."

Setting the bear down on the counter, and fishing in his pocket for his wallet, Roxas sighed; "Your mom. She was good. You were just a screw up." Handing the cashier some money, the blonde presented Axel with a cynical look. The red head didn't even bother looking up.

* * *

"_Oh, so you're one of those guys who goes all Jehovah around Christmas? Or do you just hate me?"_

"_I just don't feel like you deserve anything."_

"_Oh fuck you." Slamming the gift he'd bought for him down onto the table, Axel stormed off, leaving the other man to wonder why Axel had gotten him anything at all. "Merry fucking Christmas."_

* * *

"Ooh! Ooh! D&G's, we have t'go in there!" declared Selphie, waddling into the entrance. A particularly lonely kitten mewed at her as she passed, and the tiny brunette paused to wave, only to continue her trek into the jam-packed store. 

Hefting his, Naminé's and Selphie's bags combined, Roxas could barely get through the crowd. Axel just shoved people out of the way, making something of a path for the other boy. Roxas stopped, however, when he ran into a familiar face. "Donald—" He was cut off by a rushing man with sharp elbows, "—agh, I hate the holiday season."

The short, white haired man snorted. "If I had my way, there would be no holidays at all," he squawked, bizarre accent masking almost everything he said. Roxas could barely understand him, when they'd first met, but it was getting easier every time.

Donald was budged forward by a friendly slap on the back. "Gosh, Donald! You're gettin' to be more like your uncle every day!" chortled a friendly voice. Hubert Goof was his name, which was something rather horrible to be named in that day and age. Most people just called him 'Goofy', because of his bizarre looks and his generally happy outlook on life. Roxas didn't know a person who disliked him. "Sora's here, somm'ere. Think he's workin' the register. He's real busy! We all are!"

Roxas forced a smile. "No kidding," he said, with a little bit of uncomfortable laughter. The two older men had owned the store for a little over a decade, now. Needless to say, the store was never empty – and they always held the strangest pets.

Snapping his suspenders, Goofy glanced over his shoulder. "Seems like Selphie likes cats," he said, before wandering the other way. Goofy did not like cats. Donald gave a little wave and a grumble before skittering off to help his own customers, leaving Roxas trapped between Axel and a boa constrictor.

He red head watched Selphie for a moment. "So, what's her story anyway? How did she wind up with Tia?" he inquired, voice gentle, deliberate. He wasn't his usual threatening self, which was something that Roxas was glad for.

Roxas didn't know if he was really supposed to be telling Axel, but it didn't really seem all that harmful. Besides, Axel had been in the house long enough – he should know a little bit more about the girl he babysat. "Selphie's parents were killed in a car crash."

"Sucks." Axel's answer was blunt, but he didn't really care. "What about Naminé?" At this, Roxas froze. He didn't like talking about Naminé's house, or her parents, especially when the girl was nearby.

"She'll tell you if she wants to," he muttered, pretending to look at a calendar. December the 22nd. Not long now. Part of him was dreading Christmas. Once it was over, depression usually set in – post holiday blues, and whatnot. And he wouldn't even have Olette to help him get through them, anymore.

His hands tightened around the handles of the bags. There wouldn't be any more Olette to get drunk with him on New Years, no Olette to haul him around for shopping sales on boxing day, no Olette to drink hot chocolate with on a cold winter night, no Olette to – "I hate Christmas."

Snapping out of his reverie, Roxas inclined his head towards Axel. "Why?" he asked, wondering why anyone could hate Christmas itself.

Axel shrugged. "Because I can't get what I want anymore," he said. Roxas snorted – of course, he didn't live with his doting mommy dearest anymore. He couldn't get the expensive things that he wanted. Roxas was used to having sub-standard Christmas gifts, but he didn't really care. After all, it was the thought that counted. He wasn't that materialistic, anyway.

"What do you want the most?" asked Axel. "For Christmas, I mean."

Roxas had to think for a moment. _Olette. I want Olette. _"I want you to get clean. That's what I want for Christmas."

Axel actually laughed. His voice cracked, and he broke out into a coughing fit, but he did laugh. "You're gonna be awful unhappy this Christmas, Roxas."

* * *

They piled back into the car, bags in hand, Axel and Roxas looking considerably less cheerful than Naminé or Selphie. Kurt was there, as well, occupying the passenger seat while Tia talked animatedly to her husband. Axel wasn't overly fond of the man – there was something he didn't quite like about him. 

Due to the fact that there wasn't all that much room, Selphie took up a perch on Axel's lap, giggling about how he couldn't know what she got him for Christmas. She had a strange way of dropping obvious hints, teasing him and saying; 'Oh, you're so silly, Axel, not knowin' what I'm getting' ya, 'cause it's _so _oblivious!' Of course she meant to say obvious, but Selphie's little brain tended to switch words around.

When they were home, Roxas stuck around to converse with his father, and the rest of his family for a while. Axel disappeared upstairs, seemingly not wanting to bother anyone. After about an hour, Roxas disappeared up into the room, as well. The guy was sure acting strange.

Axel was sitting on the bed when Roxas pushed the door open. He jumped, spinning around quickly, almost scared. "Fuck, man, knock first," he grumbled, throwing a roll of scotch tape at the blonde.

"What are you doing?" inquired Roxas, blinking. Axel took a moment to glare, before shoving something under the bed.

"What the fuck does it look like? I'm wrapping presents, moron," grumbled the red head. Roxas stood there, slightly amazed. _When… he bought Christmas presents? _His left hand twitched a little – he honestly didn't expect Axel to do that. _More importantly, where did he get the cash? _

Slipping onto the bed beside Axel, the blonde peered over his friend's shoulder. "Who's that for?" he murmured, staring down at the odd little box. He was curious – it was already covered, but still needed to be wrapped.

"It's for Selphie. It's a model train, y'know, one of those ones you have to paint," stated Axel, rolling his eyes. Snatching the tape back from Roxas, he pushed a roll of wrapping paper into the blonde's arms. "You can help me. I've already got your shit wrapped, and all I have left to do is the rest of Selphie's and Tia's."

Roxas felt his heart sink a little. Axel really wasn't a bad guy. He was proving it more every damn day, and it made him feel guilty for judging him. After all, it probably wasn't Axel's fault he'd turned out the way he did. Demyx had pushed him into it, hadn't he?

In his little mental adventure, Roxas had completely forgotten that Axel was asking him to roll out some of the paper. As an almost second thought, he shifted on the mattress, rolling out a sufficient amount for the package. "I hate wrapping presents. I suck at it," said Axel, shaking his head. He did indeed suck – his hands were shakily pulling the paper over the box, and he fumbled the tape and got it tangled in his hands.

"Here, let me," said Roxas, taking the abused tape from Axel's spindly fingers. The two worked in silence, for a while, and they were finished wrapping all of the presents within a half hour.

Swallowing thickly as Axel shoved the now wrapped presents back into a plastic bag, which he'd hidden under Roxas's bed all along, Roxas searched for something to say. "You bought the wrapping paper, too? That's pretty gay."

Axel clicked his tongue. "Yeah, well, I didn't want to steal any of Tia's. She needs enough to wrap presents for the entire Salvation Army, with all of the shit she gives you guys."

Pulling at a loose thread on the sleeve of his sweater, Roxas said; "Some of those are for you, you know." Oddly, the silence that happened after his words was… comfortable. Axel just laid back with his arm sprawled over his eyes like the light was injuring him somehow. "When did you buy all of these, anyway?"

"Most of them this morning, before I got here, but I've been picking stuff up from time to time. Originally, I was just gonna get something for Selphie and maybe Naminé because they're a hell of a lot less pig-headed than you." Roxas laughed, shaking his head. He'd gotten Axel something, in the long run, as well; mostly chocolate and candy, because the guy really needed to gain weight. For a moment, Roxas wondered who in the hell had taken Axel shopping, but it was simply a passing thought. "But yeah, I got you something. Not telling you what though."

Crawling forward so that he was kneeling just to the side of the red head's relaxed form, Roxas glared down at the red head. "Oh yeah? What if I guess."

"Nah, you won't guess," said Axel, raising one hand to poke the blonde in the stomach. It was kind of strange, the two of them acting like friends. Roxas wasn't even sure that he could ever get used to it. It was just one of those things that happened. Unavoidable, really. "Oh, and I'm leaving tonight. I'll be back in the morning."

The lighthearted mood dissipated rather quickly. "Where? To go get high with… Marluxia or whatever his name is?" sneered the blonde, edging his way off of the bed.

"Yeah. Early Christmas present," said Axel, getting up onto his elbows. "Why you so hostile all of a sudden?" He cocked his head, giving a soft sigh at Roxas's noise of disapproval.

"Because. It's only a few days until Christmas, and you'd rather go get whacked out on shit for no reason?" The blonde's voice had risen an octave – he was in obvious distress. Sitting back up, Axel pulled him into a hug, something that didn't really happen… ever.

"Last time until Christmas. I swear. Then you can deal with me for when I start going through withdrawals. It's not a pretty picture, believe me." The blonde pushed Axel away, feeling considerably worse for wear.

"It's probably not any harder than dealing with you when you're high." Roxas flicked Axel on the forehead, and left his bedroom. He was pissed at Axel, to say the least. He still couldn't get over the idea that Axel was going to Marluxia for drugs. They probably had sex, too.

For some reason, Roxas got angrier thinking about _that_.

* * *

The water tap was running. Roxas was sure of it. He'd felt Axel move through his room, but he hadn't stayed, and was now probably in the bathroom. The water had been running for about 20 minutes, now, according to his clock. 

Scratching the back of his head, Roxas mused that he was probably high, and didn't want to bother him. No, that was too nice for Axel to do. Pulling himself out from under the covers, he quickly made his way over to the bedroom door, crossing the hallway into the bathroom. He actually bothered with knocking, this time around. Instead of getting an answer, though, he got the distinct sound of something thumping against the ground, accompanied by weak little noises.

"…Axel?" murmured the blonde, pressing his ear to the door. He didn't hear any moving, so he curled his hand around the doorknob, turning it slightly. It wasn't locked – he just pushed his way in.

He damn near fell down when he saw what was before him. Axel was leaning over the counter, with a pair of scissors in his left hand, digging the blade into the skin on his right arm. The blood was dripping into the sink liberally; his eyes were practically quaking in their sockets.

He wanted to scream at Axel. He had no idea that he was masochistic or anything. "…What are you doing," he whispered, his voice deathly silent, even to him.

Neck twitching over to him, Axel's teeth chattered together, before he could even form a proper word. "B-bugs in m-m-my skin." He dug the scissors in again, apparently numb to the pain, only wanting to get those invisible little insects away.

Roxas was frozen. Utterly frozen. He knew he'd learned about this sort of thing in a health class once (or was it science?), but seeing it for real was the strangest experience of his life. Coke bugs – a sort of a hallucination of insects crawling in someone's flesh. He didn't really think it actually happened like this.

Time seemed to go in slow-motion, Roxas not knowing what to do, and Axel too busy picking away his skin to notice. The counter top was smeared red, the white sink spattered as well. He'd really made a mess of himself. Roxas winced as the scissors snipped again.

Time was sent spiraling back into full motion again. "Axel, put the scissors _down_," he immediately demanded, mouth suddenly dry, hands shaking only a little bit less than Axel's. He took one step forward, and Axel jerked away, paranoid eyes leering at Roxas's face.

Reaching a hand forward, Roxas tentatively placed his arms on Axel's upper arm. The older boy pulled away instinctively, whimpering lowly in his throat. Gently, Roxas freed the death-grip that Axel had around the handle of the – Selphie's, actually – scissors. They were purple. Well, they had been.

Disgusted, Roxas let the scissors fall into the sink. Suddenly loving his mother for buying dark green towels, the blonde snatched a wash cloth off of the towel rack. "You're a fucking moron," he muttered, sticking the cloth under the tap, pouring hot water onto it. He didn't even know what kind of shit had been on the scissors – he really didn't want Axel's arm getting infected.

Wringing out the cloth, Roxas pressed it onto the injured area. "Put some pressure on it," he demanded, panic building up in his chest when Axel did nothing but stand there. He wanted to raise his voice. He almost did, but then he realized it was 1 in the fucking morning. "Just do it! Please, Goddamnit, you have to help—"

"God, Roxas, help me, they're f-fuckin' eating my sk-skin," sobbed Axel, pushing the cloth off of his arm to scratch fiercely at the open wounds once more. Roxas's hand snapped out, catching Axel's good arm, and holding on tight to it.

He knew he needed disinfectant. Hell if he knew what to use, though. Tia kept her drawers and shelves full of that kind of thing, but there were so many different types, and his brain was on full panic mode – he didn't know what to pick. With Axel gibbering in his ear about bugs, it wasn't really helping all that much either.

Abruptly, there was knocking on the door. "Roxas… honey, is that you?" Tia, of course. All of the water running had probably woken her up. Roxas stiffened, before clamping his free hand over Axel's mouth.

"Y-yeah," croaked the blonde. "It's just me. I c-couldn't sleep, so I'm… yeah." Tia didn't answer for a moment, Roxas's heart hammering in his chest as the seconds passed.

She didn't sound convinced. "All right. But… if there's a problem… don't be afraid to ask…" With that, she trailed off, most likely disappearing back into the bedroom. It didn't sound like she wanted to leave, but Roxas couldn't handle her motherly care right now. Dropping his hand from Axel's drooling mouth, Roxas finally and quickly chose a disinfectant at random.

Turning to Axel, he tentatively released the other's arm. "Don't you dare fucking pick at your arm," he hissed, unscrewing the lid to the liquid. "This might sting, I don't know, and I doubt that you care." He didn't even care that the colourless disinfectant slopped over onto the counter. He didn't care that Axel tensed up and his eyes watered. He was guessing it was hydrogen peroxide – whatever, Axel deserved the pain.

Bandage tape and gauze pads were next. He was almost reluctant to peel the wrappers open; they almost made too much noise. Pulling the gauze out, he stared at the still bleeding trail of scissor marks on Axel's arm. They looked deep, and probably needed a few stitches.

Biting his lower lip, Roxas applied the bandaging. He didn't want to waste any more time watching in horror. Axel still hadn't snapped out of his drugged-up reverie, still mumbling about bugs and how they wouldn't go away.

Winding the last of the tape around Axel's now-bandaged arm, Roxas let the empty roll drop to the ground. "I hate you," he said, quietly. Axel's fingers shivered, and he glassily stared into the bathroom mirror.

"I h-hate me too."

Laughing in spite of himself, Roxas viciously snatched the bloodied wash cloth. The blood wasn't going to clean itself up. He almost wondered if he'd catch AIDs or something. Then, he realized he didn't really care anymore.

Scrubbing, he left Axel to his own thoughts (or, what was left of them), while he cleaned up the bathroom. He really had to get down onto his hands and knees for some of the blood that had dripped onto the floor. Finding tiny pieces of flesh was the worst, though.

Rinsing the cloth, Roxas felt tears well up in his eyes. It wasn't fair. He was a teenage boy; he wasn't supposed to be dealing with this type of shit. Dead cases like Axel were for the cops, not some foster kid who'd just lost his girlfriend.

He knew he was crying again. Not just crying, anymore. Resting his forehead against the mirror, sobbing into the red-stained sink, Roxas wondered how exactly he got so miserable.

The answer was right behind him.

"You've lost your fucking mind, Axel," he sighed, letting his eyes fall closed.

Axel offered a junkie-smile; stained teeth and thin lips pulled back, eyes dull and the entire thing looking exceptionally fake. "You're fin-finding it for me, Roxas."

Pulling himself back up, Roxas faced the older boy directly in the eye. He didn't understand him, whatsoever. He was just a kid, just like him, and so entirely different at the same time.

"How did somebody like you turn out this way?" he asked, brushing tears off of his cheeks. Axel shrugged, then scratched at his arms some more (only to have his hands batted away by Roxas).

"I guess it was 'cause I didn't have som-somebody like you lookin' out for me." Axel leaned forward, placing his forehead against Roxas's, staring him in the eye. Roxas could smell alcohol and pot on Axel's breath, could see the white powder under the boy's nose.

Roxas sighed. Axel's eyelashes tickled his face. He felt human and inhuman, a monster, all at once. He didn't know how to react as Axel's lips landed on his. It didn't feel greedy, like it had before. Axel wasn't demanding anything, this time. It was just a kiss, just a short press of lips on lips.

Well, that was how it started, anyway.

The blonde didn't even know why he opened his mouth. Maybe he wanted to say something. He really wasn't even sure. But Axel kissed him again, ran his tongue against his lower lip, bit softly. It was sloppy, sure – Axel had lost a lot of blood, and he was fucking high as a kite. He tasted like blood, too.

"Roxas," he muttered, stumbling back, almost falling. Roxas had to catch him at the last moment, and pull the taller boy up against the counter. But the dazed confusion that Axel was having didn't stop him for more than a second. He was leaning forward again, despite his horrible balance, and sliding his tongue into Roxas's mouth without even a second thought.

Bracing one hand against Axel's chest, Roxas let his eyes fall shut. He didn't know what the fuck he was doing, for the thousandth time that month. Axel was so damn different from Olette – he didn't taste like ice cream, he had pointy tongue that was almost limp in his mouth and he didn't let Roxas completely control almost everything. Axel could give and take, and all Olette could do was give and give and give, until there was nothing left of her.

Axel was a sinner, a saint maybe, and Roxas was the one who had him pinned against the counter. Roxas was the one with his fingers at Axel's neck, Axel's lower back, pulling the boy down and returning whatever affection held in an equally sloppy manner.

He pulled away, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. "I can't believe you."

Axel's breath was quivering. "I want y-you."

It was that time that Roxas decided something. He didn't know why Axel was the way he was, nor did he know much about the red head's bizarre past, outside of what he heard from Demyx. He didn't know why Axel showed any desire for him whatsoever, and he didn't know why Axel had mutilated his arm that night. He didn't know why Axel disappeared all of the time, of if he even went to the same place. He didn't know if Axel was fucking his drug dealer, or if he had any STDs. He didn't know where Axel had lived for all of the years, and he didn't know why Axel had bought him a Christmas present.

But he did know one thing: where to start.

He was going to pay a visit to Axel's mother.

* * *

**disclaimer: **standard disclaimers. i don't own anything. 


	11. age of consent

gin and sin  
chapter eleven

_won't you please let me go  
these words lie inside they hurt me so  
and i'm not the kind that likes to tell you  
just what i want to do  
i'm not the kind that needs to tell you  
just what you want me to_  
age of consent - neverending white lights

* * *

This was it. This was the downward spiral. Roxas could feel it gnawing at the back of his head. Standing there with a little piece of paper with an address on it, at the doorway of somebody's house, he wondered if he'd even gotten the right place. He checked the address again. Yeah, it was the right address. It had to be. But it really didn't look like the kind of place that he attributed to Axel. 

Clean was the word to describe it. There were trees in the front yard, and there was a garden with a white, powdery layer of snow covering the flowers that could've been. The walkway to the door was shoveled, the door had a little wreath on it, and there was a welcome mat that declared 'Merry Christmas!'

It was very odd for this residence to be Axel Erickson's house. But he didn't live here anymore. Only his mother (and maybe his father) did, now.

Tucking the paper into his back pocket, he took a deep breath. Reaching a gloved hand outward, he touched the doorbell, snapping his hand back almost immediately. He hated to admit that yeah, he was a little scared. The woman would probably assume him to be crazy if he showed up at her doorstep, asking about her junkie son.

He contemplated turning away and sprinting down the street. He contemplated pretending to be a confused 5 year old. He contemplated acting like a boy scout, or a vacuum salesman. All thoughts were erased from his brain when a tall, thin red headed woman opened the door. "Hello!" she said, thin lips pulled up into a smile.

Roxas could hardly believe what he was looking at. She had traits similar to Axel – red hair, same lips – but her eyes were a duller green colour, and there were wrinkles around her eyes. She was pretty, sure, but it was odd to come into contact with someone who probably let her son turn into the person he was today. For a moment, Roxas loathed her.

But he had to snap out of it. "…Erm, I know this seems kind of out of nowhere, but are you Rose Erickson?" he asked, feeling awkward and out of place.

Leaning herself against the doorway, the woman nodded. "Why yes, I am. What are you here for, young man? What's your name?" she inquired, with that constant smile on her face. She was so unlike her son. It was strange to think that Axel came from this woman. She seemed so… stable.

"I'm… Roxas Appledorn. Er, I really need to talk to you about some… stuff," he said, staring down at the welcome mat. It was almost too cheery. "It's about Axel." Rose's face fell, and for a moment, Roxas thought she was going to close the door.

"Come in," she murmured, instead. So, Roxas did, toeing off his shoes only to skitter into the house as Rose rapidly closed the door behind him. It was like she was trying to keep somebody out, really.

The house was even nicer inside. There was a red headed girl in a living room nearby, peering over to the entranceway, where Roxas stood awkwardly, wondering what to do. Rose looked over her shoulder. "Kairi, go upstairs, okay honey?"

The redheaded girl – Kairi – frowned. "Mom, if it's about Axel then I should stay." Rose gave her a harsh look, which the stubborn teenager returned. She must've overheard what Roxas said at the doorway. Either that or she was eavesdropping. "I have a right to know what happens to my brother, okay? Besides, I know more about him than you do now."

Roxas felt like he was stuck between a bit of a power struggle. It was obvious that this Kairi person wasn't pleased with Rose. "Kairi, I need to talk to this boy alone, first. I'll tell you what I feel you need to know _later," _said the older woman, with a tired expression on her face.

Kairi's eyes glinted with malice, and maybe a little bit of sadness, before she gave a typical teenage combination of a scream and a growl, and stormed off down the hallway. Rose simply shook her head, muttering, "That girl is going to get herself grounded."

Standing there with an awkward expression on his face, Roxas slipped off his coat. It was warm in the house, and a little bit musty. It was probably just the winter heating. A Christmas tree sat in the middle of the previously occupied living room, gifts crammed under the tree wherever they would fit. It was obvious that the Erickson family was well-off. Envy scratched at Roxas's back.

"Come into the kitchen. Here, I'll hang your coat up for you," said Rose, urgency evident in her voice. She wanted to hear what Roxas had to say. _Maybe she thinks that Axel's dead or something._

Once his coat was dangling helplessly from a coat hanger inside the closet, Roxas found himself sitting at their quaint, probably mahogany, kitchen table. There was a dining room with a larger one for parties or dinner guests.

Rose brought him some hot chocolate. Well, it was more like lukewarm chocolate now. "You look cold," she said, with a little half-shrug of her right shoulder. Roxas blinked at her – some of her mannerisms were exactly the same as Axel's.

She sat at the opposite end of the table, and crossed her fingers together on her lap. "…So," she said, as if dreading her next words, "What has he gotten into now? Is he okay?"

Roxas sighed. "Not really. He's alive, if that's what you mean," said the youth, wrapping his hands around the mug. It was warm against his fingers. "He lives with me and my family right now."

Rose looked hurt. "So, he won't live with me, but some kid is just fine for him?" she bit out. Almost as quickly, her face softened. "I'm sorry. That's not meant in offense to you." She brought her hand to her forehead, as if trying to scare off a headache. "He just confuses me sometimes. I told him that I was sorry, and that I wanted him to come live with me, but he said that I was a… a 'dumb cunt' who couldn't mind her own business."

"He said that you kicked him out."

"Well, yes, I did," said Rose, guiltily. "I reacted badly. But I hated that Demyx boy, and I couldn't stand to see Axel… that way with him. I don't care that he's gay, and I don't care about what he did. I just wish he was honest about it with me instead of trying to push my buttons like that. I know I was harsh but… but what else was I supposed to do?" She gave him a questioning look.

Roxas sympathized with her. After all, Axel was constantly doing the same thing to him. He took a sip of the hot chocolate and held back a grimace. Too sweet. "I don't like Demyx either. But I'm trying to help Axel. I think he's getting better," said the blonde.

"I've heard so many people say that to me before. I don't believe it," muttered Rose, with a shake of her head. This was news to Roxas, to say the least.

"What do you mean by that? Has he done something like this before? Living with some random person, I mean, who… tried to do the same thing I'm trying to do?" The statement sounded better in Roxas's head, but he didn't know how else to phrase it.

Rose shook her head again. "No. When I sent him to counselors, they told me he was 'figuring himself out' and 'learning about the real him'. He'd be good for about a week, and then I'd catch him getting high. Axel can't be fixed."

Swallowing thickly, Roxas took another small sip of the hot chocolate. Anything to distract his mouth. He wanted to say that Axel didn't need to be 'fixed' – he just needed a little bit of help, a little guidance.

"But he really is getting better. He's going to a psychiatrist and he hasn't gotten high in… a few days," said Roxas, even though he knew it was a blatant lie. He'd left early in the morning because he didn't want to deal with the aftermath, to have to see Axel's reaction to what happened to his arm. A shiver ran down his spine at the thought.

Again, the woman shook her head. She looked like a rag doll, a little more worn down than she had before. Talking about Axel's habits obviously tired her out.

"He'll do that sometimes. Just quit everything. But something will happen, and he'll just go back to it. All Axel can do is take. He's selfish. He doesn't care about anybody but himself."

"That's not true."

Roxas gave her a hard look, which Rose returned. It looked more like acid— Axel's signature look. "I'm his mother. I know more about him than you do."

"You haven't seen him in almost four years! How much can you know?" snapped Roxas. Rose's expression immediately went somber. "I know him right now, and the Axel that I know is willing to change. I think."

Awkward silence hung between them. Roxas was slowly beginning to learn why Axel hated his mother so much. While she wasn't as bad as Axel had said, she had no faith in people whatsoever.

He decided to bite the bullet and get straight to the point. "Where has Axel been living for the past three years? Do you know?"

Rose shook her head. "Of course not. I haven't talked to him in four years, as you said." There was a level of cold anger in her voice, and that was where Axel and her differed. When he got angry, everybody knew about it, while hers was far more understated.

"Do you know anybody who _would _know?" asked Roxas, frustrated. His fingers tensed around the mug.

Again, Rose shook her head. "I'm sorry. I really can't help you there. Only he can tell you, I suppose." Roxas gave a heavy sigh, letting his hands slide back down into his lap. He was stuck, again. It seemed there would be no end to this ridiculous search.

There was an awkward silence, yet again. Rose didn't have anything more to say, and Roxas didn't know what else to do. The mug clinked against the table as Roxas put it down rather roughly, but Rose didn't even seem to notice.

"…Would it make things any better if I brought him here, just to talk, or whatever?" murmured the blonde, hesitantly. He didn't know what the woman would say in response to this. Maybe she'd be eager to see him.

He got the exact opposite reaction. "No. Don't you dare bring him around here," said Rose, lethargically pulling herself out of her seat. She looked about ready to push Roxas out the door, now. "He'll only ruin things here, and I don't need him influencing Kairi."

Roxas stood as well, giving her a questioning look. "He's your kid; you should at least give him a chance. I'm sure he'd talk to you if he was given the opportunity," said the teen, somewhat defensively.

She led him to the door, yanking at the handle so hard that it might've pulled at the hinges. Cold wind slithered into the house, but Roxas wasn't ready to reach for his jacket and admit defeat.

"I've given him all of the chances I can. I've already made up my mind. I don't want to talk to him. As far as I'm concerned, he's dead. I don't care what happens to him anymore," said Rose, voice quivering somewhat. Her back was facing him. He couldn't tell if she was crying, or just angry. "He's hurt me too much. I don't want to feel guilty about what a bad mother I was. Not anymore."

Roxas did feel sympathy for her. He truly did. But at the same time, all he could think about was his own mother, and how she'd abandoned him. Besides, Axel _needed _somebody else to help him. Roxas couldn't do it alone.

"You… you aren't a bad mother," said Roxas. He wondered if he could persuade her somehow.

She shook her head, again. "No, I'm not. He's just a bad son."

* * *

There wasn't anybody at the bus stop. Roxas sat on the bench, hugging himself to keep from freezing. He was pretty much sure that his ass was frozen to the bench. He tried pulling himself up. Yep, frozen to the bench. 

"Fuck," muttered Roxas, now _beyond _frustrated. He wanted to go home, and he wanted to go hide behind a dumpster and smoke pot, and he wanted to go punch Rose in the face and he wanted to do a lot of things that he just couldn't do. He could never do enough.

But hell, did his ass ever get un-frozen when a sharp little fingernail jabbed him in the back of the head. Roxas spun around, stumbling to his feet to get a better look at his 'attacker'.

"It's you!" he said, and Kairi gave him a look of confusion. "Er, Kairi, right?"

The girl tensed her arms around herself. She was only in a sweater – a rather expensive looking one, but _way _too thin for this kind of weather – and Roxas wondered why she wasn't wearing a coat.

She probably looked more like her father. Sure, she still had the typical Erickson family red hair, but it was almost a light brown, and her eyes were a murky shade of purple-blue. She wasn't nearly as pale as her mother, or her brother. She was almost as thin as Axel, probably, but still had a little bit of baby fat in her cheeks.

"Yeah, it's Kairi," said the girl, frowning. As she spoke, Roxas could see the familiar glint of metal. Braces, most likely. The creases in her forehead made her appear possibly older than her brother. She'd probably done quite a bit of frowning in her lifetime. "You need to tell me what you said to my mom, because she never tells me anything, and it's really hard for me to get a hold of Axel."

Roxas observed her for a quiet moment. He didn't quite know what to say to her, really. She was just some girl who was the sister of some boy, who he pretended to know. "Axel is… okay."

Kairi snorted, shrugging her shoulders. "That's what he told me, too. 'I'm okay, Kairi, don't worry your stupid little head about it. Just do good in school and make mom happy'. That was all he ever said, and I'm sick of hearing it."

She was still shivering. Roxas had half a mind to take off his coat and hand it to her, but he wasn't sure if she'd take it or not. She seemed the type of girl who'd never touch his Wal-Mart clothes. "What do you want me to tell you, then?"

"Tell me whatever you can."

The skinny little girl shivered. Roxas slipped off his coat and handed it to her. Apparently, she didn't care at this point if it was Wal-Mart sheik.

"Last night he was digging his arm out with a pair of scissors because he was all fucked out on coke, and he's whoring himself out, and he's going to see this therapist guy who looks more like a serial killer, and he took me to a party and I tried to protect him, kind of, but I ended up drunk and puking my guts out, he's still friends with Demyx and Demyx is friends with my little brother, and he baby sits my little sister all of the time, and I think he really misses you, and I'm so fucking stuck, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how I'm supposed to save him."

Kairi blinked at him, looking more like a deer trapped in headlights with that big, poofy jacket draped over her shoulders. She still had that harsh edge to her eyes, but her frown had softened, and she didn't look nearly as inquisitive.

Letting his head hang, Roxas only averted his eyes when he saw the bus puttering down the street in the distance. Kairi didn't give him his jacket back, yet.

"If he's going to a therapist willingly," began Kairi, trying to find the words. Her lips were blue, "then you're helping already. If he's actually trying, kind of, then you've got to be doing something. Even if it's little. I think I have faith in you."

Roxas's lips pulled into a little smile. "You're probably the first person who does."

She handed him his coat, and asked him for a piece of paper. Pulling a worn-down stick of 'Kohlberry' eyeliner out of her back pocket, she scribbled her cellphone number down. "Call me, soon, okay? If anything else happens. And tell Axel to call me, I need to talk to him. It's been months."

"Okay," said Roxas, shoving the paper into his pocket, before turning towards the bus. Kairi offered him a silver-and-pink smile, before darting off back to her house. She had to shimmy up a drainpipe to get inside, anyway. Mother hadn't known she'd run off. Secrets are secrets, after all.

* * *

"You have ketchup on your face." 

Tidus blinked at him, before pulling his sleeve over his hand and scrubbing furiously at his lips. He didn't stop, either, and his lips were bright red in mere moments. Axel raised one eyebrow, lips curling up in amusement.

"You have a bug on your nose."

Tidus gasped loudly, slapping his hand over his nose harshly. Axel could practically hear the cartilage crunch. The blonde pulled his hand back to look at his fingers, face scrunching up into a frown. "There wasn't a bug there," he muttered.

The door closed shut. Axel found himself looking up at Auron. Auron with a mug of something, and a manila folder under his arm. Any trace of sly enjoyment disappeared from his face. No, he really wasn't looking forward to being here alone. Tidus, however, looked far happier when Auron was in the room. Even with the twitchy little perma-smile on his face (that severely scared Axel, at some points), he looked different.

"So." Auron could make one word seem like an entire, horribly difficult and esoteric sentence that only the most intelligent of professors at Harvard Law could understand.

The word hung in the air for a moment. Auron took that sliver of time to shoo Tidus from the room, and to take a seat opposite the red head. He set the manila folder down onto the side table, and held the mug in one hand. It was tea. Axel frowned. What a pussy.

"So, what?" muttered Axel, tugging his legs up onto the chair. He pressed them up against his chest, creating a sort of physical barrier between himself and Auron. The mental one was already there, at least.

More silence.

Auron sipped his tea. Real fucking manly. "Tell me anything you want. I'm here to listen." He didn't seem like much of a talker. Perfect job for him, really. He didn't even need to say much to get his point across. That was the thing about Auron – he could give you a look that told you an entire story.

Axel sighed. "Look, can we cut this session short? I really don't want to be here, and you look like you'd rather be drinking your pansy tea. I'll suck you off and everything, and it'll be peachy for the both of us. You don't look like you get much action, anyway, old man."

His lips crinkled into a smile. "What do you think Tidus is for?"

Axel's face fell.

"I'm kidding."

The red head snorted, kicking out one leg onto the coffee table. "Fucking retarded old man."

"I use Tidus for his ass. Shuyin gives better head."

"…I think I like you."

Auron shook his head. Well, that tact had gotten him a little bit more brownie points. Axel almost didn't think he was only kidding. Auron was kind of a creepy guy, and with a kid like Tidus running around, well, what exactly could be expected? Axel knew he'd probably take advantage of something like that.

Still, doctor-patient conduct or some kind of other bullshit.

Auron opened his manila folder. What an ugly shade of beige-white. Axel kind of wanted to gag. Pulling out paper after paper, Auron's narrow eyes skimmed the lines. "So, what do you feel like telling me today? Talk about anything. Anyone."

The red head sighed. "I don't know what to say, okay? I haven't done this whole therapy jazz in a long time." Auron didn't say anything for quite some time, and the silence dragged on, the clock snapping hands over Axel's head.

"Okay. I'll… talk about Selphie, then, I guess," said Axel, picking the first thing he could think of. He drew a little pattern on the arm of the leather black chair, little stars, a heart. He scribbled the heart out as a second thought. "She's… I don't know. I have a kid sister, not as young as her, more like Naminé's age, but I think I like Selphie better. Naminé's really weak and I don't like that in most people.

Uh, Selphie can be annoying at times, but most of the time she makes me feel better about stuff because she isn't as judgmental as older people, I guess. I don't feel like I have to impress anybody—"

"Bullshit."

Axel flicked venomous eyes upward. Auron was doodling circles on the outside of his manila folder. He'd already drawn a picture of a bunny with its ears cut off. It was crying. He set his pen down.

"You don't care what people think. You don't want people to accept you. You only tolerate the kid because she can't tell you have a drug habit, and she doesn't bother you about it." Auron offered a know-it-all smile with a hint of cynicism and typical old man creepiness.

Axel blinked.

Shaking his head, Auron picked up his pen again. "You aren't as hard to figure out as you think. I deal with people like you for a living. I know your type."

Axel's face wrinkled in disgust. "My type? You don't know anything about me."

Laughing lightly, Auron sipped his pansy tea. Axel wiggled his toes inside of his shoes in discomfort. He kind of wanted to go out and get high. Dealing with this guy was too much for him to handle.

"Well, not yet," said Auron, lips still in one of those uncomfortable half-smiles, "but I will soon. You'll crack under the pressure sooner or later."

Axel rolled his eyes, kicking both legs onto the floor, only to pull himself to his feet. He paced around the room for a moment, Auron following him with his eyes. He didn't like this kind of scrutiny. Even Roxas didn't put him on the spot like this. He preferred the method the blonde was taking – earning his trust, hell, his friendship before pressing all of these questions on him.

"You obviously don't want to tell me anything. That's fine," murmured Auron, eyes downcast again. He was scribbling something on his papers. "But, eventually, you'll get bored of the silence, and you'll start to talk."

"Shut up. You don't know that I'll do that," grumbled Axel. He leaned against the wall, letting his head thunk against the wall rather loudly. "You're just assuming, because that's what you old fuckers always do."

The psychiatrist cocked his head, still keeping that eerie smirk plastered across his face. Axel tried not to think about it too much. He flicked his eyes away, instead concentrating on the pattern on the floor. Ugly floor. It stayed that way for long, tiring minutes, until Axel stormed over to the door. "I don't have to put up with your psychological bullshit," he snarled, slamming the door as he left the room.

Auron watched the clock.

The door closed quietly, and Axel (slightly red in the face), glowered down at the older man. "…Tidus wouldn't stop talking," he mumbled, taking his seat once again. Predictable. "That's why I'm back. Don't you fucking think it's because I want to be here."

Shaking his head, Auron smiled. "Sure."

* * *

Axel kept pulling his sleeves down. Tia didn't really take it to mind at first, but it did pique her interest when Selphie latched onto his arm, and he immediately winced. She was going to start asking questions, but Roxas had apparently gained the ability to have horribly bad timing, and the blonde rushed into the house, out of the cold. 

"Welcome back. Where in the world have you been all day, anyway?"

Shrugging out of his jacket, Roxas gave his mother a look of confusion. "Um, Hayner's. I thought I told you this morning," he lied, raising a hand to brush through his damp hair. Tia rolled her eyes. Typical boys, forgetting to inform their worried mothers as to where they'd puttered off to for an entire day.

Axel wobbled into view, pulling himself off of a kitchen chair. He hadn't really been feeling well since that afternoon, but he didn't really feel like talking about it – especially not to Tia.

Once Roxas was in the kitchen, he quickly took hold of the older boy. "Hey, come upstairs with me," he insisted, sparing a second to give Selphie a hug, and to wave to Naminé out of habit. Before Axel even had a chance to ask _why_ he was being dragged up the stairs, and pulled into the blonde's room. Roxas all but cornered the red head, planting both of his hands on the taller boy's shoulders.

"Kiss me."

Axel gave him the most incredulous expression he could surmise. "Are you high?" He went to pluck the smaller boy's hands off, but Roxas wouldn't budge. "Come on, Roxas, stop fucking with me."

"I'm not _fucking _with you. Seriously," insisted the blonde, leaning forward, resting his forehead in the crook of Axel's neck. "I'm just trying to… to figure something out."

"And what's that, if you're fit for a mental ward? I'm not being some fucking guinea pig," said Axel, brashly. He snagged his hand in Roxas's hair, pulling the boy back to face him. "I hate head games, Roxas. If you're playing with me, I'll—"

"Do you have _any _idea how worried I was about you, all day? It scares me how much I think about you." Roxas's hands tensed, ever so slightly. He wasn't used to talking about this kind of thing. Feelings were for faggots. He wasn't a faggot. Well, he wasn't sure, at least.

Jaw clenched, Roxas was scared. He honestly wasn't sure what to do. He didn't know how he felt about Axel, or if he really liked other guys, or if it was just this guy in particular. He didn't even like Axel. He didn't feel necessarily attracted. He just had this overwhelming urge to protect him, to help him, in some way. He couldn't trust Axel, but Roxas felt like he could tell him anything.

"I really don't know what the hell to do. I want to make you better."

Axel sighed, again, trying to pull Roxas's hands off of his shoulders. He managed this time, and the blonde's arms fell limply at his sides. "If this is some kind of love confession…"

"I don't love you," said Roxas, sharply, "I barely _like _you. I… I really don't know what I'm thinking, but I want something from you." At this, Axel raised an eyebrow, and stepped further away.

"If you want sex, get in the fucking line and pay up-front."

Roxas gritted his teeth. "I don't want to fuck you, either." _Not right now, at least. Oh fuck, I am so going to hell for this. _"I just… I want to be friends. Maybe… maybe more than friends. I want you to have something to give a fuck about, other than your own goddamn drug habit."

Axel's hands twitched.

"I want to… fuck, I want to care about you, okay? I _do _care about you, and that's why I let you do the shit you do, and that's why I let you invade my house, my family, my own goddamn bed, and that's why I let you take up all of my time, and that's why I don't have a girlfriend anymore and… fuck, I forgot the point of what I was trying to say."

"Are you telling me that you want to be my boyfriend, or something?" asked Axel, voice somewhere between curiosity and total horror.

Roxas gave him the most wide-eyed, mousy expression that Axel had ever seen. "…I think so," he said, more of a squeak than a statement. The red head almost laughed, instead back-stepping and landing on the bed.

"I knew you'd turn out gay," said Axel, snidely. Truth be told, he was trying to cover up his own quiet excitement. He'd never really been asked to be somebody's boyfriend before. It had always just simply happened, with a quick fuck, or a drunken kiss – and _poof_; insta-relationship. Of course, his relationships only really included mass consumption of anything illegal they could find, and shameless fucking anywhere they saw fit. He felt like a damn twelve-year old girl.

Blushing, Roxas took up a seat on the bed beside him. "Shut up. It's… it's just really weird, all of this," he muttered, shaking his head. "Two months ago I didn't know who you were, and I would've never thought I could… agh."

Crossing his legs, Axel leaned back against the headboard. "Yeah, well, that's how it usually goes. The homophobic ones always turn out gay."

Frowning, Roxas planted his hands on his thighs. "Quit calling me gay. I'm _not gay_. I don't know what it is about you, but… I guess you're an exception." The red head let a tiny smile crawl across his face.

"That's not the first time I've heard something like that," he murmured, edging ever so closer to Roxas. Their knees brushed, and Roxas felt a shiver run up his spine.

The blonde swallowed. "So… um, how's your arm?" Axel blinked for a moment, before lethargically raising said appendage. He peeled back the long-sleeve, where his forearm was covered in a thin bandage.

"I haven't really looked," he muttered, fingers dancing at the gauze. Roxas's fingers joined Axel's, and he peeled back the bandage ever so slightly. "It's not that bad. I took some stuff earlier because it was hurting a bit and I had one motherfucker of a headache, but other than that, I haven't really noticed."

Roxas sighed, looking at the now uncovered wound. Patchy bruising and dozens of small incisions coupled with larger gouges. It could've been worse, probably, but it still didn't look healthy at all.

"It isn't nearly as bad as the other times," said Axel. "This shit is soft core compared to that."

Roxas looked up into Axel's acidic green eyes. "You mean you've done this before?" He damn near winced when the red head nodded manically.

"Yeah, you wanna see?"

The blonde felt like he was going to puke as Axel rolled up his pant legs. Skinny, twig-like legs were revealed, one calve with a large scarred patch. It looked like it was probably deep enough to touch the bone, at one point. "I got a skin graft on this one. I think it was like, my second time snorting when I did this. Apparently, I almost OD'd. And then I opened it again later by accident, and tore it open again with some nail scissors or somethin'. Can't remember."

"That's fucking wrong," mumbled Roxas, biting at the inside of his cheek. He really didn't understand how anybody could do that to themselves, and then continue to keep doing it to themselves even though they knew what could happen.

Again, Axel nodded. "There's another one on my thigh, but it isn't as bad as that one." He offered Roxas an earnest smile, but the blonde's eyes were still fixated on his arm.

"I should clean that again. And… wrap it back up," he murmured. He moved to get up again, but Axel's good hand grasped his arm.

The red head shrugged. "You don't have to do it right now. It doesn't hurt or anything, and it isn't bleeding. Just stay here, or whatever, and we'll talk." Roxas sat down again, and found himself blinking at Axel, wondering what to say.

"So what do we do now?"

Axel shrugged. "Look, I don't really know all that much about you. I kind of do, you know, like who you live with and the general stuff, but if you want to date or whatever, I gotta know more about you," said the red head.

The blonde nodded, leaning back on his arm. He sighed, deciding that letting the older boy know more about him would probably be for the best. He didn't often unveil his past, or even what he liked. He didn't like letting people get to know him.

"So let's play twenty questions," said Axel, picking at a piece of lint on the blanket. His arm was still in plain sight, looking angry and bruised, but he didn't bother to do anything about it. If Tia walked in, it would probably be a big problem.

"But doesn't that involve me asking _you _questions, too?" asked Roxas, a slightly confused expression on his face.

Axel shrugged. "Yeah, well, I'll tell you what I want to. I'm not in the mood to give you my entire fucking life story, and I don't trust you enough yet."

The blonde was a little bit insulted. Shouldn't he be totally and utterly trusted by now? Then again, he'd gone off to see the guy's mom without letting him know. Oops. If Axel ever found out, he'd probably be skinned. The red head had made it rather clear that he didn't want to talk to his mother.

"Fine, then. Who asks first?" grumbled Roxas, tone somewhat irritated. He crossed his arms across his chest, and gave Axel the evilest look he could manage, however, he still came out looking like a two year old who had his favorite stuffed bunny taken away.

"You ask. I'll answer. Then the other way around. Oh, and no asking the same questions as the person before you, okay? That's such a fucking cop-out."

Biting at the inside of his cheek, Roxas thought up his first question. He didn't want it to be something stupid, but he knew he wouldn't be allowed to ask a question like 'Were you sexually molested as a child, and is that why you are the sick fuck you are now?' It was best to start small. "What was your favorite subject, when you went to school?"

"Easy question. Science. I liked to blow shit up." Axel had a kind of spacey expression on his face, with an idiosyncratic little smile on his face. It didn't look like his usual, snarky little 'told-you-fucking-so' smile, and it wasn't the cracked-out smile he wore when he was high.

"Okay. Now you ask me a question, right?" said Roxas, fidgeting in anticipation. He was incredibly frustrated at this entire thing.

However, Axel didn't notice, or he didn't say anything. "Yep. Hm… I got one. Were you ever raped? Is that why you're such an offish, mean bastard now?"

Roxas felt like hitting his head against the wall. "I don't have to answer that!"

"So, you _were _raped, huh?"

"No, I wasn't fucking raped!"

"Keep your goddamn voice down."

Taking a deep, _deep _breath, Roxas clenched his eyes shut. A little voice in his head told him to stay calm. He needed to learn as much as he could, considering the circumstances. "I wasn't raped. I've never _been _raped, and why the hell do you get to ask a question like that? I'm not allowed to ask you about your 'life story'."

"Yeah, well, you never set up any boundaries for me. I'm allowed to ask whatever the hell I want, and you have to answer it." Axel's expression changed to that of utter mischievousness, and he resembled Selphie when she'd done something horribly devious.

Roxas sighed. "…Okay. My turn now," he murmured, pulling himself further onto the bed. "So, uh… how did you know that you were gay?" He kept his eyes down while asking, though he felt the subtle burn on his cheeks. He wondered if it was too personal, yet.

"I never really got an opportunity to try being straight. I was fucking, what, twelve? Yeah, I was almost thirteen when Demyx decided to haul me along to his parties. He was the first guy I was with, and then, I really didn't care about girls. They were just kind of… there. I think they're attractive and all that, but after all this shit has happened, I don't really think any girl would want to date me," said Axel, shaking his head.

Well, that was certainly a long enough answer, but Roxas still didn't really know what to do. He felt uncomfortable asking the question, and even worse hearing the answer. How was he supposed to know if he was gay, or not? He wondered if he should start seeing Auron as well. "…Your question."

"When did you lose your virginity? And to who?"

"Agh, that's a personal question!"

"…So?"

Roxas huffed, glaring at the red head. "Okay, _fine. _It was to my gir—ex-girlfriend. We were both fifteen."

"Details. After the fuck-load of answer I gave you, you should tell me a little about it," insisted Axel, tilting his head. "Don't be so defensive all of the time. It's not like I'm going to tell anybody else about this. I'll keep your secrets if you keep mine."

He tasted blood. Roxas knew that he'd probably bit through an entire layer of skin inside of his cheek. It hurt a little bit, but he didn't really think about it. "Um… I don't really know what to say."

"Where. How. Was it good, or bad? How big were her tits, was her cunt tight as fuck, or was she loose. Was she a virgin, too? That kind of thing."

"Of course she was a goddamn virgin! Are you calling her a slut?" spat Roxas, genuinely offended by these kind of questions. He could feel the hair on the back of his neck prickling.

Axel rolled his eyes. "I'm just asking, okay? Fuck, let's get to my next question. Why are you so defensive, so fucking mean to anybody who asks you anything about yourself."

The blonde had gotten to his feet, and stood with his back to Axel, fists clenched at his sides. "I'm not telling you my goddamn life story if you don't tell me yours. I don't trust _you _enough, yet."

"Fine, you know what? What do you want to hear?"

"Why don't you quit. Why do you hate your mother so much? Why are you a fucking slut? Why do you sleep in my bed? Why do you keep going back to Marluxia? Why did I pick you over my girlfriend? _Why the hell do I want a whore like you, anyway?_"

Axel shrugged. "I don't know."

Flopping back down on the bed, Roxas flung his arm over his face. His eyes were a little bit damp. He ignored it, though. "Exactly."

"So, answer my question."

The tension was thick enough to taste. For a moment, Roxas just lay there, legs dangling off the end of the bed. He didn't move, and he didn't breathe.

And then, he simply spoke.

"My real mom. Her name was Jennifer. When I was a little kid, my dad called her Jenny. She didn't let anybody else call her that," mumbled the blonde, slowly sliding his hand off of his face. His eyelashes stuck together. "And when he stopped calling her Jenny, she got upset. She said that I ruined her marriage. I was only six years old, so how the fuck could I ruin her fucking marriage?

Anyway, she made me sit on my hands while she hit me. Since she wasn't really all that big, she only gave me fat lips, black eyes. No serious damage. I knew it wasn't her fault though. She had a lot of antidepressants she was on, but as soon as they actually started to work, she'd quit using them. She'd tell me that she loved me, and that she was 'fixed'. All better.

My dad came back, one day. He was kind of a deadbeat. But when he did come back, Jen forgot about me. She didn't hit me, but she didn't feed me, and when you're six, you can't really do much to help yourself out of that situation."

Roxas was apparently lost in his story. He didn't even notice that Axel was holding his hand. Roxas was digging his fingernails in, but Axel didn't care. "So how did Tia come in?"

"Actually, Jen dropped me off at school for once. Only, it was Sunday, and it was pouring rain. She didn't give me time to even put my shoes on, so I was standing out there in bare-feet with no jacket or anything.

Tia was there for one of those… parent councils, or whatever. I don't really remember a lot of that afternoon, because it was all one big blur, but she had this big black umbrella and she let me stand under it while she called Jen.

Of course, Jen was really drunk when she picked up the phone. She'd gone to some bar, and ended up with a guy she didn't know, because my dad had left her again. They still don't know where he went. I still don't really know what happened, but a few days later I wound up a foster kid at Tia's house."

Axel, laying on his side, had his body curled against Roxas's limp form. His feet were hitting the floor as well, and he had both of his hands holding one of Roxas's quivering ones, their fingers close to his face. "So that's it, huh? It's not so bad, now, though. What happened to your mom?"

"She was never my mother. But Tia told me she killed herself after I got taken away. She said she loved me on her suicide note. Bullshit," mumbled Roxas, voice cracking. Axel kissed his fingers, murmuring quiet consoling words as if he were comforting a small child.

Roxas turned to face the older boy, gently pulling his hand away. "…Why are you acting so weird?"

Another one of those weird, normal smiles. "I'm playing boyfriend. Gotta comfort you or something like that, right? I used to do this kind of thing for Demyx when he would whine about his parents. It calmed him right down. Then again, he's a lot more immature than you are."

"Can we _not _talk about Demyx?" sighed Roxas, laying down on his back once more. Axel slid one arm across his waist, but he didn't push it away. It was kind of comforting.

He could feel Axel's warm breath against his neck. "What do you want to talk about then?"

"Ask me a question."

"You really want to kiss me? Even though you know the only thing these lips have been around in the last small eternity are dozens of hairy fat guys' dicks? I don't know any of their names or anything. I'm a prostitute, Roxas," whispered Axel, bluntly. His dry, cracked lips brushed against Roxas's ear with each word he spoke. "You're okay, knowing that I'll be sleeping with other guys? I'll never be yours completely."

"It's okay." Roxas let his eyes fall shut. He concentrated on every sensation, every little jittery movement of Axel's fingers against his side. Every warm, sliding sensation of his breathing, the press of his thin abdomen against his own body.

It wasn't really that strange. It didn't feel any different.

Roxas sat up, pulling Axel with him, sliding the both of them over to the headboard again. Leaning back, he let Axel straddle him, leaning over him with the blonde's hands resting on his skinny hips. "You really want this?" asked Axel. The question wasn't asked with its usual snide tone; rather, it was more genuine curiosity.

"Yeah, I think I do."

Axel leaned down, felt Roxas's hands tense on his sharp hipbones, but he didn't stop. Their lips met gently, awkwardly, noses bumping. Roxas was a little bit terrified. This was their first real kiss, where the both of them were sober, where it was consensual.

It didn't feel that different than kissing a girl. Then again, he didn't really have much to compare it to. Olette was the only girl he'd ever been with. Roxas wondered how many people Axel had kissed. Probably a lot more than he had.

Axel's fingers brushed his jaw, and Roxas pressed his tongue against the older boy's lower lip. Instinctively, Axel parted his lips, letting the other boy slip his tongue into his mouth.

It wasn't intense. It wasn't like one kiss was going to change his entire outlook on life. When Axel gave one last playful nip to his lower lip before pulling away, Roxas didn't feel like anything was different. His fingers picked at the hem of Axel's shirt. He could feel skin, but hell, he was in no way ready to do anything more than kiss. Axel was probably raring to go.

"What now?" asked the red head, thumb still stroking Roxas's jaw-line. "Ask me another question."

"What's your favorite colour?"

Axel stared down into Roxas's ocean eyes.

"Blue."

* * *

**disclaimer: **i don't own anything. 


	12. dirtywhirl

gin and sin  
chapter twelve

_oh you could curl me beside you  
the spark in your eyes belies the Apocalypse inside you  
twisting the pits from the particle  
skull can't save face_  
dirtywhirl - tv on the radio

* * *

When Sora first made his way down the stairs for his usual 2 AM snack, he knew immediately that Roxas was both hysterical and laughing, or he was crying. Now, they were both very unlikely things for Sora to see, so he wasn't sure what to do as he stood at the bottom of the stairs. 

"…Roxas?" he asked quietly, and almost immediately the blonde head snapped over to where Sora was standing. Brushing his eyes with the back of his hand, Roxas didn't say anything, and he still didn't say anything when Sora quietly approached him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Leaning down to face his sitting brother, Sora offered a concerned expression. The kitchen wasn't probably the best of places to discuss something like this, but at this early in the morning, there weren't any other places to talk.

"You okay?" questioned Sora, taking a seat beside the blonde. Roxas shook his head, biting his lower lip to keep himself from totally breaking out in tears again. He was just so fed up with feeling unhappy all of the time. Containing everything proved to be way too much stress for the teenager to handle.

Not to mention the entire thing with Axel earlier in the evening had severely screwed up the workings of his head. He still couldn't believe what he'd told the older boy earlier. It wasn't even that he didn't mean it, but he honestly wasn't sure what he was supposed to do about the whole thing.

He felt guilty. He knew that much for sure. He pitied Axel, and thinking on it, maybe that's why he wanted a way to make the boy feel that his life wasn't a complete waste of time.

Sora stared at Roxas, who was evidently deep in thought. "…Can you talk about it? Please? It makes me anxious when you're quiet. Riku does the same thing to me and just broods to himself," said Sora, jutting his lower lip out in a pout. While he seemed childish most of the time, he could be perceptive if the moment called for it. "And he never tells me what's going on."

Pulling his face out of his hands, Roxas took one of those shuddering breaths that most people take when they've been sobbing for hours. It hadn't been hours with him, but he'd had a lot to get out.

"You're going to think I'm sick," he murmured, his words a jumble in his sore, tired mouth. He'd been biting at his lips to keep himself quiet. After all, this was the exact thing that he didn't want happening.

Nudging Roxas's arm with his hand, Sora urged him on. "Come on. You can tell me. We are brothers, right? Well, not really, but you get the idea." Sora didn't really want to have one of those 'heart-to-heart' things with Roxas, because that was kind of gay and Roxas was one of those homophobic guys. Sora liked talking about feelings. Most guys didn't. He didn't really mind, though.

"…You're sure you won't freak out?"

Sora drew lines on his chest. "Cross my heart, hope to die!"

Taking a deep breath, Roxas blurted everything out in one muddled sentence. Sora stared at him for a moment of quiet deliberation, before saying; "Come again?"

Tears were steadily trickling down Roxas's face again. Sora could barely make them out in the dull overhead light. Roxas got out of his chair to go blow his nose, trying to calm his nerves a little bit. He felt like one big disgusting mess of snot and tears. He hated crying.

Standing at the counter with a box of tissue in one hand, Roxas stared at the cabinets, trying to work up the courage to speak his mind to his younger brother. "…I kind of did something stupid," he said, a little clearer than before.

"Yeah, so tell me!"

Again, he took a deep breath. "Well, I kind of… It's really hard to explain." He glanced back over to Sora, taking in the expression of understanding sketched on the boy's face. "But it kind of ended with me agreeing to be… Axel's boyfriend."

Sora's face broke into a grin. "Haha, ew."

Roxas gave him possibly the most deadpan expression he'd ever given anybody in his entire life. "Seriously, Sora. I've been kind of figuring stuff out about him. Like, why he's the way he is. I met his mom and stuff," explained the blonde. "And, he's kind of opened up to me… and stuff."

"Yeah?" asked Sora, a little creeped out, but willing to listen. He couldn't exactly say he was all that afraid of gay people anymore, because of hanging around Demyx so much. If his friendship with the guy had done anything, it had really opened his eyes a lot more. Though he was nowhere near being gay himself, he didn't hate gay people or anything.

Taking his predetermined spot by Sora on the kitchen chair, Roxas lowered his head to the table. "And I've told him stuff too. He told me before that he didn't want to be friends, but I think he actually cares about me."

Cocking his head and trying not to yawn, Sora asked; "So, what happened?"

Fidgeting nervously, Roxas raised a hand to his cheek. At least he wasn't crying anymore, even if his face was damp and red. He needed another goddamn tissue. Pulling one out of the flower-printed box, he sighed. "I kind of kissed him."

"Ew, haha, that's gross," said Sora, in typical teenage innocence. "I bet he tasted like rot or something. He isn't the cleanest guy around." Roxas stared at the bizarre younger teen.

"You mean, it doesn't… freak you out or anything?"

Shaking his head, floppy half-spikes falling around his face, Sora just offered one of those genuine Sora-smiles. "Not really. I've been hanging around with Demyx lately, and he's offered me insight into the world of gay guys."

"But that's the thing. I don't think I'm gay," explained Roxas, feeling upset and confused. "I've never really been attracted to guys."

Finding himself a box of Oreos, Sora was already chewing them when he gave a slightly cookie-muffled answer. "Well, maybe you're just learning about it now, that you're actually into guys?"

"Maybe," said the blonde, with a sigh. He still hated the idea that he was full-blown gay. It didn't seem really all that normal.

Shrugging, Roxas decided it was a good idea to stop talking. Switch the subject. When Sora got into the sugary foods, his brain basically became a big ball of mush; especially when it was this early in the morning.

"If you keep eating so much junk food, you're gonna get fat," he muttered, as Sora swiped cookie crumbs off of his lips. After a moment, the brunet stuck out his tongue, revealing a blackish disgusting mess in his mouth.

"If you keep smoking so much weed all of the time, you're going to lose more brain cells than you already have, and then you're going to come to your younger, virginal brother for relationship advice like some kind of social retard."

Sarcastically laughing, Roxas got out of his chair. "I'm going back to bed." Sora waved him off with an Oreo, and Roxas was just glad that Sora was there for him to talk. Even if it was kind of weird and gay talking about his feelings like that.

* * *

Fucking Christmas Eve Day and she was left alone again. 

Deciding to wallow at her kitchen table with a mug of tea, Larxene stared at the photograph of her mother, hanging tilted on the wall. An expensive house, an expensive life, and she had this tilted ugly picture on her kitchen wall.

"Fuck you," she hissed at the portrait, staring into the condescending eyes. Her mother never agreed with her life; the schools she went to, the man she married, the life that she'd made out for herself.

Not that Larxene could really blame her for it.

Marluxia was a kind of horrible excuse for a husband. He cheated on her with various underage boys, he was never home early, and when he was home it was like she wasn't there. She knew the only reason she bothered staying with him at all was for the money, and maybe the occasional time he'd actually pay attention to her, he was kind of sweet, in a bizarre way.

It was about eight in the morning. She expected him back any moment, probably tired as all hell and maybe a little bit stoned. Larxene wondered if he'd even bother staying home at all today. He'd probably come home, pass out, and then leave her alone for Christmas.

Snorting, the woman stood up, leaving her mug alone on the table. "I'm too young for this kind of bullshit," she muttered, shaking her head. Usually slicked back blonde hair was out of place, and she was in the comfiest clothes possible. Today wasn't a good day at all.

The front door opened, abruptly. Larxene could hear it from the kitchen, but she chose to ignore the sound of her husband entering the house. Turning to the sink, deciding to distract herself by staring pointedly at the dishes she'd neglected to do, she was aware that he was now in the kitchen – still, she wouldn't actively acknowledge him.

"Larxene."

Not even bothering to look over her shoulder, she started running the water. It dripped off the plates, creating a fountain of sorts. She laughed, bitterly. "What do you want?"

"How about a 'welcome home'?" His hands settled on her waist, and Marluxia gently laid kisses on her neck. She still wouldn't pay attention to him, slipping her hands under the hot water, letting it redden her skin. He smelled like cigarettes. "Is something wrong?"

Not bothering to dry her hands, Larxene turned in his hold. Facing him, she found a neutral expression on his face. He always looked like he was completely bored with everybody around him.

"Nothing. You're just an asshole," she said, giving him an ironic smile. Placing one hand on his chest, she not-so-gently pushed him away, leaving a wet handprint on his shirt.

He didn't look upset. Then again, he never showed her his real feelings anymore. Really, their marriage was just one big disappointment. A façade, so that he could continue his black market business under the guise of being happily married, and so that she could have everything she wanted, so she could live comfortably.

Everything was always okay as long as she was comfortable.

With a little bit of an upward curve to his lips, Marluxia advanced again. His hands were tighter on her hips, pressing just enough to make sure that he was the dominant one. It was always a power struggle with them.

"Tell me what's wrong," he persisted, taking note of her less than impressive appearance. Larxene was almost always concerned about the way that she looked, for some reason. It was odd to see her so casual.

Scowling, the blonde woman placed her hands over Marluxia's, digging her long, acrylic fingernails in. His hands tensed somewhat, but if he was in any real pain, it didn't show on his face. "Make me."

Now, Marluxia wasn't normally violent. He had his moments, hell, everyone did – but he'd never threatened his wife. But lately, she was really fucking grating on his nerves.

Raising one hand, he slid it under her chin, forcing her to look up at him. Her eyes were pure venom, she wasn't wearing any makeup, and her skin had broken out around her mouth. She looked like a complete mess. Not the usual Larxene.

"You look atrocious," he muttered, tilting her head with his hand. To the right side, then to the left side. Removing his hand, he gave her a disgusted look, before lightly backhanding her. "Tell me, or I'll hit you again."

This was usual. Playful taunting. They'd start with this kind of thing, though it was usually the other way around, Larxene biting him or scratching him until he got too pissed off and nailed her on whatever surface he could find.

It was a destructive, unhealthy relationship and they both knew it.

She didn't respond. Just had a malicious grin on her face, basically stating that she didn't care how much he threatened her. So, he hit her again. A little bit harder this time. Once more.

She still wouldn't fucking do _anything_.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked, voice deceptively calm. "Are you getting off on this?" She still didn't answer, so he took that as another challenge. He didn't bother giving her any warning, instead shoving his hand into her hands, past the material of her panties and right into warm, wet flesh. Marluxia smirked. How typical. "You always did."

He slid one finger into her cunt, and Larxene shivered. She was always ready for him. Wet and ready for him. He wanted to recoil in disgust. This wasn't how love was supposed to be. But then again, they hadn't really been in love for a few years now.

Larxene was already rocking her hips against him, and Marluxia pushed her onto the kitchen counter. He spread her legs nice and wide, and he moved in right between them. He shoved another finger into her, not even bothering to be gentle.

Pressing his thumb hard against her clitoris, remaining fingers tangled in the material of her panties, Marluxia stared hard into her eyes. "So do tell. Why let yourself go so much? Why the sad face?"

Choking on a moan, hands scratching restlessly at the countertops, Larxene tried her best to glare at him. "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you," she spat, even as she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer.

They kissed then, hard and violent and maybe a little bit needy. Larxene snagged a hand in the collar of his shirt, pulling his face against hers. Their noses and teeth smacked together, but Marluxia was pressing a wonderful place that sent spasms through her body, so she couldn't really bring herself to care.

He pulled away, tugging her lower lip, still glaring at her. She had a fat lip already, a little bit of blood pooling at the cut. "Tell me, Larxene. I'm going to keep pushing until you tell me."

Bucking her hips against his hand, she continued to glare at him. "Again. Make me. You can't make me, Marluxia. I don't want to tell you yet, so you're not gonna know until I'm good and ready to tell you."

He pushed her with his freehand, and the back of her head crashed against the cupboard. The bitch wasn't even wearing a bra. He pulled her shirt up, not even bothering to give her the chance to say anything before lowering his mouth to her nipple and biting rather harshly.

Larxene dug her heels into his back, hissing as he roughly worked her nipple. "Bedroom, you fuckface, the blinds are open and everything," she spat, roughly pulling his hand out of her pants.

"How romantic," said Marluxia, snidely, pulling her off of the counter. With a bloody lip and a flushed, angry face, Larxene did not look in the mood for romance. More accurately, she wanted to kick the shit out of her husband.

He didn't carry her or anything like that, instead detachedly walking off to the bedroom, with her following like an obedient bitch. He let Larxene in first, shutting the door behind her. She didn't say anything else as she slid onto the bed, glaring up at him.

With his back to her, Marluxia mechanically took off his clothes. He was angry, but it was no longer the immediate searing anger that he'd felt only moments ago. He knew there were ways to get what he wanted out of Larxene, to get her to tell him what was really going on in that thick skull of hers.

Once undressed, Marluxia cornered her. Easing himself onto the bed, he raised an eyebrow at her tired expression. She didn't really look angry, so much as upset. He sat opposite of her, not touching her, just looking at her.

"I won't fuck you if you don't tell me what's wrong. It's too off-putting when you have that sad expression," he said, tensely. He grew tired of her evasive attitude. "Besides, I know that in the back of your mind you want to tell me."

She clenched her teeth together, feeling horrible, ugly, cruel and horny all at once. Larxene felt like crying and telling him everything. Really, it wasn't supposed to be a bad thing. They had the money, they had the security, but she couldn't stamp out the feeling of utter dread.

Fingers light under her chin, Marluxia realized that she'd softened up. Perfect time to get her to say it now. He looked her in the eyes, knowing what kind of tact to use, and slowly, gently kissed her.

"You can tell me. I promise, whatever it is I won't…"

She pulled his arm forward, placing it on her lower abdomen. It didn't take long for realization to dawn on him. They usually used protection, what with all of his fooling around with his whores, but…

"…Seriously?" he murmured, eyebrows drawn in confusion. He didn't want to be a goddamn father. He had too much to do. Evidently, Larxene wanted to be a mother even less.

Larxene nodded tentatively. Oh, hell, he felt a little guilty for slapping her around earlier, but he sure wouldn't show it on his face. Expression dead, he pulled his hand away, all former thoughts of fucking her now thoroughly in the back of his mind.

Marluxia's mind went completely blank. He found himself staring at her stomach, with a hard expression etched into his deep blue eyes. Larxene's lips twitched up into one of her old smirks.

"Merry Christmas."

* * *

"Seifer fuckin' Almasy." 

He glanced over to the girl with a teabag dwindling helplessly between her fingers, and a snide expression worked its way onto his face. "Well if it isn't little Audrey Ramirez, my favorite hell-raiser."

The other people in the restaurant paid no mind to the apparently insane set of people greeting each other rather crudely. Audrey just grinned, black hair falling like a wave from under her hat. She was pretty, what with all of her attitude, but Seifer didn't go for girls like her. Besides, she could probably kick his ass if she wanted to. Tough little fucker.

"What, you fall into a pile of hillbillies on the way here? You took forever, man," barked Audrey, as Seifer took a seat at the booth. She looked kind of like a kid in a candy shop sitting there, feet kicking him under the table, lazy grin on her face. It didn't help the image at all when she poured a freaking gallon of sugar into her tea. "I ordered you a coffee; they had to put a new pot on."

"Hey, smart for a girl," Seifer mused, sarcastically, "I bet you'll make a good little housewife for some unlucky, masochistic bastard someday." Audrey frowned, full lips pursed in amusement, before darting forward to slug him in the shoulder. Reflexively, he pulled away – Audrey was a lot tougher than she looked. The girl could take down three grown men without as much as a batted eyelash.

Smirking, Audrey punched him twice more. "Two for flinching."

Rolling his eyes in amusement, Seifer was about to say something in return when the waitress placed a coffee cup in front of him. Audrey raised her eyebrows as he drank it black. She didn't understand how people could manage that.

"You had breakfast yet, Almasy?" Audrey was hungry. She lived off of soup and whatever else she could find in her house, so going out was what she usually did. It was easier than trying in vain to cook. She usually burnt it anyway – that was what came with living with a father who believed cooking was for idiots, and ordered out 24/7. Neither she nor her sister knew the difference between a sauce pan and a spatula.

Surprisingly, the blonde nodded. "Yeah, Eiko wanted waffles. So, I broke and made some, and ended up eating all of hers," confessed Seifer, hating the fact that his daughter had complete control over him. Audrey grinned.

"Aw, you're just a big pushover," said Audrey, closing her menu and waiting for the waitress to come back. "Maybe next time I'll come over and get you to make me breakfast, too. Better than wastin' my money all of the time."

"You'd have to spend the night if you want breakfast. I don't do favors for free," jested the larger blonde, idly making a tower out of the small cups of creamer. He lined up his fork to use as a sort of catapult, launching a creamer over the wall he'd created, and right into Audrey's teacup. The liquid sloshed over the cup and onto the table, staining her napkin. "Ten points."

Glaring, Audrey fished the soggy plastic cup out of the hot liquid with her spoon. "Real mature," she said, even as a grin worked its way onto her face. Placing the tea-soaked creamer off to the side, she was about to speak to the blonde again before the waitress came by to take her order.

When she ordered waffles with strawberries and whipped cream, Seifer raised an eyebrow. She stuck her long, pointy tongue directed at him. "That's quite elegant. Twenty-four going on seven?"

She reached over the table and prodded him on the nose. "And that makes you like, what, twenty-six going on two? My little cousin used to flip those little things at me all of the time," she said, grinning. "You're such an idiot, Almasy."

Time passed quickly, then, idle chatter making the morning go faster. They avoided the subject of work for the most part, because it seemed like it was the only thing they'd been talking about lately.

But for all hell, it couldn't be avoided forever. After Seifer had snatched yet another strawberry off of her waffle mountain, she decided it was time to stop acting like idiots, and more like the cops that they were.

"So what do you think about this whole drug lord business?" inquired Audrey, forking a strawberry before Seifer could get to it. She kept her voice low – after all, they were in a public place, and they didn't need anybody hearing.

Seifer slung his arms around the back of the booth, glancing over his shoulder. "I think it needs to get fixed real quick," he said, face cooler, cockier than before. This was his work face. Audrey knew it well enough. "Any fucker who's whoring out teenagers needs to get his ass kicked."

"I think it's weird that we just heard of him recently. Like, he musta been pretty good at cover-up, or he's got everybody neck-deep in blackmail or something," said Audrey, thoughtfully chewing on a fork prong.

Seifer shrugged. "I have no idea who he is or what the hell he's doing, but we're going to get him sooner or later. And then… I'm going to shit-kick him." Audrey grinned, amused by Seifer's violent attitude towards virtually everything.

"Well, we'll bag the guy, eventually. Ansem says that he's got a source, but whoever it is doesn't wanna give all of the details. Reluctant to help," said Audrey, swiping a bit of whipped cream with her index finger.

Sighing rather dramatically, Seifer leaned back in his chair. "Bunch of bullshit if you ask me. If they know something, they should just go ahead and speak their fuckin' minds."

Twirling the last bite of a soggy waffle around on her plate, Audrey fixed her eyes on Seifer's expression. He didn't look angry, so much as frustrated. If things didn't go the way that he wanted them to, he'd often get a little obsessed with figuring things out.

But, then again, maybe it was what got the job done. Seifer didn't quit until he was sure everything was perfect.

Pulling out his cell phone, Seifer gave the digital numbers a scrutinizing look. "Hey, look, I gotta get going for now. I got stuff to do."

Audrey raised an eyebrow. "On Christmas Eve Day? Last minute shopping, by any chance, Almasy?" When Seifer gave her a slightly sheepish look, she knew that her guess was right. Typical men.

"Oh fuck you, Ramirez. She didn't even tell me until the last minute that she wanted some kind of pony… thing. So, it isn't my fault," said Seifer, pulling himself out of the booth. He was the very definition of a 'Bad Cop'. Muscular, handsome, with harsh eyes and an ego that could crush all others.

"Course not," said Audrey, sipping the last of her tea. It was cold by now, but she didn't really care. Not quite ready to leave yet, she waved Seifer off with a customary; "Later."

Shaking her head, Audrey couldn't resist a laugh. That guy was more of a pushover than he liked to admit.

* * *

Upon arriving home rather late in the evening, trying to hide store-wrapped gifts from a curious little girl, Seifer found that he hated Christmas more than anything. It wasn't because all of the money wasted, or all of the effort it actually took to ignore his parents. He just didn't really like it. 

Amid all of the chaos of Eiko groping helplessly for her presents the babysitter, a nice girl named Ariel, tried to get her way out the door. She never expected to get paid, mostly because Seifer considered her almost family, and because her father was rather well off. She didn't even need the money.

But a big hand on her shoulder stopped her. With Eiko clinging to his leg, and a displeased expression on his face, Seifer passed the red headed girl a little gift. "Merry Christmas," he said begrudgingly, tripping over his own feet as Eiko pulled his legs together.

Ariel blinked at him with befuddled eyes. Seifer wasn't necessarily a bad guy, but he wasn't the nicest one either. He giving a Christmas present to someone other than his daughter was highly unlikely. Then again, Ariel had played godmother since Eiko was born, so he appreciated her more than other people.

"Thank you!" said Ariel, gently taking the package out of his hands, before the large blonde thoroughly tackled his daughter. While he looked seriously evil doing it, once he had the little girl in his arms, he immediately started tickling her. So much for a big, bad cop façade.

Smirking, the blonde held the squealing six year old upside down. Sometimes he felt like a human jungle gym. "Now get outta here. I'm sure your daddy will throw a hissyfit if you aren't home soon."

"Daddy, come play outside with me!" insisted Eiko. Her father wasn't home all that much, so she completely stole all of his attention when he was around. Ariel laughed, before Eiko crawled down from Seifer and pushed her out the front door. "Get out now!"

Waving goodbye, Ariel tried not to get the door slammed on her. She failed somewhat miserably, Eiko locking her out before she could say much of anything. Oh well! Tucking the gift away in her coat pocket, she headed off towards her car, glad that Seifer lived in a nice neighborhood.

Eiko frowned. "Daddy, you'd better tell me what my Christmas presents are," she insisted. The girl was kind of a brat, frankly, but that was only because Seifer had spoiled her to all hell.

"And why should I?" he said, grinning as he removed his coat. Hanging it up in the entryway closet, he went to remove his shoes next, but found the little blue-haired girl glaring at him. "What?"

She crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. "Dad, you did remember to get me the new Ninja Turtles action figure, right?"

Seifer's face fell. "Er…" Might as well play it up a little. Of course he'd remembered, he wasn't a fucking idiot. She'd only been yapping about it for the last few weeks or so.

"Ah! No! I hate you!" said Eiko, running down the hallway squealing. Rolling green eyes (which Eiko was proud to inherit), Seifer stalked off towards the living room where his daughter had retreated to.

Of course, she had to do the little kid thing and hide. Sometimes Seifer wished she'd just grow the hell up, so he could be done with this kind of thing. Then again, the teenage years would probably be even more hellish.

Standing with his hands on his hips, Seifer surveyed the living room. Some retarded episode of Power Puff Girls was on television, and Eiko was nowhere in sight. Hide and seek was a stupid game, but of course, he'd indulge the little girl.

"Now, where has she gone?" he asked himself, a slightly comical tone to his voice. He heard a girlish giggle emit from the left side of the room, but, pretending not to hear it of course, he decided to search everywhere else but the left side of the room, intentionally avoiding her so-called hiding spot.

With a smirk on his face, Seifer sat down on the sofa. "Well, I guess since I can't find her, I'm just going to have to turn her room into a bowling lane," he said, with a shrug, finding the clicker.

"You wouldn't do that!" whined Eiko, from her hiding spot. Seifer just rolled his eyes. Well, she'd given away her hiding spot. It wasn't like she'd really done that good of a hiding job. Careful to be quiet, he lightly stepped over to the rather large potted plant (which would've been dead had Ariel not remembered to water it), and glanced around it, finding the short girl curled up in a ball behind it.

Hesitantly looking up, Eiko frowned. "You weren't supposed to find me," she grumbled, slinking out from behind the pot, picking potting soil off of her pants. Seifer rolled his eyes.

"Wasn't like it was that hard. You had better hiding spots when you were like, three," he said, reaching down to pick his daughter up. "Hungry?" Eiko frowned.

"Make cookies with me, Daddy," she insisted, pulling at the short strands of his blonde hair. Seifer winced, but tolerated it, only because his hands were full of little girl. "Ariel said she'd help me make cookies, but we never got to do it."

Seifer frowned. "I guess I could try. You gonna mix for me?" he asked, carrying the girl to the kitchen. Eiko squirmed out of his arms, dropping onto the floor to drag a chair over to the countertops. "I think I still have Rinoa's sugar cookie recipe around here… somewhere."

As much as he used to think cooking and baking was for faggots and women, before, it was something unavoidable that he had to learn. Being Eiko's sole provider, he had to learn how to do basic things like cooking, cleaning, hell, even sewing. None too often had Eiko ripped holes in her shirts while playing. He felt like a damn homemaker sometimes.

"Oh yeah, mommy used to bake, right?" said Eiko, opening one of the cupboards. She pulled out the largest bowl she could find, and handed up to the blonde. Seifer raised an eyebrow – they really didn't need that big of a bowl – and placed it onto the counter, beginning to look for the notebook that Rinoa had all of her recipes in.

Ariel had been the one to give him the notebook. When Rinoa passed away, her cousin, Ariel of course, had handed him all of the little things that would eventually become important to Eiko. Recipe books, old photo albums, her favorite stuffed animal – silly, insignificant things like that.

Finally retrieving the notebook, Seifer set it down beside the measuring cups and various other instruments that Eiko had placed beside the bowl. Standing on her chair with her little hands on the counter, Eiko eagerly awaited her commands for which recipes to retrieve.

Feeling very much like an old lady, Seifer frowned down at the loopy, girlish handwriting. "Okay, first, we need sugar," he said, glancing down to Eiko. She pointed to the canister sitting near the corner, making grabby hands towards it.

Obediently, Seifer reached for the canister, going for a measuring cup. "No, give it to me!" said Eiko, sliding it over to herself. Taking the measuring cup as well, she asked. "How many cups?"

"One and a half," said Seifer, though, he wasn't sure. Rinoa's writing was a pain in the ass to read. After arranging the measuring cups in the order of largest to smallest, Eiko measured out one and a half cups of sugar, pouring it into the bowl.

Seifer found the whole thing entirely tedious. Not that he'd say it, though. With Eiko insisting that _she _had to measure out all of the ingredients, the process took twice as long.

When the cookies were finally in the oven, and Eiko was covered in flour, Seifer decided to ignore the mess for now, and go and sit down on the couch like the lazy bastard he wasn't. He had his excuses—he'd been out walking all day, practically.

Eiko curled up in his lap. "Let's watch a movie," she said, voice a little bit sleepy. He'd come home late enough, and now it was probably way past her usual bedtime. "Christmas specials are on."

Seifer rolled his eyes. Fuck that shit, he wanted some football.

* * *

Chain-smoking cigarettes outside, Axel stared bleakly at the world before him. It wasn't that he disliked Christmas, he just… felt alone. Even if he was constantly surrounded by Roxas's loving family, it wasn't enough. 

It was never enough.

He licked his lips, turning his face back to the door. He didn't want to go back inside, no, not yet. He felt a little bit overwhelmed, not quite knowing what to do with himself in this kind of situation.

But, he had an idea of what he had to do. Taking one last drag, he tossed the cigarette to the ground, grinding it into the icy pavement with the toe of his shoe. Tucking the crumpled carton of cigarettes and his lighter into his pocket, he took a deep breath before heading back inside.

Selphie was sleeping on the couch, already, with Roxas eating whatever he could find in the kitchen. He'd had a rather bad day, and hadn't said much more than two words to Axel—but that was understandable. The whole denial thing had probably kicked in, and it wasn't like Axel could really blame him. A lot had happened last night, and it was probably still hanging right in the front of Roxas's head.

The red head made his way to the kitchen, patting Naminé on the head as he walked by. She looked a little bit sleepy herself, and Sora, of course, was hyper as ever, watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on television.

He reached for the cordless phone, glancing at Roxas before closing his hands over the thing. "Who're you calling?" asked the blonde, voice tinged with apprehension.

"None of your business," said the red head, frowning. He took the phone, making his way back outside. Fortunately, Roxas didn't follow him.

Dialing the number tattooed into his brain, Axel took a shaky breath before moving the phone up to his face. He only got the answering machine, but no matter. "…It's me. You know who. Anyway, M… Merry Christmas, Kairi. Miss you."

The cheerful beep of the end button was the only thing that answered him.

* * *

**disclaimer: **i don't own anything. audrey is from disney's 'atlantis: the lost empire'. 


	13. breathe me

gin and sin  
chapter thirteen

_help, i have done it again  
i have been here many times before  
hurt myself again today  
and, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame  
_breathe me - sia

* * *

"Roxas! Get up, it's Christmas." It wasn't the usual wake-up call that Roxas got, but with Axel kicking him in the chest the way he was, the blonde couldn't help but roll over and grumble, and try to return to sleep.

Axel forcibly turned him over, leering down into his face. Roxas blinked at him, confused, and glanced over to the clock. "…It's five-thirty in the morning." Screwing his eyes shut, he rolled over again, curled up into a little ball and flopped his pillow over his head. "Go back to sleep."

The red head kicked him in the side. "But it's Christmas, you moron. I have a present for you and everything. Right now, if you'll just wake the fuck up."

Well, the idea of perhaps getting a present woke Roxas up a great deal quicker. Sitting up, he rubbed at his eyes for a moment, ignoring the fact that Axel had a snide grin spreading across his face. "What is it, then?"

Axel rolled onto his stomach, leaning over the edge of the bed for a moment. Digging past the clothes, old books and whatever else Roxas had shoved under there, he came back up after a moment with a plastic bag. "Enough pot to choke a fuckin' dog. Merry Christmas."

Tossing it into the blonde's fumbling hands, Axel almost gloated at the look of amusement that overtook Roxas's features. "That's some of the best shit out there, so no wasting it on just anybody," stated the red head, flopping back onto the bed. "And by that, I mean you're sharing it with me."

Snorting, the blonde wondered just how long that the bag had been hiding under his bed. It had better have been good shit, anyway – it wasn't like he expected any sub-par drugs from Axel. The kid probably had connections all over the place.

"And do tell, Axel, why I should share it with you of all people?" He sounded somewhat sarcastic, but the lazy delivery of the words suggested that he was still half-asleep. Not that Axel minded any – a relatively sleepy Roxas was a docile Roxas.

The red head gave a one-shouldered shrug. "So I can get you totally baked and then try to get my hand down your pants without you killing or castrating me." Roxas rolled his eyes. At least he was honest.

The idea didn't really bother him as much as it did, before. He spent all day yesterday contemplating it, and after what Sora had said in a random burst of insightfulness, Roxas figured that he should stop caring so much about what other people thought. It wasn't even really relevant, after all.

Still, out of habit, he shot Axel down. "Take advantage of me? In that case, I'll just go smoke it with Hayner," he said, a slightly sarcastic edge to his voice. Giving the bag a once-over, he rolled over to the edge of the bed and hid it again. It wouldn't be all too good if his mother went and found his drugs. Then again, he could always say they were Axel's.

Axel rolled over on top of him. "Roxas, that's only half your present you know. There's more stuff downstairs, like, real presents, but I figured it wouldn't be all that great if you unwrapped a bag of weed downstairs in front of your parents," snickered the red head, mouth hovering over his ear.

Elbowing the taller boy in the chest, Roxas pushed him back onto the bed. "Go to sleep. It's still way too early to wake up," he grumbled, pulling at a pillow before flopping it over his head.

"Fucking pussy," snorted Axel, dropping down beside him. They didn't say anything for quite some time, Roxas (unable to sleep now), watching the digital numbers flick by on the clock. "…What time is it, Roxas?"

"A couple seconds after seven," mumbled the blonde, fingers twitching on the bed. He kind of wanted to get up. He wondered if Selphie was awake. If she was, he could go downstairs. Maybe that would give him a plausible reason to jump out of bed like a six year old and run down the stairs screaming for his presents?

Axel raised his head, before letting it flop down onto Roxas's shoulder. "At least entertain me until we can go downstairs. I'm fucking bored." He began punching him, fist periodically prodding him in the upper arm, harder each time. Roxas, apparently not bothered at all, didn't say anything.

So, Axel kept hitting him, until the clock read about seven-twelve. The blonde finally lifted the pillow off of his head, craning his neck around to glare pointedly at the older boy. "What's wrong with you?"

"Entertain me. Do it."

Roxas shrugged him off again. "Go away," he muttered, curling up into a little ball. Why couldn't Axel just fuck off? He wanted to sleep! Well, kind of, but he also kind of wanted to piss Axel off.

"Fine, I'll entertain myself," Axel concluded, digging his hands into Roxas's ribs. The blonde immediately jolted, spasming and flipping onto his front.

The younger boy sent him a glare that could probably kill small animals. "Don't fucking touch me. You tickle me, you die," he said darkly. Axel snickered, not even caring about the warning, and setting back to tickling the fuck out of the kid.

"Fuck—stoppit!"

Axel of course, wouldn't stop his assault, a snide grin spreading on his face. He'd managed to basically show Roxas up again, the blonde kicking him away in vain. It wasn't much longer that Selphie burst into the room looking as if she had hell at her heels, eyes wide with excitement.

"It's Christmas!" squealed Selphie, a little ball of joy. She rushed into the room, before pouncing the two boys and joining in the bizarre tickling mix. It would've been horribly ordinary if not for the fact that Axel had his typical strung-out-junkie shake going on, and his eyelid was twitching a little bit. Roxas didn't say anything about it, though, as the red head pulled his hands away. "C'mon, let's go wake up everybody else 'cuz it's Christmas and… yeah!"

The little girl bounded off of the bed yet again, springing out of the bedroom – Roxas heard the sound of her feet beating a path across the hall. They weren't the only sounds heard; Tia, Sora and Naminé were probably waking up, as well.

Glancing back to the red head, Roxas raised an eyebrow as the older boy pulled on his clothes. "C'mon, Roxas, you're gonna miss out," he said, pulling his usual baggy sweater over his head.

Pulling himself out from under the covers, Roxas yawned and planted his feet on the floor. He debated about getting clothed, but decided that pajamas were fine for Christmas morning. Axel glanced at him over his shoulder, eyebrow raised, before exiting the room, making his way quickly down the stairs, with Roxas following behind.

Selphie was practically jumping out of her skin, she was so excited. Bouncing about, leering down at the presents. "Can we _please _open them before daddy comes home? Please!?" Kurt had taken the red-eye back the previous night, but they still had to go get him from the airport – his flight was to be arriving at around eight in the morning. Tia had sworn to everyone that they'd open presents as soon as he got home.

"I'll make sure to give him extra kisses!" whined Selphie, tugging on Tia's customary Christmas pajama pants. "Please let me open at least one!" The older woman shook her head, receiving a pout for her efforts.

Axel playfully tapped her on the head, yawning as he dragged himself into the living room. "Give it a rest," he muttered, flopping down onto the couch. Roxas wandered into the kitchen, most likely attempting to find something to eat.

Tia clapped her hands together, alerting everyone's attention. "Okay, kids. As per usual, we're picking Kurt up from the airport, and _then _we'll come home and open presents. We're not opening any until he's here, too."

Selphie kept the pout on her face. "That's not fair!" she whined, pulling herself up onto the couch beside Axel. She leaned against him, crossed her arms and made a point to look horribly angry.

Rolling his eyes, the red head yawned again. "I think I'm gonna just stay here until you guys get back. Roxas, too." The blonde in question blinked, looking over to Axel, who gave him a somewhat scheming look.

"Well, if that's what you two want to do, I suppose," said Tia, placing her hand on her hip. She had slight bags under her eyes, probably from lack of sleep. Or maybe she was just as excited as Selphie and didn't sleep any. "You two are old enough to decide for yourselves. _But_, no peeking at your presents."

"Scout's honor," said the red head, sarcastically. All he wanted to do was maybe get Roxas high, and see if he could get his own 'Christmas present' out of the inebriated blonde.

Naminé made her appearance, dressed now, her hair slung back into a low ponytail. "Mm, what are we talking about?" she mumbled, miss-stepping the final stair. She stumbled slightly, catching her hand on the guardrail before she fell.

"Good to see you up and dressed," said Tia, warm smile fixed in place. There honestly wasn't a hair out of place on this woman. She seemed like she was capable of going through anything, really. "Naminé, honey, we're just about to head out to go get Kurt."

Rubbing at her eyes, Naminé yawned, and nodded. "Okay," she said, walking around the couch to flop down. She wasn't really awake quite yet. "Is Sora up yet?"

Tia shrugged. "Probably. He's just slow," she said, before dodging into the kitchen to look for her purse. Roxas joined his siblings on the couch for now, picking somewhat at the cereal he'd found. Axel stole his spoon to shovel some of the sugary Holiday Rice Krispies into his own mouth. He looked like he was eating a Christmas tree. Roxas could practically imagine the star sparkling in his mouth.

* * *

Axel's nicotine stained fingers could paint pictures in the air, Roxas swore on it. They could do magic, too, expertly flattening rolling papers and handing him a joint or three, and they could pull disappearing acts up his shirt pretty well, too. 

_What the fuck am I doing?_

His brain felt like it didn't exist anymore. His fingers were cold, so were Axel's, and he didn't know if he could feel his toes anymore. Smoking pot in the backyard on Christmas morning. He wondered how much time they had left before the rest of the family got home. Probably long enough? He didn't know anymore.

"What…" He forgot what he was going to ask. Axel was laying haphazardly over a deck chair, legs sprawled over the arm. He looked up at the blonde, evidently less baked than him. He'd built up more of a tolerance to it, anyway.

Lips curling, Axel gave a lazy blink. "Hm?" he inquired, toying with the zipper on Roxas's jeans. The blonde gave a lackluster attempt at batting his wandering fingers away.

Blue eyes glassy, Roxas laughed for no real reason. "Time. What's the time." Axel shrugged in response. He didn't know what fucking time it was. He didn't really care. It would be kind of funny to let Tia catch Roxas getting totally stoned out of his mind.

Axel laughed out loud and went back to fumbling the zipper on Roxas's pants. He'd managed to get the button undone, at least. The blonde looked down dumbly for a moment, before swatting his fingers away yet again. "Don't do that."

"Why not?" said Axel, playfully. "I'm your boyfriend now. I should get free groping rights, at least." Roxas made an annoyed sound in the back of his throat.

"No. Not yet," he said, leaning heavily against the plastic backing of his deck chair. His body felt completely boneless. He wondered if his brain had been vacuumed out of his skull while he wasn't paying attention.

Axel sat up straight, reaching for the still rather full plastic bag of pot. This kid was so fucking weak – smashed so easily. It was kind of funny, actually. Setting to work on rolling another joint for the blonde, he figured that getting him a little more baked might help his conquest.

…_Shit, my foot is numb._

"So how long do I have to wait? It's not like you're some virgin," said the red head, shaky fingers working their magic. His lips were slowly turning blue. It was damn cold outside.

Roxas shrugged. "So? I don't want it yet," he said, words slow and syrupy. He could barely wrap his lips around the syllables, head too fuzzy to even think properly.

"Oh come on," Axel complained, handing Roxas the joint he'd finished rolling. "You don't even have to _do _anything. I'll give you a free fucking blowjob, and I can guarantee it'll be the best one you'll ever get."

The blonde laughed again. "No," he said, dragging the word on until the sound made Axel want to throw something at him. "You pro'lly have a mouth infection. Or something."

Axel chose to drop the subject. His mouth kept dipping into a frown, and Roxas ignored it. Oh well. At least he was choosing not to be a manipulative bastard, for the time being. The blonde didn't know how long that would last, anyway.

Fumbling in vain with a lighter, Roxas managed to finally light up, sweet smoke pooling around the two of them. Axel breathed it in. "This reminds me of the times I used to do this kind of thing with Demyx," said the red head, moving his legs up to flatten against his chest. He pulled the sleeves of his sweatshirt over his hands, as well.

"I don't like him," said Roxas, taking a long drag. "Don't talk about that guy." Axel grinned, amused at the idea that maybe Roxas was a little bit jealous. Maybe he could push this a little bit more?

Pretending to distract himself by looking at the cracked skin on his hands, Axel carried on. "We used to just sit around and get stoned. When I was high enough to not even notice anymore, he'd feel me up, and we'd end up fucking. It was kind of funny."

Frowning, the younger boy looked at his options. Axel was probably never going to shut the fuck up unless he got what he wanted, and Roxas didn't want to hear the red head blather on about how he and Demyx fucked like rabbits all of the time. Resolve somewhat stunted, Roxas sighed heavily.

"Fine, then. Go ahead."

Axel glanced at him, a scrutinizing look written across his face. For a moment, Roxas wondered if the red head was going to question his sincerity, but he knew that if Axel second-guessed him, Roxas's answer would've changed.

"Sweet," snorted Axel, reaching over to cup the blonde's soft cock through his pants. Roxas didn't budge, reflexes too slow to even really register what was happening to his body. The only thing even audible was a little gasp from the back of his throat.

The snow was nice. It was nice outside. It was a nice snowy day outside, and Axel was undoing his top button, and his mother was going to be home soon.

_What am I doing…?_

He took a deep breath, cold air freezing his nose, the scent of pot heavy in the air around him. Axel was leaning forward, razor grin on his face, a self-satisfied gleam in his eyes.

However, Roxas couldn't help but jerk away when he heard a car zoom by on the street outside. Axel snorted. "Pussy," he muttered, slowly peeling down the boy's zipper.

"Stop – we can't, Tia'll be home soon," said Roxas, attempting again to push Axel away. "Fuck, you asshole—"

And then, the doorbell rang, sounding through the fractionally opened sliding door.

Roxas still had to push the older boy away, to stumble to his feet. His hand missed the door handle on the first try, but by the time he made it into the house, the person was knocking on the door. "J-just a minute," called Roxas, quickly swinging to catch his reflection in the microwave, hoping that he didn't look too stoned. Axel was laughing behind him, knowing that the blonde smelled horribly of pot.

Prodding once at the bags under his eyes for good measure, Roxas opened the door, keeping his eyes squinted shut so that whoever was at the door couldn't see how impossibly dilated his pupils were. He realized that he'd probably just end up looking worse, but his brain wasn't totally focused. Roxas couldn't really help the look of shock when he found Olette standing there.

"What are _you _doing here?" he said, rather bluntly, all-too-prepared to slam the door in her face. She had some nerve showing up, and with a saran-wrap covered plate of what looked to be cookies. Cheery and shit, with Santa iced onto the tops. Roxas wanted to step on them.

Faking a smile, Olette stood there awkwardly. "Um, I'm on my way to my grandmother's house. My dad wanted me to give Tia and you something for Christmas…" She trailed off and blinked at him for a moment, watching the blonde hover awkwardly in the doorway, door pulled halfway shut. "…Are you high?"

He tried to say something, but all Roxas could do was something between a dry-heave and a laugh.

"Roxas, get the fuck back in here!" Axel's barking voice in the background. Olette looked a little more than concerned, eyebrows creeping closer to her hairline. The red head barged his way through the door, sticking his head out over the top of Roxas's. "…Who's this bitch?"

Elbowing him in the stomach, Roxas glanced over Olette, finding that her father was waiting in an idling car. The blonde could tell that he was most likely unimpressed. _I wonder if she even told him that we broke up. _

"Excuse me?" said Olette, in disbelief. "I should be asking who _you _are." She didn't look quite impressed, actually, rather irritated. It wasn't everyday that somebody called her a bitch.

One skinny hand rested on Roxas's shoulder, Axel ran his pointy tongue over his teeth. "I'm Axel." He didn't say anything more, entertained with the idea that his name was known everywhere. He felt a little bit like a rock star, standing here in front of the homely little bitch, anyway.

Frowning, Olette tried to be polite. She felt horribly awkward standing there, but didn't quite know what to do. "…Nice to meet you. I'm Olette," she said, attempting to give a little bit of a smile.

Axel returned it with a mocking, antagonistic look. Roxas had mentioned her breaking up with him, so it was time to be a nasty asshole. "Okay, _Olette, _it's time for you to leave now," he said, voice a little bit harsh, "since you pretty much pissed me off the second you rang the fucking doorbell."

Offended, Olette placed a hand on her chest in disbelief. "What's wrong with you?" An exasperated Roxas attempted to get a word in, but Axel quickly cut him off.

"Well, considering you pretty much killed any chance of me getting into this little prude's pants for the next few weeks, I have a right to be pissed off," said Axel, lowering himself to look her dead in the eyes. A look of realization overcame Olette's face, and her mouth widened ever-so-slightly.

She snapped her face towards Roxas. "You mean you stopped paying attention to me because of this… _person?" _Flabbergasted and utterly brain-dead, Roxas opened and closed his mouth like some sort of deranged goldfish.

"It would seem so. It's not like he had much to pay attention to," said Axel, giving the girl a once-over. "You don't have any tits or anything." He felt like being mean to her. Olette's expression of chagrin only increased.

"Well, you look like an anorexic. And you're filthy, and you smell like dead, rotting roadkill," snapped the smaller brunette. She wasn't about to put up with anyone's bullshit. "When was the last time you even saw a hairbrush?"

Axel snorted, ready to spike back another comment, but he was finally obstructed by Roxas. The blonde reached for the door handle, pulling the door closed behind him, effectively closing it on Axel's fingers. He could hear the startled noise of the red head from behind him, but he didn't pay attention to it.

Giving Olette the most sympathetic looks he could manage, he struggled for something to say. She looked truly upset, tears prickling the back of her eyes. "…I'm sor—" No, that wouldn't work. "…You should go."

Shaking her head in exasperation, she shoved the plate of cookies into his hands and turned sharply, storming down the front walk. Turning halfway down, she yelled; "I should've listen to the other girls when they told me you were a big faggot!"

Roxas could hear Axel laughing behind the door.

* * *

A little more sober, a little less happy, Roxas shoved another cookie into his mouth, glaring at the television. Fuck Rudolph. Fuck Hermey the dentist elf. He hated Christmas. 

Present opening was over for now, Kurt and Selphie putting together a model train, Naminé having her own little fashion show, Sora practically drooling over his new CD's, and Axel stretched out on the couch beside him. Tia had gone camera happy, snapping many pictures of the distraught blonde boy with icing on his lips.

"So how does this one look?" said Naminé, doing a little spin in front of her older brother. More white. Naminé always wore white. Every outfit looked exactly the same to Roxas, but he simply gave it a thumbs up. The blonde girl offered her usual soft smile, and swayed off to try on something else.

Axel sat upright, glancing over to Tia. He was about to say something when she decided to snap a picture of the two oldest boys together. Axel made a stupid face, and Roxas refrained from fingering the camera. Once the laughing woman had lowered the little device, Axel said, "Hey, I've got some people I wanna see today. Gonna haul Roxas off with me to visit them in a bit, okay?"

"Do you two boys want a ride? It's rather chilly out there," said Kurt, trying to pry a super-glued piece of railroad track from his finger. "Where are you intending to go, Axel?"

The red head shrugged. "Here and there. I have a few friends I wanna see. Demyx, maybe some other people." The blonde frowned upon the mention of the musician's name. There was no way he wanted to see that guy. Not in a million years.

Tia gave her typical 'I don't really approve but I'll pretend' kind of smile, and inquired; "Are you sure you don't want a ride?" Again, Axel shook his head.

"Naw. Besides, fatty here will need the workout after eating all the fucki—the cookies," said Axel, quickly correcting himself. He was pretty sure that Tia would kill him if he swore on such a day as Christmas. Birthday of the Lord and all that. He believed it once, but now, it was just bedtime story bullshit.

Raising an eyebrow at Axel's comment, Kurt murmured, "All right, then," and set back to work on Selphie's train set. Naminé came from upstairs to show off her newest skirt, and after that, the morning just seemed to mull on. Breakfast and such other Christmas occurrences took place, Roxas upset and quiet through the entirety of the festive occasion. However, when the afternoon rolled around, Axel was all but urging him out the door.

Completely bundled up, and feeling a little bit like Frosty from Hell, Roxas made his way down the front step, behind the older boy. Tia watched from the doorway. "Just make sure you aren't back too late," she said, a concerned look on her face. She still thought that it was too cold outside to walk to wherever they were going.

Axel was already moving fast. Roxas could keep up rather easily, but his face was still fucking cold. _Where the hell is he taking me anyway? _

Total and complete silence was awkward, especially around Axel, who always talked so damn much. Frowning, he decided to start up a conversation – something that wasn't very likely for him. Still, he couldn't stand the silence that hung between them. "…You really think I'm a prude?"

"Yep. You basically freaked out the second I touched you, even when you were high. Usually that lowers people's inhibitions enough, but you're too convinced that you're straight to even let me do anything," said the red head, with a flat, deadpan tone. He was pissed that Olette had to barge in, when he was finally getting somewhere.

Roxas shrugged. "Sorry. Still not completely used to this whole 'gay' thing," he said, glancing at the icy sidewalk. Glancing at him over his shoulder, Axel scoffed. He didn't give him a real answer, though, so Roxas tactfully switched the subject. "So, where are we going?"

"Marluxia told me to come by sometime today," explained Axel, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. He was a little happier to finally receive a fucking winter coat, for Christmas. It wasn't too nice to be wandering around in a thin sweater all of the time. "Knowing him, my 'present' will probably be a free high. Snort some rails with him or something, probably."

"You're not doing that around me, I hope you know," said Roxas, slightly on edge. He had absolutely no desire to see the red head get high. The idea, frankly, disgusted him.

The red head laughed. "Course not. If Marluxia feels generous enough, maybe I can get you fucked on coke, too. Get your mind off of your slutty ex-girlfriend." The blonde's mouth went open in horror, and Axel could only cackle in delight. "Oh, fuck off, I'm just kidding. I'm not gonna get high or anything, so pull the stick out of your ass, and lighten up a little bit."

The younger boy damn near pouted. "Fine," he muttered. While pleased with the idea that Axel was going to refrain from doing any drugs, he didn't know what to think of Marluxia. The guy was creepy as all fuck. Even when he'd met him before, drunk off his ass and upset, he could tell that the older man was bad news.

Axel turned around, walking backwards, facing the younger boy. "But you know, I have been kind of craving it," he admitted, a slightly troubled look cast across his face. "Like, not unbearably badly, but I think it's gonna get worse soon. Like it always does."

The blonde blinked. He didn't understand, really, what an addiction was. He didn't feel it like Axel did, the constant hungering, the need for blind satisfaction. To him, drugs were something that could be used for leisure, from time to time. They weren't seared into his veins, they weren't candy-coated inside of his nose, they weren't sprinkled like powdered sugar over his brain. He didn't understand how a person could be driven by something as trivial like that.

Snapping his fingers once, remembering, Axel went back to walking normally, beside the blonde boy. Giving him a hard look, he said, "And listen – we're going to Marluxia's house. I trust you enough to know that you're not going to go off to the cops with his address or anything."

Roxas still couldn't get over the fact that Axel trusted him. Roxas didn't trust Axel. Roxas didn't trust anybody. He didn't quite understand it. After all, it would be all too easy to walk straight to the cops, and squeal on the stupid drug-dealer, child-whorer. It was all too fucking easy.

But Axel trusted him. Roxas didn't want to break that trust by screwing him over completely. Tapping his fingers together in thought, Roxas asked, "Hey, are any other people gonna be there? I mean, I don't want to seem like… out of place, or something."

"Well, the bitch-queen should be there. She's always there," said Axel, smirking. His face seemed to be frozen in that expression. Maybe he was just too damn cold.

Quirking an eyebrow, Roxas inquired, "Bitch queen? Who's that?"

"Her name is Larxene. She's married to Marluxia, or some shit. She's on so many antidepressants and shit that she doesn't even realize I'm there most of the time." So, Marluxia was married? Roxas honestly couldn't imagine the kind of person who would marry a monster like him.

"Oh. That's kind of… sad," said the blonde, tugging his collar up over his lips. They were already chapped, he didn't need to get frost-bite on top of it.

Axel shrugged. "Nah, she's a bitch anyway. She always whines whenever I come over, because he doesn't pay attention to her at all when I'm around." Turning on a corner, he glanced at the road sign once for good measure. The walk seemed shorter than it really was, mostly because they'd managed to keep the conversation constant. "I swear, that man is like, in love with me or something."

Roxas blinked. It was possible. Then again, Marluxia didn't seem like the loving type. _But then again, I've only seen the horrible side of him… _Fuck that shit. There was no nice side to the red head's arrogant 'friend', and Roxas would stick to that viewpoint forever.

"Maybe he is in love with me," snorted Axel, not bothering to look both ways before he pulled the smaller boy across the street with him. The crosswalk was caked with a fresh layer of snow, crunching beneath their feet. It wasn't like there were very many cars around, anyway. "That would be actually really fucking funny. Can you imagine that? Rich little Marluxia falling in love with the nastiest of his cokewhores."

Roxas punched the taller boy in the arm. "Don't talk about yourself like that." Delighted that he could barely feel anything through the thick layers of his coat, Axel grinned smugly.

"Why not? It's the truth," stated the red head. Roxas scowled up at him, punching him once again for good measure, even if Axel didn't even seem to register any of the feeling.

Okay, so the walk turned out to be longer than Roxas thought. By the time they'd finally reached Marluxia's quaint little house in the suburbs (which was an incredibly far cry from the dump that Roxas had seen before), the blonde's feet were soaked and numb. He swore that Axel's hair was frozen on the ends.

Axel didn't even bother knocking, or anything. He had a damn key. What kind of pimp gave his whore a key? Oh, right, Marluxia loved him, or something. Roxas's already bad mood went down another few notches. Peachy.

Once inside the house, Roxas's fingers and toes came quickly and painfully back to life. Tingling, he almost groaned. It always sucked to come out of the freezing cold and into an overly warm house. And holy shit, what a house. It was hardwood floor everywhere, expensive furniture, paintings, and the general fixings of an expensive house. Pity it was probably the home of some kind of ogre.

Marluxia walked over, re-arranging the collar of his shirt. He didn't even really seem to realize, for a moment, that he even had guests. He looked a little bedraggled, dark circles under his eyes, hair more mussed than it probably usually was. He didn't look all that good. Evidently, Axel noticed it as well, and typically, he was unsympathetic. "Aww, Larxene keep you up with her bitching all last night, or something?"

Self-consciously prodding at the dark skin under his eyes, Marluxia frowned. "Actually, yes, she did," he said, soft-spoken tone sounding less dangerous than it had when Roxas had first met him. "But I'd rather not talk about it right now. Come." He glanced over his shoulder, purposely giving the blonde a demeaning look. "You can go into the kitchen, I suppose."

"Thanks," muttered Roxas, slipping out of his coat. He hung it next to Axel's, frowning for a moment, before moving forward. Marluxia pointed him in the right direction, even as he lead the red head into a different room. Roxas didn't miss the way that Marluxia's hand was rested on Axel's lower back.

Struggling to keep his jealousy in check, Roxas dragged his way into the kitchen. The entire room was bathed in silver, pots and pans hanging above an island reflecting the window light onto the entire room. Wondering for a moment if sunglasses were necessary, the blonde spotted a lone woman sitting at the kitchen table. "Uh, hey."

She looked up, an un-amused expression on her haggard face. "Who the fuck are you?" she said, tone not even angry, just a little bit tired. She reached for a tall glass of what Roxas thought was straight up vodka for a moment, but he quickly realized she was just drinking water.

Moving closer to the table, he took a seat opposite her. "My name's Roxas. I'm one of Axel's friends," he said, with a shrug. "He brought me here for some reason." The woman shook her head, muttering something under her breath.

"Beware. The kid could be trying to recruit you. He's an underhanded slut, that one," she said, running a hand through her hair. Roxas almost laughed, but decided to keep his mouth closed. Like Axel would share him with anybody. He had gotten so incredibly pissed when Olette had showed up, he doubted that the red head would even contemplate it. "I'm Larxene."

Shrugging, Roxas leaned back in the slightly uncomfortable chair, the metal backing pressing into his shoulder blades. He looked around, wondering what to say to her, before his eyes landed on a tilted picture on the wall. "Who's that?" he said, before he could even think about it.

"Somebody I used to know," she said, wrapping her hands around her water glass. She seemed more depressed than Axel had initially described her. Tired like Marluxia.

Not really all that concerned, but curious anyway, Roxas chanced the question, "Are you okay?" She shook her head, sipping at her water.

"No," she said, simply, "and I don't want to talk about it." She wasn't in the mood to talk to some snot-nosed punk who probably thought he was better than she was. Roxas sighed, elbows on the tabletop, chin balanced in his hands. His mouth was pulled into a deep frown, much because he didn't know what else to do.

She looked like she should've been smoking, or drinking, or something. The image would've fit, a cigarette balanced between two skinny fingers, an open bottle of something held loosely in the other hand.

Roxas spoke up, again. "So, uh, I take it you don't really like Axel." He mentally slapped himself – that was a stupid fucking question.

"He's not the worst of them," said Larxene, turning to look at the younger blonde. Her eyes were red rimmed – she'd probably been crying. "But I don't like him, anyway."

"I didn't at first, either, really," said Roxas, "but if you give him a chance, he's okay, I guess." Larxene snorted, pushing her chair back, getting to her feet. She made her way to one of the cupboards, opening it, glancing around inside for a bit before making her way over to the fridge.

"Do you want anything?" she asked. Larxene was used to having dozens of people over, so being a prim and proper little hostess was basically in her job description. Roxas shook his head, telling her that he was fine.

Coming back to the table with an apple and a small paring knife, Larxene sat down at her chair, crossing her legs beneath the table. "The point is that I choose not to associate with any of Marluxia's 'employees'. He keeps his business to himself because I prefer not to hear about it, and that's all there is to it."

Obviously the woman was intelligent. Really, Roxas more expected for Marluxia to be married to some dough-headed former hooker who would never think he was some kind of drug lord. He didn't really expect his wife to be keeping his secrets.

"Oh. I guess that makes sense," said Roxas, with a shrug. He half wanted to ask her if it bothered her that he slept with other people. Did it even faze her that he was fucking underage _boys?_

Scoffing, Larxene sliced off a section of the apple. "No it doesn't. I should be outraged," she stated, putting the slice up to her lips. "It's alright, though, I suppose. I've cheated on him enough times to guarantee my own section of hell."

Larxene couldn't really be mad if she'd done exactly the same thing, somewhat. "Uh, so, it's all fair then, right?" said Roxas, not really knowing what the hell he was talking about.

"Nothing is fair," said Larxene, slicing another section off. She offered the piece to Roxas, and out of respect, he accepted it. Some kind of green apple. It was juicy enough.

Oddly enough, Roxas didn't find Larxene to be quite the bitch that Axel seemed to think she was. She was oddly polite, pretty, and subdued. It all may have been an act, but Roxas found himself enjoying her company.

"So, how did a kid like you meet Axel?" Larxene inquired, raising a thin blonde eyebrow. "You don't seem the type to hang around somebody like him."

It was kind of nice to have somebody interested in talking to him. She seemed interested in hearing, and wasn't asking just for the sake of conversation. She was the kind of person that Roxas could see himself visiting again. "Well, uh, I've known him since I was a little kid. We just met up again out of nowhere in like… October? Or was it November. I can't really remember.

"Anyways, he's living with me and my family right now," finished Roxas, with a bored expression on his face. The story didn't really seem all that interesting to him, or probably to her.

Smirking, she cocked her head, sizing him up. "Your parents let him stay there? Surely they've noticed the fact that he's not exactly a good influence on a budding teenage mind."

"Nh, my dad's out on business trips a lot, and my mother is sending him to a therapist. I live in a foster home, we get kids like him sometimes," he said, with a shrug. Though, nobody quite as notorious as Axel had ever lived with him. Tia, despite the fact that she considered herself almost saintly, had never taken in someone to quite his extreme before. She didn't like the influence that 'his type' had on other children.

Larxene clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth in understanding. "Oh. I see," she said, setting the knife down onto the table, "Foster home? You seem more… well adjusted than I was."

Roxas's eyes widened. "You were a foster kid, too?"

She laughed almost sadly, nodding her head. Blonde strands of hair fell out of place, and she quickly swiped them back again. "Yes. My mother abandoned me, and I lived there. She came back eventually, after I was older and I was taking care of myself, only to tell me I had lived my life wrong."

"That… blows," said Roxas, blankly.

"You have no idea," said the woman, glancing up at the condescending eyes of her portrait-mother. She kept that there as a little reminder to not fuck up her life even more – she knew that the bitch would just laugh at her for it.

It was that point that Axel all but stormed into the kitchen, an expression of pure hatred on his face. "So, slut, you're knocked up?" he demanded outright, glaring at the blonde woman. "You sure Marluxia's even the father?" She bolted right out of her chair, and hell, she looked really scary standing there with her fists at her sides.

"Funny, I honestly expected you not to care," she snorted, placing a hand on her hip. After a moment, her lips twisted up into a little smile. "You have cum in your hair."

Axel laughed. Roxas stared blankly, not really knowing what the hell was going on. Larxene was pregnant? What in the world…? He half expected the argument to break out into an all-out fist fight, but (un)luckily, Marluxia appeared to intervene.

"Would everyone just calm down?" he asked, monotonously. He didn't show a sliver of expression on his face as he stood just in front of Axel. "There's no need to fight about anything, really." If anything, he seemed a little bit agitated.

Roxas got to his feet as well. "Axel, let's just go." The red head made a sound of annoyance, leaning against the kitchen wall.

"I don't want to leave. I want to snort coke and ride Marluxia, but I don't want to leave," he said. Larxene visibly stiffened, fake nails digging into her palms. Marluxia didn't do so much as shrug, instead choosing to just walk back into the hallway, pulling Axel along with him, apparently taking the red head up on his offer.

Larxene took her seat at the table again. There were tears in her eyes, but with grit teeth, she did her best not to show it. "…Do you need a ride home? They're not going to be done for quite some time, I think."

"…Yeah," said Roxas, choosing to stay standing. His legs were shaking a little bit. "Yeah."

* * *

"Hey look, it's cousin Chickenwuss! Say hello, Eiko." 

"Hello Chickenwuss!"

Zell was practically foaming at the mouth. The only thing holding him back from beating the shit out of his older cousin was the fact that Ma Dincht had just announced Christmas dinner was ready. Zell couldn't resist food, even if it meant also resisting an opportunity to shit-kick his cousin.

They didn't have an awfully large family like some other people, mostly because a large half of it lived somewhere in California, but every year Eiko insisted on spending Christmas with Aunt Dincht, even though Seifer liked to piss off her son.

Attempting to take off Eiko's coat while the girl squirmed in an attempt to run over to her favorite cousin, Penelo, Seifer eventually gave up and let the girl take off running to see her. Waiting for a moment in quiet, Seifer eventually heard the exclamation of, "Your hair is blue!" Snorting quietly to himself, he made his grand enterance into the kitchen.

"The cavalry has arrived," he announced, before being immediately attacked in a hug, courtesy of Grandma Merryweather.

"Ooh, you've grown up to be such a handsome man!" she said, patting his chest. "You look very good in blue!" Even with her waning eyesight, she always had something to say about the way he looked. Apparently very fetching, or something. It only added weight to Seifer's already gargantuan ego.

Penelo giggled upon seeing him. "Oh, don't mind her," she said, before helping the elderly woman into her chair. "Nice to see you again. You should show up more often!"

"Can we eat?" complained Zell, practically bouncing over on his chair. "I'm starvin'!" It was amazing that the kid wasn't fucking humongous. He piled away about as much as a sumo wrestler did at a meal.

Pulling Eiko up into her chair, Seifer felt comfortable at the small family affair. He usually liked bigger crowds, but for now, this was fine. Even if his own parents weren't there (hell, they were probably drunk off their asses at some party down in California for all he cared), it was enjoyable enough.

Even as Ma Dincht set the turkey down onto the table, Zell's eyes looked like they were about to bug out of his head. Even Seifer had to admit that it did look fucking delicious, and he didn't even really like meat that much.

Ma Dincht sat down, clasping her hands together. "All right! Everybody dig in." Eiko was about to reach for a spoon but was quickly cut off as Zell's arm flew by.

"Er, better let him dish up first," said Seifer, patting her head. "Wouldn't want to get in the way of the hungry, ferocious chicken, huh." A wide-eyed Eiko nodded in agreement, choosing to wait until Zell was finished.

* * *

At around ten o'clock at night, Eiko decided she wanted to go to the park. Seifer, ever a sucker for his daughter's demands, enlisted Penelo as his assistant, and the three of them disappeared off into the snow, tactfully avoiding dish-duty. 

"It's snowing again," said Penelo, into her mittens. She had them pressed up against her face, absorbing most of the cold. She looked a little silly in a hat that was far too big on her head, but it was nice to be mostly protected from the chill.

Seifer lightly pushed her. "No shit," he said, shaking his head to get some of the snowflakes off of his eyelashes. Eiko tromped along ahead of them, bent on getting closer to the playground. It was only a few footsteps away.

Heading straight for the slide, Eiko tugged Penelo along with her, shouting a mantra of; "Come on, play with me!" Seifer wasn't really up for entertaining his daughter in the freezing fucking cold, so he chose to wander over to the swing set and maybe just sit down for a little bit. One swing was already occupied by a dim shadow, and while Seifer found that rather odd, he went over to the contraption anyway.

Only more surprising, was that he knew the slim figure sitting on the swing.

"Leonhart, is that you?" he asked in disbelief. The smaller brunet looked up, frowning deeply upon catching sight of the blonde's face. Seifer took him in liberally, analyzing every little feature on his former rival's face. The kid had piercings under his _eyes_. How weird. "What the fuck are you doing out here? Where the hell have you been for the last… how many years?"

A shrug. "I've been around," he stated, simply, getting to his feet. "I'm going now." He went to walk away, but Seifer tugged him back into the swing before parking himself in the one beside him.

"Talk. I haven't seen you since fucking high school," he said. Squall didn't look all that much older than he had when he was only seventeen. Judging by what Seifer had seen of his father, the family probably aged rather well.

"I don't have anything to tell you about," said Squall, blankly. He was apparently the same blank slate as he'd been all those years ago, as well.

Seifer rolled his eyes, deciding to be a little more forward. "Oh come on. Something _must _have happened over the years. I thought a smart little nerdy kid like you would've gone to university or something. Fucking anybody or something? Just say anything."

"Seifer, you called me a cocksucker in high school, and then you fucked my girlfriend at a party and then she broke up with _me_. What am I supposed to say to you?" he asked, tone as icy as the weather.

"Hi!" said Eiko, appearing out of virtually nowhere. Squall looked down at her, eyebrows furrowed, a little bit perplexed. He estimated her age was around six or seven, so…

Seifer picked Eiko up. "This is Rinoa's and my kid. Eiko," he said, introducing the little girl. He stood up, placing her down onto the swing instead. "Want a push?"

"Yay! Make me go really high, okay?" chirped the blue haired girl, waving to Penelo as the exhausted girl approached. Seifer did as Eiko wished, using his strength to send her as high as she wanted to go.

Penelo glanced to her older cousin, and to the sullen brunet seated on the swing. "Hi, I'm Penelo," she said, reaching a hand out for him to shake. Squall simply stood up and walked away, with a sigh.

"Where you goin', Puberty Boy?" called Seifer, over his shoulder. Squall frowned back at him, pausing momentarily.

"My employer wanted to see me," he said, voice slightly rough in the cold air. "Marluxia hates it if I'm late." He turned around and walked away as fast as his legs could take him, not wanting to have to relive any bad memories. Seeing the spawn of his dead girlfriend and his old rival was about the final nail in the coffin.

Seifer just cocked an eyebrow, the name 'Marluxia' spiking _all _kinds of interest. "Employer, huh?"

* * *

**disclaimer: **standard disclaimers. i don't own anything 


	14. lover i don't have to love

gin and sin  
chapter fourteen

_i want a lover i don't have to love  
i want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk  
where's the kid with the chemicals?  
i've got a hunger and i can't seem to get full  
i need some meaning i can memorize  
the kind i have always seems to slip my mind_

lover i don't have to love – bright eyes

* * *

Boxing day sales were the best. Olette was finding so many things among all of the people. Part of it was to take her mind off of recent events. The other reason was just that she liked shopping – especially with Pence, who had invited her to go in the first place. 

She hadn't had a good day, yesterday. Christmas was spent feeling guilty about saying the things she had said to Roxas. She hadn't meant to be so… mean. She had misdirected her rage, she figured. She was more upset with that Axel boy. He'd been so pointlessly rude to her.

With a sigh, she set down a sweater she'd been looking at. Pence just gave her one of those big smiles he gave so well, and walked back over to her side. "Want to go to Starbucks? You look like you need a pick-me-up."

Olette smiled a weak smile. "Not really. I don't want anything with caffeine. I've been cutting back on it." All it did was keep her up for hours, and make her a little bit more moody. She felt like she didn't need it anymore.

Patting her lightly on the back, Pence picked out the good parts of this conversation. "You cut back on caffeine when you stopped dating Roxas, right? And you don't smoke weed anymore, right? So look at the good side. You bettered yourself after breaking up with him!"

"Yeah, but that doesn't make me feel any less bad about being so mean to him," she said, blinking large, watery green eyes. Thinking about it made her upset. "I want to apologize. It wasn't fair of me to freak out like that."

Pence shrugged. "Everybody does it sometimes. I mean, I'd probably do the same thing, if put in that situation. It was pretty low of Roxas to not tell you what was going on." While he liked all of his friends, he didn't quite approve of Roxas' secret double life right now.

Olette picked up a blue-coloured shirt, looking it over somewhat before deciding that the colour wouldn't be good on her. She was in a bad mood – bad moods tended to make her feel bad about herself. She hadn't really bought anything.

"I'm going to phone him. And tell him that I'm sorry, and that I still want to be friends," Olette ultimately decided. She wasn't some crotchety old hag who'd hate her past lovers for years and years. She liked Roxas well enough. Maybe being friends would be good. Then again, she knew that her ex-boyfriend held grudges. But they broke up over a month ago. Wasn't that enough time?

Customers bustled by, almost fighting over the clothes. The prices were relatively low. Then again, it was just Old Navy.

They left the store fast enough, being pushed and pulled right and left. West Edmonton Mall on Boxing Day was always an adventure. The lines were long, the customers were angry, and the workers were exhausted. In reality, Olette wouldn't have bothered going out on a busy day like this. But Pence had invited her. She'd found herself hanging out with him a lot more, now. And Hayner as well, but Hayner worked almost every day over the holidays.

They sat down on one of the benches, just to watch people go by. Almost everyone was on cell phones, gabbing with Robert or Lisa or whoever they happened to be talking to. For a place so filled with people, it wasn't like anybody was really there. Not really.

Pence turned to Olette. "What do you want to do? Any particular place you want to go?" Always a gentleman, he made sure that she wasn't bored, or overly tired, or all that upset. She looked a little like she'd prefer to be at home, sobbing her eyes out over a bag of Oreos.

"I don't know, right now. Sitting here is nice," she murmured, turning her head to show him a smile. Show him that she wasn't hurting. She was genuinely enjoying her time with her as-of-now best friend. She enjoyed spending time with him.

So they watched the world go by. People were really quite pointless.

* * *

Knocking at his door. At… what was it, two in the morning? Squall blearily opened one eye, sitting up in his bed. Who the hell knocked on somebody's door this early? 

Getting out of bed, he ran a hand through his hair, walking his way blindly to the front door of his apartment. He fumbled with the locks on the door, before opening it, finding him face-first with his old rival. "Hey, Leonhartless. So you live in Cracktown, now? Fitting."

Squall had half a mind to slam the door back in his face. "How the hell did you get my address?" The blonde smirked, shouldering through the doorway before Squall could even object. Almost slamming the door behind him, Squall flicked on the light switch, for the sake of knowing where the hell his feet were going.

The blonde took one good look at him. Squall glared, wanting an answer. Seifer reached out, prodded his face, flicked the piercing under his eye. "Why the fuck did you get these? They look stupid."

Tempted to bark back '_You_ look stupid,' Squall just planted his hands on his hips. "Seifer, answer me. How did you get my address?" He was living in Cracktown for a reason – so that nobody could find him.

"It was easy, Squally. You didn't go to much trouble to being hidden," he said, with a snort. Actually, he'd just looked in the various databases. Easy shit, right there. "Aren't you gonna offer me something to drink? You're a horrible host."

Squall wasn't going to offer him something to drink. He wasn't in any way going to make Seifer feel welcome. He was going to stand there, glaring up at the blonde, wishing he was tall enough to stare him down.

But Seifer was never the kind of person to beat around the bush. He wanted answers, and he wanted them immediately. But how to get into it? If Squall was the same person he'd been all those years ago, seizing up at any mention of whatever he didn't want to hear, going silent whenever the time called for it. If Seifer asked anything the wrong way, Squall was bound to just go quiet.

Knowing the brunette (well, the brunette from… however many years ago) better than anyone else, Seifer knew the only way to get him to do much more than speak one word was to piss him off.

Seifer was especially good at that.

"So, Puberty Boy. I knew you liked to suck cock, but getting paid for it? Smart." Squall went pale as a sheet for a moment, before outright punching Seifer in the face. The blonde was momentarily stupefied, lip bleeding, wondering what the fuck had just happened. Even at his angriest, Squall didn't _hit _people. Maybe he'd changed a lot.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Squall turned on his heel and stormed away. He wasn't going to let Seifer play him like that! He got enough of that mind-fucking from Marluxia.

Seifer followed him, wiping the blood on his lip. "So I'm assuming you like being some old fuck's little whore. You like it up the ass, Squall? I always figured." Squall just kept walking away, ignoring him, trying to shove down the urge to just grab a knife and throw it at the idiotic blonde.

Into the kitchen. Shit. Squall had subconsciously cornered himself. He still wouldn't turn to face Seifer, give him the satisfaction of knowing that he'd pissed him off so badly he wanted to grab the nearest thing and slam it down on his rival's arrogant head.

"Hey, I have some cash on me? Feel like sucking my cock? I'll make sure to come all over your ugly fucking face." He was just goading him, trying to get a real reaction, maybe get the brunette to push him or hit him again, like he'd done that singular time when he found out that Seifer had fucked his girlfriend. All the way back in high school.

But Squall just sighed. "Stop pretending like you know anything about me, because you don't, Seifer." He leaned heavily against the kitchen counter, wanting more than anything for this conversation to end. He was shaking with barely contained rage, but he wouldn't act on it. "Just leave."

Seifer had a hand on his shoulder, spinning around, pinning him to the counter. Seifer knew how to get answers out of people. He was a bit of a bad cop when it came down to it, but he always got the job done. Always.

He jerked the brunette's head up, feeling the smaller man struggle against him. Looked him dead in the eyes, for any signs of, well, anything. "You don't look like a typical coke whore, so I'm guessing you're not doing it for drugs. And if there's anything I _know _about you, it's that you're too proud to be somebody's fuck toy." Jade eyes narrowed, and he pulled away from Squall, leaving the brunette slightly confused. "What do they have on you?"

Squall didn't answer, for a moment. The words were trapped behind his teeth. He didn't want to tell Seifer his fucking life story. And really, Seifer didn't want to hear it all that much. He was too busy gloating about how his life had turned out so much better than Squall's.

"Seifer, you really have to go. I work in the morning," said Squall, crossing his arms. The blonde noticed that Squall had quite a bit more muscle on him that he had in high-school. Was probably expected. Puberty Boy had always been jealous of his physique. Not really. He snorted.

"You whore in the mornings, too? Busy guy, aren't you."

Squall scoffed. "No, you idiot, I have a real job besides that." He declined to mention that he wasn't getting paid for his 'services'. Marluxia was really a dick that way.

Making a mental note to find out where his pretty-boy rival was working, Seifer turned around, surveying the kitchen. He went for the fridge without asking. He wanted something to drink, dammit, and Squall was not the kind of person to stop him. "Jesus, Puberty Boy, how can you just survive on… beer and bottled water?" And leftover Chinese food. Huh.

Squall didn't say that he wasn't home often enough to eat there. He just came to sleep. Really, this had been one of his rare nights away from Marluxia's, where he could actually get the sleep he needed by taking some pills and dragging himself to bed. And Seifer had gone and wrecked that for him.

Seifer stole a bottle of beer. Bastard. Squall frowned, letting his arms go slack against his sides for a moment. "Why can't you just _leave_?" he asked, as Seifer searched all of his drawers for a bottle opener. Squall pulled away from the counter, opened the drawer he'd been sitting over, and presented Seifer with one. For wanting the other to leave so badly, he wasn't doing much to help himself.

Once opened, Seifer took a long drink of his beer. Squall just frowned. Time to change the subject. "So, you have a kid now." Seifer nodded. He wasn't used to Squall attempting to hold a conversation, but he was guessing it was just because he didn't want to talk about his own problems.

"Yeah. Like I said before, Rinoa popped her out." Squall frowned, still not quite used to the way that Seifer talked. He'd always been vulgar, but after not hearing from him in a few years, it threw him off just a little bit.

Squall leaned back against the counters, running a hand through his hair. It was sticking up in all different directions from his sleep. He tried to flatten it down. Didn't work too well. "Oh. That's pleasant. How is she, anyway?" He hadn't talked to her since that awful breakup at the end of high school.

"Dead," replied Seifer, without a hint of remorse. "Giving birth to my kid." Squall went quiet, staring Seifer straight in the face. Well, that was fucked up. "Christ, Leonhart, pay attention to the people you used to call friends."

"I don't talk to any of them anymore," said Squall, with a shrug. He'd lost contact with everyone he used to feel remotely comfortable with. Mostly because he'd stopped feeling comfortable with them.

Seifer raised an eyebrow. "Do you even _have _friends? Outside of the people who fuck you, that is?" Squall gave him a dirty look, before breaking said dirty look with a pitiful little yawn. He was exhausted.

But Squall didn't give him a straight answer. Instead, he went back to his living room, deciding to curl up in a little ball in the corner of the couch. Seifer joined him, despite the brunette's obvious look of dissatisfaction. The light from the kitchen cast an almost ethereal glow over the Squall's pale skin. His piercings glinted in the light.

"So, what's with the metal-face, anyway?" asked Seifer, sipping his beer. He was a little curious about the whole thing. He remembered back in high-school about the boy's obvious distaste towards them.

Keeping that typical scowl on his face, Squall thought back to the exact moment he'd got the needle shoved into his face. He'd initially only had one, getting the other one a while later. Because Marluxia had told him to. Said they were a sort of a mark of ownership, or some bullshit. Whatever.

Seifer crossed his ankles. "So, I'm thinking I'm not going to be getting any answers out of you. Typical Ice Princess." Squall rolled his eyes, entirely used to the blonde's mockery.

"Why don't you just leave already?" said Squall, pulling his knees up to his chest. "Honestly, you know what you want to know. I'm a prostitute. Go on and laugh about it."

For a rare moment, Seifer was quiet. And then he gave the brunette a curious look. "Something about you has really changed. The Squall that I knew fuck number of years ago would never do something so degrading."

"You didn't know me then. You don't know me, now," said Squall.

Seifer snorted. "I want to, Squall." Well, only kind of. More like he wanted to know where the guy he was working for lived. So he could arrest him. So he could fuck him up so hard for turning underage kids into tricks.

Squall only looked back at him for a moment. "Call me Leon."

* * *

Roxas was vaguely aware that the phone was ringing. But he wasn't really paying attention. Naminé was, however, and got up to go answer the telephone. 

At this point, Roxas wasn't really sure where Axel had gone off to. He hadn't left a note or anything, but the blonde assumed Demyx or maybe Marluxia. He knew that he should be caring more about it, but really, after how the red head had acted for the past while, he just wasn't worth pursuing anymore.

But really, part of him wanted to know more. Being a teenage boy, he was curious, and being the person he was, he still wanted to help. But friendship, maybe, was all he wanted. And if Axel was interested in him sexually? Well, maybe friends with benefits wasn't bad, either. Or maybe just –with benefits.

Naminé offered him the phone. "It's Olette," she said. Roxas stared at the telephone, as if it had grown a head. He didn't want to talk to his ex-girlfriend after what'd happened on Christmas Day.

When he didn't take it, Naminé shook the phone near his face. "Come on, Roxas, please take it! It's rude to just leave her there," she whispered. Tentatively, Roxas curled his fingers around the plastic, clamping his hand over the mouthpiece so he could take the call upstairs.

He sat down on his bed. Crossed his legs. Took a deep breath, and then put the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

Roxas could hear Olette's little sound of surprise on the other end. "I was beginning to think you'd hung up on me," she said, quietly, deliberately. "Thank you for… you know, wanting to hear me out."

"What is it?" he asked, tone clipped. He tried not to sound too emotional. Talking to her hurt, even though he'd never admit it. He wasn't over her, really, and with her showing up the day before, it just multiplied the pain.

"I just felt like we needed to talk. Just the two of us, without Axel around, or whatever his name was," Olette murmured, her voice soothing despite how Roxas felt about her.

He paused. "Yeah, I guess so." There was an empty silence between them, then, neither teenager willing to voice his or her feelings just quite yet. He listened to her breathing. It hitched a little every so often. He hoped she didn't start crying.

"Um…" Olette looked for the right words. She didn't want to hurt him anymore. That was never her goal. "I just… I'm sorry. For what happened on Christmas. I lost my temper, and I got angry and… yeah."

"It's okay," he said, quietly. There wasn't anything else _to _say. Everyone lost their temper at one point or another. Roxas more so than she ever did, but he didn't want to admit that to her right now.

Olette could be heard sighing heavily. "I just want us to be good, okay? I want to be friends again, and to just forget all of this stuff. Because I didn't mean what I said," Olette said, quietly. She waited for him to say something, for a while. But she couldn't hear anything.

"But I still love you." His voice cracked horribly, and he covered his lips with his hand as soon as the words came out, trying to pull them back into his mouth. Oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck. He hadn't wanted to say that, he hadn't wanted that at all. "W-wait—I—"

There was an awkward silence, the air between them pregnant and tense. "…Roxas, I…"

He shook his head, keeping his hand over his mouth, feeling tears on his cheeks. He couldn't handle this. He didn't want to deal with his emotions. It hurt. It hurt so badly.

Olette was crying audibly, now, as well. "I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same anymore." It was perhaps one of the worst moments of his life. Or, at least, it felt like it. The floodgate was opened, and he was sobbing harshly, now, unbridled. He wanted her to feel his anguish through the telephone wires.

"I'm so sorry, Roxas. I'm _so _sorry," whispered Olette, before she hung up on him. There was nothing more she could do. She couldn't keep trying to solve his problems, anymore. And right now, she was the problem. He'd find the solution on his own.

He listened to the empty line for a while, before finally ending the call, and throwing the phone onto his floor. He knew it was horribly immature, but he didn't care. He was crying and it hurt and he couldn't bring himself to do anything other than wallow in his own self-pity.

He wasn't really sure what time it was that Axel came into the room, looking more tired than high, for the first time in the last few days. Roxas pretended to be sleeping. He didn't want Axel to know that he'd been crying for probably the last few hours.

But Axel's hand was on his shoulder, and the red head flipped him over onto his back. "Hey. What's wrong?" he asked, face harsh. He wasn't asking because he was worried – he was probably just curious as to why his bedmate was lying face-down on his bed, sniffling like a little kid. "Don't be such a pussy, Roxas."

"If you're just going to make fun of me, then fuck off," spat Roxas, rolling onto his side, facing the wall. Axel sat down on the bed, waiting for Roxas to tell him what'd happened. He wasn't going to guess.

Leaning his head back, Axel cast a glance over to Roxas' body. "You want a blow job? That always makes _me _feel better." The blonde snorted, pulling himself up into a seated position. He didn't face Axel, roughly wiping his eyes with his hands.

"You don't even care. Why would I tell you anything?"

Axel shrugged. "Dunno. Assumed you might wanna talk about it." He was about to get off of the bed, maybe go downstairs, but Roxas' hand stopped him, gripping his skinny wrist with shaking fingers.

He turned back. Roxas just looked at him with a faltering, quivering expression. "Just wait…" said the blonde. He wanted to connect with Axel, really, he did. And he also kind of wanted someone to talk to. Of course, between two guys like them, it probably wouldn't work out that well. Axel was good with people, right? Well, kind of. He could probably smuggle drugs and money out of people, if he so wanted.

Axel crossed his legs, moving closer to Roxas on the bed. "So talk." He didn't really have any patience for this kind of thing. He hated it when people expected him to miraculously understand what was going on in their heads.

"Olette called." Roxas pulled at his hair, irately, before slumping back onto the bed. Axel joined him, slumping right on top of the blonde. Roxas frowned, but didn't push him away.

Fingers just barely brushing the blonde's stomach, Axel flicked his eyes up to Roxas' face. "I'm assuming that didn't go very well?" He snuck his hand up the blonde's shirt, watching his face. He didn't protest.

Roxas didn't talk. So Axel slid off the blonde's shirt. Mechanically, he raised his arms up, letting him take it off. Axel raised an eyebrow. "What's up with you, today? You'd never let me do this normally," said the red head, frowning. "You finally lightening up?"

"I just don't care. Drop it, Axel, and I'll let you suck my dick." To this, the older boy snorted, leaning in to kiss the blonde. It was slack, utterly unsentimental, and nothing of what Roxas actually wanted. Axel's lips were like barbed wire against his own. He could feel them cutting in. Cigarettes and puke. And Kool-Aid, too.

"Are you serious about the blow-job thing?" asked Axel, cupping the blonde's cock through his pants. Roxas visibly wilted away, but he didn't protest. "Or… are you just fucking with me?"

A hint of Roxas' usual cynicism appeared. "No blow-job. I don't want your goddamn mouth herpes." Axel's grin was razor sharp, at this.

"You're inferring that I can _at least _give you a hand-job?"

Again, Roxas didn't protest. He didn't say anything when Axel worked down his zipper, and pushed away the material of his boxers. But he stopped, abruptly. "Something is _really_ fucked with you. You'd never let me do this, normally," he said, raising one skinny eyebrow.

"And normally you'd never ask questions," said Roxas, eyes harsh, "so just fucking _do it_, Axel." The red head rolled his eyes, wrapping his long fingers around Roxas' cock. It was still semi-flaccid, but he was never the kind of guy to leave it that way for too long. Stroking slowly, he kept his eyes connected to Roxas'. He supposed he should feel more exhilarated about finally getting into the blonde's pants, but hell, it was just a hand-job. He gave these for five bucks when he was thirteen, for fuck's sake.

Roxas' breathing changed a little. He didn't do anything to help Axel out, instead glaring at him like he was doing something wrong. And of course he was. He had his hand on the guy's cock, after all. But it wasn't like Axel cared. It was just sex. It was something he'd practiced and was good at.

"Sure you don't want me to use my mouth?" said Axel, dryly. His hands certainly weren't the best thing to fuck. Dry, cracked skin, skinny fingers, the whole shebang. Roxas glared.

"No. Like I said, don't want your mouth herpes," said Roxas, voice a little lower than usual. Axel snorted, continuing his motions despite the blonde's obvious hostility. It all felt a little surreal.

Just to spite the blonde he pulled back, licking his hand for some hackneyed sort of lubrication. Back around his cock. Roxas' breathing hitched a little.

But they'd been heading down this path for a long time. Yesterday, high and alone and so close to what they were doing right this second. It was less special than it should've been, dirty and unsympathetic with Axel's eyes fixed on his face.

"Faster," requested Roxas, quietly. Axel obliged, easily figuring out the patterns of Roxas' body. It wasn't hard to learn. He'd had him memorized from the first time they kissed. Well, the first time they kissed _sober, _at least.

Still not quite understanding why he was here, or why he was doing this, Axel used his other hand to push away some more of the material. Roxas didn't help out, any, ass practically glued to the bed – he wanted this, and he didn't. He still wasn't quite sure.

Muttering under his breath that he should be using his mouth for this, Axel was quickly shut up as Roxas moaned quietly, before sticking his fingers in his mouth to muffle any noises. Naminé was right outside the room. Axel almost laughed.

The sound of Roxas moving his hips was louder, to him, than Naminé talking outside the door. _Sora, can you come help me with something? _Roxas' eyes were closed, concentrating, he was now steadily fucking Axel's hand. Fear made his hips tense, more of a snap than anything else.

He only jumped when Axel's other hand moved down to cup his balls, and Axel worried the skin on his neck with his teeth. Razor teeth.

He said Olette's name around his hand when orgasm hit. He barely noticed that Axel had practically swooped down to take his twitching cock into his mouth, swallowing his semen without a second thought. He kept it in his mouth until the blonde had gone completely soft, lips wet as he pulled away.

"Olette?"

Roxas' face went red, blue eyes wide, looking very much innocent even as he sat there with his cock out. "I…" He didn't elaborate. He paused, and recollected the little pieces of his brain and heart that had fallen out around himself during the awkward fumbling (on his part) that added up to a surprisingly lackluster hand-job. "I told you not to use your mouth."

"Didn't want a mess," said Axel, wiping the remnants of Roxas' pre-cum onto the blonde's pants. "So, do you wanna talk about it now? I'm assuming you were crying your pretty blue eyes out because of your ex, right?"

His breathing hitched. His eyes went watery, and he glanced away, then back, then away again before Axel rolled his eyes and set to tucking the blonde back into his boxers, fixing his pants up again and leaning him back against the wall. "Come on, Roxas." His tone was like that of an annoyed mother's. "Tell me."

Brushing his hair off of his sweaty forehead, Roxas searched for the right words. He couldn't very well say, 'Well, I just got called by my ex-girlfriend and I told her I still love her and then I fantasized about fucking her again for the next few hours and then got a hand-job from you'. So instead, he just said; "Olette called."

"Huh. I'm assuming that did not go well at all, did it?" said Axel, wryly. He lay back on the bed, pillowing his head behind his hands. It all felt normal. So bizarrely normal, considering what had just happened.

Roxas gave a shaky sigh. "I told her I loved her. I'm such a dumbass."

"Can't argue with that one," said Axel, flicking his eyes up to the blonde's distressed face. "But hey… if it's really bothering you, I'm probably not the guy to ask for help." At least he could admit it.

Axel placed his hand on Roxas' arm. Comforting. Reassuring the blonde, that maybe, he wasn't a total asshole. Just maybe. His hands were shaking a little, as usual, but Roxas was pretty sure he was still shaking, as well. He wanted to cry again, but he couldn't do it in front of Axel.

But when Axel squeezed his arm, just ever so slightly, fingers digging in for a fraction of a second – he's still there, he doesn't hate you – Roxas' resolve broke, and he was sobbing openly in his hands, trying to muffle the sound and let himself cry at the same time.

The red head didn't hold him. Didn't tell him everything was going to be alright. Because that isn't how life works, and that wasn't the person that Axel was. He didn't reassure people that they weren't going to die if they had terminal cancer, and he sure as hell wouldn't tell Roxas that his emotional anguish was going to just magically go away.

The sentiment sure as hell never worked for him.

But he kept his hand on Roxas' arm, stared at the ceiling and listened to the blonde's quiet sobs. He'd heard it drunk, but he'd never actually felt the emotional anguish head on, like this. It was strange to have Roxas open to him. But he didn't comment on it.

"I must look like an idiot," said Roxas, biting down on his palm. His shoulders were shaking, and his eyes were red and swollen and he looked like hell. But Axel was used to looking the same way, for all the wrong reasons.

Axel patted his arm, taking the moment to fully sit up. "Get over her, Roxas," he supplied, before stumbling to his feet. He wanted a cigarette. "You're never going to move on if you don't realize… well, she doesn't want you."

"I know," said Roxas. "I know."

* * *

Another Thursday. Christmas break was over. New Year's was gone. Axel'd gotten piss drunk and stoned and fucked on so many drugs he didn't even know who he was fucking anymore. Sure wasn't Roxas. 

He'd spent New Year's at Marluxia's little whorehouse. Marluxia had told Axel that he loved him. And then they'd done shots of vodka and speedballed straight until morning. It was a real mystery why either of them hadn't died.

And now, on a Thursday, Axel was sitting in Auron's home-office, legs crossed up on his chair while Tidus or Shuyin or whoever watched the clock beside him. As soon as Auron came into the room, however, the blonde scooted off of his chair and swaggered down to the floor. "I should go, right?" he said, perkily. Tidus, obviously.

"Get out," said Auron, not antagonistically, but firmly. Tidus waved to Axel, before making his way out of the room. The older man stared at Axel, for a moment, before taking his usual seat. "You don't look healthy."

Axel snorted. "Do I ever? So, Doc, you gonna start drilling me with questions, or what?" He didn't feel like being there, right then. He wanted to go home, and maybe entice Roxas into fooling around with him. The only thing they'd really done so far was tentative mutual hand-jobs, Roxas being the hesitant one, still not really used to the idea of liking dick at all. Even with simple mutual masturbation, Roxas _made _Axel wear a condom – he didn't want to touch him, even though Axel insisted he was clean, and even went to a damn doctor to verify it.

"I mostly wanted to check up on how you were doing. Did you even consider what I told you last time?" No, Axel hadn't. Rehab wasn't for him. He didn't want to quit. He didn't want to put up with any religious bullshit in one of those places, anyway. Axel just gave Auron a skeptical look, fingers itching for a cigarette to play with, mouth dry and eyes tired. "Anything special you'd like to talk about?"

Yeah. About how Axel thought Auron was a shitty therapist. He wasn't helping. Then again, not many of them actually helped at all. They just sat there, asking you how you felt about shit, and they sometimes gave their bullshit comments, and then when they had nothing else to talk about, they'd give you drugs. Axel wanted the drugs, maybe.

But deciding to go along with the grave-looking man's idealisms, Axel said; "On New Year's, I got so wasted I didn't even know where I was." He shrugged one bony shoulder. It wasn't like it mattered, all that much.

"And did that make you happy? Did you get some sense of enjoyment from it?" Typical therapist questions. How did that make you feel?

"I just got drunk, Auron," said Axel, sneering. He kicked out his feet, resting them on the coffee table. "And stoned. It happens. It doesn't make me happy or mad or sad or anything."

"So then, what's the point? I'm assuming you didn't do any of this with Roxas," said Auron, scribbling something down onto his notepad, wire-framed glasses low on his nose. Axel was half convinced he was actually just doodling pictures of Tidus naked on the paper.

"I just felt like it. It was fun and easy," said the red head. Auron cocked an eyebrow at this, smirking wryly. Axel frowned. He hated it when Auron got all smart-ass like this. "What?"

"Nothing," offered Auron, still keeping that irritating smirk plastered on his rough-looking face. This guy was seriously getting on Axel's nerves, at that point.

Sitting up straighter in his chair, Axel scowled. "Bullshit."

Taking off his glasses, for the moment, Auron's eyes bored into the red head's. "It's something that bothers me. People like you make your life out to be so hard, when really, it's because you make it so. Drug addiction isn't 'fun and easy'. Even you admit that it screwed up your life. That, and the fact that you're a whore. You're just too caught up in being sorry for yourself to change things. People pay more attention to you when you're messed up, anyway."

Not entirely sure if a therapist was _allowed _to be telling him this, Axel stared at the older man with no expression on his face whatsoever. And then he got up out of his chair, and left.

He hated it when people didn't sugar-coat it.

* * *

School had sucked, that day. Roxas couldn't deal with confronting his ex-girlfriend, or his friends, or really, anybody. His life didn't make any sense, anymore. He didn't know what he was doing, anymore. 

He'd decided to walk home, today. He needed the time to think about everything. He wanted to take the long way, but a blonde woman in a nice, new car caught his eye. Larxene? What was _she _doing there?

Roxas debated not approaching her. Just leaving, outright. But she rolled down the passenger window and gave him a pointed look. "Get in, Roxas." How did she find out what school he went to?

"Er, I don't think I will," he said in response. He didn't move, or start walking, yet. She didn't look upset, just mostly bored and unimpressed. Not the same woman he'd seen before. It seemed like everybody around him had masks and faces that they didn't like to show.

So, he got into the car.

Larxene wasn't a reckless driver, by any means. She drove like his mother. Cautious, safe. She'd make a good mother, really. But the father of her kid? No way. As far as Roxas was concerned, that man was the scum of the earth.

"Anyplace you want to go?" asked Larxene, glancing over to him. She had a far too innocent face. She didn't even look that old. If she hadn't been wearing so much makeup, Roxas realized that she'd probably look maybe as old as he did.

Roxas shrugged. "Not to Marluxia's. And not home, yet." Her lips quirked up into a little smile, only somewhat cynical.

"I wouldn't take you back to Marluxia. I'm not out to get you," she said, still smirking. She had a coy personality, but she genuinely liked Roxas. The kid was ambitious and far from hostile. Still a little bit innocent.

The blonde released an uneasy sigh. While he wasn't totally comfortable with this, he figured there was no harm in going on a car ride with a pregnant woman. Hell, maybe he could even get information from her. He wasn't sure.

The silence was almost comfortable. Almost. Roxas sat there, wondering what to say next. Larxene perplexed him; her face seemed soft but the curl of her lips was almost sadistic, and her eyes a sad shade of blue but almost mischievous. Despite this, he didn't feel threatened by her.

So he settled with a relatively normal question. "Why are you here?" She glanced over to him, keeping both hands on the wheel as she watched the sludge-caked road beyond her.

"Because I think you're smart. And I think, maybe, you might be willing to help me. Maybe," she said, fingers tensing around the steering wheel. _Help her? With what? _Roxas stared at her, blankly, for a moment as she contemplated just how to word this.

Her lips curled up into a cruel little smirk. Mischievous, almost. Roxas blinked at her, unsure of what to do. "I have an… idea," she started. Roxas didn't say anything, for a moment.

And then; "What kind of idea?" He felt like he was watching Scooby-Doo. It would've seemed more realistic if Larxene didn't have a baby-face caked with a few days worth of mascara. She was even wearing sweatpants. She didn't suit Marluxia, at all. One of the boys. One of the boys with acrylic fake nails and the beginnings of a baby belly.

"Just an idea," she said, keeping that smirk on her face.

* * *

**disclaimer:** don't own anything. 

**a/n:** as you see, gin and sin has been slightly rehauled. slightly. handjobs aren't that important.


End file.
